The Darkness That Follows
by Nikki Cee
Summary: Naomi's downward spiral into complete darkness following her betrayal.
1. Part I

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence and sex scenes.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**This is my very first fanfiction. Just a warning that this is NOT a feel good story. It's rather dark compared to other stories that I have read on this site. Set during season 4 and continues on past the last episode.**

**Summary:**

**Emily is completely shattered after finding out about Naomi's betrayal. Naomi is trying her best to make up for all the hurt she has caused but Emily is reluctant to open up and trust Naomi again. Along the way Naomi gets lost on her path to gain Emily's trust to the point were they're relationship is in jeopardy... Naomi becomes distant, withdrawn and secretive. Why? Emily see's the change in Naomi but doesn't quite know what's going on until she finds something… something that will test the love that they have for each other. Will they survive or will they're world completely crumble around them?**

**Story told from Naomi's point of view, later switching to Emily's.**

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part I**

It was no secret that I was self medicating. I was scared, no, terrified of losing Emily. The only one I have and will ever love. She was punishing me for what I had done to her. Running. Running away from everything because I was too scared to admit that I liked girls and that I loved one in particular who went by the name of Emily. We had spoken about it and I had made her believe that everything was fine, that WE were fine but deep down I was still frightened. I was being stupid, I know that now, but at the time I felt as if all the air was being sucked out from my chest. I couldn't breathe and I was feeling trapped. Then Sophia... It was a huge mistake and it should never have happened. What was I thinking? Why I thought that straying from Emily and shagging some random behind her back would make me feel better, I will never know. I tried so hard to keep it from her, to spare her the pain of finding out the truth but Emily's not a silly girl. She realised something was wrong when I had lied to the police about leaving the club early and not witnessing the unfortunate incident. Emily had done her detective work, quite well I might add, and found a photo of me and Sophia together at Goldsmith's as well as her cadet locker key. Everything pretty much went down hill from there and now there's this huge rift between us. We live together, we eat together, we go out together and we sleep together, but we are not together and it's killing me.

I had flat out lied to Emily about how I was feeling and the whole thing with Sophia. I was lying to her now. She had asked me once at a BBQ… She had asked me if I still had anymore of my 'special powder'. Of course I did, but I needed it. More so than Emily. She was already off her tits and making a fool of herself, hurting me even more in the process by carrying on with that stupid blonde bitch. I know I sound like a hypocrite and I know I cheated first and doing drugs like my life depended on it, but I couldn't stand seeing Emily like that. High as a kite with that tart kissing a set of lips that only I should be kissing… Of course, it wasn't a secret to Emily that I was drowning my sorrows in drink and spliff, but honestly it just wasn't strong enough anymore. The pain of regret and guilt topped off with the punishment Emily was dishing out was just too overwhelming for me to bear. Don't get me wrong, I deserved everything that Emily threw my way plus more but I just couldn't pull myself together. I didn't have the strength to just pick myself up off the floor and get on with it. My mind was in constant overdrive trying desperately to figure out a way to fix this great big wedge between us and I just couldn't handle the stress of it anymore. I just wanted, no needed to feel numb so when I was offered smack for the first time and I foolishly accepted, that's exactly what it did… Finally I was free.

I hadn't planned to get hooked. I was only using the stuff when things got right on top of me but the crushing feeling of hopelessness was becoming more frequent and so was my usage. Before I knew it, I would wake up and my entire body would be aching for it, and to be honest I hadn't realised that it had happened until it was too late. That was it. The only thing I did know though was that I couldn't live without it.

It was hard hiding it from Emily; she could tell something was definitely up. I would usually sleep naked, well since Sophia I would wear my knickers and a tee, but lately I was wearing long sleeved tops in fear of Emily noticing the light bruising that had appeared on my arm. The shivering, cold sweats, vomiting, never home and sleeping for hours on end when I was. I remember thinking at the time that if she ever found out there was no chance in her ever taking me back. There was still hope for us; I knew that much because she wouldn't be here otherwise but if she found out about my little secret it would drive the final nail into the coffin. I couldn't risk it; I just needed some time to sort myself out. Get my mind right, my feelings in check and do what needed to be done. Get my Emily back.

* * *

><p>This morning, I was careless. I had my fix and put the syringe in my pocket but it must have fallen out because Emily had found it.<p>

I was sitting on the couch watching Bad Girls. Shell Dockley, ya know, the psycho blonde one was holding Officer Jim Fenner hostage in her cell after she had stabbed him with a bottle. I was stoned off my tits and completely zoned into what I was watching when Emily comes storming into the room screaming my name.

"NAOMI"

I turned to look at her and I swear, the fire in her eyes was as red as her hair, but I was relaxed and in a good mood so I just ignored her and went back to watching Jim Fenner almost bleed to death.

"NAOMI" Emily screamed once again, a lot louder this time.

I was instantly brought back down to earth and as I went to answer, my hooded eyes still glued to the T.V., Emily was right there beside me and had dragged me by the collar of my shirt, not giving my legs a chance to work. At first I fell straight down onto my knees and Emily not realising with her hand still gripped to my shirt was choking me.

(She was fucking choking me and I swear I nearly passed out from the lack of oxygen. Fuck I was dizzy!)

She turned around because obviously I wasn't going anywhere and she immediately removed her hands from my collar when she saw my eyes rolling at the back of my head.

"Get the fuck up Naomi. Right now. Upstairs"

(Oh oh, what the fuck have I done now? I haven't even spoken more than 10 words to her today, actually more like for the past two weeks.)

I follow her upstairs, trying my best to keep steady. I'm a bit out of it and I don't fancy falling backwards down a flight of stairs and breaking my neck. Emily's waiting for me at the top staring down at me. If looks could kill… nuff said.

I reach the top step and she grabs me and throws me up against our bedroom door. I think she thought it was slightly ajar.

(Well I hope she did, because that fucking hurt.)

She steps that close to me invading my personal space that I can feel her warm breathe on my neck and not to mention, see the inferno in her eyes. She reaches for the handle, opening the door and tells me between clenched teeth to get inside, so I do as she asks.

(Bloody hell, I've seen her angry but this is something else plus I'm still trying to figure out what's got her knickers in a twist.)

Before I even had a chance to turn around to face her, she slams me up against the wall nearly knocking me out.

"What the fuck Emily?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"What are you on about now?" I reply.

"One more chance Naomi"

"NO" I say to her. "I've got nothing to say to you"

She glares at me; even angrier than before if that's at all possible. She reaches into her pocket and takes out something and holds it to my eye level.

(Oh fuck no. She FUCKING knows. That's it, shows over. She's not going to stick around for you this time, Why should she? You're a weak fucking loser.)

I almost crumble right then and there, but somehow I kept my shit together.

"What the fuck is this?" she yells.

"Umm… Thought that would be obvious. It's a syringe." I reply sarcastically.

**_SLAP_** (That fucking hurt too!)

"Fuck sake, Ems" I say as I rub my cheek.

"Why the fuck is it in our house? Is THIS what it's come to Naomi? Are you a fucking junkie?"

"No" I reply.

"Whose is it then, because it's certainly not fucking mine? Heroin Naomi? Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?"

"It's not fucking mine okay. People come and go all the time, it could be anyone's."

(Another lie…)

I can tell she's not entirely convinced because the anger which she had displayed earlier has disappeared and has been replaced by hurt and confusion. She's trying so hard to hold back her emotions, but her beautiful soft red lips are quivering and it's given her away. It was just too difficult for her to hold back the tears this time round. She dropped the syringe to the floor and takes me into her arms. I gasped at the contact, mainly in shock as it's the first we've had in weeks. She's crying uncontrollably now and I'm having a hard time understanding what the hell she is saying.

(Way to go Naomi. Don't just break her heart because you're a lying cheating prick, but you've gotta stomp on the broken pieces too!)

"Please Naomi, talk to me" she says as she pulls me away just enough so she can look at me. At this stage, I really don't know what to say and the drugs are wearing off real quick. I needed to get out of here so I resort to lying again.

"Emily, it's not mine okay. I don't know where it came from so just leave me the fuck alone."

I didn't mean to sound so harsh, but this conversation needed to end in a hurry. I pushed her out of my way as I went to walk off, but she had caught my wrist.

"I don't believe you."

"Fuck sake, I don't want to talk about this anymore."

I shook her hand away and continued my way to the door.

"Naomi"

"What?"

"Show me your arms."

(Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck. What do I do now?)

"Huh?" I say. (I knew what she meant.)

"If this needle doesn't belong to you, then show me your arms."

"Fuck off." I replied.

(Why am I talking to her like this?)

"Don't you dare tell me to fuck off when I'm trying to help you. You're killing yourself, can't you see that." Emily screams, her voice cracking with emotion.

That was it, I had to leave before I said or done something I would later regret. I just needed to get away before I lost all control.

"My word should be good enough for you Em's… HUN" and with that, I walked off and I left her there.

I had to get out of that house and away from Emily. I felt physically sick and it wasn't just the drugs causing it either. I loved that girl so much and yet I always leave her in tears. I shook my head trying to rid my mind of the images of Emily crying. Her mascara smudged all over her pretty little face, pleading with her eyes for me to open up and talk to her… I wasn't sad, I was angry. Actually I was pretty fucking pissed off. She, we hadn't spoken properly since Sophia, so what gives her the fucking right to try now? Seriously, like WHAT THE FUCK? I mean, are we even a couple anymore? She's made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want me touching her, that I make her sick. She should just butt the fuck out… I raised the needle to my arm, hitting the vein in one go and felt the warm, pleasant feeling I had come to love sweep through my body. No more pain, no more anger… just bliss.

* * *

><p>Ever since Emily found the needle in the bathroom, things have been very different. We're still not talking much, just the polite good mornings and goodnights really but I've noticed that she seems to be kind of clinging to me lately and everywhere I turn, she's never too far away. She just stands there, glaring at me and to be quite honest, it's giving me the creeps. Well not the creeps exactly, it's just a little irritating because obviously I do need SOME private time and it's hard to get away for 5 minutes. Her look is different too I've noticed. It's difficult to explain, but she looks angry, scared, worried, hurt and confused all at once. It's freaking me out and I hate feeling awkward. I can't even get up off the couch to use the kitchen without her asking me where am I going or what am I doing. I know why she's doing it and if the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the same thing to her. She's watching and waiting for the evidence to prove her suspicions to be correct.<p>

It's been three weeks and things have settled down. I've been as sneaky as ever and finally gotten Emily off the scent and I think she's accepted the fact that she may have accused the wrong person. It's funny too, when I think about it because I've actually been using four times as much lately. I'm preparing myself for the speech that I'm going to present Emily with. I've decided to tell her that I love her and she means everything to me which has been something that I have been too scared to admit whole heartedly in the past, hence the reason my usage has gone way up. I know that I'll be very much out of it, but it doesn't mean that I'll be talking shit. I'll mean every word and honestly I'm so shit scared about it that I'm worried that I'll chicken out or that she'll reject me even though I know she loves me with all her heart. I'm just terrified that love may not be quite enough.

We left the party at Freddie's shed and headed towards home. I had poured my heart out to Emily in front of all our friends and I had her back. She's mine again. I unlocked the front door after a few minutes fumbling, trying the lock with every other key bar the right one. We barely made it through the door all that unspent passion between us, unleashing itself almost immediately. I closed the door and pinned Emily against it, kissing her soft moist lips only pulling back to catch my breath before continuing down to her neck. She lifted her left leg and wrapped it around my waist as my lips descended down to her collar bone. There was no time to move on to the bedroom. We were too caught up in the moment. I slowly slid my hand down her leg and back up the inside of her thigh, under her skirt and up to her…

"Please Naoms" She whispered in my ear.

I moved her panties to the side and Emily let out a soft moan at the contact.

Boy did she grip on tight. Her nails had actually ripped through my top and had drawn blood… She was almost there, that place we both desperately craved to be.

"Oh…oh…fuck Naoms…oh…I love you, I love you."

It drove me wild hearing her say those three words like that in her ever so sexy, husky voice.

Her body shock violently as she came and the screams that escaped through her lips had almost put me over the edge right there with her. I felt her body relax and she slumped her head on to my shoulder and I must admit, I had the goofiest looking grin on my face as I saw the state Emily was in. She was exhausted and struggling to recapture her breath as I felt her leg slip away from around my waist and return to its natural position. She was holding on for dear life.

"Wow" Was the only thing she could manage to say before I went to pull away so I could look at my gorgeous girlfriend, but as I did she gripped my shoulders so I wouldn't move.

"No, don't."

"Emily it's okay. I'm not gonna runaway you know."

"No…it's not that" She replied as she looked up at me. An embarrassed look spread across her face.

"What is it? What's wrong? Fuck Em's did I hurt you?" I say quickly.

"I…I…um, I don't think I can walk…just yet."

(Ohhhh, I see. Now I get it. Hahahaha)

I couldn't help but laugh, she was so cute with her face so serious. I couldn't help myself.

She slapped my arm playfully with a smirk on her face.

"Naomi, it's not fucking fun…"

She trailed off her sentence when she saw the look of pain flash across my face. I bit my bottom lip while I waited for the sting shooting up my arm to subside. Emily's eyes slowly opened wide as if something had clicked in the back of her mind and a look of realisation crossed her face as she looked down to where she had hit me.

I had turned into a human pin cushion. Little red dots surrounded by blacks, purples and yellows along the entire length of my fore arm. Not a very attractive look let me tell you. My skin, no longer pink and vibrant instead a chalky white colour and my pupils forever a tiny black dot. Dark rings under my eyes and the obvious weight loss from replacing food with smack. If I applied make up, which was necessary by this stage, I could hide the visible effects the drugs had made to my face. At worst, I looked as if I needed a goodnights sleep and as far as the track marks go, all I had to do was wear a long sleeved top, but right now this very minute. Here with Emily, everything I had feared was about to be revealed…

Emily looked back up into my eyes, anguish sweeping over her beautiful features. I started to feel uncomfortable as she wasn't just simply looking into my eyes. She was searching, analyzing them. I couldn't handle it so I took a step back and looked away. Her voice cracked when she spoke.

"Naomi, look at me."

I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was ashamed and embarrassed. How could I admit to anyone that I was a full fledged junkie? How could I admit that to Emily? I kept me gaze to the floor, too scared to look into those beautiful brown eyes. Emily moved herself away from the door and hesitantly took a step towards me raising her hand to my chin and motioning for me to look up.

"Look at me." She said again.

I found the courage and slowly raised my eyes to meet hers. She stared at me for a few moments before she frowned and I watched her eyes glaze over with unshed tears.

"You've taken something haven't you?" she asked, breaking the deafening silence.

I didn't want to lie and the cat was almost out the bag, but still I tried so desperately to hold onto my secret. I was fooling myself though. I just didn't want to admit that I had a problem… Especially not to Emily.

"No" I reply quickly casting my gaze back towards the floor.

"Please Naomi, don't lie to me. I can see it in your eyes."

"I haven't touched anything." I say defensively.

That was all it took. Emily blew up like a firecracker.

"STOP IT NAOMI. JUST FUCKING STOP IT. I KNOW OKAY. I CAN'T EVEN SEE YOUR PUPILS THERE THAT FUCKING SMALL, AND… AND BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SAYING ANYTHING, DO YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN THIS?"

As she said that, I felt her grab my wrist and push up my sleeve to the elbow before I even had a chance to stop her or move away. I don't think she expected to see the amount of damage I had done to myself because she immediately released my arm with a gasp, covering her mouth with her hand in complete shock. I hurriedly pulled my sleeve back down and headed towards the kitchen not wanting to discuss the inevitable.

"Naomi, please don't walk away from me." She pleaded.

Honestly I was scared to face her. I was fucking terrified and when Naomi Campbell is terrified she turns into an angry sarcastic bitch.

"Fuck off Emily"

"What? How… How could you say that to me after everything? After tonight?"

She tried her best to keep her voice level and strong and my chest tightened at the sound of it break. She reached out to touch me.

"Didn't you hear me? I said FUCK-OFF." as I flinched away from her hand.

"Jesus Naomi…" And that was it. She lost all control of her emotions and I had reduced her to tears.

(Way to go Naomi, your sure to win The Girlfriend Of The Year Award the way your going.)

"I FUCKING LOVE YOU NAOMI. WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME, INFRONT OF ALL OUR FRIENDS MIND YOU. BRING ME HOME, FUCK ME AND THEN STAND THERE AND TREAT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FUCK-ING WHORES." She screamed, tears running down her face.

I looked up at her with shock and guilt. She couldn't possibly know.

"I know… I'm not a fucking idiot so don't treat me like one. I know you have a drug problem and I know about the tarts you've been fucking behind my back, so don't you dare stand there and deny it." She said with such venom.

(I can't explain it, but whenever me and drugs are mentioned in the same sentence I automatically become defensive.)

"Well if you know so much, why the fuck did you take me back?"

Her voice was so low, I almost missed what she said.

"Because I love you" she whispered.

At that moment, I felt like I was a dear caught in someone's headlights. I had been such a stupid, stupid prick. She didn't have to keep reminding me because I already knew she loved me regardless of what we'd been through. Those other girls meant fuck all to me. My heart belonged to Emily and ONLY Emily. Those girls were just there to fill a void. I never showed them any affection and the sex was rough and quick. They were just hit and runs. I would simply just fuck them and leave them whether it was on a bed, on the floor, or in the club toilets, didn't matter. It wasn't about love or any other kind of emotion really. It was just about me getting my rocks off but to do that to Emily again, especially after Sophia I deserve to just disappear of the face of the earth… I do love Emily and I don't doubt that for a minute, a second even. I'm a complete and total fuck up.

"You love me? Ah, okay… Is that why I make you sick whenever I try to touch you? Or is it because you kissed that tart at the BBQ? YOU LOVE ME SO FUCKING MUCH EMILY, THAT'S THE REASON WHY YOU BROUGHT MANDY TO MY FUCKING HOUSE? Did you do all that because you love me?"

"Don't you turn this back around on me. You're the one who can't keep it in their pants Naomi. Remember that. I was fucking hurt, but that didn't change my feelings for you."

The truth hurts. It always does. I just stood there, staring coldly at her. What else could I do? I knew she was right and I could have easily resolved this, she had given me plenty of opportunities to do so, but unfortunately what I think and what I say are two completely different things. She reached out again and held on to my hands. She had lost all her fight.

"Please babes… I know you're hurting, I am too. I know you love me; this… this isn't you Naomi. It's the drugs. I know that. We'll get you help. I WILL help you."

She leant up placing her hands on either side of my face and pushed her lips on to mine, running her tongue across my bottom lip. When I didn't respond she stopped and looked up at me questioningly.

"Babe, it'll be alright."

I don't know what came over me. I looked her dead in the eye with my anger returning in full force. I pushed her away and watched as she slammed into the kitchen bench.

"Get the fuck off me. I'm over this shit. I'm outta here."

The only thing running through my mind at this point was the need to feel that familiar numbing sensation course through my body. Fuck Emily, I had more important things to do, like getting stoned. My muscles and joints aching with every movement I made. I had to hurry before I was sick…

"I don't fucking know you anymore. Whoever this, this person is, I don't love them." She cried out after me, standing in our front yard.

"I want MY Naomi back….NAOMI? Can't you see what it's doing to you, to us?" Her voice turning into a panic. "Where are you going? Come back, stay here with me."

(Great, now the whole neighbourhood knows. Thanks Ems.)

* * *

><p>I kept walking, continuing on down the street and not looking back. Half of me wanted to turn around and run back to the house and pick her up in my arms and squeeze her tight. Calm the red head down, reassure her that I did love her with all my heart and I'd get the help I so desperately needed. She was hysterical and I just left her there. How could I do that? Why did I do that? Why the fuck does she put up with my fucking bullshit.<p>

(Because Naomi, you stupid twat, she loves you.) The other voice in my mind responded.

I finally made it to the main road and walked up a few blocks, taking a left down an alley.

(Oh thank god. His here.)

"Hey" I said

"What, already? You went through all that in two days?"

"Mick please, I don't need your shit right now okay."

"Yeah, alright Naomsy, hear ya loud and clear. How much you after babes?"

"Gram will do… for now."

I reached into my pocket to retrieve my wallet only to find my pocket empty.

"Fuck"

"No money?" he asked.

"Shit, sorry Mick… can you do us a favour? Give it to me on tick?

He thougt for a minute. (I wish he'd hurry the fuck up.)

"Okay, I'll tell ya what… I'm only doin' this 'cause your one of me regulars, but don't even think about disappearing on me. You're a smart girl Naomi, so I'm sure I don't need to tell ya what happens to people who don't pay up yeah."

"You'll get your money Mick, don't be such a prick."

He extended his hand with the only thing that could make me feel better and as I went to grab it, he retracted his hand back before I had a chance to take it from him.

"Mick please…. I'm sick."

"I'm serious babe, you better be back with my cash."

"I swear okay, geez your acting like I do this all the fucking time." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"I'm just making sure." He said with a wink. "Here."

"Thank-You"

I took the gear and went to leave.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He said holding up a syringe.

I took or should I say snatched it from his hands and proceeded to make my way back up the alley towards the main street. He called out after me.

"Babes, that's some good shit, be careful yeah."

I didn't bother to stop. Instead I raised my arm and gave him a backward wave while I mumbled to myself.

(Yeah right, that's what they all say mate.)

I arrived at my little spot in the corner on the far side of the park. It was private and kind of enclosed with a couple of picnic tables and a BBQ. You know the kind you put coins in? Anyways, I didn't have my kit with me so thankfully after a few minutes of searching the area I finally found what I was looking for. A bottle cap. I needed something to cook the gear in and this would do the job nicely. I unwrapped the foil package that Mick had passed me and broke off a smaller rock from the larger piece and dropped it into the cap. I was starting to shake by this stage and I was making a mess of it all. I shook my hands and took a few deep breaths before continuing onward. I unbuckled my belt and removed it from my pants, wrapping it tightly around my arm. I tapped the spot above the vein getting it ready. With the gear cooked and inside the syringe, I lowered the needle and rested it on the skin. (Fuck I missed.) I retrieved the needle from my arm and took a moment to try and refocus.

_**Sucker love is heaven sent**_

_**You pucker up, our passions spent**_

_**My hearts a tart, your body's rent**_

_**My body's broken, yours is bent **_

(Ahhhh, my bloody phone.)

I pulled it out from my back pocket and glanced down at the screen.

**_EMILY_**

I pushed the end call button… I was busy and I wasn't in the mood for her shit right now. I felt that we had argued enough for one night.

I picked up the syringe, placing my phone on the picnic table I was using. This time I didn't miss. I watched as the blood from my vein filled the syringe as I pulled back and once it had mixed with the clear liquid inside I pushed down and felt the BEST feeling ever. It felt like a hundred orgasms all at once and it was by far the best hit I had ever experienced. It was that intense I couldn't help but let out a moan as I felt the warm tingling feeling course through my arm and sweep through my body which caused me to lean over and vomit whatever contents that was left in my stomach, which wasn't much. It was mostly bile.

(Way to go Mick, You weren't lying when you said this shit was tops.)

I slid off the chair and slumped down onto the ground and fell into a drug induced haze.

(More like a coma.)

* * *

><p>I woke up several hours later trying to get my bearings as I was still very much fucked up. (I had decided that my next dosage would be a little less.) It was early morning, but the sun hadn't risen yet though the sky was lit up enough to cast sufficient light for me to collect my belongings. I picked up my phone to check the time. 113 missed calls, what the fuck? I didn't even hear it ring. I scrolled through the list already knowing that they would be from Emily so you could imagine my surprise when quite a lot of them were from Katie also followed by 3 text messages. One from Emily and two from Katie.<p>

**_KATIE_**

What the fuck did you do to my sister you dykey bitch? She's hysterical.

**_EMILY_**

Naomi, please answer. I'm worried about you. Come home… I love you.

**_KATIE_**

Answer your phone you junkie cow. Ems is worried sick. I don't know why. You're a fucking loser.

(Oh fantastic, now all of Bristol will know I'm a smack head… Fuck it, best I get home anyways, I'm freezing and need a wash.)

I stumble through the streets of Bristol while getting weird stares from the early morning joggers and the tossers walking their dogs at this ungodly hour. (What the fuck is they're problem.)

I get to my street as the sun starts to peek it's head over the horizon and I walk my way down to my house. I stop for a moment and take a deep breathe praying that the door is open as I forgot to take my keys before leaving the night before, plus I wasn't in the mood to face Emily just yet.

(Good it's opened.)

I slowly close the door as not to wake Emily and tip toe my way towards the kitchen.

"Naomi is that you?"

(FUCK)

I jumped when I heard her voice. I hadn't noticed that she was lying on the couch in the lounge room.

"Go back to sleep." I said with my back towards her, but before I had a chance to react, her arms had wrapped themselves around my chest almost crushing the life out of me. I felt her body tense up and start to shake as I felt her head rest against my back, crying uncontrollably. I try to pry her tiny little hands apart so I could get away from her death grip and finally after a few failed attempts I manage to wriggle free from her arms and continue on stepping into the kitchen. I head straight for the fridge and grab myself an icy cold can of coke, pull the ring and take a massive gulp which was stupid really because the fizzy drink went up and came out of my nose and mouth as I nearly choked to death.

As my coughing fit passed, I could still hear Emily crying. She hadn't moved an inch and was still exactly where I had left her. The strange thing is, usually when I see Emily crying the way she was it would automatically make me want to break down in tears. I could usually feel her pain. I dunno, I didn't feel anything to be honest. I stood there sipping on my coke, just watching her. I was trying so hard to think of something to say, but I was completely lost for words.

(Ah, a feeling… sadness I think.)

As I looked onto her, her hands covering her face and tears running down the length of her arms a wave of sadness swept through my entire body and settled in my chest. She was a mess. Her hair was pointing in every direction known to man and I couldn't help thinking that if the situation were different, I would think that she looked rather sexy. Of course minus the crying.

(When did I become such a cold heartless bitch?)

All I could think to say was "Ems are you okay?"

(Seriously Naomi? You can obviously see she is far from okay you dumb stupid tit.)

Emily's crying had minimized to soft sobs as she lowered her hands from her make up smudged, tear stained face and cast her eyes towards my direction.

"DO I FUCKING LOOK OKAY? What kind of question is that Naomi?"

"I dunno" I shrugged "Sorry I asked" as I went to walk off.

"Again? Your going to leave me again?" she said as she moved towards me.

"NO" she yelled as she pushed me up against the wall, so I couldn't move.

"I was worried sick about you, so you can at least have some fucking decency and tell me what or who you were doing last night." Tears streaming down her face.

"Ems, you really gotta start minding your own business. Look what it's doing to you. Just leave it yeah."

At the sight of her face drop, hurt spread across her features, I wanted so badly to kiss the pain away. I knew what the right thing to do was, but my mouth had a mind of it's own.

(Well done Naomi, she's crying yet again no thanks to you.)

"You prick. I thought you were dead" she replies her voice broken.

"Ems please, I need a shower and stuff, can we talk about this later, ya know, when you're a little less…emotional."

**_SLAP_** (She's getting good at this.)

I just stared at her blankly; blinking with my mouth slightly opened and rubbing my cheek.

"FUCK SAKE EMILY, what do you want from me?"

"I want you… please stop this. I'm scared for you okay, I'm scared of losing you."

She looked away for a second and sighed.

"Every time my phone rings when your god knows where, I wonder…" she trails off.

"I wonder, is this it? Is this the call? I can't help thinking when you don't come home for days on end if your lying… If your lying dead somewhere. Your scaring me and I can't fucking handle it anymore."

"Emily, I…" she cuts my words off with a long passionate kiss before they have a chance to be heard.

(What the hell is she doing? This is so not the right time for this.)

She places her hands on either side of my hips and she pushes herself as close as humanly possible against my front. Her hands start to wander, one going under my top and delicately stroking my stomach with her fingers. The other hand running up and down the length of my thigh. Blame it on my drugged up state, but I couldn't help but respond back even though I knew it was wrong and something wasn't sitting right. Using my free hand, I ran my fingers through her hair to the back of her head pushing her closer and deepening the kiss. My other hand clutching the coke can.

It didn't take long for me to realize what she was doing but I was too late. I felt her hand reach into my pocket and take it's contents before I had the chance to stop her.

(Cheeky bitch, she was distracting me.)

And with that she pulls away creating some distants between us with a look of victory and relief on her face.

"Give it back." I say as I tried to snatch it from her hands but she's too quick.

(God I sound like a two year old whose mother has taken away they're favourite toy.)

"No, you don't need this anymore!" she replied hesitantly, not quite sure how I was going to react.

"STOP FUCKING AROUND, GIVE IT BACK." I screamed, throwing the coke can and barely missing Emily's head as she dodged out the way while staring at me with a look of bewilderment.

(I didn't mean to throw it so close to her.)

I started to shake uncontrollably. Panic flooding over me. I was due for my next hit and I could feel the pain in every inch of my body becoming excruciating. I lunged forward to try and snatch it from her hands, this time grabbing her wrist. I tried to pry her fingers opened but she was just too strong for me and she pushed me away. The back of my head connecting with the shelf that was fixed to the wall rendering me dizzy for a few seconds before I realised I was no longer standing. I was sitting on the floor with my back slumped against the wall holding my throbbing head.

"Oh fuck, are you okay?" Emily said as she hurriedly knelt down beside me.

"No I'm not okay, you fucking… you fucking…"

I couldn't get anymore out. I could feel a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach.

(Oh no, I'm gonna be sick. Got to get up.)

Too late. I leant forward and spewed my guts up all over myself. Emily panicked and didn't know what to do. Her breathing quickened and to honest I thought she was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Babe, come on. Get up."

"I can't" I said in slurred speech still seeing stars.

"I'll help you; hold on to my shoulders… Come on, we'll get you into the shower."

After a few attempts, I was finally on my feet using Emily as my post. I tried to walk by myself but nearly ended up head butting the floor. Lucky for me, Ems was ready and waiting.

She ran the water and while she waited for it to get hot, she undressed herself and then turned her attention on to me. I felt so weak so I took a seat on the edge of the bath while Emily undressed me also. I hated this, being looked after. Normally I'd protest, but I simply didn't have the energy. I was just a shell. An empty, pathetic shell of the girl previously known as Naomi Campbell.

After the much needed shower, Emily assisted me in getting dressed and forced me into bed. I was a little bit more clear headed. The effect of the head injury I sustained earlier had faded, but my focus was on the pain that was surging through my body as I laid on the bed in the fetal position, shivering in a cold sweat.

"Ems I need it, please. Just a little taste." I said clutching my stomach while my teeth were chattering.

Emily wrapped her loving arms around me and pushed herself against my back, whispering into my ear.

"It'll be alright Naomi, I'm here okay."

(I couldn't take it anymore. I know she was looking out for me and after all the shit I've put her through; The lying, the cheating, the drugs, she's still here trying to comfort me but the need for the drug was just to strong.)

I was like a wild animal. I flipped myself over and straddled Emily's legs, pinning her down on the bed beneath me.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS IT YOU FUCKING BITCH."

"No Naomi, get off me." (She's crying again.)

"Please don't… Do this for me, for us. I can't let you do this to yourself. I love you too much"

"'I DON'T FUCKING LOVE YOU OKAY. I never have. You're just another tart too me… Now fuck-ing give it back."

She was shattered. She didn't even put up a fight when I patted down her pockets in search of what I was after.

(Yes, found it.)

I climbed off her and went straight to my closet to retrieve my kit that I was hiding in one of my jackets. I left the room with Emily still on the bed in hysterics. I ran straight to the bathroom, sat on the edge of the bath, cooked up, injected and felt all the pain wash away.

* * *

><p><strong><em>SLAM<em>**

"Fuck Ems. Quiet yeah?"

"Take another look, you lezza bitch!"

"Katie, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Katie came rushing towards me at full speed, dragging me up by my shirt and when I was standing she punched me square in the nose forcing me back down on my ass. I cupped my nose with my hands and felt the warm liquid run down my face and through my fingers. I tried to stand back up, but Katie took another swing, this time in the guts, knocking the wind right out of me. I slumped to my knees unable to breathe, blood dripping everywhere. She pushed me to the floor and started kicking the shit out of me.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I said weakly.

"I'm Katie Fucking Fitch and no one hurts my fucking sister."

**_CRUNCH_**, her foot connecting with the side of my head.

I hear loud footsteps running up the stairs. Emily bursts through the bathroom door in a panic.

"Katie stop… FUCKING STOP. SHE'S NOT WELL."

(Thank god, because the way Katie was going, I was gonna end up in the morgue.)

Emily got in between Katie and me and rushed down beside me. She saw all the blood and immediately stood back up and popped Katie in the eye.

"Ouch…Bitch"

"Katie, you promised me you were just going to talk to her."

"I did talk to her. Knocked some since into her too." She replied holding her eye that had already started to swell.

"There's blood everywhere. Look what you've done to her."

"She needed to be taught a lesson, dozy cow."

"Just get out okay, you've done enough."

"But Ems…"

"GET OUT."

I moaned in agony and Emily diverted her attention to me. Katie huffed and puffed but decided to leave without saying a word. I was lying on my back which was a bad idea because I started to choke on my own blood as it went back up my nasal passage and down into my throat. Emily rolled me over onto my side sobbing quietly, her tears falling onto my cheek.

"Babe, I'm so sorry"

I tried to reply, but what came out was gibberish.

"Shhh, don't talk" she said as she ran her fingers through my hair rocking me gently back and forth.

"We'll get through this okay…together." She stopped talking for a moment as she wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.

"As much as you broke my heart, I know you didn't mean the things you said. I still love you Naomi. Nothing you say or do will ever change that."

* * *

><p>I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a freight train.<p>

"Wakey wakey, hands off snakey"

"Jesus Tess, what time is it?"

"Um, it's like 2.30 in the afternoon babe. Time to get up"

Since all the shit that happened with Emily and Katie five weeks ago, I decided I needed some space. Time away. Emily and me had been fighting like cats and dogs for like two whole weeks after Katie had used me as her punching bag, so I just upped and left without saying a word. It was easier that way. I decided to come and stay with Tessa for a bit. She was cool and she wasn't bugging me all the time about the drugs, we had a 'casual' relationship and it's exactly what I needed.

She leaned down and gave me a peck on the lips. God she was sexy. I would have taken her there and then but I had to get rid of this freight train that was wedged right up my ass. I got up and went to the bathroom and went through my daily ritual to relieve myself of any pain and discomfort. I brushed my teeth and drank some water. I was feeling a little dehydrated, and then I went back to Tess' bedroom.

(Now I can have my wicked way with her.)

Emily and I still spoke and we saw each other every now and then, but I tried to keep it at a minimum because I was getting sick of hearing her begging me to come home. I wasn't ready. She was trying to keep up a brave front but every visit ended up with me saying the wrong thing and her balling her eyes out. She had no idea I was fucking Tess, but it didn't matter, it's not like I was fucking Emily anyway. I mean, we were still together, but we weren't if that makes sense.

"Come on babe, just one dance yeah?"

"I don't really feel like it, can't we just go straight home?"

"Pleeease… I promise. One dance."

I sighed "Okay, fine. One dance and I'm outta here, with or without you."

Tess grabbed my arm and dragged me into the club and straight towards the bar. We downed 3 shots each, which was plenty mixed in with the drugs; and she pulls me on to the dance floor. It was 90's night, so the music wasn't too bad; there was some good dance stuff from the 90's. As we hit the dance floor, Monifah's Touch It came blearing through the speakers. I wasn't really doing much. I was too fucked up for dancing so I just kind of stood there. Tess was rubbing her ass on my front which snapped my attention straight back to her.

(I couldn't help but think that I wished it was Emily doing this.)

She spun around and started grinding herself up and down my thigh. Actually to describe it more accurately she was practically humping my leg and I couldn't help but kiss her; placing my hands on her ass. I swear, people must have thought we were fucking in the middle of the dance floor. I pulled away from her and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards the toilets before all hell broke loose and I lost all control. I couldn't wait to get home; I was too um… hot.

I pushed her into a cubicle, not even bothering to lock the door… no time. I popped the toilet seat down and sat on top pulling Tess down on top of me. She straddled my legs and I lifted her skirt up, just enough so I could get my hand under there.

"Oh Jesus. Fuck Naomi."

She starts rocking her hips back and forth as I sucked on her pulse point, keeping up to the rhythm that I had set. Her moans were becoming more frequent now. She's almost ready to blow…

"OH MY GOD NAOMI."

I instantly stopped what I was doing and glanced over Tessa's shoulder.

(I know that voice.)

"Fuck. Shit. Emily."

She looks at me with her puppy dog eyes and I nearly die right then and there by the sight. The devastation across her face is completely heart shattering.

(What the fuck are you doing Naomi? You know you're killing her right. Do you even care you selfish twat?) My own mind questioning itself.

"EMILY, WAIT"

I throw Tessa off of me, not stopping to see if I hurt her or if she was alright and run straight after Emily.

(Where is she?)

I'm panicking by this stage, my eyes darting in every direction of the club when I see a flash of red heading hastily towards the exit and disappear. I burst through the door almost knocking out the security guard as I exited on to the street.

"Emily, wait…please."

"No Naomi, that's it. I'm done. She struggled to say through her tears.

I was gob smacked.

(Naomi, what did you expect? Get real would you.)

"NO…you can't leave me. I won't let you leave me." I said frantically.

"I've tried to help you, I really have. But you obviously don't want to be helped" She sobbed. "I just… I can't do this. I can't watch you fuck EVERY girl that looks your way and I can't watch you kill yourself. I'm not strong enough…."

She had to stop to regain her composure. She let out a deep breathe and as her lips quivered she could only manage a whisper. "You don't love me anymore." She sniffed "I'm sorry, I… I have to go."

"No, don't say that Ems"

She turned to walk off, but her legs gave way. She crumbled to the floor with her head in her hands. The weight of the world to heavy for her to carry on her petite little shoulders.

"Emily please don't say that. I know I'm a fuck up. I know, but please… I DO love you."

I kneel down beside her and take her hands from her face. She looks up at me completely broken. For the first time in months I finally felt something. An emotion. It was called heartache and despair. My brain and my heart we're finally in sync with each other and wave of realisation hit me.

(I fucking love this girl. I can't lose her. Not like this. It's true what they say. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.)

I had worn Emily down to a little nub and majorly fucked with her head. I was just praying that the damage caused was repairable.

(You should just drop dead Naomi. It's not easy corrupting a being so pure, but congratulations. Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.)

"Look me in the eye and say that" she replied.

"I Love You."

"You're off your fucking face Naomi. How am I supposed to trust what you say? Actions speak louder than words… you've proved that to me."

I grabbed her hand and put it on to my chest and over my heart.

"Can you feel that?" I say to her. She nodded her head in agreement.

"I fucking love you" I say once again.

(It's not working, I'm losing her.)

"What about your girlfriend in there? Do you love her too?" she replied hatefully.

I started crying. I couldn't help it. I know how very wrong I was. The lying, the cheating. I was in the middle of losing her. How could anyone forgive, forget and move on from here? What I've put her through, God, I can't even bring myself to think about it. I was a pathetic loser and most definitely not deserving of anyone's love, especially not Emily's. I took her for granted and it was the biggest mistake I had ever made.

I had ignored her question, mainly because I didn't really give two fat fucks about that tart I left in the club.

(Terrible, I know.)

"I'll do anything you ask…ANY-THING. I'll come home and I'll fucking stay there. I'll never leave you again Emily. EVER. You're all I've ever wanted, more than I ever needed, do you understand what I'm trying to tell you? I'll…"

"What about the drugs Naomi?"

"I swear to you, I'll never touch this shit again." I pulled it out of my pocket and tossed it down a near by drain.

"I know I've fucked up and you've given me plenty of chances to correct myself. I know that Ems, but please give me one more chance, I'm begging you. I'll do anything you want me to, just don't give up on me now. I need you. I'll die without you. Please Ems... I'm sorry"

Emily paused for a moment. She was thinking… She wiped her tear stained cheeks with the end of her sleeve. She leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips as she wrapped me into a hug. She placed her mouth close to my ear and she whispered.

"I haven't forgiven you."

"ohh-kay." I say nervously, not sure if this is goodbye.

She pulls away, stands up and starts to walk off. I couldn't watch her leave so I cast my gaze to the ground.

"You coming?" she asks

I look up at her with my mouth open trying to form a sentence. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I was stuck. She walks back over to me, extends her hand… and I take it.

**_TBC..._**

**Hope you like it. Thanks for reading :)**


	2. Part II

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence..

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily, with a brief appearance/mention of Katie, Cook, JJ, Effy & Pandora

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**Devotedfan and Beck89**

**I would like to thank the two of you for your comments. I was so nervous posting this story and when I saw the comments you both left, I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day. So thank-you again. You'll never know how much I really do appreciate it :)**

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part II**

**_KNOCK KNOCK_**

(No answer)

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK..._**

"Ems, it's me. Let me in... EMMMIIIILLLLY"

I bend down and peep through the letter slot in the middle of the door.

"EMILY" I yell continuing to look through the slot.

I see a light go on and a pair of legs hurriedly climbing down the stairs.

(Thank fuck she's home.)

She swings the door open and almost topples me over as she throws herself towards me and wraps me in a bear hug.

"Oh my god Naomi, where the fuck have you been?" she says with a sigh of relief as she pulls away, looking me up and down.

She brings her gaze back up and suddenly her demeanor changes. She looks pissed as she folds her arms out in front of her and across her chest, pursing her lips together.

"Out" I reply. "But I'm, I'm here, I'm back!" I say stumbling and slurring my words as I spoke with my arms out stretched on either side.

"Out where exactly? I haven't seen you for three weeks." She replies wearily.

"Um, ahhh just... out."

As I said that, Emily just stood there frowning at me and I'm not sure if I was seeing things or not but I could of sworn I saw a tear run down her cheek. I try to squeeze past her to get through the doorway, but she steps to the side and closes the gap.

"Get out Naomi. I can't even bring myself to look at you at the moment." she says calmly looking down in disappointment.

"Huh? Why? What have I done?"

She looks back up with an earnest expression spread across her face.

"You can't be serious? I've been going MENTAL because of you. You piss off for three weeks without a word and you don't even bother to call me to let me know that you're okay...That you're still fucking breathing? How could you do that to me?"

She pauses for a moment.

"Have a look at you. You're smacked up to the eyeballs" her voice rising. "So much for that little speech you gave me outside the club. I'm glad to know that I can trust you Naomi." she finished off sarcastically. "Just... go away."

(What? How could she say that? I meant every fucking word I said to her that night. Doesn't she realise that it's just too fucking hard?)

"But...but I need to talk to you." I whined sounding like a child, kicking a nearby pebble.

"Naomi it's like 3.30 in the morning, Come back in a couple of days, I'm sure one of your OTHER girlfriends will take you in 'til then" she replied jealously.

"But..."

"No Naomi, actually you know what, come to think of it...Don't come back okay. It's too late... I'm sorry. I… WE can't live like this anymore. I can't do it, your killing me. Do you UNDERSTAND that?"

It didn't happen very often, but I was suddenly lost for words. Was she ending it? I couldn't help but just fix my eyes onto hers with a look of distress plastered on my face, but if I didn't know her any better, I would say that she was lying. The way her voice cracked throughout that sentence was a dead giveaway. She broke eye contact and looked to the side, exhaling deeply.

"Just go…"

**_SLAM_**

(Okay, maybe she wasn't.)

"EMILY" **_KNOCK KNOCK_** "Open the door" **_KNOCK KNOCK_** "I've gotta talk to you" **_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_**

"Go on then" she replies through the closed door.

"Can you let me in first?"

"NO... it's fine, I can hear you perfectly through the door."

(I'm starting to panic a little now. This wasn't how I'd planned it. It wasn't going the way I wanted it to.)

"What do you want Naomi?" she says when I didn't reply to her straight away.

(Right... back to business.)

"Okay, fine... I need you to do me a favour alright.I need..."

I stop mid sentence and take a deep breathe, not sure how she's going to take it.

"I need some money yeah, I'm in..."

"Is that what you came to tell me? That you need money?"

"Um…well, yeah."

I hear her sniff.

"Is that how much I mean to you Naomi?

"What? What are you talking about?"

(Why is she crying? Why the FUCK does this always happen?)

Emily clears her throat and sighed.

"Honestly Naomi… I obviously mean fuck all to you... I'm not your doormat you know. Someone you can walk all over. You can't just keep doing this. I only see YOU when it suits you. When you need money or when you fancy a shag… I can't do it anymore. You don't want anyone to care."

(I've heard her say that before… I just can't think when…)

"Please Ems, you know I love you. I just need some cash…."

"I can't do that. No. I'm not helping you kill yourself."

"What do you mean no" I spat. "I fucking need it."

I lowered my voice trying to talk sense into her.

"Ems listen, I'm in some trouble. I have to get outta Bristol for a bit."

(BIG FAT LIE)

"I said no Naomi. Jesus, what do you take me for? You really believed that I wouldn't see through that?"

I stayed in silence for a moment.

"I know, I'm sorry." I say quickly

I was practically begging her. It had been far too long since I had my last shot and she was wasting time. My joints were already aching and my hands were clammy, so I knew that it wouldn't be long before the sickness escalated to a point where I wouldn't be able to even do the simplest of tasks, let alone score. I was starting to become frustrated and no matter how hard I tried to keep my voice calm, the anger still managed to seep through.

"Em just give me some FUCK-ING cash and I'll go." My anger level rising.

"I'm not going to say this again Naomi. The answer is NO. Now piss off, off my door step."

She tried to sound strong and determine but her voice quivered.

"YOU BITCH... YOU FUCKING BITCH" I screamed kicking the door so hard I almost broke my foot.

"Goodbye Naomi." She said gloomily, her voice barely audible.

I saw the light turn off and heard Emily's quite sobs as she climbed back up the stairs.

(That fucking bitch. How could she do this to me, I'm her fucking girlfriend for fucks sake.)

My train of thought had been disrupted by someone coughing lightly trying to get my attention. I turned to look in the direction of the sound and spotted our neighbour pretending to take the rubbish out.

(Fucks sake)

"YES... can I help you with something?

"You're a disgraceful young lady. You have no business being here. You leave that poor girl alone."

"How bout you go fuck yourself."

(HAHAHA, the look on that tossers face was priceless. That shut him up. Fuck-ing wanker.)

I continued to laugh as I watched him turn around and go back into his house. Seriously, don't people mind there own business anymore? There's always someone that has to stick they're nose in it. It's ridiculous... Anyway, I realised that I wasn't going to get anywhere talking to Ems so I decided that it was time to put plan B into action. I walked to the far side of the front garden and looked around for something large and heavy enough to do what needed to be done. I picked up a rock and threw it with all the strength I could muster, which wasn't much due to my current and unfortunate state, and watch it go threw our front window. The sound of shattering glass started up ALL the neighbourhood dogs and waking up the occupants who housed in the street. I watched each house light up, so I quickly ran to the window and climbed through cutting my hands and knees ripping my jeans on every shard of broken glass. I didn't care. I was on a mission. Get in, get money, and get the fuck out. There was no time to worry about a few little scratches.

"NAOMI" I heard Emily scream.

I ignored her. I had no time for chit chat and let's face it, that tosser next door has probably already called the cops by now so I had to be quick. I went straight for the kitchen knowing that Emily had a habit of leaving her purse on the bench. I frantically searched it, only coming up with £10.

(FUCK)

I dropped her bag to the kitchen floor and headed straight to the cabinet that was in the lounge room. Emily was following me at a distance, screaming in a panic but I was too focused on my frenzied search for valuables. I couldn't make out what she was saying. It sounded distant, kind of muffled. I ripped out one of the drawers from the cabinet searching for a bracelet that I had hidden there. A bracelet that Emily had brought me not long after the Love Ball. I flipped the drawer upside down and shook all the contents out onto the floor. I dropped to my knees that were dripping with blood, staining the carpet as I sifted through all the papers and other junk that had been accumulated over the years.

(It's not here.)

I raised my hand to my head and gripped my hair in frustration. My eyes darting across all the floor space incase I had missed it in my frantic state. Remembering that Emily was not far away, I turned my attention to her when I caught on to what she was saying.

"It's not there." She said huskily. Disappointment seeping through her voice.

I stood up immediately and rushed towards her like a crazed animal knocking her to the floor with me kneeling over her on all fours. Somehow when I spoke my voice was calm. It surprised me and by the look on Emily's face I think it surprised her too.

"Where is it?"

"Naomi, stop this...Get off."

No longer calm, I start to yell.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS IT EMILY... FUCKING TELL ME."

"I'M NOT TELLING YOU NOW GET THE FUCK OFF ME." she screams back into my face.

She grabs my shoulders and wraps her legs around my waist as I'm kneeling over her and somehow our positions are reversed. She gets up and takes a few steps back looking at me fearfully. I instantly stand back up and I went for her again, this time throwing her up against the cabinet, trapping her. She has no where to go. I start grinding me teeth, I'm so fucking angry with her right now; she should just make this easier on herself and me for that matter and just tell me where my fucking bracelet is. I mean how simple is that. I grabbed her arms and squeezed them so she couldn't move and try one of her tricks on me again.

"Fuck sake Emily…Just fucking tell me?" I couldn't help but clench my teeth as I spoke.

She didn't answer me straight away instead she just glared at me. I've never seen that look in her eyes before, it was strange. Foreign. She was scared. Not just scared, I mean I've seen THAT before but it was more like she was scared FOR something...

(She was scared for her...life.)

"Stop it Naomi, please. You're hurting me."

"TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK IT IS." I shook her a little while I said that, to try and get my point across. I was desperate. Couldn't she see that?

(No answer...the only noise I got from Emily was the sound of her cries.)

I looked down towards my feet for a second to regain my thoughts and come up with my next plan of attack. As I lifted my head to meet Emily's red puffy eyes I noticed the chain of a necklace sitting around her neck which I recognised immediately. I had purchased it for Emily before all this shit started to happen. I had bought it for her over the summer and before the thing with Sophia.

(That will do… I'll be set for two weeks.) I thought grinning evilly.

I gripped the chain as Emily gasped in complete and utter shock and ripped it from her neck.

"No please Naoms not that... DON'T TAKE THAT." she begged me.

I backed away from her and put it into my pocket and watched on as Emily cupped her head in her hands and started to shed fresh tears.

**_SIRENS_**

I looked towards the window that I had broken earlier and could hear the sound of sirens in the distance which were getting closer. No doubt they were on there way to this address. Time for me to leave. I cast me gaze back onto Emily and my heart stopped beating for a moment. I had a flash of clarity that had managed to ooze through my frenzied state. She had slid herself down the cabinet with her knees up to her chest, in hysterics with my blood from the wounds I had received from the broken glass all over her clothes.

(Naomi... what have you done?)

I felt dizzy, almost to the point of not being able to stand. I bit my bottom lip and a tiny tear escaped from my right eye. I wiped it away and was brought straight back to reality when I heard the sirens directly out front.

"Ems, I'm so sorry." I sniffed as I headed straight for the backdoor.

I meant it, I really did. I don't know what had come over me. How do you do that to someone you truly love? I'd die for Emily; I'd take a bullet for that girl and yet look at what I've just done to her. Look at what I had turned into. What's next? Robbing old ladies? Holding up a service station? Standing on a street corner trying to sell myself to anyone willing to pay to have sex with me so I can sustain my drug habit?... I brushed the thought away.

(No matter, I'll deal with that if and when it happens. Right now I've got bigger fish to fry, like giving these cops the slip.)

It didn't take long or much of an effort for that matter to get away. Three back fences and a side gate later, I was out of sight. They're attention more then likely was on Emily and her smashed window. I knew Emily wouldn't grass, but I wasn't too sure about the wanker next door. Although, he always liked Ems so I was hoping he'd keep his mouth shut… for her sake.

* * *

><p>"Naomi Campbell?"<p>

I got up off the so called 'bed' and waited for the police woman to open the gate.

"Come through please Miss Campbell" she said sternly.

I followed her to the main reception and not quite knowing what the hell was going on. When I was first processed, they asked if I had anyone who could pay for my bail and I had said no so I was informed that I would be in remand until my court appearance. There wasn't anyone to call and I wasn't about to ring Emily. I hadn't seen her for two months, not since the broken window.

"What's going on? Have the charges been dropped?"

"No, you've been bailed."

"How? No one knew I was here."

(No reply… no gold star for you Officer Bailey. Your customer service sucks.)

I step up to the desk and get a bunch of papers thrown in my face and a pen shoved into my hand.

"Sign there, there and there."

(Done)

"Okay, what now? Can I go?

"Yes."

I just stared at the woman for a few seconds. What a fucking cow. She took herself WAY too seriously and if anyone was in need of a good shag, it was definitely her. Actually I honestly don't believe any one would contemplate giving her one anyway. She kind of looked like that bird from Prisoner: Cell Block H… Um, what was her name?... Ahhh, that's it. Ferguson, Joan "The Freak" Ferguson. The thought made me shudder.

"Naomi?"

I spun around in shock on hearing that familiar husky voice.

"Emily? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Mind your language. You're in a police station." The Freak butted in.

"Yeah, right. Sorry." I replied.

(I figured I'd keep on her good side incase I came across her again in the near future.)

"Ems, what are you doing here? I said again.

"I put up your bail." She said flatly

"But…why? Sorry, I mean how did you know I was here?"

"Move along Miss Campbell. This isn't a coffee shop." She butted in yet again.

I gave her one of my quick death stares. The Freak was really getting on my tits, but I bit my tongue not wanting to cause a scene, plus I didn't fancy getting thrown back into a cell. By the time I looked back to face Emily she was already heading for the door.

"Ems, wait up." I say, jogging to catch up to her.

She stopped suddenly out the front of the cop shop, with me nearly crashing right into her, and turned around.

"Katie saw you."

"Huh?" I say confused.

"Katie saw you get arrested."

"Oh, so you thought you'd come and save the day." I said with a smirk.

She took it the wrong way, I was trying to lighten the mood, but I sounded a little sarcastic and unappreciative. She looked up at me, hurt.

"Sorry…sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound like that." I quickly responded. "Thank-you. You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to… Your welcome." She said seriously.

"So… what now?" I say unsure of the correct etiquette for a situation such as this.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten where you live?"

"What do you mean? No of course not, but Ems, you know, we haven't…."

"It's part of your bail conditions Naomi." She hastily cut me off.

(I got the impression that she didn't want to talk about her girlfriend going AWOL.)

"Oh I see." I reply slowly. "After you then?" I say motioning with my hand in the direction of 'home'.

We had walked in an awkward silence. It wasn't until we had been home for a couple of hours that Emily had finally decided to ask me the question I know she was thinking about this whole time. I had showered and removed the 'jail' from my hair and I was sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a hot cup of coffee when she entered and took a seat across from me. We looked at each other for awhile before she actually spoke.

(God she was beautiful. Even though she looked stressed and exhausted, she was still the prettiest looking thing I had ever cast me eyes on.)

"Naomi… do you mind if I ask you what you got arrested for? I mean I did ask that lady officer but she was being a twat."

"Who? The Freak?"

"The Freak?" She said squinting her chocolate brown eyes at me not quite catching on.

"Yeah, she reminds me of the P.O. from Prisoner. You know, Joan Ferguson."

She giggled. She knew exactly who I was talking about. After all, she was the one who got me watching the show in the first place. It was good to hear her laugh; it was like music to my ears. I hadn't heard it for so long and I realised then just how much I had missed it. I couldn't help but smile.

"So how did you end up in jail?" she asked me again.

The smile I was displaying slowly disappeared as I bit my bottom lip. I knew she wouldn't like the answer. I didn't want to tell her but the look on her face told me she wasn't going to let it go. I owed her the truth.

"Possession of a class A drug." I replied hesitantly.

"What drug?"

"Heroin."

"Are you dealing now Naomi?" She said, her voice sounding almost high pitched.

"No, god no, it was a small amount. Personal use." I replied quickly. "They said I'll probably get off with a fine, being first offence and all."

(She looked down at her hands and whispered something to herself and I couldn't quite catch what she had said, but I think it was "I hope so.")

"So, you're still using then?" She said gravely, still not making eye contact.

I didn't answer hoping she'd get the point, but Emily pressed the issue and looked up at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"Are you Naomi?"

I let out a heavy sigh and replied "Yes."

She stood up off her chair and I thought she was going to leave the room, but to my surprise she pulled out the chair that was directly next to me and took a seat.

"Naoms, why are you doing this? Can't you see that it's leading you down a dead end?"

(Not again, she knows how hard it is for me to talk about this… but I'll try.)

She saw I was getting nervous and fidgety so she grabbed my hand and took it into hers.

"Please talk to me." She pleaded.

"I know,Ems, it's just to fucking hard, ya know."

"Babes, I know it is, but you've got to try, you know I'm here, I'll help you as best I can." She took a breath. "Naomi, are you listening?"

"Yes, I'm listening. Why are you saying this? I've been such a prick to you, why do you still care?"

"You know Naomi, I've asked myself that many times and I always get the same answer."

She pauses for a moment.

"I love you; I can't change how I feel. I've tried so hard these last couple of months to forget about you and let you go, but… I just can't do it."

* * *

><p>"I've got to get out of here. Pleeeaassee Ems… LET ME GO." I pleaded as I'm crawling along the floor, trying to escape Emily's clutches.<p>

It's only been three days since I've been back home with Emily. A record for me. The last time I only lasted about 15 hours before I decided that I couldn't handle it and pissed off through the upstairs window while I had sent her off to the kitchen to make some tea. Three whole weeks I had disappeared for, without a word, but at the time it had only felt like a few days. I was well out of it. I could only imagine what I had put her through, and yet she didn't hesitate to do it all over again. She hasn't left my side once. She knows better. She has enlisted the help of Katie this time so I know that I'm done for. There is no escaping this. Why I agreed I will never know…

I have tried so hard to make her see sense and abandon her efforts. I have hurled that much abuse towards her. Hurt her in every way that I know how, but she hasn't faulted. She won't budge and I hate her for it. I only need a tiny little bit; just enough to keep me straight and functioning like a normal human being. I've told her, screamed at her that I can control it, but she won't FUCK-ING believe me. Can't she see the pain that I'm going through? Every muscle in my body is tense and aching, clammy hands, cold sweats, convulsions, drooling all over myself. I'm not going to make it. I know I'm going to die. This level of pain is just way too severe to not end in death. I can't do it. I just can't fucking do it… I've got to find a way out of here…

"NO NAOMI, FUCK-ING… FUCK-ING STOP RIGHT THERE." Emily screamed with determination.

I was kidding myself. Trying to escape in my condition. I was too far gone. What was I going to do, crawl along the foot path leaving a trail of vomit on my way to score? Get real Naomi. But hey… no one could ever call me a quitter, because fuck did I still try. I just didn't have any strength left. Emily and Katie hurriedly picked me up and placed me back in to my room.

**_SLAP _**in the back of the head.

"KATIE?" Emily gasped in shock.

"What?"

"Don't fucking do that… What's wrong with you?"

"She tried to get away."

It wasn't a hard slap and in a twisted way it was Katie's way of showing me that she actually cared, but in my current state everything that I was going through was amplified by 100 and the pain that slap had inflicted shot a lightening bolt through my skull, down my neck and it had dispersed into my spine. I didn't have time to lean over and reach for the bucket that Emily had lovingly put beside the bed: I vomited and nearly died by asphyxiation. I was lying on my back and didn't have the strength to even roll onto my side, it just happened so quickly. There was no warning. Through my teary eyes I was surprised to see Katie rush to my aid and turn me over, looking scared and panicked. If I wasn't so sick, I think I would've laughed in hysterics. Katie, of all people actually had a heart under all that bravado.

"Oh fuck Oh fuck… Naomi, I'm so sorry."

All I could manage was a groan as I was gasping for air.

"Come on just fuck-ing breathe yeah" she said, her voice filled with fear as Katie patted my back.

I was heavily fatigued and in those last couple of minutes it had been too much for my body to handle. All I remember is the room swimming around me and finally everything went… Black.

* * *

><p>"EMILY….. AH FUCK…. EMILY?" I screamed.<p>

It was agony. I heard her footsteps sprinting up the stairs and she bursts through the door. Worry spread all over her face. She sat beside me as I gripped the bed sheets, my knuckles turning white.

"JUST FUCKING KILL ME, EMS PLEASE, JUST DO IT." I cried.

As I lay there groaning in torment, begging Emily to do something and put me out of my misery Katie rushes through the door.

"Ems, what's going on? Is she alright?" she said hastily.

"No… I don't know." She replied as she broke down in tears.

Katie came closer to console her sister and I took the opportunity to grab her hand.

"Aaahhh, Jesus fuck" I cried out in pain. "Katie please, you'll do it won't you?" I pleaded.

"Do what Naoms, what do you want me to do?" she was freaking out. She looked lost.

"Just fucking, just fucking ki…"

I couldn't finish my sentence. My jaw clamped shut as another wave of pure hell swept through my entire body with my nails digging into Katie's wrist drawing blood. She screamed out in pain and it took both Katie's and Emily's strength combined to remove her wrist from my death grip. I turned onto my side and wrapped my arms around myself clutching my stomach. It didn't help. I moved onto my back and started gripping at my clothes as if the were burning through my skin, still no relief… The first few days I couldn't stand anyone or anything touching me as I withered in pain, but I'm way past that now. I need Emily close, I needed her to squeeze me tight and not let go. I reached for her and clutched my arms around her waist. She hesitated for a moment but she sat back down on the bed and laid beside me, shifting me so my head was on her chest with my arms fastened tightly around her as I shivered.

"Ems, you want me to ring the doctor again?" Katie said urgently.

(The doctor? He must have come by when I passed out.)

"No, its fine, he said to expect this… He said he'd drop by tomorrow morning." Emily replied as she wept.

"Are you sure. Fuck she's well out of it Ems, can't he give her something for the pain?"

"NO…no, no more drugs." She snapped back.

"Okay, okay, chill babes… Look I'll leave you two alone yeah; I'll be downstairs if you need me."

(God, what the fuck happened to Katie? Have I ended up in parallel universe? Fucking hell… Weird.)

"Emily please, I need it." I said as I grinded my teeth together.

"It's okay Naomi… shhhh. It'll all be over soon babes, I promise."

"You don't understand" I say gripping her tighter. "I need it."

She didn't reply, instead she kissed my forehead and ran her fingers through my hair in an attempt to comfort me, when another wave coursed through my body causing me to shudder violently.

"Emily" I clutch at her jacket trying unsteadily to bring myself up to her eye level. "I fucking need it, you fuck-ing cunt."

I wasn't screaming, I was begging her to go out and score me some gear. I knew she wouldn't, but I was desperate. Emily was shocked at hearing me call her that. I rarely used the word and only reserved it for people I truly despised. It hurt her. Just when you think that someone is all cried out and can't possibly have anymore tears to shed, they prove you wrong…

"I'm sorry" I wailed gripping her even tighter. "I didn't mean… I didn't mean it." I said as I burst into tears right there along with her.

* * *

><p>"Naoms? Babe, come on wake up. You need to eat something."<p>

"Ems?"

"Nah, take another look muff muncher." She responded warmly.

I couldn't help but chuckle groggily as I remembered her saying something similar when she was kicking the crap out of me... Katie's been playing nurse maid for like almost two weeks now and I've started to grow fonder of her the more I've gotten to know her. She wasn't as self absorbed as everyone thought she was and yeah, she did have a funny way with words, but that's what made her Katie. I turned on my back and started shimmering up the bed when Katie instructed me to sit forward.

(HAHAHA Katie's fluffing up my pillows.)

I leant back, thankful that she had, because that was much more comfortable and she placed a tray over my lap.

"What the hell is this?"

"Chicken soup… why what's wrong with it?"

"Um..yuk."

"Bitch… it took my nearly a whole hour to get that fucking can open and another hour to try and work the stove. Where's the appreciation?"

"Okay, okay, see… I'm eating it." I said as I made an over exaggerated slurp.

"PIG."

We both stared at each other for a few moments and the room erupted with laughter. Chicken soup spilling all over the bed.

"What have I missed?" Emily says as she pocks her head in the door with her hair wrapped in a towel. A small smile tugging at her lips.

"The lezza doesn't like my chicken soup." Katie replied seriously, trying not to laugh.

Emily's face went bright red with anger as she heard what Katie had said, but when she turned to me and saw me giggling like a little school girl, her expression softened.

(Oooohhh she was being protective… cute.)

"Ems, you want some?" I say as I held up the spoon in her direction, slightly shaking.

"No babes, it's all yours." She replied

I took another scoop and placed the spoon in my mouth.

"… God knows what Katie's put in it?" She added cheekily.

I spat what was left in my mouth back into the bowl, suddenly feeling a little sick. I quickly looked up at Emily with a worried expression, but met a look of amusement. That was it; that set us off in another fit of laughter.

(Cheeky bitches.)

"Oh fuck, the stove, I forgot to turn it off." Katie yelled in a panic as she awkwardly ran out of the room in her 6 inch heels. Emily and I hit by another wave of the giggles.

She made her way to the bed and sat down beside me, wrapped in a towel after having just got out of the shower. She grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"How are you feeling?" she smiled.

"Better…I mean the pains gone."

(I didn't want to tell her that I was still hanging out for a hit. It was the first time in awhile that I had seen her smile, I didn't want to take that from her.)

She went to say something but I cut her off.

"Emily… I am so fucking sorry about all this. What I've put you throu…"

"It's okay Naomi, let's just get you better first. Then we'll talk. There's no rush"

She leant in and kissed me on the cheek.

"I'll come straight back after I chuck some clothes on."

As she got up I grabbed her quickly around the waist and threw her on the bed. The way she shrieked, haha geez she was such a girl.

"I much prefer you wearing this." I say as I pulled lightly on the towel.

"Oh, Naomi" she said a little shocked as she playfully slapped my hand away.

"What?" I reply with a smirk

She looked up into my eyes uncertain on where this was going. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I knew we were no where near that stage, in fact I didn't even know if we'd end up getting back together. It was far too early for that. I knew it and she knew it. She went to speak.

"Ahh, Naomi, I…"

"It's okay Ems, I just want to hold you." I say not breaking eye contact. "Is that okay?" I respond quickly worried that she'd get up and run down the street screaming.

"Naoms… do you even have to ask?."

* * *

><p>"Ems please, I don't want a party okay."<p>

"Babes, it's not a party. It's more of a gathering… amongst friends." Emily responded.

"Yeah, I know, but it's only my birthday and to be honest, there's nothing to celebrate. I dunno… I'm just not in the mood." I shot back.

"You say that now, but it'll be good for you… You haven't seen Effy, Cook, or anyone from college for a while. They miss you Naoms. They want to see you next week." She said with a warm smile.

(I'll do it for her. She's happy.)

"Naoms?"

"Okay, stop bugging me. I'll have a stupid par… I mean gathering."

"Really?" she said rather seriously.

"Yes"

She screamed with joy, jumping up and down like she had just won the lottery. She wrapped me in the famous Fitch hug and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

"You'll love it, I promise." She responded

"We'll see." I mumbled under my breath so couldn't hear.

I know she's only trying to get me back into 'society' and help me get over this hurdle I seem to be struggling with but there's something there that's holding me back. I've conquered the physical side of the withdrawals and I've been clean for about 3 months now. But mentally, OH MY GOD, I can't get my mind off it. I pray for sleep to come and give me the break I need to wake up fresh the next day and start my struggle all over again, but even when I sleep, I dream. I dream of getting shit faced, feeling the warmth travel up my arm and spread all over my body, and when I wake up I feel like I'm withdrawing all over again drenched in sweat. I've explained my waking condition as being the cause of a nightmare and I can't remember it. I haven't told her any of this; I don't want her to worry. I mean she's only just allowed me to start going out by myself unaccompanied, even though I know she's had Katie like some undercover agent follow me in the back ground just to make sure. It doesn't bother me, I know she doesn't trust me yet and she's just making sure that I stay on the right track. You can't condemn some one for caring and looking out for your best interests. It's actually helped I suppose. Knowing Katie's there watching, I try harder to do the right thing because I know that if I'm completely left alone for one minute I'd be rushing towards the closest dealer I can find. I guess by having this gathering as she calls it, will also help me get out of my shell that I have retreated in to. It's like I'm scared to go out into the world, I'm trying so hard but I'm terrified of running into someone from my 'past' and I'll loose all resolve and crumble like the biscuit that I am. I need more time, that's all. I'll get there. It's fucking hard, but I'm trying to get there. This is my last chance to get things right with Emily and I want it too much too just fuck it all away by getting wasted. I keep this running through my head to remind myself what it is that I want… Drugs in one hand, Emily in the other, choose ONE because you sure as fuck can't have both. We're only friends at the moment, only hugs and quick pecks on the cheek and sometimes, only sometimes, I sense her flirting with me… She forgets and gets a little lost in the moment. but she quickly corrects herself… BUT, I'll show her that underneath it all I'm still HER Naomi. The one she fell in love with, not this warped, fucked up version. I still love her very much, more than she'll ever know and I'm going to prove it too her.

* * *

><p>"LET'S GO FOOK-ING MENTAL." Cook screamed as hey entered the room, followed by a very awkward JJ.<p>

"EMILIO MAN, WHERE'S BLONDIE?" A little over excited.

"Cook" I heard her say. "Calm the fuck down yeah."

"O'right Red, keep your vagina on." He replied back as he winced in pain.

(She must've punched him. Seen her do it plenty of times. It was like her greeting where Cook was concerned. I got the feeling she didn't really like him. Just put up with him because he was a friend of mine.)

"Hey" I said.

"NAOMIKINS, COME HERE YOU."

He grabbed me in a tight hug, lifted me off the floor and spun me around.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABES."

"Thanks Cook."

"AHHH IT'S GOOD TO SEE YA. HOW YOU FEELIN'?"

"COOK" Emily butted in. "Go help Katie in the kitchen." Emily said when she saw my smile fade. She knew I didn't want to talk about it.

"O'right, don't get your knickers in a twist."

(Oh god, I wish the night would end already.)

"Naomi, Happy Birthday."

"Thanks JJ."

He was looking at me weird, not sure what to do, so I helped him out. I pulled him close and gave him a big thank-you hug and kissed him on the cheek.

(Maybe I shouldn't have done that. He locked on.)

"JJ relax, everything's okay." I told him quickly

"Did I lock on again? I'm sorry, I, I, I…"

"JJ you're doing it again."

"Yes, well…sorry," he said.

"JAY, STOP BOTHERIN' THE LADIES" Cook yelled from the kitchen.

"Right" he nodded. "I'll… go see if he needs my help, shall I?"

"I'll talk to you later JJ." I quickly added "Oh and thank-you for coming yeah."

"It was no problem" He replied with a shy smile.

I looked around the lounge room to see who else had showed up, when I spotted Effy sitting by the window. She looked at me with a knowing smile and gave me a nod. I remember hearing off someone back in college that there was a time where she never spoke. Well, after Freddie, she had resumed that way of life. I guess it was her way of coping with the ordeal. I missed hearing her voice though and the conversations we had. She's very insightful but I guess she'll talk when she's good and ready. I won't disturb her though. I'll let her be…

"Babe, you okay?" Emily spoke, making me jump. I was lost in thought. She scared the shit out of me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said quickly.

"Positive? You look a little tense."

I placed my hands on either side of her face and gave her a gentle peck on the lips. I was being cheeky. We we're still only friends, but hey it's my birthday. Anyway, she didn't seem to mind.

"Thank-you for this. I love it. It's good to see everyone again." I said when I pulled back.

"Your very welcome." She said as her face slightly blushed.

(I still had that affect on her. I couldn't help it… My lips nearly cracked, my smile was THAT fucking big.)

I walked over to the CD player as Emily went back into the kitchen and popped on one of those compilations that have all the summer hits on them and pumped the volume way up. She was engaging in 'girl chat' with Katie and Pandora. I wasn't interested, it wasn't really my thing. I decided fuck it, it's my birthday, might as well let go and have some fun. Well, try too anyway. Cook comes back in the room upon hearing the music holding a bottle of scotch… Perfect that will do. I grab it from him while his dancing and scull as much as my burning throat would allow me to. There were a few other people around who I didn't recognised but they seemed okay I guess. They were getting into the spirit of things. Dancing and drinking. I lifted the bottle up as if to say cheers and took another swig… They must've tagged along with Effy or Cook or whoever. Didn't matter. I was going to fucking enjoy every minute of tonight. With or without them. That gulp of scotch I swallowed had fucked me up a bit to be honest, seen I've been clean and sober for a while now I guess my body wasn't use to it…

(Ahhh who cares… I'll pay for it in the morning.)

I'm completely lost in the music, eyes closed, feeling the bass in my chest and swaying to the beat. I felt good. I was having fun. Wished Emily was dancing with me though.

(Where is she anyway? Hmmm, probably still clucking away with the other chickens.)

I opened my eyes and the blood from my face completely drained. My breathing quickened and my heart rate no longer slow and relaxed, started beating fast, hitting my rib cage… Those fuckers I didn't know…

(WHERE THE FUCK IS EMILY? SHE'S NOT FUCKING HERE… I NEED HER. FUCK WHAT DO I DO?)

One guy is smoking a spliff, three others are passing a mirror around snorting lines off it, and I can tell its heroin just by looking at them. The effect it's causing on them. I can smell it; and the other which was a chick, is main lining, IN MY FUCKING HOUSE. FUCK FUCK FUCK. My mouth went dry and I could fucking taste those drugs from here. My arm started to tingle. I licked my lips I was almost drooling… Before I knew it I was sitting smack bang in the center. Watching them, watching the effect the drugs had on them hearing them moan from the pleasure it brought them. FUCK. I need some. I HAVE to have some. I was like a vampire watching the pulse point on my intended victim's neck, hearing they're heart beat in fear and wanting, no aching to feed. FUCK. I wasn't about to share a needle, but those lines were looking awfully delicious. I was in auto pilot, my arm lifting up, my hand opened as I accepted the small mirror that was being offered, the other hand accepting the rolled up note…

As I snorted a line of the white powder in front of me, I could feel some of it hit the back of my throat causing me to cough.

(I had this weird habit when I snorted drugs. I had to have at least 2 lines, one up each nostril. I felt off balance in a way if I only sniffed it up the one. I had to have that burning sensation in the both. Weird I know. It's a psychological thing.)

I felt the effect of the drug hit my brain and sweep through my drug craved body. It was intense; it was like the first time… almost. I had thrown my head back and rested it on the couch. My eyes were unable to stay open as I let out a soft moan from the pleasurable sensation it gave me. When that initial wave spread through my body evenly, I opened them and had to blink several times… All I could see was red.

(Oh fuck… Emily… You IDIOT.)

I closed them again, a rush of guilt coursing through my veins, rubbing my eyes with close fists and reopened them… much better.

I thanked the strangers and got up lazily off the couch. I was so thirsty and had a craving for a coke so I stumbled my way towards the kitchen.

"Hey babe, you having fun?" Emily said excitedly

"Hang on a sec…" I replied trying to sound 'normal'.

I reached for a can out of the fridge, opened it and had a few mouthfuls.

(It's strange, all my senses are amped, everything tastes better, smells better, feels better. You appreciate the little things more. Take more notice.)

I turned to face Emily and smiled goofily at her.

"I'm havin' a blast" as I nodded and walked towards the backdoor.

"Where are going?" her facial expression changing ever so slightly.

(I think she expected me to stay and chat to her for a bit. I was M.I.A. all night.)

"I'm… just going out for a fag."

I went to the back corner of the yard and took a seat. I lit up a smoke and inhaled deeply. The hit of nicotine gave me a head spin. I shook it off and took another satisfying drag.

"BLONDIE." Cook screamed, almost causing me to have a heart attack.

"Hey Cookie, what's, what's happening?" I said as my eyes decided to have a mind of there own and venture to the back of my head.

(Shit Naomi, you're making it pretty fuck-ing obvious.)

Cook looked down at me in concern, before taking a seat next to me.

"You o'right Naomikins?"

(FUCK, he noticed.)

"Mmm yeah, I'm fine." I mumbled.

Cook didn't reply. He just looked at me with an expression that revealed his softer side. A side that not everyone was privileged enough to witness were Cook was concerned. It was only reserved for family and friends he considered family. It was a shame really because when you got to know him, he was just this great big teddy bear underneath all it all… He didn't ask me anything because he already knew. Instead he said

"Naoms, if Emilio finds out, she'll fookin' KILL yo…"

I reached up and grabbed his arm in a panic cutting him off.

"Please Cook, don't tell Emily, yeah?" I practically begged him.

"Don't tell Emily what, Naomi?"

(FUCK SAKE)

I didn't know how long she was there for or how much she over heard but I was royally fucked. To say I shit myself would be an understatement of the century. Emily was looking directly at me with her 'I'm going to kill you' face, hands on her hips and eyebrow fully cocked and loaded.

"Ahh, um, nothing." I spat out clumsily.

"COOK YOU FUCKING PRICK. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GIVE MY GIRLFRIEND? WHAT HAS SHE TAKEN?" she yelled as she slammed him up against the small shed in our backyard.

(Girlfriend? Am I missing something? When the fuck did that happen? I didn't mind though.)

"Emilio, I ain't given her nuffing."

"Don't fucking lie to me Cook…"

"I swear babes, cross my heart and all that yeah."

"Ems, chill, he didn't do anything." I cutted in weakily.

"CHILL… YOUR TELLING ME TO CHILL. FUCK, NAOMI." Running her fingers through her hair, despair sweeping her face.

"Who did you get it off?" her voice coming out in a much lower level.

I didn't reply. Not because I was being a bitch or anything, I just knew what would happen to the unsuspecting strangers sitting on our couch. Emily rushed over to me and pulled me up by my arm, like a child who just back chatted they're mother and dragged me into the house. She leaned in so only I could hear.

"Fucking…" she stopped and took a deep breathe. "Who gave it to you Naomi? I want to know RIGHT now."

I didn't open my mouth, but for some stupid reason I looked over in they're direction and before I had a chance to do anything Emily was already over there. She leaned slightly towards the girl and I didn't quite catch what she said, but going off the reaction of the girl I don't think it was pleasant.

"It's not my fucking fault that your girlfriends a fuck-ing smack head." She said to Emily.

(BIG mistake on her part.)

Without warning Emily popped the girl in the face, breaking her nose.

(JESUS… fuck Ems. I looked around urgently trying to spot Katie or Effy or even fucking Panda. Where the fuck are they?)

I hurried over there as quickly as possible because the guys that girl was with had started up on Emily. I got in between and faced Emily, begging for her to calm the fuck down before we both got our heads kicked in. She wasn't having any of it. The words that were passing through her beautiful, soft red lips… weren't so um, beautiful. I've never ever heard Emily speak like that before, I was shocked. I didn't even know they existed in her vocabulary. I turned to face the strangers, trying my best to apologise and ask them nicely to leave, but the girl had recovered from her blow to the nose and instantly went for Emily.

(NO FUCKING WAY AM I ALLOWING THAT TO HAPPEN.)

I caught the back of her jumper as she swung in full force at Emily. The only thing she connected with was thin air. I threw her back down on to the couch telling her to fucking stay there, but she was determined. She got back up again so I had no choice. I swung a right hook, hitting her in the cheek and knocking her to the ground… I completely lost it. I jumped on top and kept swinging and swinging until Emily pulled me off her. She was out cold.

(I was so angry, as Ems dragged me off, I fucking spat at the bitch lying on the floor.)

"Naomi… NAOMI. FUCKING STOP." Emily screamed as I tried to break free.

"O'RIGHT… WHICH ONE OF YOU FOOKIN' CUNTS…"

Cook stopped what he was saying immediately upon witnessing the girl lying unconscious on our lounge room floor. Blood everywhere. He looked over at me in awe, his jaw almost dropping to the ground. He looked at Emily worriedly.

"EMILIO MAN, GET BLONDIE UPSTAIRS WITH THE OTHERS YEAH. I'LL DEAL WITH THESE FOOKIN' WANKERS."

Emily went to direct me towards the stairs but another wave of pure hate and anger come over me. I went to go the girl again after shaking Emily away. Even though the girl had stirred from her little 'nap' and was in no condition to fight, I wasn't finished. I almost got her too, but one of her male friends pushed me away. He was sorry he did because Cook lashed out at him, knocking his two front teeth out… He lost interest pretty quickly.

"RED, GET HER UPSTAIRS."

Emily clutched my left wrist and placed her arm around my waist and pushed me up the stairs. She opened our bedroom door and ordered me to stay there. Emily was pissed right off; I was in no position to argue. I heard her go in to the spare room were I assume Panda, Effy, Katie and JJ were, voices low and panicked. I tried to hear what they were saying, but it was too muffled, so I gave up and laid down on the bed.

(What the fuck were they doing up here anyway? Too bad if we needed more help. A helping hand... Fucking hell.)

* * *

><p><strong><em>SLAM<em>**

(FUCK… I must've dozed off.)

"Everyone's gone." Emily said flatly.

I glanced down at my hands, ashamed of the way I had behaved and nearly died of shock when I saw all the blood on my hands. I immediately stood up; praying Emily hadn't noticed and hurriedly whisked past her and headed straight for the shower.

I re-entered the room in a towel and snatched a tee and a pair of knickers. I quickly got dressed and turned towards the bed. Emily was staring at me intensely, sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, like she was trying to work out the square root of x when she finally spoke.

"Why did you do it Naomi?"

"I'm sorry Ems, but when she went to hit you, I dunno, I lost control. I didn't mean to go that far."

"I'm not talking about that." She replied dryly

"Oh"

I climbed onto the bed and kneeled down in front of her.

"I didn't mean to… It's just… I saw them doing it, ya know, I just, I couldn't help it."

"I thought we were over this shit." She shot back

"We are…we are, okay. It was a stupid mistake." Trying to convince her.

"How many times have you done this? Times I don't know about?"

"This was the first."

"Your lying."

"Ems I fucking swear to you, THIS was the first time okay… I swear."

She looked at me unconvinced, but I didn't falter, I held her gaze and after a moment her eyes softened.

(Oh thank god, she believes me.)

"You scared me tonight." She said changing the subject.

"I know… but she tried to hurt you Ems… and for the record, when did you start hitting people?"

"She called you a…" she hesitated. "She called a smack head."

"Ems… you've gotta get use to hearing it. It wasn't the first time and definitely won't be the last, ya know?" I stopped for a moment. "You gotta face facts babes as much as you don't like it…. I am a smack head."

"Fucking what?" she replied sharply

"Sorry, sorry… I WAS… a smack head." I corrected myself.

She changed the subject again.

"I've never seen you like that before Naomi. I didn't like it. I didn't know who you were… You could have killed her."

"Ems, I'm not apologising for that. It could have easily been you lying there."

"I know, but…"

She didn't know how to finish her sentence so she just sat in silence. She was thinking hard about something and quite frankly I was getting a little worried. She looked conflicted.

"Ems?"

She looked up to acknowledge me and upon looking into my eyes she burst into tears. She threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight. I attempted to return the hug, but she pulled away before I could and started flinging her arms at me, hitting me in the chest and arms repeatedly. I just sat there for a moment and allowed her to carry on.

"YOU FUCKING PROMISED NAOMI AND YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME AGAIN AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU. I HATE YOU… I FUCK-ING HATE YOU." She cried.

**_TBC _**

**I hope I haven't disappointed anyone, and I hope your still enjoying the story.**


	3. Part III

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence, sex scene.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily with mentions of Katie & Cook

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**Truth be told, I'm a little bit nervous about this one...**

**The Darkness That Follows **

**Part III**

_She looked up to acknowledge me and upon looking into my eyes she burst into tears. She threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight. I attempted to return the hug, but she pulled away before I could and started flinging her arms at me, hitting me in the chest and arms repeatedly. I just sat there for a moment and allowed her to carry on._

_"YOU FUCKING PROMISED NAOMI AND YOU FUCKING LIED TO ME AGAIN AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU. I HATE YOU… I FUCK-ING HATE YOU." She cried._

I caught her by both wrists until she stopped struggling and had lost all her fight, finally letting go emotionally and crumbling completely. She collapsed her head on to my chest defeated and broken. I wrapped her in my arms, pulling her closer and let her cry her heart out. She needed to do this; she had to let it out before it drove her round the bend. I know that I'm the cause of all this heartache and I am trying to cure her of her pain, but I am at a loss. I keep hurting her no matter what I do. We stayed like that for 10 – 15 minutes, me saying I'm sorry and Emily telling me how much she hated my fucking guts. Finally she regained control of her emotions to my relief. I honestly thought she wasn't going to stop, that I had well and truly destroyed her... Thank God that wasn't the case. I pulled away from the embrace to look into her eyes, but she wouldn't let me, even when I asked her too, so I placed my hand gently under her chin forcing her to look up. She surrendered and I locked my blue eyes on to her, staring deeply into her gorgeous brown ones that had become several shades darker…

I couldn't resist. My eyes kept flickering from her eyes to her luscious lips and back again. I leant in and rested my forehead on hers, staring intensely into her eyes, licking my lips as I glanced at hers. I closed the gap still holding her gaze, but a little unsure how she was going to react, so I brushed my lips lightly over hers.

(She hasn't moved yet. Good sign right?)

I heard Emily's breath hitch so I softly kissed more of her lips and when I felt her arms wrap around my neck with her slender fingers running through my hair, I deepened it. When I bit her bottom lip, she let out the most sexiest moan that my ears have ever had the privilege of hearing, she knew what I was asking. She slightly opened her mouth and granted me permission to enter. I raised myself up onto my knees, not breaking the kiss; not WANTING to break the kiss. I wanted to stay like this forever… I gently eased Emily down so she was lying flat on the bed, but not before sliding her tee off and tossing it over the other side of the room. As she laid back, her head coming into contact with the pillow, she uncrossed her legs allowing me to lower myself in between. I pulled back from the kiss and descended down to her neck and towards that little spot just below her ear that without fail, always caused her to whimper involuntarily.

(Fuck she drives me crazy… every time.)

I moved down, kissing every place that only I had ever ventured, with my hands trailing slowly after. I stroked her stomach lightly causing her to shiver with anticipation and with her breathing quickening I continued down and ran a finger underneath the hem of her panties. I delicately slid them off down her silky smooth legs and discarded them on to the floor, slowly kissing my way back up to her soft, swollen lips. I slid my hand down to her left breast and lingered there for few moments, softly pinching her nipple. It was driving her wild and she was trying to quicken the pace, but I was in charge. I wasn't going to allow it. I didn't want to just simply fuck her quick and hard, like I had done with so many… I wanted to love her, make love to her, painfully slow. Take her over the edge, over and over and over again until she physically couldn't take anymore. I removed my hand from her breast and ran it along her rib cage and back down to her stomach. She was begging for me to keep going, to touch her in the place that needed the most attention. I felt her stomach muscles tighten as I circled her belly button with my finger causing her hips to raise slightly… It was time and I had teased her enough… My hand descended between her thighs, and I carefully entered while I kissed her sensually. Emily immediately let out a loud gasp and wrapped her legs around my waist, this time causing me to moan. I used my hips to guide my hand to create the right amount of pressure and rhythm that would cause her to lose all of her senses. Her arms had wrapped around me; her nails digging into my back, squeezing me, pulling me as close as possible as I slowly grinded myself against her, her hips rocking in time with my thrusts. Her breathing was deep, heavy and ragged; she mumbled incoherently….

"Ohhhh…oh Naomi…..Oh Jesus…. Nao… No."

(No what? She's loving every minute of this.)

"….No….oh fuck…ohhh stop….."

(Huh?)

"Nai…ohhhh….oh…Naoms…. STOP."

She pushed me up with one hand and used the other to grab my wrist and stop the movement that was causing her body to wriggle beneath me.

"What are you doing?" I say stunned.

"We have to stop" Breathing heavily trying to recapture her breath.

"What? Why?"

"This can't happen." Pausing only to inhale more air. "I'm fucking furious with you."

"Are you serious? You're telling ME, you don't want this?" I say as I push my hand upwards to prove my point.

"Ohhh yea….no….oh fuck…ohmygod,….NO… fucking STOP."

She grabbed my hand and removed it from in between her thighs.

"It's too soon Naomi, I don't… I don't trust you yet." She said in dismay.

I stared at her, not quite sure what to say. I was paralyzed; my mind completely blank. Deep down I knew that I couldn't be trusted; I mean I had just proven that a few hours ago, hadn't I, but I wanted this to happen so much so fucking badly. I wanted to SHOW her that I loved her. I've never been good with words especially when it comes to the way I feel; she needed to see it, feel it… But rather than accept that she needed time, I do what I always do, become outraged and overreact. She only said she couldn't trust me 'yet', which implied that given time she would eventually. It made perfect sense. She needed me to reassure her, make her certain and prove to her that I was trustworthy before she completely handed her self over to me. But it hurt, and I know I had expected too much too soon, but I fucking loved her. I didn't say it to her often, but surely she could feel it, sense it. Emily had never denied me before, not like this. It was a shock to the system; I couldn't handle it so the security system that I had built over the years had firmly been put back in use with every door swinging shut and tightly bolted. I couldn't show her I was hurt, disappointed, shattered and ready to burst into tears.

"That's nice, thanks Ems… I love you too." I say as I get up off the bed.

I walked over to the closet, grabbed a pair of jeans, tee and jacket and got dressed. I picked up my chuck taylor's and sat on the edge of the bed to tie up the laces.

(FUCK I'M PISSED)

"Where are you going?" Emily asked still quite breathless.

"Out." I replied sharply

She grabbed the quilt and raised it up to cover her bare chest.

"This is what I mean Naomi. You wonder why I don't trust you? You always fucking leave me." Her voice husky, but an octave higher.

"Well someone's gotta finish what you fuck-ing started." I spat back spitefully.

"What?" her voice breaking.

"You heard me."

(Fucking brilliant Naomi. She doesn't put out so you basically tell her you'll find someone who will. You stupid twat.)

* * *

><p>I arrived home to find Emily sitting at the kitchen table sipping on a cup of tea staring blankly at the wall. It was only around 6 on a Sunday morning, but she was already showered and dressed. Why? I don't know. I went over to the bench and popped the kettle on to make myself a much needed cup of coffee. I put a teaspoon of sugar and coffee in a mug, poured the hot water, added some milk and stirred. And stirred and stirred and stirred.<p>

(Fuck, this is awkward… what do I say to her?)

"How come you're up so early?" I finally found the courage to ask.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Oh okay." I replied

I paused for a moment and decided that a massive apology was in order. I left her naked in our bed 2 nights ago and made her think that because I didn't get what I wanted, I went to find some else who would give it too me… Which of course I DIDN'T do, but she doesn't know that.

"Ems… I'm sorry about the other night. I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to hurt you"

"Well it's a bit late for that, isn't it Naomi?"

"I know… I was being a prick."

"A prick? Is that what you call it? Which innocent girl did you prey on this time Naomi? Did you tell her that you loved her BEFORE YOU FUCKED HER SENSELESS FOR TWO FUCK-ING DAYS?" she spat out coldly. Her voice rising.

"Ems I didn't shag anyone…"

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Fucking yes, I expect you to believe that. I just said I was going to; Fuck sake Ems I didn't act on it."

"Answer me this… Why-The-Fuck, would you say that to me if you didn't mean it?" she responded.

"I don't fucking know alright… I'm still dealing with this drug shit, I'm fucking lost. I don't know why I do what I do, or say what I say, but I swear I didn't fucking do it. Ask Cook if you don't believe me, I was with him the whole time."

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course his going to back you up, I mean he wants to fuck you doesn't he. He'll do anything you say..."

(Bloody hell, this is getting out of hand.)

"Emily, he wants to fuck anyone with a pair of tits… You included."

(Caught her by surprise, she didn't expect me to come back with that.)

"Babe listen please… I know I haven't been the MOST loyal girlfriend in Bristol but I was fucking around when I was off my face…And before you say anything yes it's no excuse I know… But YOU know I haven't touched shit for 3 months which means I HAVEN'T had sex for three months…. except for the other night and we both know I was in the middle of fucking you."

(Real smooth Naomi)

"So you were fucking me were you? Is that ALL it was to you... seen you were 'Off Your Face' and everything?" She spat back.

"Fuck sake Emily, you know what I mean. Why are you being like this?"

"Fuck you, YOU fuck-ing prick."

She got up, placed her cup in the sink, almost knocking me over as she walked past me.

"Where are you going?" I said quickly.

"I'm going to Katie's." she snapped back glaring at me almost hatefully.

She grabbed her purse and keys and walked out, slamming the front door almost off its hinges, without saying another word.

(This just keeps getting better and fuck-ing better… This time I'm the one left behind in tears and I don't fucking like it one bit.)

* * *

><p>This is completely and totally fucked up. I know Ems is angry with me and I don't blame her but enough's enough, you know. It's been like a month since she left, what the hell is she doing? I fucking need her here… with me. She knows that. I've called and called and called but she doesn't answer. I've gone round to Katie's, she won't see me. I've sent letters, emails, pm's, but no… No fucking reply. I didn't want to ring Katie, drag her in the middle of it, but she's left me no choice. Fuck it.<p>

_**Ring Ring…. Ring Ring… Ring Ri**_

"Hello… hello Katie?"

"Oh it's you."

"What's that 'spose to mean?" I responded, slightly offended.

"You tell me, lezza"

"Ah look Katie; I don't have time for this okay. Is Emily there? She's not answering her phone."

"Well she obviously doesn't want to talk to you."

"Is she there or not? Can you put her on?"

(No answer.)

"KATIE?"

"I'm here, Jesus fuck Naomi, you don't have to yell."

"Can you put Emily on the phone… please?"

"Look muff muncher, she doesn't want to talk to you… all I'm going to say is that she's okay yeah."

"Did she tell you what happened?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't do anything I swear."

(Again… no answer. I'm starting to get REALLY fucking annoyed.)

"Fuck sake Katie."

"I know."

"You know what?"

"That you didn't do anything."

(She knows? Then why the fuck hasn't she told Emily this?)

"You know? HOW exactly?"

"I spoke to Cook, he said you were drinking and in no condition ta… ya know? Impossible is what he said."

"Then why the fuck isn't Emily here… home?"

"Naomi, give her time yeah… She doesn't believe you, she doesn't believe me and she sure as fuck doesn't believe Cook."

"YOU'RE HER FUCKING SISTER KATIE… MAKE HER BELIEVE YOU."

"I've tried Naoms, trust me I have, she EVEN fucking accused me OF shagging you."

"Huh? That's ridiculous. What the fuck is going on?" I spoke confused almost ripping my hair out in frustration.

"Fuck it… Just tell her that I need… that I need her okay. She has to come home."

(Well I guess what goes around comes around… but fuck, really? She's been gone for almost a whole fucking month. Emily's going to be the death of me, I'm convinced. I got no fuck-ing idea how she put up with this shit, because I'm going fucking mental and heading straight for the FUCKING funny farm!)

* * *

><p>"Ems, you don't mind going in by yourself do you? I need a fag."<p>

"No problems babe, back in a tic."

We stopped out the front of the grocery store after shopping in every fucking clothing store in Bristol. I don't mind shopping with Emily, I get to choose what clothes she wears, but after a while it really gets on my tits. I can only cope with so much. If I'm shopping for myself I'm in and out within two minutes not bothering to even try on anything. If I like it, I'll pull it off the rack, go to the counter, pay for it, and I'm gone. Emily on the other hand has to try on the whole fucking store. It takes HOOUURRSS. Usually I would be complaining but she only just come back home. I missed her and didn't want to spoil her mood, so I bit my tongue. We had talked, came to an agreement and we were both as happy as the situation would allow.

"Naomi?"

(Jesus fuck, my hearts gonna give out one of these days.)

I turned around, my jaw dropping to the ground, my eyes bulging out of my head.

"Fuck, umm…"

(Whats her name? Shit.)

"Tess, what are you doing here?" I said nervously looking around praying that Emily wasn't nearby.

"Nice to see you too…. Shopping." She replied as she lifted up a bag.

(Of all days.)

"So, how have you been?" she said when I looked at her dumbfounded.

"Ahhh, yeah, not… bad."

(Where are my manners?)

"You?" I quickly added, looking through the window of the grocery store.

(FUCK she's waiting in line at the register.)

She ignored my question, instead she followed my gaze.

"She's cute."

(Cute? Fucking beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, bewitching, breathtakingly ravishing you mean. Are you fucking blind or something?)

I changed the subject.

"Tess, I don't mean to be rude, but is there something that you want?"

"Actually there is."

"Well?"

"I've been trying to find you, I've missed…."

"Look Tess, I'm with someone okay. What we had was fun, ya know. But I'm in love with someone else."

(Nothing like getting straight to the point.)

"Shame." She responded.

She leant in close, grabbing my jacket to push herself against me, resting her chin on my shoulder with her lips brushing against my ear.

"Nobody can make me come like you do." She whispered, licking the bottom of my ear.

(FUCK, wasn't expecting that… but all I could think about was my feisty little red head… Emily.)

A surge of panic swept through me as I gently pushed her away, remembering that Emily was on the other side of a GLASS window. I continued to look at Tess in total shock. I could sense that she wasn't finished. She wanted to say something else. I could see it in her eyes. She looked… worried about something.

"Wh…What?" was all I could manage to stumble out as I was still quite stunned at what I had just heard.

"Naoms…" she grabbed my hand. Not in an 'I Want You' way, in a way that made me think that I was in some serious fucking trouble.

(WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.)

"What Tess? You're fucking scaring the shit out of me." I quickly said.

"Babes, you need to know something…" she responded hesitantly.

(Jesus Christ, this is doing my fuck-ing head in.)

"Just fucking tell me already. What the fuck IS wrong." I said worriedly

She paused.

"It's… its Mick."

She didn't have to finish. I already knew what she was going say.

(FUCK)

"He's looking for you, his looking for his… money." She said warningly, knowing full well what would happen if he ever caught up with me.

"Fuck… FUCK. I forgot." Running my free hand through my hair, the other still in hers.

"You need to fix this Naomi, I don't know how, he never gives people a second chance, but YOU need to fix this. I'm only telling you because I care okay. I don't want anything to happen to you." She explained pleadingly with teary eyes.

I didn't really pay much attention to the state she was in, even though it was plain to see that she obviously cared for me A LOT. I was far to busy picturing my funeral. I didn't respond to her, but I didn't have to. She knew her message was read loud and clear. I was fucking terrified… She stepped closer, resting her forehead on mine, placing her hand on the back of my neck, closed her eyes and gave me a heart felt kiss. Slow and tender. My mind was screaming 'NO GET THE FUCK OFF ME' but I was unable to voice it. My lips were responding back to hers. She pulled back from the kiss, looked me intensely in the eye and told me that she loved me.

(Huh? What? No… NO you can't… I love… I love Emily.) The voice in my mind shouted.

I stood there in silence.

"Take care Naomi. Please be careful." She said slightly disappointed that her confession didn't create a response.

With that, she let go of my hand, removed her other from around my neck, turned and walked away.

(How could she possibly love me? All we did together was get high and fuck each others brains out. Fuck sake. I was a dead set fuck-ing cunt to Tess, mainly because I didn't feel any emotion towards her. Not a God damn thing. This is gonna come back and me in the ass.)

"Who the fuck was that?" Jealousy written all over her gorgeous little face and seeping through her voice.

(OH FUCK… IT ALREADY HAS. I can feel the sting of a bite in my left ass cheek. FUCKING HELL.)

"What? You have nothing to say?... Amazing. I never thought I'd see the day when Naomi Fucking Campbell was lost for words." She spat sarcastically.

(Snap the fuck out of it, talk to her you twat.)

"I fuck-ing saw you." She said.

(Naomi, fucking talk to her. What's the matter with you?)

I stayed in silence, mouth open and closing trying to form the words that Emily needed to hear, but the shock of hearing about Mick was too much. I was fucking petrified. I was shaking in fear for fake sake.

(Naomi, no. You don't need that shit anymore. Don't even fucking think about it. You can get through this without getting high.) My mind was trying to convince itself.

In not receiving a reply she mistook the situation as something else, my admittance in a way that I had been getting certain things that I should ONLY be getting from her, from other people. She couldn't have been more wrong… She stormed off after telling me to go fuck myself.

I looked down to pick up the shopping bags that belonged to Emily, remembering our reasonably good day together only to look back up with Emily standing right in front of me again.

(Maybe she realised that she overreacted?)

"That was THAT bitch you were shagging at the club, wasn't it?"

Still I said nothing.

"You're still fucking her aren't you?"

I tried to say no, I went to say no, but my response time was to slow.

_**SLAP**_

"Fuck you Naomi. Just… just fucking…. FUCK YOU."

She was gone. I watched her walk away in to the distance, not moving until I could no longer see her. I picked up the bags and made my way towards home. Head down and dragging my feet. I kept thinking… What am I going to say to her? She's not going to believe that I'm not fucking Tess. The truth is, I haven't been fucking anyone. The only person I want to fuck, well more accurately make love to is Emily. I'll wait forever if that's what it takes, but the fact of the matter is I've broken her trust more than once, more than twice FUCK more than 10 times. She's not going to believe me no matter what I say. That's the reality of the situation. I mean yeah I'm going to try my fucking hardest, try and explain so she does believe me but shit, this isn't looking good, not at all. I can't tell her about Mick; it will only cause her to worry. I'll have to sort that out myself, but it will make my explanation weak if I leave that little detail out. Nope, I can't tell her that. She can't get involved. I'm not just worried about what he'll do to me, but he has been known to go after the ones you love. Punish you in that way, make you live with the regret and the guilt. I'll sort it… I'll have to and I know no matter how much Emily might fucking hate me right now, she'll still worry if she knew. I can't cause anymore suffering; I've been the cause of way too much of that already. I'll just go home, hope she's there when I arrive and try and explain this whole mess. I pray that she'll just listen.

* * *

><p>I finally arrived home. I stopped to take a breath. It's now or never. As I reached out my hand to open the door… WHAT THE FUCK? The door was ajar.<p>

(Oh no… fuck Emily.)

Without thinking, I pushed the door open and ran into the house screaming her name. I was in a panic. I'd never forgive myself if something's happened.

(Fuck it's all my fault.)

"EMILY"

(No reply… )

I moved through the house searching frantically for any sign of her.

_**THUMP **_

(That came from upstairs.)

I looked towards the roof as if I'd be able to see the cause of the noise. I needed to find something, a weapon. The first thing that came to mind was to go into the kitchen and grab the biggest fucking knife I could find… I found one that I thought was satisfactory and would cause the most amount of damage. It sounds psychotic, but if Emily's life's in danger I couldn't give two fat fucks if I end up killing the bastard; as long as my Emily is safe. I move through the house with stealth, not making a sound and slowly climbed the stairs mindful of where I placed my foot as not to cause a creak. I reached the top of the stairs, my ears pricked trying to pick up the littlest of sounds that would give away they're position.

(What the fuck was that?)

Oh no, was that a moan I heard? It fucking was, followed by Emily's sobbing. They're in the bathroom. At that moment I had a thought that broke my fucking heart. I felt the blood drain from my face, my muscles tensed and I cringed at the image I was seeing in my mind. My eyes watered and I shed a quiet tear as I prepared myself for what I was about to witness. I had to be quick and not hesitate. I hid the knife behind my thigh so he wouldn't see it. I'd catch that motherfucker by surprise.

(I'll cut his FUCK-ING dick off and shove it up his fucking ass.)

I kicked the door open and scared the fuck out of Emily. She was hunched over the toilet bowl, spewing her guts out and nearly passed out from fright. I dropped the knife immediately and rushed towards her. She didn't know what was going on. I was a mess. I shock the image of Mick doing an unspeakable act from my mind and burst into tears; tears of FUCK-ING joy. She was okay. I scooped her up in my arms and squeezed all the air out of her, crying like a baby. Normally I'd be ashamed of this display of weakness, but at the moment I couldn't give a flying fuck.

"What are you doing?" she shrieked looking at me fearfully after having spotted the knife.

"I fucking love you, do you realise that." I replied kissing her all over her pretty little head. I sounded like a lunatic. Crying and laughing at the same time. Emily was staring at me like I had finally snapped. Like I was a few colours short of a fucking rainbow and I FUCKING loved it. She tried to get out of my embrace.

(Not gonna happen babe. Not 'til I'm ready to let you go.)

"Naomi let GO of me." She said trying to wriggle free

"Oh my God, what the hells going on? Why did you have a knife?" She said, her voice turning into a panic and her body shaking slightly.

"What's wrong with you? Are you fuck-ing high…"

I continued kissing her, laughing, crying, relieved that she was okay.

"NAOMI… what's happening? TELL ME."

She grabbed my jacket with both hands, shaking me so I would pay attention to her. All I could do was look into her sexy brown eyes and smile warmly, lovingly at her.

"Nothing Ems, nothing at all. Everything's fine." I replied full of relief and softly stroking her cheekwhile she stared at me stunned.

I told her to get herself cleaned up and come down stairs where I'd have a nice hot cup of tea waiting for her. I put a little bit of honey in it, she loved it like that. She protested of course, not forgetting the exchange between me and Tess, but I didn't let it go. I didn't get angry, defensive or show impatience, something that was different and she wasn't use to seeing that. She noticed and finally agreed.

I was sitting at the table sipping on a much needed bottle of vodka when she entered the kitchen. She had her eyebrow cocked and opened her mouth to say something but decided to stop herself and take a seat. She didn't like me drinking. I got up and retrieved her tea from beside the kettle and placed it down in front of her.

"Okay, so what's this about?" she said a little too coldly for my liking.

I sucked it up and decided that it's time I grew a pair and explained things properly. I had a feeling that she was referring to the knife incident but I didn't want to talk about that. She was okay and nothing had happened. There was no need to worry her with my bullshit. I'd keep her safe.

"It's about today… about what happened with Tess."

"Tess huh? So that's her name." she replied bitterly.

"Ems please, I'm trying to explain." I pleaded.

"Fine, please… continue" sarcastically gesturing me with her hand as she spoke.

(Relax Naomi… breathe in, breathe out, breath in…)

"There is nothing going on between me and her anymore. The last time I saw Tess, obviously apart from today was that night at the club."

"I saw her lick you're ear Naomi. I saw her kiss your lips, I fucking saw you kiss her back and you're telling me that you're not shagging her. Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yes that's exactly what I'm telling you…"

She didn't say anything, she looked conflicted. She looked as if she was either going to get up and leave or fly across the table and strangle me to death. Both conclusions not making me feel very warm and fuzzy inside.

"Ems, please okay… Look, did you happen to hear any of the conversation at all?"

"Didn't have too. I know what I saw."

"Do you want to know what I said to her?" I replied. My level of confidence, not so high anymore.

"Don't really care."

"So… what are you saying Ems? That you've already made your mind up and that's it for us? After everything we have fuck-ing been through, your not even gonna give me the time of day? I started to become agitated.

"Maybe."

(I'm just gonna tell her anyway. Whether she wants to hear it or not.)

"Emily… she told me that she loved me."

"That's nice. I wish you all the best." She replied.

I ignored her and continued.

"I told her that I was in love with some else and to basically fuck off. I wasn't interested."

"So who's this someone else then? How many's that now Naomi? Or have you lost count" she said sarcastically again.

(Hey at least she's talking to you. If she really didn't care she would of left ages ago.)

I got a little aggressive, but she was pushing me.

"If you must know, her name's Emily… Emily Fitch. Maybe you've heard of her? But she's being a stubborn bitch and doesn't believe a word I fucking say. Maybe you can tell me how to get through to her, seen you are both TWO peas in a fucking pod."

"Fuck you Naomi."

"Ems if you can't trust me now and believe that I haven't done anything wrong then what the fuck are we doing?"

"I don't know…" she replied breaking her hardened stare and her voice softening.

(I've got to change my angle. We're getting no where.)

"Emily, do you still love me?" my voice slightly breaking. Scared of the answer. Emily was still looking down when she spoke.

"No… I don't fucking know."

"Look at me… Emily look at me and say that… Do you still love me?"

She raised her head her expression completely changed, she had become emotional. She didn't speak so I repeated myself.

"Do You Still Love Me."

"Yes okay… Fucking YES." She cried. "Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?" she spoke through broken sobs.

"Only if you meant it." I replied softly.

I got up from my chair and walked over kneeling down beside her. I stared into her eyes trying to open up my soul to her. Make her see that I was telling the truth and that I did love her. I stopped taking drugs for her which was no fucking picnic, but I shouldn't have to tell her that because she was fucking there. She saw what I went through. Yes I have been a prick to her since then, but I haven't jumped into anyone's bed. She needs to learn to open herself up and start to trust me again otherwise we are both wasting our time. Where going to be stuck in this misery forever both of us to scared to move on and find someone else to love unconditionally because deep down we both know that there IS no one else, we're joined at the hip whether we like it or not. We have to make this work.

"Emily, I love you too. Not just love you. Fuck it's more than that. There's no word to describe exactly what I feel for you. You have to believe me okay. I haven't been taking drugs and I sure as fuck haven't been shagging anyone. I don't want anyone else. I want you and only you. I'm trying to be a better person. Everything I'm trying to do is for you, for us. Do you understand?"

She nodded her head slightly.

(She's listening.)

"I know this isn't going to fix everything, all I ask is that you trust me and believe what I'm telling you."

I paused.

"This afternoon… look, I'm not denying what you saw and you have every reason to be suspicious, but please believe me. You're the only one I want, that I need and that I'll die without. You may not want to be the ONE that has that hold over me, but I'm sorry babes, that's how it is. Your it."

I grabbed her arms.

"I fucking love you Emily."

(Why did I have to keep reminding her? What the fuck am I doing wrong?)

I started to cry as I leaned in to hug her, in a way relieved that I was able to get the words out, because lets face it. When it comes to touchy feely speeches I'm like a fish out of water. Half the time it doesn't even make any sense. I babble. It's almost impossible for me to express myself.

As I wrapped my arms around her I hesitated, terrified that she'd push me away… but she didn't.

* * *

><p>"Naoms?"<p>

"Yeah babe, what's up?" I say as I leaned down kissing her forehead.

It was one of those lazy days, ya know, when you throw on a pair of trackies and a jumper and just lounge around all day. We had been sitting in front of the T.V. for a couple of hours in silence… a comfortable silence.

"We don't have to talk about it, you know, if you're not ready but…" she said hesitantly.

"Come on spit it out?" I said with a smirk.

"… The day with, um, Tess… the knife…"

(Well that wiped the smirk right off my face.)

I knew this day was coming. She had asked before, many times but I had either brushed it off or changed the subject. I couldn't tell her what I had really thought was happening that day… I'll have to tell her something though because clearly it's been playing on her mind and she won't let it go.

"I dunno Ems, it's stupid, I was being stupid." I replied my face turning awfully serious as I remembered that image of Mick and what he was doing to Emily.

"But why did you have the knife Naomi. You scared the shit out of me… You know that?" She said, looking up at me like I was some kind of homicidal maniac.

"Emily… I, I wasn't… I mean, it wasn't for y…" I stammered.

She cut me off already knowing what I had thought she was thinking. What I had KNOWN she was thinking.

"I'm sorry, I know… I know, I shouldn't have thought that… Just… sometimes you're un-predict-able." She said reluctantly.

"Fuck sake Emily, how could that have even entered your fucking brain… Jesus." I replied rather shocked.

"Can you blame me Naomi? You burst into the bathroom like a fucking lunatic and stare at me like you were about to stab the shit out of me… Look, forget that. I just wanted to know what happened before hand. " She said sitting up so we were level.

I sighed heavily, not wanting to argue… I was astounded and highly disappointed. Fucking shattered if you must know and was unable to carry on with this conversation.

(How could she fucking think that? I have never raised my hand towards Emily EVER. Yes I have pushed her away or pinned her down, but I have never hit her, never slapped her, the fucking thought had never even crossed my mind. Fuck sake. I would never harm a fucking hair on her pretty little head… how she could think that I was going to use that knife on her… FUCK if anything, she just used that same knife on me, right through my FUCKING heart.)

(I need some space, a fag and a huge bottle of fucking scotch… a hit.)

I got up off the couch only to find that my jumper had caught onto something.

"Don't." she said.

I turned around to face her.

"You want to know what happened Emily? I'll fucking tell you… You left the front door opened and I freaked out. I thought something had happened to you and then I heard a noise upstairs… so I grabbed a knife because I was fucking terrified that someone had broke in and was FUCKING HURTING YOU okay." I said aggressively. I was devastated.

(That was as close to the truth as I could get… that was all I was prepared to tell her.)

She let go of me and looked teary eyed and ashamed. I could see that she was thinking deeply about the events that took place that day. My reaction when I saw that she was okay, my patience with her to come downstairs and talk. My cries of relief. Everything was pieced together and made sense to her now.

"Naoms I'm… I'm sor…"

"Just fucking leave it yeah." I replied storming out towards the kitchen.

I grabbed my smokes, FUCK no scotch, vodka will do, a few spliffs I had been hiding for a rainy day. I know I shouldn't but I don't give a fuck right now. How did things get so out of whack? There was a time she would just look at me and know what I was thinking, what I was feeling… How could she be so fucking wrong about so many things?

I was outside for about an hour before I heard the back door open and Emily pop her head out. It was raining heavily by this stage and I was soaking wet and freezing my fuck-ing tits off.

"Naoms, come inside, I'm sorry." She said.

I ignored her.

"Naomi, please, I didn't mean it okay. You're gonna get sick, come inside."

I had a nice buzz happening and Emily was blowing it.

(FUCK IT. Keep the peace.)

I got up and made my way through the door, refusing to acknowledge Emily and leaving a trail of water throughout the house. I headed up stairs entered the bathroom and jumped straight in to the shower to remove the 'wet dog' smell. I dried off, wrapping the towel around me and stumbled into the bedroom. The hot water and steam from the shower enhancing the effects of the alcohol and weed I had ingested. I threw on a tee and a fresh pair of knickers and decided that sleep was something that was much needed. I went to lie down and realised that the house was eerily quiet and it was making me feel a little anxious, paranoid. I got up and popped on the CD player. I went over to the bed and laid down, closing my eyes and drowning into the music…

_**I… have become comfortably numb.**_

_**Okay, okay, okay**_

_**Just a little pin prick.**_

_**There'll be no more AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_

_**But you may feel a little sick.**_

_**Can you stand up?**_

_**I do believe its working. Good.**_

_**That'll keep you going through the show**_

_**Come on it's time to go.**_

_**There is no pain you are receding….**_

My eyes immediately snapped open. Jesus fucking Christ. I've been trying to suppress the need to get smacked up today and this fucking song is not helping. I ripped the CD player from the wall, opened the bedroom door and threw it down the stairs. It hit the front door smashing into pieces. I heard Emily scream as if someone had jumped out from the shadows and scared the shit out of her.

"Babe, what the fuck?" she yelled from the lounge room.

I'm in no mood for talking so I don't bother answering and go to the pile of wet clothes I had left in the corner of the bathroom to retrieve the extremely damp spliff that I had left in my pocket.

(Fuck sake.)

I plugged the hair dryer in and dried it out as best I could.

(It's probably fucked now. Fucking shit.)

I re-entered the bedroom slamming the door in frustration. Sparked up, grabbed my phone, and put some more music on. I needed to calm down and relax. I was furious. I didn't quite know why… I mean Emily had pissed me off a bit, but not to this extent. If anything her words had shattered me, not produced an uncontrollable rage. What the fucks happening to me? I half lay on the bed, dragging deeply, feeling the THC hit my brain and sweep through my body, calming me. The music doing the same. I started to feel better. The lyrics of this song suited how I was feeling. It was a breath of fresh air.

_**Life, it seems, will fade away**_

_**Drifting further every day**_

_**Getting lost within myself**_

_**Nothing matters, no one else**_

_**I have lost the will to live**_

_**Simply nothing more to give**_

_**There is nothing more for me**_

_**Need the end to set me free**_

_**Things not what they used to be**_

_**Missing one inside of me**_

_**Deathly lost, this can't be real**_

_**Can't stand this hell I feel**_

_**Emptiness is filling me**_

_**To the point of agony**_

_**Growing darkness taking dawn**_

_**I was me, but now he's gone…**_

I heard a faint knock on the door, and with me not answering, it became louder.

(Why is she knocking on the door?)

"Naoms… are you okay babe? Can I come in?"

(WHAT THE FUCK? OF COURSE SHE CAN COME IN.)

"Yeah." I replied.

I heard the door creak as she hesitantly opened it, stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She looked concerned. She watched me take another drag and folded her arms. Not in an angry way, kind of like when some one is uncomfortable and they wrap there own arms around themselves, for comfort. She sighed heavily.

"Naomi, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Smoke that shit."

"Ems, it's just a spliff yeah, a bit of weed."

"I know… but I don't like you using… anything."

"It's not a big deal, I'm nearly finished anyway. Just leave it yeah."

I turned to face her with blood shot eyes and she was glaring at me, wanting to say something else, but decided against it.

"Move up the bed."

"Why?" I questioned. "I'm comfortable where I am."

"Just do it." She bit back.

I slid up the bed so my legs were no longer hanging over the edge and returned my attention back to what I was smoking. Enjoying the euphoria the THC was causing. Trying desperately to stay sane and get the edge off… I felt the bed dip slightly and felt Emily's bare legs brush against mine as she straddled my legs.

(Huh?)

"What are you doing?"

She leaned over me, gently placing a kiss onto my lips, attempting to take the spliff from my hands.

(Oh no… not this time. I'm a wake up to her.)

"I ain't falling for that one again babes. Nice try though." I said breaking the kiss.

She instantly changed her position, roughly placing her leg in between my thighs causing me to gasp unexpectedly.

(Jesus)

"Are you going to give it to me now?" She replied with her eyebrow cocked.

(YES MISS)

I went to take one last drag, with full intentions of handing it over right after but she pushed her thigh upwards, putting me off guard. She reached over for the spliff and butted it out in a nearby ashtray…

She looked back down at me, studying me. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew I was hiding things from her; painful things, but she didn't push me into talking. She stayed silent and continued to stare. I think she just wanted me to be okay. Rid me of this dark cloud that had settled over my head, casting a black shadow. She was very well aware that she had rattled my cage earlier, woke up a demon that had lain dormant for these last few months. She knew the built up pressure was becoming too much for my sober brain to handle and I was hanging out for that numbing feeling. She could see that I was struggling to keep a lid on it… but she could also see that I was trying very fucking hard to keep that fucking lid in place…

"I believe you." She whispered.

"Believe what?" I said confused.

"What you told me that day in the kitchen, after… Tess. I believe you."

"It only took you two and a half months." I replied sulkily.

"I'm still trying to learn how to trust you again… but I do believe you." She paused to take a breath. Her voice was shaky.

"And I know no matter what's happened in the past… I know you love me."

"Did you just figure that out?" I said a little sarcastically

"Well yes. No, not really… I doubted you. There was a time that I was convinced that you were only using me and… and do you want to know something Naomi? I let you, because I loved you so fucking much, I didn't care as long as I had you… I…"

"Why are you telling me all this Emily? Why now? Are you scared that I'm going to kill you in you're sleep or something?" I said cutting her off. I was still affected from our earlier conversation.

She paid no attention to my remark and continued on.

"Remember when I said that actions speak louder than words? Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"Well they do. I've just been too blind to see it. To hurt, to broken, to jealous to really pay attention to the positive."

"And what's changed exactly?"

"Today… I know that you could never hurt me like that Naomi, and… And I am so fucking sorry that I even thought you could… I mean, that girl at the party tried to hurt me, but you were there, protecting me. Her friends tried to do the same, but you stood your ground, you didn't care how many there were or that they were male…. When you thought someone had broken in to our house, the way you reacted when you saw that I was okay… I was too focused on the knife and Tess… babe I haven't been paying attention, you getting of the drugs, which I AM so fucking proud of you by the way. I've never told you that… The…"

She had lost herself in the moment sobbing and ranting on like a mad woman, so I cut her off. I kissed her.

"Shhh Ems, I get it…. I do."

"I'm sorry." She cried "Please forgive me?"

I held her head with both of my hands.

"Ems, there's nothing to forgive, you haven't done anything wrong okay."

Thinking about my impending doom I quickly added…

"No matter what happens… Are you listening?

She nodded.

"… Remember, I'll always fucking love you."

* * *

><p>Finally things have been pretty fucking fantastic lately between me and Emily. I think we climbed over a massive hurdle that was preventing us to kind of move forward. Blocking the path so to speak. After our little talk, she got a little frisky…. Who am I kidding I did too, but I couldn't do it. I wasn't able to go through with it. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to but it wasn't the right time. She wasn't ready, not fully. She still didn't trust me and secretly I was still struggling more than I let on, so I didn't trust myself either. Rather than be warm, I was hot one minute and cold the next. It was too early and I would have felt like I was taking advantage of her. I don't want to hurt her anymore. I've caused enough fucking pain to last a life time. A thousand life times…<p>

"Naoms?... Naomi?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, what?" I replied.

I was distracted, thinking about how lucky I was to have Emily. How much I loved her. How much I wanted to make her smile all the fucking time. How I didn't deserve her, how I wasn't good enough…

"Do you like this colour?" she repeated.

"It's okay I guess?" I replied. "Why?"

"Naomi, it's hair dye… so obviously I was going to dye my hair with it."

"NO… I mean yuk."

"What about this one?"

"No."

"This one?"

"Nope."

"Okay, this one then?"

"Nah."

"Do you like any of these?" she said, fed up with my lack of input.

"Yeah."

"Well?"

"The colour that's in your hair now." I said with a smirk.

(A very sexy smirk apparently by the way her cheek colour had matched up with her hair.)

She was getting sick of the red but decided to stick with it after I had threatened her that I was going to dye my hair bright green if she even tried to change it… I would have done it to and she knew it. We made a deal, if she could live to 110 years old, she was allowed to change her hair colour and I wouldn't dye my hair green. She was happy with that. She was to 'attached' to the blonde… we left the shop empty handed and being an unusually beautiful day; we decided to walk the long way home.

"Babe, are you okay? You've been distracted all day?"

"Yeah, nothing to worry about I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I'm here ya know, if you need to talk."

"I know that…"

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder bringing her closer as we walked.

"I'm fine ba…"

I trailed off when I saw who was coming towards us. The blood draining from my face. Emily looked up at me when she felt me shake.

(Fuck. Shit. What Do I do? Do I hook it? No I can't Emily's with me… No I've gotta face this head on.)

"Naomi. Why are you sha… What's wrong?"

"Turn the fuck around and go home." I replied frantically.

"What? No, tell me what's…" she said shocked at my sudden change.

"FUCK OFF…please just, just go home." I cut in.

I didn't want him to see her, but it was too late.

"NAOMSY… long time no see babe."

(Keep your shit together Naomi.)

"Um… yeah, it has… been a while."

He took his attention from me and cast his sleazy stare towards Emily.

"Whose this then?"

Emily went to speak.

"E…"

"Chloe… Chloe, Mick. Mick, Chloe." I butted in. Introductions out of the way.

"Girlfriend?" he asked.

"NO" I said a little too unconvincingly. "… nah, you know me Mick… don't like to be tied down."

(Emily, please understand what the fuck is going on here.)

"She's a fucking looker, even better then that Tess sheila you was shaggin' AND she was hot… Hey Naoms" He said with a wink. "Might have a go when you're finished with her." His perverted smile making me feel physically sick. Talking about Emily like she was a sex object that you would fuck the ass off and pass round to the next man or woman.

"Not a chance Mick, she don't like cock mate."

"Hahaha, ohhh, I dunno Naoms… I reckon I could change her mind."

(Keep your cool Naomi.)

Emily was just glaring at me in confusion. I didn't know what she was thinking. Did she think Mick and I fucked and shared girls? Was she thinking that this person in front of her was the real Naomi, and I was just simply using her? All her previous doubts resurfacing…

This person standing beside her LOOKED like her girlfriend but was a completely different person. She had never heard me speak this way before, but I had no need to around Emily. I learnt pretty quickly while I was using that if you wanted to stay on top, not get pushed around you had to act and speak a certain way. You had to hold a level of respect, earn it and keep it. You couldn't be soft; you'd get eaten alive. You had to fit in, be the same as the people you were associating with. If you were different to them, they didn't trust you. And trust was a MAJOR issue…

"Naomi, what the fu…" Emily interrupted.

"Babes, fuck off over there for a minute yeah. I gotta talk to Mick for a sec."

(This is going to be fucking impossible.)

I'm trying so hard to make Emily see what's going on here. Read my facial expression and play along, but she's not getting it. She's not understanding. She's hurt and confused and she doesn't budge…

After Mick decided to stop eye fucking my girlfriend he turned his attention back onto me. His face turning serious.

(Here we go.)

"So… Naomi. I'll get straight to the point. You ah, owe me some moolah… if I remember correctly." rubbing his thumb and middle finger together to validate his statement.

(FUCK SAKE, not in front of Emily.)

I had an advantage. I knew Mick pretty well. He wouldn't appreciate it if I made up a whole heap of excuses. In particular, he didn't like hearing that you just simply forgot, that it slipped your mind. He took that as a personal insult, no matter how truthful that answer might have been. He wouldn't care about my problems with Emily or that I was kicking the habit. This was business, and you don't let personal shit interfere with that. This is how Mick was. I knew that going in. I did. At the time, I was confident that I would never fuck him around, I knew I wouldn't. I was responsible to some extent. I could pay my debts in a timely manner every time and never once thought that I'd get on his not so good side… But what did I expect? If you play with fire… you're going to get burnt. Yeah really clichéd, I know… but take it from me, it's fucking true.

"Yeah, I do Mick, but ah, if I REMEMBER correctly, you didn't exactly give me a time limit now did you?" I replied

He smiled.

"That's true… but… I also remember telling you not to disappear."

(FUCK)

"I'm still here aren't I?" Praying that he wouldn't smell my fear. My false confidence.

He didn't reply. He was deep in thought. I could tell that he didn't expect me to come back with all that. He was use to people begging him, sucking up and apologising. He hated it. This was different. Something he didn't experience too often. I threw him off… I quickly turned to look at Emily, her eyes, so many different emotions flashing through, the most prominent being distress, resentment and fear. She was hurt by my lack of respect I had shown towards her and if I didn't know her any better I'm almost positive she picked up on the sinister undertones of the conversation.

Mick looked at me with a menacing smile.

"I like you." He said.

(Don't celebrate yet Naomi. Keep your front, don't falter.)

"I'm guessing that you don't have the money… yes?"

"Not right now… No, but I can get…"

"No forget that… I've got something else in mind…"

I cut him off not sure where this was going exactly and I sure as fuck didn't want Emily to hear.

"Not in front of the tart yeah? I hardly know her, ya know what I mean." As I nodded towards her.

I turned towards a shattered Emily who still didn't know what the fuck was going on. I tried to apologise without voicing it, but it wasn't getting through to her. I couldn't make it obvious incase he picked up on it. Picked up on the fact that Emily was much more to me than a just hit and run, another slag… He was giving me a way out. A chance, which he wasn't known for giving. I wasn't sure if Emily was in any immediate danger like I was, but I wasn't prepared to take the risk. No fucking way. He can do what he likes to me, but not to Emily, I'll make sure of it and I'll do whatever he wants me too. I've already made my mind up as long as she's okay… I was still cautious of Mick, he had a habit of making you think that everything was cool, make you relax and less jumpy. Put your guard down and when you least expect it, FUCKING BANG. Two shots in the back of the head. I had never seen that first hand but word spreads pretty quickly on the street. Mick was someone not to fuck with. Okay, maybe he doesn't kill people… that I don't know for certain. People tend to over exaggerate, but what I do know is that he won't think twice about breaking a bone or three. That I have seen….

It wasn't just about the money with Mick. It wasn't like I could just pay him back and we'd be square. His happy I'm happy… For him, it was all about the principle. It could have only been £5 that I owed him, but it wouldn't have made a difference. Out of all the dealers in Bristol, I had to fuck with the wrong one. He was deranged, warped and fucking twisted times 10… BUT, he had a steady supply and it was fucking fantastic dope with an appealing price tag. It wasn't like that other shit floating around, cut 20 times over before it reached the street level smack heads.

I turned back to Emily.

"Babe, go take your tits for a walk yeah. I got shit to discuss."

"Go fuck yourself." She spat as she turned away and walked down the street briskly.

(FUCK SAKE)

"Ooohh-hhooo, she's a feisty one." Mick responded.

"Yeah to feisty… Too much fucking trouble if you ask me… Fuck her."

(I felt my heart strings almost snap on that one.)

"Back to the matter at hand… you come see me tonight. Usual place. Say around 11.00."

"Ye… Yeah okay, no problems."

"Good."

He was satisfied for now. He decided the conversation had come to a close and continued on his way. I hadn't realised that I was holding my breath and took in a large gulp of fresh air. I felt as if I had just competed in a triathlon.

"Oh Naomi… make sure you show up."

I didn't speak, I just simply nodded. He turned back around and disappeared amongst the foot traffic. I was thankful that I was still breathing. Thankful that I wasn't nursing any broken bones or injuries…

(Emily… Get back home to Emily.)

I shook off the morbid thoughts and my fear of what tonight might bring. There was no escaping it; I had dug my own grave. I couldn't run, as much as I really wanted to. I had Emily to think of. The situation had to be dealt with, the sooner the better, regardless of the outcome. I caught my breath and had a surge of adrenaline rush through me as my mind cleared from all THIS shit with Mick and was replaced with flashes of red. That was all I needed to get myself motivated and moving, racing towards home… Home to Emily.

_**TBC…**_

**Firstly, I would like thank everyone who has left a comment. So Thank-You :) **

**Secondly, I thought I better point out that the lyrics that I have included in the story I obviously do not own but I thought I'd clear that up because I don't fancy any law suits… If anyone's interested in the songs, please continue reading…**

**The lyrics in Part I (Naomi's ringtone) are from the song 'Every You Every Me' by Placebo**

**The lyrics in Part III are 'Comfortably Numb' by Pink Floyd and 'Fade To Black' by Metallica**

**Please Review… Thanks for reading guys.**


	4. Part IV

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence, Very mild sex scene.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily with an appearance from Katie.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**The Darkness That Follows **

**Part IV**

"Naoms, dinners ready."

"Not hungry." I reply

"Babe you haven't eaten in like 3 days, you have to…"

"I told you I'm not fuck-ing hungry."

"What the hell is wrong with you? You've been treating my like shit for days? Have I done something wrong?" Emily said confused.

(FUCK SAKE)

"No, I just want to be left alone." I snapped back.

"Talk to me Naoms, what's wrong?"

"Emily, please… just leave me be okay. I'm fine, I'm just not hungry."

"Are you sick?" she said as she came beside me and rested her hand on my forehead to check my temperature.

I slapped her hand out of the way.

"Fuck Emily… Just leave me the fuck alone. How many times do I have to tell you?" I said as I got up off the couch and headed for the bedroom.

Things have been so fucked up lately. It's my own fault because I'm the idiot that let things spiral the fuck out of control. I had gone to see Mick which is why I am where I am now. This other thing he had in mind is what's brought me here. Him and his stupid fucking ideas. Why couldn't he just be happy with me giving him his money back? I didn't quite understand. Why the fuck would he want me to run for him? I tried to refuse, I begged him for us to work out something else but he didn't shift. His decision final. I didn't argue with him any further, he started to get nasty so I had no choice but to accept. I promised myself though that once I had paid him back I'd be done with it. Seriously, me a drug dealer? What a fucking joke. In the end though the joke was on me. I was too weak to resist the temptation. I'm smarter about it now though. Emily has no idea, or at least I don't think she does. She hasn't said anything so I assume that my secrets secure. I mean I've been lying for so long now surely I would be convincing enough…

"Naomi?" she replied appalled.

"Jesus fucking Christ Emily… What?"

"What is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem… Does it look like I have a problem? All I want is for you to leave me alone. Is that to much to ask, ya know, for a little peace and quite?" I spat back as I slammed the bedroom door shut.

(Relax Naomi… Don't take your shit out on Emily. Sort it.)

I opened the bedroom door and went back down stairs. I entered the kitchen and started to feel nauseas as I smelt the food. There was nothing wrong with it; in fact it was one of my favourites. I loved it. Chicken satay with rice and veggies, but the drugs had suppressed my appetite and whenever I was around food my body reacted in a negative way. Emily was at the stove serving dinner and quietly sobbing to herself. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"I'm sorry." I said as I placed gentle kisses on her neck.

She didn't reply.

"Emily, I'm sorry okay. I'm just… I'm just having a bad day, I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Am I that awful that you can't even talk to me?" she whispered.

"It's not you Ems, I'm just in one of my moods, it'll pass… I think I just need to sleep it off okay."

"Yeah okay." She replied, her voice still soft.

(Is she still upset or has she forgiven me? I can't tell.)

"Do you want me to put some away for you, for later?" she said while she lifted up a plate.

(I don't know if I can stomach it.)

"Yeah babe, I'd like that. Thanks." I said with the softest smile I could manage.

I made my way back upstairs to the bedroom and literally dived on top of it lying on the bed awkwardly. I closed my eyes and felt my body start to relax and my anger subsiding. Not five minutes later my phone starts ringing.

"Yeah."

"Babes, how are ya?"

"Yeah"

"You holdin'?

"Yeah"

There was a slight pause. They could sense that I was in an irritable mood.

"Ummm, how you wanna do this? You want me to come to you or…"

"NO, I'll meet you… Do you know where Castle Park is?"

"Nah, not really…"

"You know High Street?"

"Ahh yeah."

"Meet me on the corner of High and Broad. 20 minutes yeah. Don't be late. I got other shit to do."

"Keep your knickers on. I'll be there."

(Fucking wanker.)

I hung up the phone and put on a change of clothes. A pair of ripped jeans, hoodie and an old pair of black and white Vans. I liked to dress down when having these secret meetings. Couldn't let on that I was doing okay in the financial department now could I. I went to my stash and grabbed the gear and a few syringes. Looks like I'd be starting work early tonight. Might as well get rid of what's left and pick some more up tomorrow. I opened up one of the small packages and sprinkled a decent amount onto the back of my hand; you know just below the thumb and snorted. That will keep me sane for a few hours. As much as I wanted to jack up, I couldn't get too fucked up. I had be alert… and awake. I think tonight is going to be a long one.

"I'm going out." I yelled to Emily who was finishing off her dinner in the kitchen.

"What? Where?"

"I just gotta go out and do something. See ya."

"Wait… Naomi."

I stopped considerably annoyed and turned to face Emily who had rushed up behind me. She looked me up and down a few times before she spoke. She didn't mention the clothes, but she looked at me like 'What The Fuck'.

"I thought you were going to get some sleep?"

"Something came up. I'll sleep when I get home." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"What time will that be?"

"I dunno. I gotta go."

"Surely you have a rough idea?"

"I'll be home when I'm home. Bye." I said as I walked out.

* * *

><p>I stumbled into the house in the early hours of the morning. It had been one of my busiest nights and I was knackered. I had gotten rid of all the bags bar one; that one was for me… and I had a fist full of cash. Emily was upstairs asleep so I wandered into the kitchen, made myself a coffee and put all the money on the table. I split it into to two piles. One pile was to buy the next batch and the other pile was ALL profit. No money owed to Mick, I had already fixed him up. I went out to the backyard and into the shed. Maybe not the safest place to stash money and drugs but Emily never came out to the shed so it was hidden from her. That was my main concern. I put the money with the rest I had accumulated into an old biscuit tin, which was almost completely full of notes and placed it back under an old wooden table that had been dumped in there years ago. I shifted around a few boxes and containers and placed it behind so it wasn't in view, and went back inside the house. I had my last fag for the night and quietly climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom. Grabbed a fresh pair of knickers and a long sleeved top and proceeded in to the bathroom to have a shower. 20 minutes later, I was clean and dressed and snuck into bed.<p>

"Why did you have another shower?" Emily said as she turned around to face me.

(Fuck sake. Why isn't she asleep.)

I had showered not long before I had left for 'work' last night. I was only out for about six to seven hours and pretty much just standing in the one spot all night but I always felt that I had to scrub off that 'city grime'. I was very fussy where hygiene was concerned.

"Um, 'cause I needed one."

"Why? What have you been doing?" She said suspiciously.

"Nothing. I just felt dirty. God Ems, since when can't I have a fucking shower?"

"I never said you couldn't Naomi. I just want to know what you've been doing for the last, what… 9 hours?

"6." I replied.

"Well?"

"Emily please, I'm fucking tired. I just want to go to sleep."

"Fine" she replied flipping the quilt over and getting out of bed.

"NO, I'll go…" I said snatching my pillow and slamming the bedroom door.

(Fucking Hell.)

I got out of bed, too tired to have to justify my actions and went into the spare room. My mind unable to switch off, my body unable to relax. I got up, went back out to the shed and grabbed my last bag…

(Sleep will come easy now.)

* * *

><p>"You'll have to wait. I need a couple of hours." I said<p>

"But…"

"Fuck sake, if you're fucking sick it ain't MY problem. You either wait or fuck off and get it from someone else."

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

'I'll wait… sorry."

"2 hrs, usual place."

I hung up. Fucking junkies. Impatient fuck-ing wankers the lot of them. I get it, I really do, but Jesus, I've got a life too. I can't just be at they're beck and call every time they need to score. FUUUCCCKKKK. This is so not the way to be woken up, especially after having a restless night. I'm permanently stuck in the spare room, been here for weeks. Emily refuses to budge on the matter and won't let me back into our bed. I am officially in the doghouse and it all boils down to me having a fucking shower. She's fucking paranoid. Everything I do is questioned. It's driving me fucking insane… Well, I think I need to calm down before I go on a rampage and tear through this whole fucking house and smash everything that's in my fucking way. Have a shower, get dressed, and chase that fucking dragon like there is no tomorrow. I was ingesting the gear in different ways, it depended on my mood. I've been chasing a lot lately, it fascinates me. The whole ritual of it, ya know. Putting it on the foil, glass tube in mouth, cooking it up 'til it starts to smoke and… inhale. The benefit of doing it this way; Emily doesn't see any track marks, well not that she would anyway… seen I'm sleeping on my own at the moment.

(SHIT)

Too much. I almost nodded off with the tube still in my mouth. It's strange, one minute I'm feeling like I need a little more to get that desired effect and then all of a sudden, BANG, I'm almost unconscious. I go too hard to fast. I've got to relax and take it slow. Enjoy the experience, but all this aggression I've been feeling lately… I'm inpatient, ya know. I can't help it… I pull myself together and exit the bedroom.

(Coffee, I need some coffee.)

I head to the kitchen, do what I have to do and take myself into the lounge room and plonk down on the couch.

(Ahhh, peace and fucking quite.)

"You've been sleeping a lot lately?"

She made me jump, spilling coffee all over my shirt. I thought she wasn't home.

"Good morning to you to." I say.

"Naoms, it's 4.30 in the afternoon." She said biting her bottom lip.

(She only really bit her lip when she was turned on or fucking furious. Some how, I don't think that she fancied a shag.)

"I haven't been sleeping too good. You know, seen I'm not accustomed to sleeping by myself anymore." I replied sarcastically.

She ignored me and continued questioning.

"You going out?"

"Yeah, right after I change my top." Sarcasm still present.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out."

"Where?" She pressed on. This time hands on her hips and her eyebrow cocked.

"Nowhere in particular."

"I'll come with you then. I'm not doing anything, plus I haven't really seen you much lately." She said dryly.

"No you can't" I replied slightly panicked. "I mean it's nothing exciting, you'll be bored. I won't be long anyway."

I put down the mug on the coffee table and headed for the stairs to go up and change my top. Emily had grabbed my arm. I didn't turn around. I wasn't sure how my pupils were looking. If I went by the way I felt, I would have to say that they were non existent.

"Naomi?"

(Don't get angry.)

"Wha… yeah babe?"

"Turn around for a second."

"I don't have time Ems, I've really gotta go. I'm running late." I said as I gently shook her arm away.

(Oh fuck, that was close.)

I ran up stairs and hurriedly changed my shirt scared that Emily hadn't finished her interrogation, and as I came back down and opened the front door I rammed right into someone's chest. I stood back shocked not quite expecting some one to be standing there obviously, but it was WHO that made me almost shit myself.

(FUCK SAKE… do I have the worst fucking luck or what, bloody hell.)

"Is there a Naomi Campbell at this address?" the man said.

"Ahhh, um, ah, yeah, I'm…I'm her." I stumbled out.

"Naoms, whose tha…?" Emily said trailing off as she walked through the lounge room into the hall way and spotted who our visitors were.

"What's going on?" Emily said, taking over the conversation.

"We have a warrant to search these premises and any vehicles that you may own."

"What? Why?" Emily said glaring at me.

"We have reason to believe that there is a large quantity of drugs at this location."

"FUCKING WHAT?" Emily's eyes not leaving mine. The question directed at me.

"Listen ladies, we can do this the easy way or we could do this the HARD way. What's it gonna be?" the officer said.

Emily turned and smiled at the officers.

"The easy way… Be my guest." She replied as she stepped out of the way dragging me roughly with her and motioning with her arm in a welcoming manner.

(KILL ME NOW PLEASE.)

"Care to explain?" Emily said with fury in her eyes and across her face. "Naomi… fucking answer me."

"I… I don't know." I replied.

I couldn't talk, my mind racing trying to remember if I had left anything in the shed.

"What is it that you don't know? You don't know why the police are here or you don't know what to fucking say?" she forcefully whispered squeezing my arm.

"Fuck Ems loosen the grip yeah."

"Don't fuck-ing change the subject. Why are the police here?" Squeezing my arm even tighter.

"You know why, they just told you."

She just stared at me and squinted.

"I knew I couldn't trust you. You're fucking hig…"

"Emily, shut the fuck up yeah. Do YOU want me to go fuck-ing jail?"

I didn't scream at her. Our voices still low. I was panicked. I don't even think she heard what I said to be honest.

"Have you been screwing around too?"

"What? No."

"You sure about that? All these EXTRA showers you seem to be having… you think I haven't noticed the new tricks while were having se…"

"Emily, NO okay, no. Can we wait 'til they leave? Fucking hell. This isn't the time" I cut in.

"FUCKING FINE." Her voice no longer a whisper.

The police swept through the whole house. Emptying draws and cupboards. After they had completed they're search, there was shit everywhere. Couch cushions thrown across the other side of the room, cups, saucers, plates, bowls, pots and pans all over the kitchen floor. Clothes all over the beds. All the contents of the shed thrown onto the grass. It looked as if a bomb had hit it.

(FUCKING BASTARDS… no respect.)

"Well, well… What do we have here?" The officer said as he approached Emily and me.

"Whose all this belong to then?" he asked referring to the money they found in the tin. "Well?"

"It's m…"

"Ours." Emily butted in as I went to answer. "It's our savings. We're saving for a holiday."

"Looks like it would fund more then just a holiday." He replied.

"You know what us girls are like. We like to shop." She said a little flirtatiously.

(Thank fuck there wasn't any gear in there. I knew they wouldn't find anything in the house, but I wasn't 100 percent positive if I had left a bag or two in there or not.)

He smiled and I wanted to give him a back hander because I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Stupid I know.

"Okay, well we didn't find anything in the house so I'll just ask you two lovely ladies to empty the contents of your pockets and we'll be on our way. Providing that you're not carrying anything of an illegal nature."

(He said pockets right? Not take off your bra? Okay good, because that's were I stashed it.)

We emptied our pockets and the officer was satisfied with the search. I stayed in the lounge room, grabbed a cushion and sat down on the couch while Emily showed them out smiling.

"Sorry about the mess." One of them smirked as he passed me.

(Fucking tosser.)

As he walked out Emily had snuck a greasy in my direction.

(Oh boy, here we go… It starts. Round One ding ding ding.)

* * *

><p>I heard the door close and braced myself for what was about to come.<p>

"I'm waiting." Emily said as she entered the room.

"For?" I replied trying to avoid the whole situation.

"What the fuck do you think?" She spat back.

I stood up off the couch, suddenly feeling anxious and not wanting to speak. I pulled out my phone to check the time as I brushed passed Emily and climbed the stairs two steps at a time.

(5.57pm… Fuck.)

If I didn't get going soon, I'd have some very fucking angry customers waiting for me. I went into the spare; I mean MY room and quickly sprinkled some H onto some foil and inhaled deeply, holding it in for a few seconds before I breathed out. I repeated this process until all the gear had disappeared off the foil.

(Fuck me… too much again.)

I open the bedroom door and attempted to climb back down the stairs, but I was swept with a sudden sensation similar to vertigo and gripped the banister for dear life, my knuckles turning white. I slowly made my way to the bottom watching my every step, scared if I let go I'd go for a sixer which could possibly end in death. I make it down and look back up to find Emily staring at me leaning up against our front door, bottom lip in mouth, eyebrow cocked; The full works. I just looked back at her for a moment, eyes barely opened, expecting her to move out the way.

"E… Em… Emily, I… I have to… go." I mumbled.

"I'm not moving Naomi. You're not going anywhere. Not in that state."

"Ems, I'm… late… move please."

"No I don't think so…" She said as she looked me up and down. "I don't think you'd be able to get it up anyway… She'll have to miss out tonight." She added bitterly.

I leaned up against the wall to keep myself from falling, my legs feeling a little weak from standing in the one spot. If I kept moving I was fine but at the moment from the severe lack of movement, it was causing me to nod off.

"What are you talking about?" I said slurred.

She didn't reply. She was happy just throwing me her meanest death stare and quite frankly it was a little scary.

" Emil… Emily…"

(FUCKING HELL)

_**Sucker love is heaven sent**_

_**You pucker up our passions spent**_

_**My hearts a…**_

"Hel-lo?"

"Where the hell are you?"

"I'm comin… coming now okay."

I clumsily went to put my phone in to my pocket and fuck-ing missed. It fell to the floor and I just stared at it for a second not wanting to go all the way down there to pick it up. I bent my knees and attempted to grab it and missed. I tried again and yep, I missed. It kept fucking moving every time I went for it. Emily sighed deeply and reached for the phone and placed it roughly into my pocket.

(That was nice of her.)

"Ems" I said slightly swaying from side to side. "I have… have to go."

I noticed she wasn't sporting her death stare any longer. She looked distressed and defeated. Silent tears sliding down her cheeks as she realised that I wasn't going to cave in. She stepped to the side and let me pass.

"Tha… Thanks." Is all I could manage to say as I stumbled down the front steps.

* * *

><p>I was well out of it so I decided to finish up early and get home before I ended up getting robbed. I was a sitting duck in my condition. Any junkie desperate enough would take the opportunity to roll me over and take all my drugs and money, running off thinking all they're Christmas' had come at once. Not something that I would have enjoyed I'm sure; and not to mention, possibly left for dead with multiple stab wounds to the upper body area…<p>

I enter the house and I'm welcomed by the bass from the new sound system that I had purchased a few weeks back. 12 inch sub with 2 huge speakers, 2 smaller speakers and a center one. Couldn't resist that 5.1 channel sound, the best one in the store. I took my music seriously, actually so did Ems, more so than me. When she played her songs, it was easy to know what mood she was in. She analyzed the lyrics to every song on her play list so each and every one had meaning to her personally…

_**I love the way that your heart breaks**_

_**With every injustice and deadly fate**_

_**Praying it all will be new**_

_**And living like it all depends on you**_

_**Here you are down on your knees again**_

_**Trying to find air to breathe again**_

_**And only surrender will help you now**_

_**I love you please see and believe again**_

_**I love that you're never satisfied**_

_**With face value wisdom and happy lies**_

_**You take what they say and go back and cry**_

_**You're so close to me that you nearly died**_

_**Here you are down on your knees again**_

_**Trying to find air to breathe again**_

_**And only surrender will help you now**_

_**I love you please see and believe again**_

_**They don't have to understand you**_

_**Be still**_

_**Wait and know I understand you**_

_**Be still**_

_**Be still…**_

I know that she's upstairs crying. She only plays this particular song when she's upset after we fight. I don't know why, the song is 'spose to be about God or religion or something but knowing Emily she's found her own meaning to it. Made it hers. The song has told me everything I need to know. I reluctantly head for our, HER bedroom leaning my ear to the door to see if I can hear her. I don't know what to expect when she see's me especially in her state and obviously upon seeing me in mine. We have both changed so much over this last year and a bit. I actually care now. I care that I'm hurting her with the things that I do, when before I didn't really. I mean I did, but it was in the back of my mind. Now it was right up front. The panic, the fear, the anxiety and those other shit and fucked up feelings that no one wants to experience. I had them all. Yeah the solution was an easy one. Just STOP. I wish I could, but it's easier said then done, especially now. I've got Mick swinging an axe above my head; any movement in the wrong direction would cause my head to come clean off… People say all the time ya know, "Don't worry everything will be fine. There's light at the end of the tunnel." Knowing my luck though, it's a fucking train…

I don't bother to knock because there's no way she's going to hear it. I open the door and it's exactly how I had envisioned it. She was curled up in a ball on the bed and crying. I walked over to the CD player and turned down the volume. She hadn't seen me and got up that quick she almost fell off the bed when she heard the volume turn down. She looked at me and immediately wiped her eyes as if too say 'No, I haven't been crying' but all though there may not have been any tears visible, her make up told a different story. Her mascara was all over the place, her eyes red, puffy and watery.

"Wha… What are you doing home?" she said trying to keep her emotions in check.

"I live here remember." I replied softly

(Fuck I feel terrible seeing her like this.)

"Yeah, but…"

That was it, she couldn't hold on anymore. I walked over to her and went to hug her, try and comfort her because I feel really fucking bad right now. I wish this shit would stop. We've both had enough.

"Don't fucking touch me." She screamed. "Don't you dare fucking… You don't have that right anymore."

(What?)

"Ems…" I replied.

"Don't you fuck-ing Ems me… It's fucking over Naomi. That's it. Finished. Do you understand. I'm fucking over this shit…" She screamed.

"WHY? Why are you ending it now?" I said a little shocked.

(She can't do this.)

"You're asking me why? Are you fucking kidding me or what?"

"Does it look like I'm fuck-ing kidding. I wanna know Emily. Why now?" I yelled back.

(Calm the fuck down Naomi.)

"I am sick and tired of everything. EVERYTHING… I've been fucking worried sick about you all fucking day but you just don't care do you? You left anyway. You always do… Was SHE fucking worth it Naomi?" she said breaking down again.

"Emily I'm not cheating on you. How many times do I have to tell you? Jesus fucking Christ."

"Whatever Naomi."

(Okay so what the fuck do we do now?)

"You don't even care enough about me to explain why the police were here. Where you are all hours of the night? Where the fuck have you been getting all this fucking money from? You don't fucking do that to someone you love. Or say you love because I don't fucking know anymore."

She was confused and I could see that. Fuck I would be too. Her mind was going from one thing to another.

(Naomi? Are you in there? I think it's about time you explain yourself yeah.)

"Emily can you like relax for a second so we can talk about this?"

"RELAX, YOU'RE TELLING ME TO RELAX. GO FUCK YOURSELF." She screamed.

"Emily fuck sake, calm down. Do you want me to explain or not."

(Why is she laughing?)

"No that's fine Naomi; I don't want to hear it… I… I just don't care anymore."

"Don't say that Ems, come on, we can work this out…"

"Are you serious? I don't think so hun… we're finished."

(I'm Fucking Pissed. She's fucking laughing like this is a big fuck-ing joke.)

"Fuck you too Emily."

(OH FUCK… shouldn't have said that.)

As soon as I had finished speaking Emily jumped off the bed and lunged at me knocking me in to the wall. I knew she was angry but fuck me, ten bruises later and a severely cut lip she decided to stop. She was distraught so I just let her go, as much it hurt physically and emotionally, deep down I knew I fucking deserved it. When she regained control of her body she just stared at me in shock. She looked as if she didn't know what had happened. As if her body had taken over and her mind had blacked out. She reached out to touch my lip that had split open, blood dripping all over my clothes and onto the carpet. It felt like it was cut pretty deep.

(It really is over.)

"DON'T." I said.

She retracted her hand as if she had just been burnt.

"Naoms, I… I… I'm…"

"Leave me alone Emily." I cut her off.

I wiped the blood away with the back of my sleeve and placed my hand on the door handle. Before I opened the door, I turned to face her.

"You don't have to move out okay."

She was crying again.

"Naomi, I didn't mean what I sai…"

"Yes you did. Ill stay in the spare until I arrange something else." I paused for a moment. "I'm letting you go because that's what YOU want and I love you too much to deny you your request… You don't need to worry about me anymore…You're free."

"Naomi, no I..."

"Goodnight Emily."

I closed the door. I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry I wasn't anything. I felt catatonic. I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

(Yep, that's better.)

I leaned back against the side of the bath as I felt the numbness course through my veins and into every inch of my body. It had been awhile since I had done it this way. It was pleasurably overwhelming, I just sat there, enjoying the sensation...

(Drowning in it.)

* * *

><p>"Naoms, she fucking loves you yeah."<p>

"Fuck sake Katie, I don't want to talk about it."

"The two of you are meant to be together."

"KATIE, SHE ENDED IT, NOT ME." I yelled.

"Bitch, you know she didn't mean it. She was fucking hysterical."

I had come to Emily to tell her that I had found somewhere else to live. I hadn't been home much since that night we argued. I didn't know how I was supposed to act around her. She would just hover around me, waiting for me to say something, do something. I just didn't know what. She made it clear. She couldn't handle the way I was and I understand but it's not something I can fix overnight. It could take weeks, months fucking years and I just can't drag her along or rather drag her down with me. She's not happy and as much as it breaks my heart, I know what I'm doing is the right thing. I have to leave and she has to move on… Katie was over and after I had told Emily that I was going Ems had collapsed in a heap on to the floor, her legs unable to hold her up any longer. Emily was begging me not to go and Katie was trying to convince me to stay too. Don't they realise that it's just not going to work. How can it. Look maybe I'll consider looking Emily up when I straighten my life out but right now, it's… it's just not the right thing to do. I want to stay, I really do, but you've just got to take one look at Emily to see what I've done to her. I have fucked her up. Wrecked her. She probably wouldn't even be able to move on and find some one else, I've fucking damaged her that much…

"Please…don't go, stay." Emily sobbed as she was clutching at her chest.

"Ems, I can't…" as I went to walk off.

Emily slid herself across the floor on her knees and wrapped her arms around my waist, her head resting on my stomach.

"So what Naomi? You just gonna leave? Oh of course you are, you're good at that" Katie butted in.

"Fuck you Katie." I snapped back.

"Don't leave me, don't go. I'm sorry." Emily begged.

(FUCK SAKE)

"Ems that's the fuck-ing problem. You're NOT the one that should be fucking apologising." I replied.

"Please Naomi… please stay, I love you, don't leave me." She pleaded through broken sobs.

I was having a hard time understanding her, she was frantic. She kept repeating the same thing over and over. 'Don't go' 'Don't leave me' 'Stay'. How can I leave her now, like this? Look at the state she's in. I'd be the same though if I wasn't so wasted. I needed it though, if I let myself feel I'd be jumping off the highest building in Bristol, I had to stay numb.

"You junkie bitch, how could you do this to her again. Jesus fuck Naomi. Did you EVER love my sister?" Katie said.

"Katie, I swear, I'm gonna…"

"What lezza? You're gonna do what?"

I went to take a step towards Katie, glaring at her ready to pop her one. She took a step back. I never thought I'd see the day that I would see fear in Katie's eyes.

"Naomi don't." Emily said panicked, squeezing me even tighter so I couldn't move.

"I'm sorry." Katie had whispered softly realising her mistake.

(NEVER FUCKING SAY THAT I NEVER LOVED or LOVE EMILY.)

I paused for a moment, trying to control the sudden rage that had overcome me due to Katie's dumb fucking question.

(What are you doing Naomi? You goin' or stayin'.)

"Babes, if you leave it's not going to solve anything yeah. Ems still loves you, she still wants to be with you, I don't fucking know why, but she does okay BUT you gotta sort your shit out." Katie said on behalf of her inconsolable sister.

(She's changed HER fuck-ing tune.)

I didn't reply. I gripped Emily's arms and took them from around my waist dropping them gently so they fell back down to her sides. I looked at Emily then back up to Katie, they were awaiting an answer. I couldn't give them one. I turned around and made my way to the hallway…

"YOU ARE A FUCKING PRICK NAOMI." Katie screamed as she rushed down beside her sister who was completely shattered.

I stopped for a moment. To my right was the front door. To my left was the stairs.

(Which way?)

I went to my right. I reached out for the door handle and as I turned it, a really ugly and terrible feeling swept over me. I dropped my arm to my side and bowed my head sighing deeply. I turned back around…and started to climb the stairs.

"I'll… I'll stay."

* * *

><p>Emily and I aren't back together; I had just agreed to stay. I was scared that she might do something stupid, she wasn't like that, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe I've pushed her to her limits. By me staying I could at least keep an eye on her. Although we hadn't spoken about it, I think Katie was thinking the same thing as me because she made it a point to move in. She was staying with Emily. I was glad in a way, because the first few nights I could hear Emily crying herself to sleep and when she had finally fallen asleep I could have sworn that I was hearing her call my name. I was lost and it hurt. I'm thankful that I didn't have to approach Katie about this shit, she already knew. Don't know how, it must be a twin thing but at least Emily had someone beside her for comfort as she slept. I couldn't really do anything; I was a 'sleepwalker' unable to help myself let alone another person. I was a lost cause, a no hoper…<p>

"Naoms, can I talk to you for a minute?" Katie said as I was enjoying a coffee with a fag.

"Mmm" I replied.

'What happened that day when the police were here?"

"Nothing, they left." I replied.

"No, I mean why did they come in the first place?"

"I'm sure Emily has told you." I say with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah she did, but it doesn't make sense. Why would they serve a warrant for a couple of bags of dope? Waste of time I reckon."

"What are you getting at Katie, just come out and say it." I said impatiently.

"Okay, fine… Are you dealing?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you are." She said confidently.

I took a deep breath and lowered my head.

"Yeah" I said.

"Why Naomi? How could you sell that shit knowing full well what it does to people?"

"I know okay. I had no fucking choice." I spat back.

"We all have a choice Naomi. You just chose the wrong one."

"What the FUCK do you know Katie?" I yelled

"Explain it to me then?"

(Katie's gotta be taking something, this just isn't her. What the fucks wrong with her? All understanding and shit.)

"I can't…"

"You mean you don't want to."

"NO... I CAN'T."

"Try me." She said, not letting the issue go.

"Fuck sake Katie, fucking fine… I owed this guy some money. He wouldn't accept payment in the usual way yeah. His gotta a fucking screw loose. He made me run for him instead. Said I had HUGE fucking potential and could make him a shit load of money..."

She cut me off.

"So are you saying that it was about the money? Couldn't you just get a job?"

"He said he'd hurt Ems if I didn't shut the fuck and do what he said." I whispered, scared that if I said it out loud it would cause it to happen.

She didn't say anything right away. Her jaw had dropped and hit the kitchen table.

"What? Why the fuck didn't you go to the police Naomi. Jesus fuck."

"Yeah sure no worries, just grass him up yeah… get us all fuck-ing killed. Great idea Katiekins."

"I need time to think, Fuck me. Change the subject for a minute."

"To what exactly?" I said sarcastically.

She paused for a moment before continuing.

"Well, it's obvious that you're using a heap of fucking smack, so… Fuck Naoms, I don't fucking blame you. Does Emily know ANY of this?"

"NO AND IF YOU FUCKING SAY ONE WORD… you listening? ONE FUCKING WORD, THERE GONNA FIND YOUR MANGLED CORPSE ON THE SIDE OF A FUCK-ING ROAD. GOT IT." I screamed. My teeth clenched.

"Emily has to know."

"What the fuck did I just say? I'll sort it. She doesn't need to worry about this shit Katie. What's wrong with you?"

Another pause. She was thinking.

"Is it true you're still screwing around behind my sister's back?" She asked hesitantly.

'WHAT?"

"Relax Naoms, I didn't accuse you… I'm just asking."

"No I'm not…"

"Emily thinks you still are, because you're out all night… You…"

I cut her off.

"Katie, I'm out all night because I'm dealing yeah... THAT IS IT."

I sensed that Katie was a little uncomfortable about what she was going to say next.

"Ems said you're different, ya know, when you two are doing it."

"Fuck sake Katie, I am not discussing how I FUCK your sister, especially to you."

I didn't like using the word 'fuck' when Emily was concerned but I was getting a little angry. I mean you would to if you were being doubted about something even though you were telling the fucking truth.

"Okay chill babes, I believe you."

"It's not up too you to believe me." I said sulkily.

Another pause.

"This is fucked up Naoms, you gotta tell Ems…"

"I said fuck-ing NO Katie."

"You have too… She thinks that you don't love her anymore. She's convinced that you're shaggin' every girl you look at because she isn't enough… She's fucking depressed Naomi. She's been having fuck-ing panic attacks over you. FUCKING HELL. She thinks your going to kill yourself with all that shit you're pumping into your arms… Actually even I'm fucking worried about that, it's worse then before…. She…"

I cut her off. I was a little shocked.

(Fuck for identical twins that are nothing alike they both rant in the same way when under pressure. If the conversation wasn't so serious I would have thought it was kinda funny.)

"Panic attacks?"

"Yeah, you know when…"  
>"I know what they are Katie, fuck… I didn't know she was that bad." I replied.<p>

"Well of course you didn't, you're never here. And when you are, you're not really, ya know?"

(Yeah I know… but we aren't together anymore, she shouldn't be worrying about what I do.)

"You need to talk to her Naoms, before she..."

"I can't Katie." I replied. "We're not together anymore. She needs to move on and forget about me it's the only way for her to get better."

Katie paused yet again. This time she squinted at me.

"You really don't care do you?"

"How could you fucking say that, you know how much your sister means to me. FUCK SAKE KATIE."

"WELL FUCKING SORT IT THEN."

"But…"

No point in arguing, Katie had already got up knocking her chair over as she left the room.

* * *

><p>It's been about a month since me and Katie had our little talk. I still haven't spoken to Ems. I don't think I need to; she seems to be coping better, better then me. I'm not really concerned about me anyway as bad as that may sound. My focus is on Emily. I haven't interacted with her, I've been keeping my distance, but I'm watching her very closely. I have a feeling that Katie might have told her some of our conversation because Emily has been looking at me differently. She doesn't look AS hurt anymore. Either that or she's found the strength to move forward…<p>

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

Katie swings the door open.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"No where." I slurred. "Sor… Sorry I forgot my keys."

I pushed past her and invited my two new 'friends' inside. I was out all night; shit faced and stumbled across these two gorgeous um…slags. One a dirty blonde the other a brunette.

"They're not coming in." Katie spat out, shocked.

"Um yes they are." I replied.

"NO THEY'RE FUCKING NOT."

"Come in… don't listen to her, BITCH is her middle name." I said with a smirk. "You girls want a drink or something?"

"No we're fine, but um, maybe some of that other…" The blonde said.

"Yeah." I said with a wink. "Go up stairs, I'll be up in a minute. First door on the right yeah."

"Don't be to long." The brunette replied as she swung her hips.

My eyes were fixed on her ass as she walked up step by step. I couldn't help but smile. FUCK I could feel my pupils dilate for fuck sake.

_**SLAP **_– bringing my attention back to Katie.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like Katie?"

"Ems is home... UPSTAIRS." she spat as she pointed towards the roof.

"So? We're not together." I replied

(I was well out of it. My personality changes to a complete fuck-ing cunt when I'm like this.)

"Katie, who the fuck ARE they?" Emily said as she rushed down the stairs. "Oh... hi Naomi." She tried to smile.

(I guess Ems thought they were with Katie, I mean they were dressed a little skanky.)

"Hey." I said.

"Wait… are… are they with… with you?" Emily struggled to say. Her voice cracking ever so slightly.

(WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?)

"SO, it's been nice chatting with you both, but um, I'm a little busy… I guess I'll see you in the morning… Goodnight yeah." I said avoiding Emily's question as I bolted past her running up the stairs to my bedroom.

I opened the door and closed it behind me. Fuck, these girls don't muck around. They were already going at it.

I sat at my desk and emptied a bag onto a mirror, using a bank card to thin out the powder, didn't fancy a blood nose, and made 6 lines of equal length side by side. I rolled up a note and hovered it over a line and snorted. The burning sensation not bothering me any longer. I could barely feel it. It had actually turned into a pleasant feeling now days… I moved the note over and ingested a second line before turning to face the girls.

"You girls want some?"

They didn't reply, they couldn't. They're mouths were preoccupied so they both just nodded. I stood up and sat beside them on the bed.

"Mmmm thanks babe." The brunette said as she accepted the mirror.

They each took a turn and NOT being full time users, the effect of the drug caused them to moan. My eyes fixed on them; I loved watching that reaction… When the initial feeling swept through they're body's they both turned there attention onto me. BOTH girls relieving me of my shirt and jeans… The brunette was well out of it she couldn't keep her eyes opened, so she had to lie down… I'd DO her later.

Just as I had finished with the blonde, her screams had stirred the brunette from her drug induced slumber.

"Fuck babes… like wow." The blonde panted.

I didn't need to reply, my actions had done all the talking. She was a loud one. I reckon the whole neighbourhood would have heard her.

"Can I have another line Naoms?"

"Yeah, hang on a sec." I said as I was trying to recapture my own breath.

I prepared some more, but this time I snorted a few lines of ice to wake me the fuck up. I felt like Pop Eye, after he swallows a mouthful of spinach… I passed the mirror over to the blonde and left her to it as I lay down on top of the brunette after she had wrapped her arms and legs around me, kissing me slowly. I had found myself more attracted to this one. I liked her voice.

(It was kinda husky.)

I descended my hand between her thighs and started using my hips to grind against her.

"Ohhhh." The brunette groaned, breaking the kiss.

I thought the blonde was bad. Fuck me, this one is EVEN louder. The drugs were heightening the experience. The blonde was just lying beside us watching with a lustful look in her eyes. She laid on her back and placed her head beside the brunette with her hand running through my hair and I couldn't help myself. I crashed my lips onto hers as I continued to grind the brunette underneath me

"OH MY GOD…Oh fuck… Mmmm don't stop." The brunette begged.

(I had no plans to.)

_**FUCKING BANG**_

Katie and Emily came rushing into the room. Both the blonde and brunette shrieked. The blonde pulling up the sheet to hide her nakedness, the brunette not having to as my body was covering her privates.

"FUCK… What the fuck are you doing?" I say shocked.

They didn't answer. Katie looked like a fucking maniac ready to go on a killing spree and Emily…

(My sweet Emily.)

She had been crying, probably due to the extremely LOUD noises these ladies were making, BUT she looked just as furious as Katie.

"Well?" I said.

No answer. They both stood there glancing around the room, white powder sprinkled all over the place.

(What? Do they want a show or something? Okay, fine I'll give 'em one.)

I turned back to the brunette, nudging the tip of my nose with hers as if to say "Are you into it?" Her eyes answering my silent question, so I leant down and kissed her deeply, opened mouthed. I started grinding myself against her again, slowly. She didn't seem to mind. I was so drug fucked I didn't care that people were watching, in fact as soon as I had kissed the brunette I had forgotten.

"Mmmmm…. ohhh fuck… keep going… keep going." She moaned as she rocked her hips.

I heard Emily gasp in disbelief. I felt the bed dip and two arms wrap around my stomach. Suddenly I was being roughly dragged off the brunette. She immediately closed her legs with a look of horror spread across her face as Katie grabbed them both by the hair and dragged them towards the door. They knew not to fuck with her, she had a reputation and not many people tried it on with Katie. They often ended up coming out on the wrong end of the stick.

"WHAT THE FUCK." I yelled at Katie, forgetting that Emily was behind, still holding me.

I went to move to grab Katie as she dragged the two girls out the room, but this only made Emily grip me tighter, reminding me of her presence.

"Naomi stop it… You're fuck-ing out of control."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?" I said as I turned to face her.

She let go of me then and took a step back. Afraid to speak any further. She was staring at me like I was a stranger. She was scared by the drug crazed look that I was displaying. I shook it off and grabbed a tee and a pair of knickers and put them on to cover myself. Emily ran out of the room...

(Probably to see if Katie needed any help... FUCK IT… WHATEVER.)

I took a seat at the desk. Opened the drawer and grabbed a syringe. The ice was making me feel anxious. My heart was racing a little too quickly for my liking. I reached over to my jeans that were beside the bed on the floor and removed the belt, wrapping it around my arm while I held the syringe in between my teeth. I cooked up and lowered the needle into my vein. It was fucking intense. I didn't even have time to remove it.

"NAOMI NO." She screamed as she re-entered the bedroom with Katie not to far behind her. The last thing I remember was Katie saying 'FUCK, is she breathing?' and Emily crying hysterically… shaking me before everything went blank….

_**TBC…**_

**Thanks again to everyone who has left a comment. I really do appreciate it. You have been very kind. SO THANK-YOU. Hope you're all still enjoying it and please don't be shy, leave a review. **

**The song mentioned in this chapter is 'Again' by Flyleaf.**

**Thanks guys… enjoy the rest of your day/night. Take care :)**


	5. Part V

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence and sex scenes.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily with an appearance from Katie.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**Okay, first off a HUGE shout out to; devotedfan - Beck89 – shaakeeit – Alice – M – LikeNobodysWatching – Critic – brbara – anotheranon – AND the person who didn't leave a name… I would like to thank you all personally for leaving a review and taking time out to read my story…**

**Anotheranon – There is no need to apologise. I understand fully where you are coming from. I know that a relationship such as this is an extremely painful one and I'm not just saying that for 'Emily'. In different ways it's just as painful for the one using the drugs and in this case 'Naomi'. Yes, it's her own fault, she put herself there. She lied and cheated. Naturally, we are all going to feel for Emily. Scream at her to pack her bags and get the hell out of there, but there's a problem. Emily loves Naomi. Naomi loves Emily regardless of how selfish she has been. Naomi has a major problem and I don't see death being the answer. She's not a bad person, although some of her actions definitely are, but deep down I think she does have a good heart. If anything 'Naomi' just needs the support of others to get herself back on the right track…**

**The most common thing to happen to someone who is addicted is that they are abandoned. Also, I understand this too. It's hard to put up with. Patience runs out. People who are close to the addict are hurt, let down and disappointed numerous times. It's easier to just leave. It's a known fact. But having said that, I do believe that if you truly love someone, and you know without any doubt that they love you, you'd do everything in your power to help them. Some people don't want to be helped though, for some insane reason they are happy to live like this. Then there is nothing else you can do but to walk away… BUT if you can see that they ARE trying, regardless of how many times they might relapse or fuck up, you can't just turn you're back on them. Obviously, I am only speaking about THIS relationship that's in this story, I can't comment on anything else. Whether someone is on drugs or not, some people are just pricks through and through… Emily can see through Naomi's shit and knows she's still in there somewhere but time will tell if she can put up with it any longer… And most definitely Naomi DOES need to sort her shit out, because Ems has stuck around long enough I think, but I can't tell Emily what to do. It's up to her how she handles it. **

**And I want to apologise to Anotheranon and LikeNobodysWatching for stirring up some negative emotions. I feel really fucking bad right now. I'm not trying to promote or condone 'Naomi's' behaviour, I'm just trying to write about the real world, or part of it anyway, as not all situations are like the one in the story. So I am truly sorry. If I could hug you guys through the screen of my computer, I wouldn't hesitate. I appreciate you're honesty; I love the fact that you guys were truthful and weren't scared to tell me your thoughts on the matter. Thank you. **

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part V**

I open my eyes and look around the room. Everything appears blurry and it takes me awhile to focus. I recognise where I am but I don't understand how I got here. I'm in the room that Emily and I had once shared. I try to think about the events that happened the night before, but it's really hazy at the moment and every time I try to remember, my head feels as if it's going to explode. I can feel something pushing down on my chest as the rest of my body starts to awaken and I look down and see that there is an arm wrapped across me, clinging tight. I look over to my side to find out who this arm belongs to and I'm rather surprised to see that it belongs to Emily.

(What the fuck happened last night?)

I'm still feeling pretty fucked up and I know by the way my body feels I went WAY to overboard… I try to move so I can sit up in bed and try and piece together everything, but my body is craving for that 'china white'. It's never felt this bad before or maybe I'm just not use to it anymore because I haven't really gone without it lately. I have a steady supply so when I know I'm going to start feeling the sickness I overlap my fix so I don't feel any discomfort or pain… but on the other hand, I have been using a whole lot more and mixing it with other drugs too so I dunno. I can't really move, even though I know I have to before this feeling escalates but Emily's holding on tight. I try and remove her grip as gently as possible but she's already stirred and is looking right at me. Whatever I done last night which I know will come to me sooner or later, I don't think the night had ended pleasantly. I can tell by the way Emily is looking at me. It's that look. It reminds me of when some one VERY close to you passes away leaving you distraught… but I can also see a hint of relief in there somewhere. We don't say anything to each other and I can't help but continue to look at her in confusion… Then it dawns on me. I get a flash of all the events... I came home and I had forgotten my keys. Katie wouldn't let me in, NO; she wouldn't let them two chicks in, that's right. We went up stairs did some lines… um, oh yeah, we fooled around for a bit and something else happened. Emily. Emily came into the room with Katie. Katie escorted those girls to the front door… and I jacked up. That's all I remember. Why am I in Emily's bed? Surely we didn't ya know… Nah I don't think so. She wouldn't no matter how bad I might have wanted to…

(Oh man, this pain is fucking excruciating.)

I opened my mouth to ask Ems what the hell had happened last night but before I could say anything she climbed on top and kissed the fuck out of me, squeezing me tight and moving quickly like she was worried if she moved too slow I'd disappear into thin air. Tears streaming down her face and falling on to mine. Usually I wouldn't complain about waking up like this, but even a kiss caused pain to shoot throughout my body.

"Ahhh Ems, stop it. It fucking hurts." I said in agony.

"You fuck-ing idiot… I thought I fucking lost you… You stupid twat." She cried ignoring my plea for mercy.

"Ems stop, please."

"You scared me Naomi, don't you fucking do that EVER again." She said in between kisses. "I don't know what I would have done if you… if you had of…" she trailed off.

She tucked her head underneath my chin and tightened her crushing embrace, wetting my neck with her tears.

"Ems, get off, quick, I'm gonna… be sick." I said trying my best to hold it in.

"I don't care." She sobbed.

As disgusting as it may sound, I had no choice but to lean over and spew over the side of the bed otherwise it would have gone all over her. She wouldn't let me go…

"Emily your hurting me, I've gotta get up."

"You've got to stop this, do you hear me? You HAVE to stop Naoms, you almost…you almost fuck-ing died." Her voice breaking.

(Huh? Almost died?)

"Just give me 5 minutes… I'll come back I promise okay, just let me get up."

"NO… no please don't do that." She said her voice panicky knowing what I was going to do.

"EMILY GET THE FUCK OFF ME." I yelled using all the strength I could muster to push her off and get up off the bed.

"NO." she cried hysterically while she sat up on her knees on the mattress. "I don't wanna lose you… I'm scared Naomi." She started to shake gasping in air.

Katie must have heard all the commotion and burst through the door.

"Oh babes." She said as she wrapped me in a hug, almost killing me.

"Katie, I need to go…" I trailed off as I vomited again, all over her shoes.

"It's okay Naoms; they're only shoes yeah… I love ya babe, you had us all FUCK-ING worried you silly bitch." She said.

After Katie had calmed down, she noticed that her sister was in the middle of a panic attack and instantly let me go to assist Emily, trying to regulate her breathing. I started to back away towards the exit, when Emily tried to talk.

"Kate… Ka… Katie." Was all she could say, so she pointed towards me while she was struggling to breathe.

Katie turned her head in my direction to see what the fuss was all about. I saw it in her eyes when she finally understood what Emily was trying to convey.

(GO NOW… quick Naomi.)

I turned around to run out of the room and into mine. If I could make it I could push the bed up against the door so Katie couldn't kick it in. I'd have the time that I needed… Katie caught the end of my tee and yanked me backwards and into her. She wrapped her arms around my chest as I tried to reach for the door handle, dragging my feet along the carpet. She was trying to take me back to where Emily was and I couldn't let that happen. I'd go back in there when I felt 'better'. I elbowed her in the guts which caused her to let go immediately and made it into the room and barricaded myself inside. I rushed towards the desk searching for a bag but there wasn't any in there. I found a needle though, so I snatched that and held it tight.

(FUCK FUCK FUCK.)

I ran my hand through my hair gripping at the ends, agitated and frustrated at the same time trying to think.

(Naomi… check the pillow case.)

I dove onto the bed in such a way that would have gotten me a starring role as Superman and shook the pillow out if it's case. Nothing. FUCK.

(Hang on, the other pillow…)

I shook the hell out of that one and thank fuck, YES, I had stashed a few bags in there.

"Open this fucking door." Katie screamed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP. I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE." I yelled back as I was shaking trying to hit the vein.

(Come on, come on, come on… FUCK-ING GET IN THERE...)

I was under pressure which was making this rather simple task extremely difficult.

"Naomi please… just open the door." Emily pleaded.

(Her attack must have passed.)

Finally, I hit it. Almost instantly all the aches and pains washed away and was replaced with a warmth that my body so desperately needed. I threw my head back; eyes closed and let out a quiet groan as I felt that familiar rush spread throughout my body and relief coursing through my veins. I heard Emily speak to Katie, well rather yell at her.

"Katie fucking do something." Her voice hysterical.

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

"OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR NAOMI. RIGHT NOW." Katie's voice reaching a level that I had never heard before.

(Fucking hell.)

"FUCK SAKE, OKAY… okay hang on." I slurred.

I moved everything out of the way and Katie must have heard because she kicked the door in and I was thankful that I wasn't standing directly behind it because they would have had to scrape me off the wall like a squashed bug. Emily rushed in first and stopped right in front of me in so much pain and fear. She stared in to my eyes heavily disappointed with tears rolling down her cheeks as she realised that she had been too late. She grabbed my left arm to confirm it. There was fresh blood dripping slowly down my arm making its way towards my wrist. When I had followed her gaze, upon seeing the blood I retracted my arm and raised it to my mouth sucking the blood off… Katie came out of nowhere and rushed at me pushing me onto the bed forcing me to sit.

"Katie leave her alone." Emily said weakly.

"NOT happening Ems. She's gonna kill herself with THIS fucking shit." Katie replied.

(Not this time Katie, your not getting me this time, NO FUCKING WAY.)

I saw red and it wasn't Emily's hair. I stood up catching Katie by surprise and gripped at her top, ramming her into the wall to keep her in place. I raised my right arm and closed my hand into a fist and held it there for a moment at Katie's head level. She was looking at me in disbelief. As I threw my fist towards her she had closed her eyes waiting for the blow. When she felt my fist brush past her ear and heard me connect with the wall and go through the plaster she jumped in fright not expecting it. She opened one eye and then the other confused at what had just happened. I couldn't do it, I realised that at the last second so I changed the direction of my fist, aiming it towards the wall. I retrieved my hand from the plaster and took a few steps back, staring at her in anger. I heard Emily sniff and take a few steps towards me. When she spoke her voice was huskier then usual and she kind of sounded like she had a cold. I felt her grab my hand and gently pull me towards her.

"Come with me." She said still quite emotional.

I didn't reply, I was like a zombie and just allowed her to direct me where ever she wanted me to go. She led me into her bedroom and kindly ordered me to lie down with her. I agreed because I no longer felt sick and frenzied. Once I had laid down she came up beside me and wrapped herself around me. She rested her head on my chest, but immediately lifted it back up hurriedly, looking directly at me.

"Is this okay?" she said not sure how I was going to respond.

(I'm calmer now. I feel good. I feel safe.)

"Yeah" I replied.

She placed her head back down and gave me a little squeeze.

"I love you." Her voice full of anguish. She was terrified.

I didn't answer.

"Did you hear me? I said I love you."

"Yeah I know." I replied.

I think that hurt her. That I didn't say it back. She started to weep again.

"I nearly lost you." She deeply sighed. "I don't… I don't think I could…" She was broken. "Please, you've got to stop this… It was too close this time."

She started to bawl loudly, her body shaking against mine so I lifted my arms and wrapped them around her. This is what she wanted and if it made her feel better I'd grant her this wish. I had scared her and she needed me in her arms to reassure her that I was okay and that I was still here. Although she was crying and highly distressed, being here like this… it was a comfort to her.

* * *

><p>"Katie?"<p>

"What do you want?" she replied as she sat on the couch.

Katie and I hadn't spoken for four days after I had attacked her. I felt terrible about what I was about to do to her that day even though she was more then likely going to do it to me. Still though, I had grown to love Katie. For me, I was an only child and had never really been close to anyone and she had become like a sister to me, I'd do anything in my power to protect her, even though I was fucked up ya know. If someone was trying to hurt her I'd be there without any hesitation… And I suppose that's why I couldn't go through with hitting her. I felt ashamed that I had even contemplated it, but it wasn't me… I wasn't myself.

"The other day… I'm sorry yeah."

"I don't want to hear it Naomi." She replied.

(Why is she being like that? Ahhh, I know… I've hurt her feelings.)

I sat down beside her and took a glance at the T.V. to see what she was watching. Bloody hell I fucking hated this show. Jersey Shore… soooo Katie. I rolled my eyes and looked back at her. She was pretending to ignore me with her arms folded and pouting her lips.

"Katie?"

She unfolded her arms and picked up the remote and turned the volume up and placed it back onto her lap. I snatched it and pressed mute. I think she was shocked when I grabbed her hand and put it into mine.

"Katie I'm sorry."

She didn't answer me but she didn't remove her hand.

"Fuck sake, I'm trying to tell you something." I said.

She turned to face me and I was taken aback by just how much she looked like Emily right now. The same sadness in her eyes. Even down to the facial expression. I had never in the whole time I had known Katie, seen her look like that. She always looked like she didn't give a shit. Like nothing got to her… but I think I had.

"What Naomi? Just fucking spit it out and leave me the fuck alone. I'm busy." She spat.

I took a deep breathe.

"I love you… ya know that?"

"Emily's up stairs. Wrong twin." She replied.

"No… right twin."

She looked at me shocked and confused. I forced her into a hug.

"You're like a sister to me Katiekins… and I'm sorry if I hurt you." I whispered into her ear.

There was a slight pause but she eventually returned the hug. I slightly flinched not expecting her to, but it wasn't noticeable.

"You're a twat." She said.

"I know." I laughed.

She pulled back and looked at me for a moment. Serious.

"No I mean it. You're a twat. Did you really think that I was going to pop you one?"

"Ahh, well… yeah. You've done it before." I replied.

She paused and decided to take another direction.

"Bitch, do you really think I'd be here if I didn't give a fuck about you?"

"You're here for Emily…"

"No not just Emily. I would have dragged her by the hair back to mine if I hated you… NOT fucking move in." she cut in.

"Oh…" I replied, feeling like an idiot.

There was another pause.

"Naoms, what you're doing to Ems yeah, it's not fuck-ing right."

I looked down for a moment.

"I know, I'm… I'm trying to…"

"Try fuck-ing harder." She bit back.

I simply just nodded. She was right… She saw the pain flash across my face. The regret, the guilt, it was all present.

"Now get the fuck off me yeah, maybe in another life babe, but in this one I like cock." She smirked kissing me on the cheek.

I smiled at her as I stood up. I knew Katie well enough to know that that was an apology for the last time she beat the shit out of me, an 'I forgive you' and an 'I love you too' all rolled into one.

(I'll razz her up.)

"Ya know Katie, there is a contraption most commonly known as a 'strap on'. You'd never know the difference." I smirked back with a raised eyebrow.

"Ewwww." She picked up a cushion and threw it at me. "In your dreams muff muncher."

I laughed and it felt good. It's been a while since I had cracked a genuine smile. I was actually happy, glad that Katie and I were on the same page. Both of us feeling a sisterly connection. A protectiveness that only comes with family. You'd do anything to protect your own… I continued staring at her smiling.

"I'm gonna make a coffee. You want one?" I asked

"Tea would be nice."

"No worries… SIS."

I nodded and turned towards the kitchen.

"Thanks." She called out.

I could tell by her voice that she was smiling from ear to ear upon hearing me call her that… and so was I.

* * *

><p>The relationship between Emily and I was still very much strained. Over the last few weeks I had been reflecting back on that night that had devastated her even more and it scared the fuck out of me when I had finally pieced together the events of that particular night. Fuck sake, I nearly carked it. I could remember a little more now. I can remember Emily shaking me screaming 'no no no, wake up… wake up' panicked, before I had completely blacked out. That memory flooded back out of nowhere and had caused me to shiver, like someone had just walked over my grave. I knew deep down that it was a fucking close call. Fuck. You weren't really meant to mix your drugs, well obviously you could but some things didn't interact well with others and I had taken so much that night it's no wonder I almost fucking dropped dead. The body, well the heart can only take so much… I haven't come off the smack but I haven't been bingeing and I sure as fuck haven't been mixing it because I'm scared. For the first time ever, I am actually scared of dying. Not the dying part, the part where I leave Emily… She demanded that I move back into our room with Katie moving into the spare. I protested, but I was fighting a losing battle, so I gave in. I suppose I wasn't the only one that was scared. I think she wanted to keep an eye on me, keep me close. Of a night she would cling to me like I was her teddy bear. It made me uncomfortable, but it had stopped the nightmares that she was having. I asked her what she was dreaming of, but she wouldn't tell me, using the oldest trick in the book, saying she didn't remember so I asked Katie because I was concerned... Death. That's what she was dreaming. Some dreams were of me never waking up, other's were of my funeral laying pale faced and cold in a coffin, wearing the same outfit that I was wearing when I had told her that I loved her in Freddie's shed. Thankfully those dreams had stopped…<p>

'Naomi, can I come in." Emily asked as she knocked on the door.

She always knocked now. She didn't want to see me getting stoned. It had deeply scarred her. She had only ever seen me after I had done it. Not actually DO IT until that night. It had disturbed her.

"Yeah, doors opened." I replied.

I was sitting on the end of the bed and had quickly placed all the paraphernalia under the quilt where she wouldn't see it. She opened the door and sat down beside me reluctantly, holding some pamphlets and a piece of paper.

"You're bleeding." She said softly in disappointment, her voice cracking slightly.

(FUCK SAKE)

"Sor… sorry." I replied quickly as I wiped it away.

She looked up but avoided any eye contact. She looked as if she wanted to talk, but couldn't find the words or didn't know how to start the conservation, so I helped her.

"So, whatcha got there?" I said

She lowered her head and glanced at the papers she was holding. I noticed that her hands were shaking.

"Ems? It's okay… You can talk to me you know. It's fine." I tried to reassure her.

"I… I got these… for you. May… maybe they could… help." She replied hesitantly.

(Hmmm, what is she trying to talk me into?)

"What are they?"

She didn't say anything, she just handed them to me. She went to stand up to leave, maybe scared at my reaction, I'm not sure, but I grabbed her wrist and told her to stay. I flicked through the pamphlets. Rehab clinics. The piece of paper had phone numbers written down in Emily's handwriting. I looked back up to her, and she looked as if she was about to cry and waiting, expecting me to tell her to fuck off. It broke my heart. I didn't get angry, that wasn't the emotion I was feeling. I was saddened.

"I… I dunno Ems, ya know, If… If I can do this." I said.

She looked down again at her now empty hands. She was disheartened. I continued looking at the pages of one of the books.

_**Drug agencies:**_

_**Most areas of the UK have 'street agencies' or projects ( sometimes called community drug services or drug action teams ) which offer services that include; information and advice, counselling, detoxification and prescribing for opiate users, needle exchanges and sometimes support groups and other services such as acupuncture. They are usually only open during normal working hours. While they may give information and advice over the telephone, they only see people by appointment and have waiting lists… **_

(Maybe I could do that… but I can't hand myself over to a rehab clinic.)

"I suppose I'd be willing to try this." I say to her, showing her the page.

She grabbed the pamphlet and quickly read what I was referring to. She immediately looked up at me, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Really? You'll do it?" she asked shocked.

"I can't promise you anything Ems, but I'll try it." I responded.

She was happy, her tears weren't sad; they were caused by joy and relief.

"I can live with that." She whispered softly as she stroked my cheek, a glint of hope twinkling in her eyes.

She leaned in and wrapped her arms around me saying that she loved me and would support me in every way. I pulled back to look at her.

(She's celebrating a little too early.)

"Emily, this might not go the way you want it to… you do know that don't you?" I said rather seriously.

"I know babe, but the fact that you're willing to try is enough for me." She replied.

My face softened and I couldn't hold her gaze, her beautiful deep brown eyes piercing through my soul. She placed her hand under my chin to raise my eyes back up to hers. She could see that I was feeling doubtful.

"Its okay Naoms… all you can do is try." She said calmly.

I wiped a fresh tear away from her face leaning in to give her a quick peck on the lips.

"I love you." I said.

She didn't reply straight away, just stared into my eyes for a moment.

(Maybe to see if I was telling the truth or not?)

"I know you do." She replied, with a small smile.

She stood up and placed herself on my knee, wrapping an arm gently around my neck. She pulled me in closer.

"I know." She repeated.

She lightly placed another kiss near the corner of my mouth and brushed her lips against mine and I responded… It was slow, tender and deep. It didn't go any further than that, it didn't have to…

* * *

><p>"Babe, you ready?"<p>

I had been to three counselling sessions over the last 4 weeks, it was 'spose to be ONE a week but the first appointment I chickened out and pissed off for 2 days. I freaked out, so when I had come home after my little disappearing act to an extremely agitated and distressed Emily, I begged her to come with me to the next one. It was too much for me to handle by myself. Emily had just stared at me when I begged her and said that she thought I'd prefer to go on my own and all I had to do was ask her to begin with instead of fucking off and causing her to pull her hair out with worry. Made sense to me. I don't know why I didn't just ask her straight up. Seems dumb now, ya know…

"Naomi, were going to be late."

"I'm coming, keep you're knickers on." I smirked.

We had walked to the clinic where the counsellor was set up in silence. I was nervous. This was something I could never get use to. Emily didn't speak, she just held my hand as we walked. She knew what was going on inside my head so she just allowed me to have some thinking time. My last three sessions, believe it or not I didn't say one word. I just nodded yes and no's. Emily did most of the talking. This session was going to be different, I could feel it. I had to talk sooner or later.

"Hang on Ems, I need a fag first." I said anxiously.

She looked at her watch to check the time and looked back up to say that I couldn't because we were late, but she saw the state I was in and let me continue… I butted it out took a deep breathe, squeezed the fuck out of Emily's hand and walked through the doors. I immediately took a seat in the waiting area while Ems went up to the desk to announce our arrival and took a seat next to me… We didn't have to wait long.

"Naomi Campbell?"

Emily stood up first and took a step before she stopped and turned around, realising that I hadn't moved.

"Please Naoms." She pleaded, thinking that I was about to rush through the exit.

I stood up with Emily waiting for me to pass so she could walk behind me, incase I snuck off, and we entered the counsellors office.

"Hello again ladies, please take a seat."

He waited for us to be seated before he continued.

"So, Naomi… how have you been since we last saw each other?"

(Ouch.)

Emily dug her elbow into my ribs because I didn't reply.

"Yeah, not bad." I said while clutching my side.

"That's good, that's really good. I'm pleased to hear it." He said with a smile. "I'm just going to jump straight in, would that be okay with you?"

"I 'spose."

"Now, I know I've already asked these questions previously but I really want to hear what you have to say. Get to know you a bit better, so I can assess what the best course of action is to help you with your addiction. Are you happy with that?"

"Okay." I reply nervously.

I looked at Emily fearfully and so she grabbed my hand and threw me a warm smile as if to say 'everything will be fine'… It didn't help.

"Can you tell me why you started using drugs?"

"Emil… Emily and I, um… we broke… we broke up." I replied.

"What caused the break up between you two?"

(FUCK SAKE… I CAN'T DO THIS.)

"I ah…"

I looked at Emily and she was already affected by the questions that were being asked… She wasn't too bad answering them at the last few sessions but I think hearing me having trouble to respond to the questioning was tearing at her heart strings. I don't think she could handle it coming from me because then it was me admitting my betrayal and making it more 'real'.

"I cheated."

"Ahhh I see."

"We'll come back to that in a moment, but can you tell me what drugs you were using before you moved on to heroin?"

I breathed out heavily.

(He's going too fast. I need time to process this shit. FUCK SAKE.)

"Yeah, I was smoking grass, poppin' ecky's and drinking."

"Did you move on to heroin because those drugs no longer gave you the desired effect?"

"Yeah." I replied.

"Okay good, you're doing well Naomi. It's not easy talking about all this."

"Yeah I know." I said a little too harshly.

"What method do you use when you take heroin?"

(FUCKING HELL, I WISH HE'D STOP SAYING HEROIN.)

"Ahhh, just depends, I chase, jack up, snort..."

"Have you ever shared a syringe Naomi? Have you been tested for hepatitis or HIV?"

"WHAT? FUCK NO… sorry… no. No I haven't shared and yes I've been tested… I'm clean."

"It's okay Naomi, there's no need to apologise." He responded.

I heard Emily exhale loudly. I think she had been holding her breath on the HIV question.

"Have you used anything today?"

"…. No." I replied dryly.

Emily coughed and cleared her throat as if to say 'LIAR'.

"I mean… yes."

"How did you ingest it?"

"Shot it."

"Right… enough about the drugs for now... NOW, I want to get to know you, are you happy to move on?"

(Thank fuck for that.)

I nodded.

"You mentioned before that you and Emily had separated because you had cheated. Was it only the one time or is it a common occurrence?"

(Is this WANKER for FUCK-ING real or what?)

"That… was the first time."

"I noticed you paused there for a moment. Have there been others since?"

(What the fuck?)

I turned again to look at Emily not wanting to answer this tosser's question. Her eyes filled up with unshed tears. I couldn't look at her. I dropped my head and stared at my feet. She knew there were others. Fuck sake she had seen me more than once shagging a random and I knew exactly which time she was remembering right this very minute. The brunette and the blonde. It was despicable what I did that night. Continuing the activity while Emily stood there and watched… Emily was fuck-ing watching me and I carried on anyway.

(That's fucked up Naoms.) My mind responded to my thoughts.

It was too much… I felt a sudden rage sweep through my entire body in protection. Protection of Emily. She already knew, she didn't need to hear this shit again. Have it dangling in front of her, reminding her, forcing her to think about it. Emily felt me shift and squeezed my hand, pulling it closer to her so I couldn't move.

(This bloke is really getting on my FUCK-ING tits.)

"Naomi?" he said as he looked up from his note pad.

"Can we skip that question?" I replied.

"No, not really… you see, I need to know these things so I can identify if there are any other underlying issues…"

"YES OKAY, yes there have been others. Fuck sake." I spat out.

He completely ignored my out burst. He was probably use to it the fuck-ing wanker.

"Why do you think you cheated? Which one of these answers would best suit you Naomi?

- Do you feel as if you weren't getting enough at home?

- Possible boredom?

- Were you seeking a more experienced lover?

Or

- You don't see you're relationship with Emily as being a serious one?"

(WHAT? Fuck this.)

"YOU FUCK-ING CUNT."

I pulled my hand away from Emily and immediately stood up. I leant over and grabbed him by his tie.

"Naomi... NAOMI look at me." Emily said panicked.

I turned to face her, she was frightened at what I was about to do. Somewhere in between me getting up and grabbing his tie, I had found a pair of scissors.

"Its okay babes, just… just relax. PLEASE… put the scissors down…" she said trying to stay calm.

I turned back to the tosser and raised my hand, still holding the scissors. He was shocked and staring at me in disbelief unable to even call for help as he saw a vision of the scissors plunging into his neck.

"FUCK NAOMI… DON'T." Emily shrieked, throwing herself in between me and the so called counsellor.

I stared at her in confusion. Seeing her in front of me looking the way she did, my mind suddenly cleared, the rage disappearing. I was brought back to reality. I instantly dropped the scissors and released his tie stepping backwards, unable to fully comprehend what the fuck had just happened. I knew I got angry, but fucking hell, ya know… I wanted to kill the bastard.

"I'm… I'm" I paused. "Sorry."

I turned around and ran out of the room. Emily calling out for me to stop, but I couldn't until I had gotten outside. I needed fresh air, I felt dizzy. I sat on a seat with my head in my hands trying to shake it off and jumped when I felt Emily sit beside me and place her arm around my shoulders.

"Babe, I have to go and talk to him before he calls the police or something… Please don't move from this spot okay… Wait for me to get back." She said quickly.

I didn't respond, so she gently shook me.

"Naomi?"

I nodded in agreement.

"Promise me… you're not going to leave?"

"FUCK SAKE NAOMI. PROMISE ME." She said

"Yes okay, I promise."

She got back up and as she jogged back towards the clinic's entrance she yelled out.

"Don't you dare fuck-ing move 'til I get back… I mean it."

I lit up a fag and tried to relax while I waited for Emily. She wasn't long. She looked a little surprised when she saw that I hadn't pissed off.

"Naoms, fucking hell, he was on the phone when I went back in there."

"I swear, I didn't mean it… I didn't. What he said, none of it was true… it's NOT true." I said panicked, trying to convince her.

"It's okay" she said trying to calm me. Then a brief pause. "I pulled the cord out of the phone and kind of broke it…" she said rather pleased with herself. "I explained a few things and he decided to leave it… providing I buy him a new phone."

"What? You did what?" I replied shocked.

"Babes as much as you piss me off sometimes, I couldn't have you arrested or carted off to the funny farm…"

(Bloody hell.)

"Tha… Thank-you" I whispered.

She just smiled. I attempted to explain to her why I had cracked up like that, but she stopped me and said that she already knew why. She didn't blame me for getting angry, but told me there are more 'civil' ways in dealing with them kind of situations. She told me I had frightened her and 'not to ever fucking do that again'. She had been saying that quite a bit lately… I apologised and agreed.

"Are you hungry?" She asked after we had passed some take away food places.

"Nah babe, I just need… want to go home."

She frowned with concern knowing why I had gone to say 'need'… but she chose not to say anything… I didn't tell Ems, but I definitely had decided that I was not going back there or anywhere for that matter. I was done with counselling. Thank God he didn't ask me how I paid for the shit… Emily still didn't know that I was dealing.

(How that FUCK-ING wanker got a job in counselling I will never know. If anything he'd drive you to take fucking drugs. I wonder how many people purposely OD'ed after a session with him?)

* * *

><p>Ems wasn't too pleased when I did eventually tell her that I wasn't going back to counselling. I gave her a poor excuse, I knew it and she knew it. We had a huge fucking argument that lasted a whole week. I told her to trust me and let me sort it out MY way. Trust was the wrong word to use; she went ballistic so the conversation ended there because I walked out. I had a plan but was unable to explain the whole idea to her at this stage. I had lost the plot too so I just left. Too much pressure. Even Katie was having a go, the both of them ganging up on me. I told them both to get fucked in the end and fucked off for a couple of weeks... I'm not going to deny that I didn't get absolutely shit faced in them two weeks, because I did, but I DID make some progress. I went to see Mick and told him I was done with selling. He was leaning up against a wall flipping this stupid coin he carries with him everywhere. It was gold, one side had an engraving of a dice with the number 7 and the other side had The Joker card engraved on it, but instead of The Joker holding his little stick thing with the head on it, Mick's Joker was holding some sort of pistol… When I told him I was done with slinging drugs, he flipped the coin, caught it and I think The Joker was facing up. Fucked if I knew what that meant… He seemed okay I guess at the time, but as I was walking off, something wasn't sitting right. The smile he had on his face when he wished me good luck didn't reach his eyes. I dunno, there was something about it. It was unsettling…<p>

When I did finally make it home, I almost passed out on the doorstep resting my forehead on the door knocking away lazily, but luckily when Katie opened it, she was quick on her feet and caught me. My clothes were filthy, my hair sticking out in all directions, dried blood everywhere and I had cuts and bruises all over my body. I had a brawl with a rose bush earlier that day. You think I look bad? You should see the rose bush. Unrecognisable… Emily drew me a bath and ordered me to get in. When she realised my eyes were half closed and I was incoherent, she decided to stay and assist. When I was in the bath she turned her back for only a second to grab a towel and that's when I had decided to pick the 'right' time to nod off and almost drown. Thank fuck she didn't leave the bathroom. She quickly dried and dressed me, then put me to bed. She didn't even bother getting changed; she just laid down beside me, watching my chest heave up and down. Making sure that I was breathing regularly, and the movement of my chest didn't cease. I think she was sobbing to herself, but I was so wasted I was in and out ya know…

"SO… what have you been doing for these last two weeks? Hopped into anyone's bed lately?" she said lying on her side propped up on her elbow.

"Let me wake up first…shit." I replied groggily.

She sighed and got up off the bed.

"Fine… I'll go and make us a coffee and when I get back you can tell me ALL about it." She said a little sarcastically.

_**SLAM**_

I literally rolled out of bed landing on my knees before using the bed side table to pull my self up. I knew Emily wouldn't be long so I quickly did what I had to do and threw on a jumper and a pair of jeans. I heard the door open as I was tying my shoe laces looking like I had just been caught stealing a lolly from the local milk bar.

"Where do you think your going?" Emily said as she placed a mug on the side table.

I didn't dare move, I was like a statue. She walked around and sat beside me for only a second before standing up immediately.

"Fucking hell." She yelled.

"What happened?" I said as I looked to where she had been sitting.

(Oh no.)

"WHAT THE FUCK NAOMI?"

(You stupid twat.)

I left the fucking needle on the bed and she had sat almost directly on it. It had stabbed her in the thigh. She wasn't at all impressed. I don't blame her.

"Fuck Ems, I'm sorry." I replied panicked as I grabbed it and put it into the drawer beside me.

She didn't say anything, she just glared at me. I couldn't tell what she was thinking but I was praying that she didn't get angry because she was holding a very hot cup of coffee and I didn't fancy wearing it all over my face. Her breathing had become heavy and I was waiting for the big explosion that usually followed, but it didn't come… She just sat back on to the bed and took a sip of her coffee.

"Well I suppose I got my answer." She said.

"Huh?"

She turned to face me.

"An answer to what you've been doing for the last two weeks." She replied with her eyebrow cocked.

"Oh." I said as I reached for my coffee and took a massive gulp, burning my fucking tongue.

"Is that all you've got to say for yourself?"

"Ems I don't want to argue with you, I'm too… it's too early?" I said almost slipping up.

(I've been doing that a lot lately.)

"Your too what Naomi? Too high? Was that what were going to say?"

"NO."

"Don't lie." She snapped back. "You know, I thought maybe… just maybe I could believe what you told me before you fucked off. Give you the benefit of the doubt. I was hoping that the reason you disappeared was so you could sort your self out, but I guess I was wrong… again."

I didn't reply.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

No reply.

"Are you fucking listening to me?" she spat.

No reply.

"I'm pregnant."

"FUCKING WHAT?" I yelled.

"So you're ignoring me… selective hearing." She said shaking her head.

(Fuck she had me going there.)

"What is it that you want me to say Emily?"

"Well you can start by telling me this BIG fucking plan of yours."

"If you're gonna be like that Ems, forget it. I'm not even gonna bother." I responded.

She paused for a moment.

"No you're right. I'm sorry."

Silence.

"Naoms… I'm listening?"

"I don't know if you would be prepared to do it…" I replied.

"I'll be the judge of that, now… what is it?"

I took a deep breath.

"Okay… well you know that I want to stop yeah…"

"Oh yeah of course, I mean, you only just shot up what… 5-10 minutes ago?"

(Is she trying to wind me up?)

"Fuck you Emily." I bit back as I went to get up off the bed.

"No don't, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." She sounded panicked. "I'm being an idiot, I'm still pissed that you left. Please… sit down… talk to me."

I stared at her for a moment before sitting back down beside her.

"It's just, would you…" I trailed off.

"Naomi, it's okay. You can ask me anything you know that."

"Would you be…"

(Fuck it.)

"Would you be willing to help me wean off it?"

"Yes of course I'd be willing, but why do I get the feeling that there's more to it?"

"Be…Because you'd have to hold it for me. Hide it FROM me."

She didn't say anything and I panicked.

"It's okay, you don't have to. I shouldn't have asked. I'm being a twat." I quickly shot out, getting up again and heading for the door.

"NAOMI STOP."

I did.

"What do I have to do exactly?" she questioned. "…Naomi?" when I didn't answer.

"You would have to give me some in the morning, afternoon and some at night... basically."

"How is that cutting down?" Emily asked no longer sitting, hands on hips.

"Ems, I jack up like 6 sometimes 7 times a day."

"Jesus Naomi…"

"I know okay, I know… Will you help me?"

"Yes… I will help you." She replied.

"Ems, you gotta know that I'm gonna be a complete bitch at the start. I'm going to beg you to give me more, but you can't. No matter what, you can't okay." I said grabbing her by the arms and shaking her slightly.

"Okay." She replied. She looked shocked.

"What's wrong?"

It was her turn not to reply.

"Emily?"

"Do you really mean it this time? Are you really going to get off it?" she said.

"Yeah I mean it… It's just gonna take time yeah, so you gotta be patient." I responded. "Ems are you sure you're ready for this?"

She held out her hand, palm facing up which confused me for a moment.

"There's no time like the present."

* * *

><p>I've been doing really well with this whole weaning off the smack thing. It's been hard and I have been a bit of a prick, but I'm still here… home. I was scared that I would take off when things got to difficult to handle. I still can't quite believe that Emily and Katie are still here too, putting up with my bullshit. Emily especially after everything I've done to her. If it wasn't for these two sticking around I'm sure I'd be either dead or in jail. I ask myself a lot why they haven't fucked off… I mean everyone else has. Cook no longer speaks to me, JJ locks on if I run into him, Effy's off doing her own thing; actually I haven't even seen her since the party… Panda well she's just Panda… I've almost lost everyone, but the funny thing is I don't really give two fat fucks and that's only because I still have Emily, and my adopted sister Katie. They are the only two people that I need to get through this… I've cut out my afternoon dosage so I'm only needing a morning and evening shot. I can't believe this is actually working. I still get slight withdrawal symptoms but Emily's right there with me helping me get through the discomfort until I get my next fix. If she's not home, Katie's there watching me like a hawk. They take it in turns. I'm determined to kick it this time, so I guess that's why I feel that it's working. I actually want to do this. I want Emily and I back to 'normal'… I've hit a little speed bump but it's okay. It's an easy fix, I just feel like the walls are closing in on me and the house is making me feel anxious because it reminds me of being completely wasted. A few days away to reset would be something positive…<p>

"Babes, are you okay?"

"Yeah…" I reply.

"Naomi, I know you well enough to know that there's something on your mind. What are you thinking?"

"Naoms?"

"It's just… I think I need to leave the house for a few days, ya know, get away for a bit."

She looked at me for a moment frowning. I don't think she understood what I was getting at.

"Sorry, no… I'm not falling for that one." She replied disappointed.

"I'm not trying to trick you. I just need to get out of the house. I need to be somewhere new that doesn't remind me of getting shit faced."

"I understand what your saying Naomi, but it's too early for me to just trust you. You've…"

I cut her off.

"I want you to come with me. I don't care where, just I dunno, book a room at a hotel or something. Just… You need to get me out of here before I do something stupid."

She was shocked. It was the first time I had actually tried to avoid a disaster. She wasn't use to it and my request had finally clicked.

"Ahh, um..yeah…YES, when?" she replied urgently.

"The sooner the better I suppose."

"Okay… okay…" she said as she got up from the kitchen table talking to herself.

She went over to the 'junk' cupboard and pulled out a local phone book flicking through the pages like a maniac.

"Ems relax, we don't have to do this right now. Tomorrow would be fine or even the day after."

(I don't think she heard me.)

I stood up and went beside her. The phone book was a complete mess. She was turning the pages so quickly that half of them had ripped out. It's easy to do because they are so thin but bloody hell, Ems was on the verge of having an anxiety attack. I stood behind and wrapped my arms around her to stop her frantic page flicking and rested my head on her shoulder.

"Ems, calm down." I whispered into her ear.

She continued.

"Emily…" I said firmly taking the book from her hands.

She spun around in my arms and looked up at me in confusion.

"Babes it's okay, we can do all this tomorrow yeah."

"But…But…"

"No buts... I'm fine. I'm not going to cave in RIGHT now, this very minute."

She just looked up at me for a moment. She didn't see any distress, inner torment. I wasn't fidgety or anxious and she could see that I was being honest. The honesty being the major factor.

"I'm so fucking proud of you." She said as she wrapped herself around me with a tear escaping from her left eye.

"Hey, stop that yeah. No tears." I replied.

"I'm just… I'm so..."

I pulled back from the hug to look at her concerned that she was upset but she wasn't. She was so excited and happy. I felt a lump at the back of my throat, seeing her eyes twinkle like that… they should put Emily in the front line. One look at her sweet innocent face, the battle would be over before it even fucking started. Wars would come to an end… She wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me down for a chaste kiss. It took me by surprise, a pleasant surprise. She pulled back and my eyes were fixed on her dilated ones. I gulped, and felt a feeling that I only felt with Emily. Butterflies. My heart swelled and felt like it was about to burst inside my chest. It all felt new and raw. I had been so numb for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to be truly in love with someone. God, I had missed this. I didn't move because honestly I was nervous and didn't want to scare her. But I knew what she was thinking. Her eyes were glancing to my lips back up to my eyes and back again, biting her bottom lip…. She made the first move.

She leaned in slowly and continued the kiss. There was nothing rushed about it. She bit my bottom lip and my legs went to jelly almost giving way. My head was swimming, I felt like I was about to pass out. It was fantastic but then to my disappointment she pulled away and stepped back, half sitting on the kitchen table. I stayed where I was, I was frozen. She reached forward when she realised I was stuck and pulled me closer by grabbing my belt buckle. We stayed like that for what felt like hours, just staring into each others eyes. I was the first to look away. My eyes darting in all directions bar hers. She placed her hand on my cheek and motioned for me to look at her. I didn't know if we were ready for this. I was having doubts and she could tell. I was reluctant to take the next step. The last thing I wanted to do was fail and break her heart all over again. The possibility of me relapsing was still extremely high…

"Naoms, stop thinking and just fucking… just fucking kiss me." She whispered.

She didn't have to tell me twice. I leaned in and gave her the most passionate kiss I could possibly manage and the reaction I got from Emily made my whole body tingle. She broke the kiss only for a moment to remove her top and gently reattached her lips back to mine. I could feel her fumbling with the buttons on my shirt before giving up and ripping it open, running her hands across my stomach and around to my lower back. The sound of loose buttons falling all over the kitchen floor. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up on to the table and placed my self between her legs while undoing the button on her jeans before sliding them and her knickers off in one swift movement. I motioned her to lay flat placing kisses all the way down her neck, past her breasts and down to her stomach as I leaned over her. She started to tremble slightly which caused me to stop what I was doing, worried that she may have changed her mind. She assured me that she hadn't... She told me that she wanted to see me, look at me so she raised herself up shifting herself closer to the edge of the table leaning back slightly using her arms to hold herself up. I stole a kiss from her while she was busy positioning herself, and slowly descended back down to my intended destination. I got down to her belly button and lingered there for a few moments while I got down onto my knees. Her breathing ragged. I lifted her right leg while I stared into her eyes intensely, kissing the inside of her thigh, her trembling turning into almost a shake as I placed her thigh tenderly over my left shoulder. She let out a husky groan knowing what was to come. She tilted slightly to the side placing a hand on the side edge of the table, wrapping her fingers around it for grip. Her other hand she had placed on my head running her fingers through my hair. Inch by inch I kissed and licked my way closer to that place that would cause her to lose control. She was impatient and pushed herself closer to me to close the gap… I was so close but at the same time so far away and she couldn't wait any longer…

The contact caused her to gasp loudly followed by a soft guttural groan as my tongue circled and flicked. I placed a hand on her stomach, stroking softly. Her hips started to rock slow and gentle which caused me to moan into her and the sensation that swept through her from the vibration increased the movement. It had been so long for her, being touched like this, I knew that it wasn't going to last long… The sounds that escaped her lips when she climaxed, well lets just say I was done too. Emily was the only woman who could do that to me without being touched and regrettably I had been with quite a few. Not one of them having this kind of effect on me… I stayed where I was, not breaking contact until I had eased her back down to earth alternating between gentle licking and sucking. She pulled me up by my shirt crashing her lips on to mine with a rough kiss. She pulled back, pushing me away and I felt the back of my knees hit a chair.

(Huh?)

She slid off the table stepping closer to me, her eyes almost black and pushed down on my shoulders forcing me to sit. I couldn't take my eyes off her body. It was just… so perfect. Even if she was to have scars, stretch marks or whatever, I would STILL think that it was perfect, sexy and all that because it belonged to Emily. She lifted up a leg and swung it over mine and straddled my legs and I couldn't keep my hands off of her. She leant down giving me a deep opened mouthed kiss, grabbing my right hand and putting it where she needed it. She pushed herself up slightly with the balls of her feet and when I was in position she lowered herself, letting out a whimper. She wanted more, she needed more and I was going to give it to her. Her hips started to rock again but more wildly this time round as I placed my free hand on her hip, guiding her and setting the motion. She broke the kiss when I used my feet to lift my legs, pushing her up a little as she rocked. She loved it. She grinded herself hard against me quickening the pace, her breathing ragged her moans loud and husky, her eyes unable to stay open. I lifted her slightly again, and she let out an extremely loud 'Ohhhhhh' and her eyes snapped open with her looking down and straight at me in amazement. I flicked my thumb over her um, ya know… and she immediately brought her head down and rested it on my shoulder, pushing herself as close to me as she possibly could, one arm wrapped around my back the other over my shoulder with her hand, pushing me into her neck as I sucked and nipped, her hips rocking rhythmically… she came twice.

She was completely spent, unable to move and breathless. Her head still on my shoulder. I was getting a cramp, but I didn't care I was prepared to stay there all night if I had too. After a while I thought she had fallen asleep.

"Babe?" I said as I ran my fingers along her back causing her to shiver.

"Mmmm." She replied.

"Are… are you okay?"

I heard her sniff.

(Is she crying?)

She lifted her self up to look at me. Tears running down her face. I placed my hands on either side of her cheek, using my thumbs to wipe them away. I went to speak but I couldn't. Did she regret this? Did she finally realise that I was a loser? That she could do better then me? Had she finally woken up? She saw the fear and panic in my eyes and smiled warmly at me, bringing her lips to mine and kissing me in such a way, I couldn't help but groan into her mouth.

"I love you… so fucking much." She said pulling back as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks, her eyes filled with adoration.

_**TBC…**_

**Until next... take care :)**


	6. Part VI

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence,

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily with mentions of Katie & Cook

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**WarLord – Haha, you made a good point there. I actually forgot that I had written that to be honest. You're right; it would be definitely more intriguing to write a proper summary. Thank you for your honesty and I'll get on it right away. ;)**

**Ano Nymous - The author's notes in Part V are my own personal opinion using Emily and Naomi as an example. It has nothing to do with the story or it's outcome. I was replying to a comment that Anotheranon left. They had said that 'people like Naomi should die' as i did not want to make my comment personal I used Naomi and Emily to explain my view on the subject. When you write a story we all get our ideas from our own experiences in life. That's what I've done here. However obvious it might be or whether you like it or not I really don't know, but that's how real life is... I probably should have explained myself better, my mistake.**

**To all readers - Once again, my opinion in Part V has absolutely nothing to do with the story :) **

**Thanks again to all those that have left a comment. **

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part VI**

I was lying on the couch in a ball rocking back and forth in complete darkness and thinking about the night Emily and I had just shared trying to get my mind off of what had caused me to leave her on her own. I didn't want to ruin Emily's night. We had gone to bed and as she was far too exhausted to do anything, I was happy to just wrap her in my arms and watch her fall asleep. I had missed my nightly dose for obvious reasons but it didn't worry me because I felt okay. I had dozed off not long after but I had woken up in a cold sweat. Dreams of getting stoned not helping my situation. I tried to go back to sleep, but my body was cramping up and I was feeling like I was going to lose all resolve. I couldn't. I had to stay strong. I had come too far to just piss it all away. I didn't want to worry Emily with my shivering and take away from the amazing night we had just had so I thought I'd come down stairs and wait until my next fix…

"Naoms? Are you down there?" she asked nervous and unsure.

"Yeah… go back to sleep babe, it's only like 3am." I replied trying to sound as if nothing was wrong.

I heard her soft footsteps coming down the stairs.

"How come you're not in bed?"

I did't reply. I was in agony and also what the fuck was I going to say exactly?

Wait… Naomi, you… you don't regr…" her voice hesitant.

I knew what she was about to ask so I cut her off.

"No… no of course not Ems, don't be stupid, I'm okay. I just… didn't want to disturb you. Restless night." A noise escaping my lips as I clenched at my stomach.

She walked into the lounge room and flicked on the light, which almost caused my eyeballs to disintegrate from the brightness. She looked over at me and it was like she had almost seen a ghost.

"Jesus Naoms, are you okay?" She said worriedly as she rushed down to my side.

"I'm fine… I'm fine." As I continued to rock.

(Who am I kidding?)

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I forgot… Are you having cravings?" she asked. Her voice low and husky.

"No I'm fine." I lied.

"Naomi!"

She tilted her head to the side as if she'd be able to get a better look at me, but it was plain to see that I was far from okay. If you must know, I was actually 2 minutes away from running out of the house. It was unbearable. Emily got up and went to leave the room.

"Where are you going?"

"How much will you need to get over this?"

"What? No, I'll wait." I said hurriedly.

I got up and started to pace the room. I couldn't sit any longer I had to keep moving. Get my mind off it as much as I could. Sitting down only made me pay more attention to the pain surging through my body. I grabbed my smokes off the coffee table and attempted to light a fag.

_**CLICK CLICK CLICK… CLICK CLICK**_

(FUCK SAKE)

I threw the lighter at the wall in frustration. Emily bent down and picked it up and walked over to me. She lifted her hand and lit the smoke full of concern. I took a huge fucking drag and turned away to continue my frantic pacing.

"Go to bed Emily, I'm fine."

"How can I go back to bed with you like this?"

"Fuck sake, just fuck… sorry. I'm sorry. You don't have to stay up with me okay. I'll be fine."

(I'm losing it.)

I kept glancing from Emily to the front door and back again unintentionally. She noticed.

"I'm staying." She replied firmly.

She grabbed the keys off the table and walked to the front door and double locked it.

"What are you doing?"

"Can't have you fucking off now can I." she replied sternly placing the keys into her pocket.

I sat down on the arm of the couch hunched over because my muscles had become sore and tense. Having Emily near me made me feel more anxious and the withdrawals were increasing. I didn't want her to see me like this, but once she put her foot down there was nothing else I could do.

(This must be what the onset of rigamortis fuck-ing feels like. FUCK)

Emily came over and placed an arm around me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME… please don't."

"Naomi, you're not going to last. You've got 6 hours t…."

"NO."

"I'd prefer to give you a little bit now than have you disappear for a month." She replied drearily placing her arm around me again.

"I SAID DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. FUCK SAKE, JUST FUCK OFF YEAH."

As soon as I said it, it was a regret. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Her face dropped at my outburst. She was hurt by my words and by me not allowing her to touch me. I could tell she was thinking about last night and then back to the present. She was shattered, biting her bottom lip and trying to stay strong and hold back the tears but they were streaming out no matter how hard she tried. I crumbled to the floor and started crying like a little girl. I couldn't do this. It was too fucking hard. Emily didn't quite know what to do. Whether to comfort me, tell me to get fucked or just turn away and go back to bed and hope this was all just a dream. I caved in.

"Quick, Ems just go get it." I said in between sobs.

She didn't move. She was deep in thought.

"EMILY SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND GET ME SOME FUCKING GEAR."

It was urgent and I had no patience. I was in discomfort. It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly the sickness sweeps through you. One minute you're not too bad, next minute you're a fucking maniac.

"Where the fuck is it? I yelled. "EMILY."

"I'll… I'll get…"

"NO I'LL FUCKING GET IT. WHERE IS IT."

I got up off the floor and towered over her snarling in desperation like a wild beast. She spun around and walked hurriedly up the stairs with me not too far behind. She ran into Katie's room.

(So that's where she's been hiding it.)

She tried to close the door but I threw myself against it almost knocking her over. She went to go over to Katie's jewellery box, but stopped herself realising that she had just revealed its hiding place. I looked over and went towards it.

(So fucking obvious… I would never have thought to look there.)

"NO NAOMI… I'll get it." She said stepping in front of me.

I didn't say anything instead I just pushed her to the side and opened the box. I was almost drooling upon seeing the white powder. My eyes big and wide. I was like a kid in a lolly shop. Emily came up behind me grabbing on to my arms to try and stop me from taking it. She knew I was irrational. That I'd take more than what I should because it was available. I shook her off turning around bearing my teeth almost growling at her. She stepped back, her hand over her mouth terrified and in complete shock at how vicious I had become. I decided to just pick up the whole jewellery box and fuck off out the room. Thank God Katie was out shagging her latest find. I don't think I could have dealt with the both of them tonight. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat on the cold tiled floor empting all the contents out of the box. I cooked up and was ready to lower the needle where it needed to go. I heard the door unlock.

(FUCK)

I felt under pressure and was shaking so much I had missed twice. Emily rushed into the bathroom, falling to her knees and sliding into me. She put her hands roughly on either side of my face forcing me to look up at her. She was tilting my head up, to one side and to the other. Studying my pupils.

"Thank fuck." She deeply sighed.

I caught her off guard and shoved her away trying desperately to hit the vein. Sweat dripping off my forehead, my clothes almost soaked through and my hand trembling. She urgently reached forward and held my arm so I couldn't make that final step.

"Stop. Think about what you're doing."

"NAOMI… please."

"I need it." I said completely defeated and sobbing.

She was crying too but her voice was strong.

"I know babe, I know… but you're about to fuck up everything you've work for."

I paused and looked directly into her eyes in pain. I saw her tear up all over again and she swallowed a lump that had placed itself in the back of her throat.

"I just… I just want the pain to go away. EMS PLEASE JUST HELP ME MAKE IT GO AWAY." I pleaded.

"Okay, I'll help you, just please… give me the needle." Her voice broken.

I looked back down to my arm. I can't wait. She might not give it back. I lined it up and plunged it through the skin.

"NONONONO, DON'T NAOMI." She said frantically.

She lifted my arm up as I pushed down on it with some of the gear squirting out all over my forearm and snatched the syringe from my quivering hand.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE FUCK-ING WASTING IT." I said hysterically.

"NAOMI?… NAOMI?" She screamed.

She grabbed my lower jaw with her hand forcing me to pay attention. She had full control. She sounded angry.

"Fucking look… Look how much is in there."

I just stared at it in confusion like a dumb fuck.

(It should be coursing through my veins.)

"LOOK." She screamed.

"What? Stop fucking around can't you see I'm in FUCK-ING PAIN." I sobbed.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" she asked but not expecting an answer.

She squirted out more than half of what I had put in there.

(Fuck sake what is she doing?)

"STOP IT. DON'T FUCKING DO THAT." I cried.

I tried to snatch it off her but I was too weak. She pushed me so she could properly read the measurement.

"You fucking bitch. How could you FUCKING…?" I trailed off far too distraught to finish my sentence.

I was emotionally and physically wrecked and dribbling all over myself. She grabbed my right wrist and placed the syringe back into my hand. I immediately hovered it over the vein.

(FUUUCCCKKK)

In, out. In, out, fuck-ing in and fuck-ing out. I couldn't hit it.

"Give it too me." Emily said her voice cracking.

I kept trying. I never had this much trouble before. Maybe I'd miss once or twice but this is fucking ridiculous. I don't know if it's because I'm highly stressed or if it's because Emily is here. She grabbed my arm again.

"Fuck off."

"Naomi, I'll do it."

I stopped trying and burst into tears. I didn't want this. Why was I so fucking weak? Why has it become so hard all of a sudden? Just… Just FUCKING WHY?

"Show me." She said holding the needle.

"Give it back."

"No… Have a look at what you've done to yourself… Just fucking SHOW me what to do." She bit back yanking my left arm by the wrist towards her. Her voice high pitched.

I gave in, not able to fight any longer. I guided her hand as best I could in the condition I was in. I was still highly strung and frantic.

"Here?" She asked.

I just simply nodded. She pushed down and I felt it pierce my skin.

"Ahhh… slow… go slow."

"Is that enough?"

"Yeah, now pull back the…"

She already started to and we both watched my blood mix in with the liquid.

"Push down slowly."

"Like this?"

(Ooohhhhhh fuck)

"Uhuh." I said as I let out a soft guttural groan and instantly dropped my head.

"Fuck babe… BABE?" she said terrified thinking I had OD'ed.

"Mmmm… take… it…. Take it out."

She retrieved the syringe and literally threw it across the other side of the bathroom like it was a snake that had just bit into her hand. I slumped myself against the wall nodding off. I needed a moment.

"Naoms?" she said carefully shaking me. "Naomi?"

"Mmmm." Was all I could manage.

"Come on, come to bed."

"Na…no, not yet. I need a few… minutes."

I nodded off again only slightly aware of what was happening around me. I heard Emily sigh deeply and sit down beside me, pulling me down to place my head in her lap. I could feel her running her hands through my hair and fuck it was relaxing. I was like a baby after just having a feed of warm milk from a bottle. Sleeping, content with a smile on my face. If I had of stuck my thumb in my mouth it would have completed the image. Emily was sniffing and finally she had completely broken down.

"It's fucking hopeless…" she whispered to herself.

She mumbled some other things but her voice was too low for me to hear.

"Em… Emily… I'm sorry." I slurred before nodding off completely. Enjoying the sensation as my body relaxed and all the pain was swept away.

I don't think she replied.

* * *

><p>"Huh? I can't hear you?" I yelled.<p>

"What?" Emily screamed back.

(Exactly)

Katie had dragged me and Ems to this new club that had just opened. She was on the con tonight. God help the poor bloke she casts her sights on. The music was much louder than some of the other places we use to frequent and it was almost impossible to have a conversation. These types of clubs love doing the whole theme thing. It was 80's night and I wasn't really into it. People were dressed up for fuck sake. Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, Boy George… they were all here. Not my scene, not the way I was feeling at the moment but Katie had insisted. She thought me and Ems had sulked around for long enough and it was time we went out and had some fun… I refused but Emily looked disappointed so I changed my mind. Fuck it, what was one night? No fuck-ing way was I getting dressed up though.

"I'm going to get a drink."

"Huh?"

She motioned with her hand and I nodded. She smiled at me and walked towards the bar. I turned away and looked out towards the dance floor. Fucking funny and fucking weird. I felt like I had been transported back through time. Back to 1985 or whatever. I was embarrassed by just watching them all dance to the tracks being played.

(Hahaha fucking hell. Is that what I use to look like?)

Usually I would be jumping around like a dickhead. I loved letting go and theme nights gave you an excuse to act like a complete idiot…At the moment the DJ was playing Love Shack.

_**Bang bang bang, on the door baby**_

All the girls singing and doing the actions. Knocking on invisible doors.

_**I can't hear you**_

All the guys answering and raising a hand to their ear.

Bunch of wankers, but they looked like they were having fun.

(Jesus fuck.)

I spun around after almost having a coronary. Some one had managed to sit beside me without me noticing.

"Hey stranger." She said leaning in close to my ear so I could hear her.

She placed a hand on my thigh and I flinched and shifted awkwardly feeling extremely uncomfortable. I knew Lexie from my drug dealing days. She was one of my regulars.

"Fuck, Lex… wha… what are you doing here?" I said rather shocked.

"Isn't it obvious?" she replied smirking.

I let out a strained laugh. "Yeah, I suppose it is."

"You know, I've been watching you for almost an hour now. Why such a long face?"

"You've been watching me?" I asked a little creeped out.

"It's hard not too… besides, I'm not the only one." She said with a cocked eyebrow and stroking my thigh. "So why is it that you're the only one who looks like they're not having fun?"

"I'm having fun." I replied a little defensively.

"HA… who are you trying to fool? Me or you?" she replied.

I sighed.

"Yeah okay, fine. You win."

She just looked at me for a moment a little sad.

"Come on… I've got something that will cheer you up." She said pulling me up roughly by my hand before I could say anything.

She dragged me through the crowd and into the ladies toilets, going inside a cubicle and locking the door. She pulled out a small bag that had powder inside. I did a massive gulp suddenly feeling anxious. She put a straw in the bag and took a sniff, throwing her head back and holding her nose to relieve the burning sensation.

"Do you want some?"

(Say no, say no, SAY NO)

"Yeah."

(FUCKING IDIOT YOU ARE.)

I had my minimum two sniffs. One up each nostril.

"Fuck Lex, you could have told me there was coke in there."

"I thought you liked it like that?" She replied.

"Yeah but fuck, too much."

I loved speedballs preferably by injecting them because that's where the rush was, but a toot would have to do… I couldn't feel much of the smack and coke on its own wasn't my thing so I pulled out a bag and had another line of just smack this time. Even it out a bit. I didn't want to be bouncing off the walls. I wanted to feel the effects of BOTH drugs.

"Are you back in the game? Why didn't you tell me" Lexie said slightly offended.

"Um, Ahhh, yeah but I haven't been doing it for long…" I replied nervously.

I was still weaning off the shit but I needed money. Bills to pay, ya know.

"You bitch… hey, do you… do you have anymore of that? I'm running low."

"Yeah."

I stared at her for a second.

"What? You're seriously not going to charge me for it… are you?"

"Nah" I said shaking my head "… I'll just charge you double next time." I smirked.

She lightly punched me in the arm.

"Prick."

I handed over a bag and she had another line.

"Ahhh much better… you were right. Way too much." She said seriously.

"Hey can I have that back for a tic?"

She passed it over and I had another two lines.

(That's more like it.)

"Thanks Lexie." I said kissing her on the cheek.

"You're very welcome." She said flirtatiously.

I paused for a moment.

"Yeah soooo… I um, better be getting back out there, before my Mrs. sends out a search party."

She smiled.

"The little red head?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Is she with you?" she asked surprised.

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean."

"No, no nothing sorry, I just meant that she's fucking hot."

I frowned at her.

"Naoms, relax yeah… I'm not going to steal her away. Bloody hell."

I don't know why, but I felt a little angry. Possibly a tiny bit jealous.

"Fuck sake babe, here have another line. You can't go back out there like that." She said as she nudged me with her hand.

"No, gimme the coke." I said

I took a huge sniff. I had too much of the H. I had to perk up a bit.

"Sorry yeah, I'm a little fucked up. I didn't mean to bite your head off."

"Do I look worried?" she replied.

(No, she didn't actually.)

"Thanks… again. I ahhh…"

"Yes I know, you need to go… and you'd like me to wait 5 minutes before I leave so your girlfriend doesn't think that you have been screwing my brains out up against the wall of the cubicle. Right?"

(Fuck she reminded me of Effy… The whole 'I know what you're thinking' thing.)

"Ye… yeah." Was all I could say.

"Nice seeing ya again babe… Have fun." She said cheekily. "I'll be in touch."

"You too Lex."

I walked out of the cubicle and exited the toilets. I looked towards the booth I was sitting at before Lexie had come along. Emily wasn't there. I looked over to the other side and spotted her red hair. She was holding an almost finished drink in one hand and looking around quickly. She looked worried like she had lost her wallet or something.

(She's looking for me.)

I was feeling more in the party mood and the bass was pumping through my chest. The drugs making the experience a whole lot better. I loved the way music sounded when I was high. It was different, it was nice. It's really hard to explain but it is most enjoyable, an experience in its self… I slowly made my way through the crowd and headed towards Emily who had turned her back to look in the other direction. I wrapped my arms around her and she almost jumped through the roof, dropping her glass. She tried to spin around but I wouldn't let her… she tensed up still not knowing that it was me. The DJ had put a song on from an Australian band. I always liked this one. It was catchy. I was waiting for the lyrics to start… I leaned down placing my head on her shoulder and I was feeling cheeky so I licked her ear just before I whispered the lyrics to the song. She tried to wriggle free but I had a tight grip. She was freaking out.

_**How can you see looking through those tears**_

_**Don't you know you're worth your weight in gold**_

_**I can't believe that you're alone in here**_

_**Let me warm your hands against the cold**_

_**A close encounter with a hardhearted man**_

_**Who never gave half of what he got**_

_**Has made you wish that you'd never been born**_

_**That's a shame 'cause you got the lot**_

_**Hey THERE you with the sad face**_

_**Come up to my place and live it up**_

_**You beside the dance floor**_

_**What do you cry for let's live it up…**_

As soon as she realised it was me I felt her body relax and I loosened my grip. I started to sway to the song with her in my arms and she rested her head back. I couldn't help but place kisses all over neck and run my hands slowly over her body so I gave up the singing. I think she was getting a little too excited. She lifted her arm and wrapped her hand around the back of my neck pushing herself closer to me. I looked up for a minute and spotted Lexie having a REALLY good perve. She smiled and winked, giving me the thumbs up. She mouthed 'She's Hot' so I mouthed back 'Fuck Off', giving her my meanest death stare. She laughed and disappeared through the crowd. I knew she didn't mean anything by it. She liked to razz me up… Emily spun around, biting her bottom lip. She crashed her lips on to mine and roughly placed her thigh in between my legs. The sensation almost rendering me unconscious.

(Bloody hell.)

"Let's go." Emily said.

I noticed her breathing had quickened.

"What about Katie? Actually where the fuck is she? I haven't seen her all night." I replied looking around in concern trying to spot her.

"She left…" she said impatiently. "Fuck her, she went off with Billy Idol."

(Hahahaha)

Emily grabbed my wrist and dragged me through the exit.

"Goodnight Ladies." The security bloke said with a knowing smirk.

She turned left and swung me up against a wall behind the club. She roughly ran her hand under my top stroking my stomach as she kissed me open mouthed. I gasped in shock when she rammed her hand down the front of jeans. My legs almost gave way and I nearly fell to the floor, was NOT expecting that… I was the one that was getting it and yet she was doing all the moaning and groaning. It was fucking hot. I have to remember for future reference to get her tipsy more often… She's a goner when we get home. She's not going to be able to walk for two weeks. I'll make sure of it…

* * *

><p>"Where have you been?" Emily asked with a frown.<p>

"Just up the street." I replied.

"Doing what exactly?"

I lifted up my arm to show her the carton.

"Milk."

"And what? That took you almost three hours?"

"I wasn't gone that long."

"Whatever." She replied snatching the milk from my hands.

I didn't fancy an argument so I just went in to the lounge room and popped the telly on. She had been different these last few weeks. The twinkle in her eye no longer present… I could hear Emily in the kitchen slamming cupboard doors and roughly placing bowls and plates on the bench.

(Fuck… she's pissed.)

I flicked through the channels trying to find something worth watching with not much luck. I stood up and went over to the cabinet and sorted through our DVD collection.

(Ah, let's see, Training Day, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shaun Of The Dead, Terminator, fuck… I've seen these a million times over… Ah-ha, YEAH that's more like it. Scarface 'Say hello to my little friend'.)

I loved this one… an old movie and maybe a little violent but definitely a classic. I set it up and sat back down on the couch.

"I want to know what you were doing?"

(Fucking always happens. You're trying to relax and you're in the middle of something and you ALWAYS get fuck-ing disturb.)

"I was getting the milk." I replied defensively.

"That does NOT take three fucking hours."

I turned my attention back to the T.V. without replying.

"Oh that's just great Naomi. Thank you very fucking much." She said spitefully.

"Emily, what is your problem exactly?"

"My problem? My fucking problem? Why won't you just answer me and tell me what you were doing? What are you trying to hide?"

"I'm not TRYING to hide anything. Fuck sake." I replied.

I was no longer interested in watching a movie so I got up and headed for the stairs. She grabbed my arm as I brushed past her and she pulled me back towards her. I could feel her eyes burning into the side of my face, but I didn't turn my gaze from the foot of the staircase.

"Why won't you look at me?"

I took a deep breath and sighed heavily. I felt guilty.

"Naomi? Why-Won't-You-Look-At-Me?"

(She's starting to piss me right off.)

"Fine." She said.

She let go of my arm and allowed me to continue on my way when she realised that she wasn't going to get anywhere and I wasn't about to talk. I jogged up the stairs and laid down on the bed. I felt a bit fidgety so I got back up and thought a nice hot shower would relax me. I finished up and walked into our room with a towel wrapped around myself and grabbed some fresh clothes.

_**Sucker love is heaven sent, you pucker up our…**_

(Gotta change that ringtone.)

"Hello?"

(FUCK)

I ran out the room with only my jeans and a bra on and jumped three steps at a time to get to the lounge room. I had to hold them up because I didn't get a chance to zip up and do the button.

"Who's this?" Emily asked suspiciously.

"Emily give me the phone." I said panicked trying to snatch it from her hands.

She stood back, looking me up and down, intensely.

"She's not available right now…"

"Give me the fucking phone." I yelled as low as I could with my hand outstretched.

She raised an eyebrow at me as she listened to the caller on the other end and pursed her lips.

(Oh oh.)

"I'll pass on the message."

Emily hung up and walked towards me seductively. She slammed the phone against my stomach almost knocking the wind out of me but she didn't remove her hand. She kept it in place while she spoke.

"That was Lexie. She said she had a FANTASTIC time and would like to see you again REAL soon." She said falsely smiling at me.

(Here we go a-fucking-gain. I don't know about you, but I'm sure as fuck sick of this shit.)

She continued walking.

"Ems, it's not what you think."

She didn't even acknowledge me. She went up the stairs and entered our bedroom.

_**SLAM**_

(FUCK SAKE.)

I ran up the stairs and turned the handle of our bedroom door. She had locked it. I jumped in fright when I heard the bass and sound of the CD player shake the floor. It was up full blast. I just stood there for a few minutes to listen to what she was playing.

(She's trying to vent.)

_**Perfect by nature **_

_**Icons of self indulgence **_

_**Just what we all need **_

_**More lies about a world that **_

_**Never was and never will be **_

_**Have you no shame? Don't you see me? **_

_**You know you've got everybody fooled **_

_**Look here she comes now **_

_**Bow down and stare in wonder **_

_**Oh how we love you **_

_**No flaws when you're pretending **_

_**But now I know she**_

_**Never was and never will be **_

_**You don't know how you've betrayed me **_

_**And somehow you've got everybody fooled**_

_**Without the mask, where will you hide? **_

_**Can't find yourself lost in your lie **_

_**I know the truth now **_

_**I know who you are **_

_**And I don't love you anymore…**_

(Where the fuck does she find all these songs? She's got one for every occasion, for fucks sake.)

That was all I could listen to.

"Emily, open the door." I screamed while knocking as loud as I could.

No reply.

"I swear Ems, it's not what you think. Please open the door."

No reply. She couldn't hear me over the music.

_**BANG**_

I kicked the door and heard a slight crack.

(One more should do it.)

_**FUCKING BANG**_

The door flew opened hitting the wall and getting stuck. I think the door handle had gone through the plaster. I ran into the room frantically.

(Where the fuck is she?)

I jumped on the bed to look over the other side and there she was. Sitting against the wall in the corner away from view with her knees up to her chest. She looked devastated. I moved so quickly I almost somersaulted off the bed. I rushed done beside her.

"Emily…"

The music was putting me off. I got up and pulled the plug out of the wall. The 12 inch sub still punching away for a few seconds before it realised that there was no power.

"Get out."

I spun around.

"Em…"

"Get the fuck out."

"NO." I screamed back at her. Kneeling down in front of her again.

We looked at each other for a moment. Hate in her eyes and distress in mine.

"It's not what you think okay."

She scoffed at me. I just kneeled there like an idiot not knowing what to say to her.

(Just tell her the truth Naomi. It's the only way.) My mind echoed.

"I can't believe I gave myself to you." She said shaking her head.

"What?"

"I trusted you Naomi and you fucking stabbed me in the back." She cried.

I was stunned. It's not what she thinks. Fuck.

"Aren't I good enough for you? Is that it?" she asked.

"No, Emily its…"

"Have you fucked her?"

(Fucking hell.)

"Oh my god… were you fucking her when… when you made love to me?"

(Fucking talk to her you twat. She thinks you've been playing her like a violin.)

I was trying to get all the words in the right order before I voiced them, but I wasn't quick enough. Emily had already dissolved into tears.

"Emily just listen."

"How could you do that to me AGAIN Naomi? After everything… how could you fucking do that?" she cried looking at me in confusion.

"EMILY FUCKING" I took a deep breath. "LISTEN TO ME. I HAVEN'T BEEN FUCKING AROUND BEHIND YOU'RE BACK."

"Stop it… just fuck-ing stop. I can't… I can't take it anymore. Don't lie to me."

(I feel as if I'm stuck on repeat. Begging her to listen and just believe me. I don't want to shag anyone else for fuck sake. Only her… Why can't she see that? I am sick and tired of having to say this shit to her ALL the fucking time.)

She was hysterical.

"I'm not lying to you…"

"Then why won't you tell me what you were doing today? Huh? FUCKING WHY?" she paused. "WHO THE FUCK IS LEXIE?"

I didn't answer.

"Just as I thought." She started to shed fresh tears. "I FUCKING HATE YOU…" She screamed. "Just… just go."

I closed my eyes, and sighed deeply.

"Lexie… is a… she's a customer." I replied reluctantly.

"What the fuck is that suppose to mean Naomi? She asked confused. "Is that what I am to you? One of you're fucking 'customers'?"

"No, you've got it all wrong. Fuck sake, just listen yeah." I said running a hand through my hair in frustration.

"Go on then? I'm fucking waiting."

I needed a moment to relax. I mean being a dealer; I can't think what's worse. Cheating or selling drugs. Personally… well I've done both. Trust me. Nothing to be proud of. I'll tell her the truth. I can't stand the fact that she thinks I'm sharing myself around because that's not what's happening…

"Well?"

I breathed out and looked her in the eye. It was hard to do I was ashamed and I suppose either way this may not end to well.

"I sell… drugs to her." I replied.

Her face fell, shock, confusion, anger, hurt, disappointment… My words taking her back to Sophia. I had never in my whole life seen that many emotions flash through someone's eyes in the one moment. I turned away. I wasn't brave enough to face it. To see her looking like that.

"So all this… between us, has been a HUGE fucking lie. Is that what you're telling me?"

"No… no." I said quickly looking back at her in panic.

She was the one to turn away this time. Her focus was all over the place. I was getting a little lost. She was going from one thing to another. I dunno, some things weren't making sense to me.

"This is Sophia all over again." She said talking to herself.

"What? NO" I replied.

"I can't believe you. Fucking hell Naomi. What the fuck is the matter with you? Sophia fucking off'ed herself because of you… Because you sold her drugs."

(That fucking hurt.)

"This is different."

"How Naomi? How-the-fuck is this different?"

"Because I'm not shagging her."

"Oh and that makes it all the better does it?" she cried. "I don't believe you Naomi. I know you better than anyone… Given the chance you'd charm the pants off of the fucking Queen."

"Emily…"

"No just fuck off. I'm done talking. Leave me alone." She said spitefully.

I knew that expression. It was the 'Say one more word and you're fucking dead' face. I wasn't going to risk it. I got up and grabbed my keys. I needed some fresh air. The conversation hadn't gone too well. I'd give her some space to process it all. I think she was too focused on the cheating thing because, I just ADMITTED that I was selling drugs. Emily was normally pretty sharp, she would have guessed that I was using more as well, I mean just one look at me you could tell. It was obvious… I wasn't having any of my little tantrums lately because I wasn't feeling like shit. I wasn't craving. Obviously her mind has been on where I've been disappearing too lately and whose bed I've been getting into, she's failed to see the signs. Her pissy mood over the last few weeks was because she thought I was screwing around. FUCK.

"Wait… You sold drugs or you're selling drugs?" she shrieked. "Fucking answer me."

"Aren't they the same thing?" I asked.

"Don't play games with me Naomi. Which is it? A once off or are you fucking dealing?"

(Give it up Naoms, just tell her.)

"Yes."

"YES WHAT."

"Dealing." I replied.

She paused and looked at me. Actually it felt like she was analyzing.

"So let me get this straight. You're shagging behind my back, you've obviously got no intention of getting off the smack and now you're fucking dealing it. Is that right?" she said squinting at me in anger.

"I am not going to say this to you again Emily. I AM NOT… I REPEAT. .. AM NOT SHAGGING ANYONE BEHIND YOU'RE BACK… okay."

(Fuck sake.)

She ignored me.

"What am I too you Naomi? You're little play thing? Do you just like fucking me, is that it?"

I fucking hated that word used in such a way. I've never just fucked her. FUCK SAKE. I was lost in thought and trying to control my anger and I forgot to answer her. She broke down thinking that she was right. I rushed back down beside her, not caring that she didn't want me anywhere near her.

"Fuck sake. I love you. You know that…"

She was too caught up in her own thoughts and emotions to really hear me. I shook her gently to get her attention. Her big brown eyes hurt looking in to my blue ones.

"Emily, listen to me okay. Fucking think about it. If you were just a… just another fuck I wouldn't be here. Do you understand. You wouldn't let me touch you for fuck-ing months and YET here I am. How could you think that I'm just using you. Why would I put myself through ALL this if you were just another notch on my fucking belt." I tried to reason. "I'm trying so FUCK-ING hard to hold on to you and I know I keep fucking up but I'm trying…"

(I can't tell if she's hearing me or not?)

"I promise you there is nothing going on between Lexie and me or anyone else for that matter. We are not sleeping together. I sell her drugs and that is IT. That's all it's ever been."

(Oh thank god she believes me. I wish she'd stop jumping to conclusions though.)

She was exhausted and physically drained. Her words soft and tired. I think she realised that she had jumped the gun. I could see the reel show playing in her mind. Thinking back to specific events, things that have been said and done. She went to speak.

"Not now... The rest we'll talk about later." I said cutting her off and squeezing her in my arms.

* * *

><p>I was on my way to see Mick. Apparently it was urgent. Some of our 'customers' had been complaining. I knew the reason of the complaints. I had been getting my gear off Mick and cutting it to stretch it out. I had to because I wasn't earning enough cash. My habit had skyrocketed and I was struggling to support it as well as make enough to pay bills, groceries etc. I was on my toes and a little worried about this meeting. I mean, by me taking a risk and cutting the shit, I'm fucking with his reputation and quite frankly, it's frowned upon. I knew this, but I done it anyway. My drug habit over ruling any commonsense I had left…<p>

"You wanted to see me?" I asked.

(FUCK)

He grabbed my shirt and threw me up against the wall. His face right into mine clenching his teeth.

"What the fuck Mick?"

"One chance Naoms. Have you been fuckin' with the gear?" He asked.

I was shocked and pretty much shitting myself. He pulled me towards him and threw me back again against the wall smashing the back of my head into the bricks. I felt the warmth from my blood run down my neck and back.

"Have you?" He asked again.

"Yeah, but…"

"I don't give a fuck why you did it Naomi; just don't you fucking fuck with my stuff yeah. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

I was still stunned.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I nodded frantically.

_**SLAP**_

(FUCK SAKE)

He slapped me so hard the blow had caused me to fall onto my knees making me a little dizzy, my lip cut and slightly swollen. I could feel the blood run onto my chin. He threw a package which slid and hit my hand that was holding me up.

"Now fuck off before I change my mind."

He didn't have to explain. He was sometimes cryptic when he spoke but I had known him long enough to know that I should get the fuck up out of there before they tape up the crime scene and outline my body with white chalk. I picked up the package, gave him the cash for it up front and walked out of there. I wanted to run, but I couldn't even though I was terrified, you know what I mean. I had to keep some level of respect. Quickest drug deal of all time that one… On the way home I stopped off at a nearby railway station and went into the ladies. The incident had shook me up a bit. I expected it but still ya know. I unwrapped the package, prepared myself and jacked up. Fuck me this shit was excellent. I know my mistake, I cut it way to much. I need to cut it so it's not that noticeable. Yep, it'll all work out theres no need to stress over a little spilt milk. Alls good.

I placed the gear in my pocket so it wasn't visible and left for home.

_**BANG BANG**_

"Ems? Katie? It's me, open up."

I heard loud footsteps run towards the door.

"Hey sorry, I forgot my keys again."

"Fucking hell what happened to you?" Katie said as I walked passed her and stopped in the hallway.

(Fuck, I forgot to clean myself up. The drugs numbed the pain.)

"Oh ah nothing, I fell." I said quickly.

"EMILY, BRING DOWN A FACE WASHER. WET IT FIRST." Katie yelled.

"No, I'm fine Katie it's okay."

"WHAT?" Emily yelled back.

"BRING DOWN A WET FACE WASHER."

Emily came out of the room and looked down from the top of the stairs.

"What's wro… Fuck Naoms what happened?"

"Ems, face washer." Katie butted in.

Emily hurriedly ran into the bathroom and came down the stairs two steps at a time. Before she made it down I headed towards the couch.

"Oh my god, Naomi, you're… you're head." Emily said panicked.

She ran towards me almost frantic too scared to touch me in case I was going to break. Katie was just staring at me in a catatonic state having just noticed all the blood in my hair and on the back of my white tee.

"What happened?" Emily asked.

"Na… Nothing I fell."

"That is not caused by a fall." She said pointing at my head. "Tell me the truth. Did someone do this to you?"

"Fuck sake, I said I fell."

I got up off the couch and Katie stepped in front of me.

"Babes, you might need to go to the emergency yeah."

"What the fuck for?" I replied annoyed.

"Stitches."

:I said I was okay, just… stop fussing over me."

Katie looked towards Emily with a worried expression. An expression that was telling her twin to say something.

"Naomi, she's right. It looks really deep." Emily said.

I ignored them both and brushed past Katie and headed to the bedroom. I grabbed some fresh clothes and went into the bathroom.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah I 'spose." I replied.

Emily opened the door and closed it behind her. She stepped closer to me and touched my lip that had been cut. She motioned for me to step backwards and sit on the edge of the bath. She knelt down in front of me positioning herself between my legs.

"Lift your arms up."

I did as she asked and she slid my top off trying to be as careful as she could so she didn't hit my head. She threw it in the corner and rewet the face washer and dabbed at my split lip.

"Ahhh shit." I said flinching and turning my head away.

"Sorry."

She continued to clean the wound and when she was happy with her work she looked up to meet my eyes.

"Babe, please tell me. Did someone hurt you?"

I choose not to reply. Emily let out a frustrated sigh.

"Turn around."

She raised her eyebrow when I didn't move. I was being stubborn.

"That way, now." She said pointing in the direction she wanted me to turn.

She patted the area a little too roughly.

"Fuck sake Ems, gentle yeah."

"There's too much blood, I can't see anything. You'll have to jump in the shower."

I stayed where I was seated waiting for her to leave. I had good reason.

"Naomi… shower, ya know you need to get undressed for that."

"What? You're staying?"

"Um yeah… somebody's got to clean the wound. Take you're jeans off."

I hesitated.

"What's the matter with you? You're acting like I've never seen you naked before?"

(Oh well. Just do it. Saves having an argument. But then again…)

I slid them off easy. Seen I had lost a bit a weight all my clothes fitted loosely on me these days. I tried my best to hide the small package I had that was in my pocket but as always, I don't have the best luck. Emily picked my jeans up and wrapped them in a ball to throw them in the corner and noticed that I had left something in them. She put her hand in there and pulled it out. Her face changing from concerned and worried to fucking angry and explosive.

"What's this? Are you going to tell me it's for personal use?" she said sarcastically, eyebrow cocked. "You promised me that you weren't going to do this anymore."

"I…"

"Before you open you're mouth, you better have a really good think about what you're going to say too me." She said calmly.

I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Is this the reason you have blood all over you?" She asked holding the small package up.

I cast my gaze down to my feet.

"Just leave it." I replied.

"No I will not leave it. I'm fucking terrified Naomi. If the drugs don't kill you, doing this… doing this will." She said throwing the package at me.

"Its hard…"

She cut me off.

"I know it's fucking hard for you, but what? You think that it's easy for me? Watching you destroy yourself? Watching you live like this? What about me Naomi, or don't I count?"

"I know okay, believe me, I know." I replied.

She sighed in frustration.

"You know I love you, and that will never change… but you need to sort your shit out before it's too late."

"What are you saying?" I asked looking back up at her.

She paused and inhaled deeply. I noticed her eyes become teary.

"I'm saying" she exhaled. "I'm saying that I don't know how much more of this I can take." Her voice cracking. "You're killing us both."

I was shattered and decided that it was safer to look down at my feet, but I suddenly felt weak so I lowered myself on to the edge of the bath and sat down. I put my head in my hands trying to work out what the fuck I was going to do…

"Naoms, its one thing cheating on me…"

"Emily!"

"No it's okay, just listen because I need to say this." She replied.

"It's one thing that you cheated; I've even accepted the fact that my girlfriend has a drug addiction but this, dealing… Naomi, you need to hear me right now. You need to stop."

She paused for a moment.

"Are you listening to me?"

I nodded my head.

"I can put up with a lot of shit babe, but I don't know if I can handle you dealing. I'm scared enough worrying that you're going to OD, I don't need to stress every time you leave the house frightened that someone is going to fucking hurt you. Can you understand that?"

I nodded my head again silent tears streaming down my face.

"I want us to work and I know you have it in you to do what needs to be done. You've just got to want it bad enough. Want ME bad enough…" she took a deep breathe and kneeled down in front of me. "As much as I don't want to say this Naoms, you need to make a choice. What is it that you want? Me… or the drugs?"

"Emily I…"

She cut me off not knowing what was really going through my head.

"No, you don't have to answer that right now. Have a think about it… just don't take to long."

She placed her hand under my chin and lifted my gaze to hers. She looked scared. Possibly regretting what she had just said. Making me choose and making it sound so final. I had heard what she said, but it didn't sink in. My mind was somewhere else. I think she noticed.

"Come on babe, forget all that. Get into the shower."

I removed my underwear while Emily ran the tap and jumped under the hot water. I washed out the blood that was in my hair and Emily washed it off my back. She was talking to me but all I did was nod my answers. What she had said earlier finally sinking in. I finished up and Emily helped me get dressed. She examined my head again now that the blood was gone, saying that I really needed a few stitches. I refused. There was no need because quite frankly, I just didn't give a fuck. She opened the door expecting me to follow her to the bedroom, but for some reason I didn't move. I felt like I was stuck in neutral not being able to get my transmission into first gear.

"You coming?" Emily asked.

She frowned when I just stared at her blankly. I was disturbed. She could see it.

"Naomi, are you okay?"

She knew something wasn't right. She stepped over to me and placed her hand in mine and pulled me gently out of the bathroom and into our bedroom.

"Naoms?"

I was trying so hard to hold it all in but I couldn't anymore. It was something that I had been thinking about for a LONG time. The events that occurred earlier tonight finally tipping me over the edge. I broke down crying hysterically.

"I wish I was fucking dead…"

"Naomi, don't fuck-ing say that."

"But I do, I can't help it. I'm no good Emily… The sooner you realise that the better for everyone… I don't want to live anymore. I DON'T want to be here."

It was Emily's turn to cry. She was panicked when she heard her suicidal girlfriend state her confession.

"NO STOP IT. Don't think like that. I fucking need you. Tell me please… FUCK-ING TELL ME YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING STUPID."

She grabbed me by the shoulders on both sides and shook me. She could see that my lifestyle and the hurt I had caused everyone, more importantly her had taken its toll. She saw that I had given up, defeated by my addiction. The blue eyes that were staring back at her had no life in them anymore. They were dull. The light in them switched off… the only thing left staring back at her was complete darkness. She knew I meant what I said…

"Oh my God Naomi, please just… just fucking answer me." She was frantic. She shook me harder.

"I won't." I replied unconvincingly.

"You promise me… you fucking promise me that you won't do anything."

I didn't respond and that was it; Emily was clinging on to me for dear life, crying and pleading for me to not do anything silly. Wounds from the events that I had received earlier in the night completely forgotten about. My crying had ceased. I was just sitting there, empty. There was nothing left. I couldn't see the future only blackness. Death. All my focus was on that. I was wasting Emily's life and to a certain extent Katie's as well. I wasn't good enough to share the same air as these two. I knew that. I was so broken that I couldn't even feel guilt, regret, sadness. There was no emotions left in me. All the suffering I had caused in the past was playing through my mind, still I felt nothing.

"You can't fucking leave me Naomi. Not like that, do you hear me. Don't you fuck-ing dare leave me like that." She wiped her eyes and pulled herself together. She paused for a moment before she spoke.

"I need to know one thing… Do you still love me?" she asked petrified of the answer.

Something VERY slightly shifted inside of me at the thought of Emily and the way I felt about her. The blackness had become a shade lighter… Charcoal.

"Yes… very much." I whispered sadly.

"If that's true, NAOMI LISTEN TO ME." She yelled placing her hands on either side of my face. "Look at me. You need to fight this. I need… I NEED YOU TO FIGHT THIS."

I turned away and cast my gaze to floor.

"There's nothing to fight for. I've got nothing left. Ems... theres nothing left." I said coldly.

It sent a shiver down Emily's spine.

"You're stronger than this, I know you are. You've always been the strong one... I don't understand." She said dispair in her voice.

I just stood there.

"Babe please" she pleaded.

"I use to be..."

_**TBC…**_

**Please review. Thanks for reading.**

**The lyrics in this chapter are from;**

**- Love Shack by B-52's**

**- Live It Up by Mental As Anything**

**- Everybody's Fool by Evanescence**


	7. Part VII

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part VII**

I had frightened Emily the other night because I couldn't keep my big fucking mouth shut. I felt flat, depressed and hadn't experience genuine happiness for so long, everything just felt so hopeless I couldn't help but blabber on like an absolute idiot. I still feel like that now to be honest. I don't want to live like this anymore and I try not too the PROPER way but I'm trapped in a vicious cycle. One that I can't seem to get out of no matter how hard I fucking try. How could I possibly look forward to the future? There was nothing to fucking look forward to. Except for Emily… but still, I can't help the way I feel. I mean, I have never tried to kill myself; it's only ever been a thought, a constant thought ALWAYS playing on my mind. I didn't mean to blurt it out last night, but I was an emotional wreck. Now Emily thinks the minute she turns her back I'm going to open a vein or purposely OD. She insists that she's in the room every time I jack up to make sure I don't exceed the required dosage... I don't think I could do it; well honestly I'm not sure. I know I have the balls to do it, and sometimes I really want to just get it over with but there is something that always holds me back. I haven't quite figured out what that something is exactly but there is a little part of me that's thankful that its there. Whatever it may be… I'm just so sick and fucking tired of feeling miserable all the fucking time and having to use drugs so I don't get sick. It sounds like I'm being weak or attempting to take the coward's way out. That's not the case. People can only take so much in life, some are just stronger than others but you'll never know what it's like to be so depressed that you just want to stop breathing, to stop fuck-ing feeling. A lot of people say 'What? I'm depressed and I don't want to kill myself'. Yeah well you may THINK your depressed but you're definitely not… maybe a little sad, but you sure as fuck haven't hit rock bottom. Even when you think you have, there's another 1000 foot drop before you actually hit it. When you get to that level, then you can come back and talk to me… I'm not going to do it because I know eventually this feeling will pass. I'm just feeling really fucking low at the moment and it fucking sucks.

"Naoms, what are you doing in there?"

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

"NAOMI, I told you not to lock the fucking door. NAOMI."

I opened the door and what was looking back at me was a very distraught looking Emily.

"S…Sorry, I forgot."

She took a few deep breaths to calm the rage that had swept through her before she spoke.

"What were you doing?"

"Nothing." I mumbled.

She placed her hands on her hips frowning.

"Nothing huh? So why did you feel the need to lock the door then?"

I shrugged my shoulders "I dunno, habit I guess."

Her face turned bright red as she went to explode. She knew exactly what I was doing. It was far too obvious not to notice.

"Ems, chillax babe, she didn't mean it yeah… easy mistake to make." Katie said coming to my rescue. "She won't do it again." She turned to face me with her eyebrow cocked. "Isn't that right Naomi?"

"Yeah… Yeah, I'm sorry won't happen again." I replied.

I walked into our bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed to tie up my laces. I was having a bit of trouble. I upped my dosage just a tiny little bit in hopes of feeling some sort of pleasure. It worked, but it wouldn't take long before I'd have to up it more to get that same desired effect, but I'm not going to stress about that right now. I could hear Emily yelling at Katie and telling her to butt the fuck out of it before I heard her stomp her way down the stairs in a fury. Katie stood in the door way.

"Naoms, where are you going?" She asked as she closed the bedroom door.

"I just gotta go…FUCKING CUNT." I screamed at my shoes.

"Fuck sake, calm down. Here, I'll do it." Katie replied kneeling down to tie my laces.

"Thank you."

"So… where are you going?"

"I gotta do something…" I replied still annoyed at my inability to tie a fucking lace.

"That's not what I asked you."

"Fuck Katie. What? Can't I even leave my own fucking house now?"

"No… no you can't."

"Fuck off."

Katie finished up with my laces and stood up. She was glaring at me.

"WHAT?" I spat.

"How long are you going to be?"

"Is this 20 fucking questions or something?"

She reached towards me and grabbed my fucking ear if you can believe that and twisted the fuck out of it.

"AHHHHHH fuck sake."

"How long?"

"OKAY, okay, couple of hours. Jesus."

She paused for a moment.

"I'm assuming that you're going to get rid of what's left yeah?"

"What?" I replied.

"The smack… you're getting rid of it, ya know, because you want to be with my sister."

The conversation between Emily and I was replaying in my head.

"Uh yeah, yeah of course." I replied. "FUCK SAKE KATIE." I screamed as she twisted my ear again.

"If you do anything stupid or if your one minute late, I'll fucking kill you myself. Got it?" She said with a final twist to prove her point. "It's 10 now… Bitch you make damn sure you're back by 12. DON'T make me regret it."

"I won't, I won't… fucking hell."

She released my ear and adjusted her top by pulling it down. She smiled at me like we had just had you're average everyday conversation. She opened the door and paused.

"Don't worry, I'll handle Ems… Oh and Naomi, FUCK-ING sort it."

It looks as if Katie is taking sides, but she isn't. I guess it's just that she's an outsider looking in and isn't attached on the same level as me and Emily. She's just giving me a break. The benefit of the doubt. Emily thinks the minute I'm on my own I'm going to take the opportunity to end it all, she doesn't realise that it doesn't really work like that. Well, not for me anyway. I don't blame her for being the way she is, she just scared, but I feel like I'm suffocating. I suppose Katie could see that and that's why she's placed a certain amount of trust in me. A trust that I won't abuse as far as 'doing anything stupid' goes… When it came to Mick, I mean something inside of me doubted that he'd do anything to Ems, but the fact is he DID say he would, whether he meant it or not I'm not a 100% but I don't really want to take that chance. His a fucking lunatic for fuck sake. A wanker, but mentally un-fucking-stable.

* * *

><p>Finally after two long months I have gotten through to Emily and convinced her that I'm not about to throw myself of the fucking CSB. I was just having a VERY bad day and blah blah blah. I was telling the truth. Yeah I might not want to live anymore, not like this anyway but I had come to the conclusion that I just have to try and 'get better'. Ride with it and be patient. I still had a glimmer of hope that I'd get my shit together. Emily was right; I do need to WANT it bad enough, I've just got to get my mind right and mentally prepare for what I have to do. It's not like I can just drop everything and wake up the next morning and everything will be fine. I know that. I was stressing and letting everything get on top of me. Rushing, trying to accomplish too many things in a short amount of time which was contributing to the depression that I was suffering because I wasn't making any progress… Get off the gear is number one. Number two, fuck Mick off. I've come to a decision. I'll be fucking watching that tosser and if he tries anything, I mean, I'm no lagger but fuck him. I'll sing like a fucking canary. His little ass will be in jail and I won't have to worry bout nothin'. He might have his connections, HA, I've got my own. I've been in the game long enough, I know how shit works. I'm not stupid. There will be no vendetta against me (I hope). The only thing he'll be concerned about is NOT to drop the fucking soap. I'm not sure how to approach the subject with Mick, whether to threaten him with it when I decide to go my own way or just wait and see what happens after I give him the flick. Which ever way I decide to go it's not going to be pretty for either of us, but I don't care…<p>

I had finished up for the night and with nothing else to do it was time for home. It was a big day, I've been out since the morning and it's getting close to 12am. I was well out of it (as usual) and turned up my street. I approach the house and wondered what the fuck was going on? All my clothes are spread all over the front yard. I rushed to the front door, and put my key in lock.

(What the fuck?)

It's not working… maybe wrong key? I have a quick look and no, it's definitely the right one so I try again but with no luck.

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

"EMS… EMILY."

I look up as I heard the upstairs window slide open and Emily's head pop out.

"Babe can you open the door. My ah, key doesn't seem to be working." I slurred.

"I changed the locks."

"What? Why?"

She stared down at me with her lips pursed together. She didn't seem too happy. She looked like she had been crying.

"Emily?"

"We're through… done. Fucking finished that's why."

She tucked her head back inside and went to close the window.

"Fuck. Wait."

"What?" She replied dryly.

"Can't we talk about this?"

"There's nothing left to discuss Naomi. Get all you're shit and fucking leave."

"Why are you being like this? Fuck… what have I done? At least tell me that fucking much for fucks sake."

She paused for a moment.

"Lexie came by today looking for you."

"Emily, how the fuck can I be responsible for that…"

"She needed a fix, said you hadn't been answering you're phone and she was desperate. She even paid upfront." Emily said sarcastically.

Emily reached into her pocket and threw some cash down towards me.

"Here… now I suggest you fuck off back to her and give her what she needs. She didn't look to well." She said with an evil smirk.

Emily stood back and closed the window.

(I'm gonna kill that fucking bitch. How many times do you have to tell someone not to come around under ANY circumstances?)

"EMILY"

"Excuse me. Naomi isn't it? If you don't leave her alone, I'll call the police." Our neighbour interrupted.

"FUCK OFF, you fucking wanker" I yelled back.

"Oh how rude."

"WHAT?... Rude? You know what's fucking rude you cocksucker, BUTTING into other peoples fucking business… NOW go back into your fucking house and FUCKING stay there."

Emily heard the commotion and stuck her head back out the window.

"It's okay Jack…"

She looked directly at me with her eyebrow cocked.

"Naomi was just leaving."

"If you need anything, just yell out dear." He replied.

I was in a homicidal rage. I picked up a rock as he was entering his house and threw it as hard as I could. If he hadn't of closed the door I would have got that fucker right in the back of the head.

"NAOMI." Emily screamed shocked when she saw what I had done.

"Fucking what?"

She took a breath.

"You need to leave."

"Emily just talk to me. Let me in."

"No…"

"It's my fucking house."

"FINE THEN, I'LL FUCK-ING LEAVE."

She had no where to go, neither did I for that matter but I wasn't about to kick her and Katie out… my mum wasn't around anymore so she wouldn't be showing up unexpectedly. She went off God knows where with God knows who. We haven't spoken for a couple years. Not since I started using. So the house was mine. Well looks like Emily's now.

"No, it's okay. You stay." I replied dismayed.

"Listen Ems, please yeah… don't do this. I'm sorting it out..."

"Naomi, you're always fucking sorting it, but nothing changes." Her voice high pitched.

"But…"

"There are no buts… I warned you that you needed to stop using, stop dealing. You fucking told me you would STOP but you haven't. You lied. YOU ALWAYS FUCKING LIE. I can't be with you anymore. Not while you're like this. I have given you every chance to get off the smack but."

I stayed silent. She changed direction.

"I love you, but I can't continue on like this. I'm sorry. Goodbye Naomi." She said her voice broken, silent tears streaming down her face.

"YOU LOVE ME? FUCK YOU EMILY."

I was outraged… The drugs not helping my explosive mood. I looked around the yard for certain items to take with me muttering to myself in anger. She could keep the rest. Won't need them where I'm going. I grabbed two pairs of jeans, three tee's, one hoodie and 2 jackets. Luckily she had thrown a bag out here to so I placed everything I had collected inside of it.

(Don't forget you need underwear.)

I grabbed a handful of knickers, socks and a few bras and shoved them in the bag also… I came across a pair of my Converse, well just the one shoe.

"Ems, hun..." I said sarcastically. "What the fuck am I going to do with one shoe?"

I hadn't noticed that she had gone back inside closing the window so I sifted through all my belongings and turned up with nothing.

"BITCH, GIVE ME MY FUCKING SHOE."

The window slid open and before I knew it I was on my back star gazing.

(What a fucking shot.)

She had thrown the shoe and it had hit me right in the head almost knocking me the fuck out.

"Ahhhhh Fucking hell Emily, what the fuck?"

I think she went to apologise but changed her mind.

"You've got your shoe, now please just go." She said, the fight in her voice no longer present.

I was still very much angry.

"YOU CUNT." I yelled bearing my teeth.

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I nearly fucking died. I didn't even know where they came from. She just stared back down at me, her mouth open in shock. She was hurt, broken… fucking shattered. She burst into tears clutching at her chest.

"Emily… Emily fuck I'm sorry, I didn't mean it yeah. It just slipped out. I…"

"GO."

"I'm sorry. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. Please can't we sort this out?" I replied panicked.

She didn't say anything. She was trying so hard throughout this confrontation to stay firm and strong, but as usual I had hurt her and reduced her to tears. She was almost hysterical, but she managed to pull herself together.

"It's too late Naomi… I don't want to see you like this, not anymore… I can't handle it. You're tearing me apart… Now please, go."

(That's it Naoms… looks like you don't need to stress about rolling over on Mick. It's over. You've just lost the best thing that's ever happened to you… and it's you're own fault. You can't blame anyone but yourself.)

I stared at her intensely taking in her beautiful lips, her gorgeous red hair, the curves of her body, her eyes… everything. I never wanted to forget. I dropped my gaze down to my feet, picked up my bag and turned away. I slowly made my way to the footpath.

"Please, TAKE CARE of yourself."

It sounded more like she was pleading, begging even. I just gave her a half smile that I know didn't reach my eyes due to the change of expression she had on her face.

"What do you care?" I replied.

"How can you say that? Of course I fucking care."

"Whatever."

I turned away and took a step.

"NAOMI" She called out.

I didn't look at her this time.

"Never doubt that I love you."

I took a deep breath and continued my way down the street without responding.

(Where too now?)

Lexie's. That's where I was headed. She was going to get a fucking earful, and because of her fucking stupidity she can take me in 'til I figure out what the fuck I'm gonna do. I got down to the end of the street and dropped to my knees, crying. I felt like I had just been hit by a ton of bricks. The situation finally sinking in. She left me. She's fucking left me. It's not right. This wasn't how it was spose to be. I just… I needed more time. Everything would have been okay, why didn't she just wait.

(She's waited long enough.)

I gripped my hair in frustration trying to stop that inner voice replying to all my questions. I felt like I was going mad. This is so fucked up. How could I let her slip right through my fingers?

(Naoms, get up… she might calm down in a few days yeah.)

I pulled myself together, brushed myself off and made my way towards Lexie's.

* * *

><p>"Naoms, I'm sorry…"<p>

"Sorry? YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY… IT'S A BIT LATE FOR A FUCKING APOLOGY. SHE'S KICKED ME OUT, DO YOU UNDESTAND? IT'S FUCKING OVER BECAUSE YOU NEEDED A FUCKING HIT."

"It wasn't just because of that and you fucking know it." She replied.

"Lexie, I would be home right now with her in my arms if you didn't fuck it up."

"Don't you dare fucking blame this shit on me. It was going to happen sooner or later… look just calm down yeah, she's just another tart you'll find some…"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?" I screamed stepping closer to her.

I was so fucking angry I was grinding my teeth. She's lucky I don't slit her fucking throat for calling Emily a fucking tart. She saw the look in my eye and took a frightened step backwards.

(Naomi, relax… she doesn't know how much you love Ems.)

I took a few deep breaths to try and calm down before I painted the walls with her blood. I was fucking furious but to an extent I knew deep down she was right. It would have happened sooner or later. I had put Ems through to much; it's better this way even though at the moment I didn't agree…

(FUCK IT.)

"Where's you're bathroom?"

She was too scared to reply.

"Bathroom… Where Is It?"

"Th… Thr… Through there." She replied shakily, pointing down the hallway.

I left Lexie in the lounge room and made my way down to where she had pointed. I closed the door behind me, popped the lid down of the toilet, took out my kit, sat down and cooked up… I felt all the pain wash away and it had been replaced with a welcoming warm pleasurable rush. I groaned when I felt it sweep through my entire body and slumped back unable to hold myself up any longer.

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

"Babe, can I come in?"

"Mmmm."

I heard the door open but I didn't bother to open my eyes.

(I COULDN'T open my eyes.)

"You love her don't you?" She asked hesitantly.

"Ye… yeah, I do."

"I'm sorry yeah, I didn't know. I thought she was just another Tess."

"Hmmm, you thought wrong." I slurred.

She walked over to me sighing and grabbed my hand.

"Come on Naoms, get up."

"I'm comfortable." I replied.

"The couch looks more inviting."

I tried to get up but failed miserably. Lexie threw my arm over her shoulder and wrapped one of hers around my waist and escorted me to her couch. I fell down on it and stayed in an awkward position. Lexie had to grab my legs and swing them on to the couch so I was lying down in a more natural one. I nodded off almost instantly, but she kept shaking me to stay awake.

"Fuck sake, how much did you take."

"Enough." I mumbled.

"Try and stay awake for a bit yeah."

_**SLAP**_

"Stay awake." She demanded. "I'll get you a coke okay."

I just simply nodded.

I was in a dream… a nightmare really. I was at the lake. The one Emily and I had first made love but it was different. It wasn't a lake it was a swamp. The tree's had no leaves on them. They were dead. The ground was dry and bare. There were no sounds of birds or any kind of animal. It was eerily silent. There wasn't even a breeze, the air was deathly still. I wanted to go swimming and Emily was crying and begging me not to go but I wouldn't listen to her. I jumped in anyway. As soon as I did, I couldn't move. The water had turned into a thick mud and I was slowly sinking. Emily rushed to the side and reached over to try and take my hand. I felt her finger tips brush against mine but I couldn't reach over enough to grip her hand completely. She was screaming for me to try harder, get closer to her but I couldn't. I tried desperately to kick my legs. I only had to move 3 inches to be able to reach her but it was like my legs where set in concrete. I was exhausted and breathless trying to fight, trying to get closer as the mud had reached my chin. Emily was crying hysterically, screaming for me to stop it. 'Just fucking stop it' she cried 'grab my hand' but it was impossible. I couldn't do it… The mud had almost covered my nose, so I took a huge intake of air, as much as my nasal passage could handle. 'Don't go Naomi, stay here. I'm not ready.' I had sunk in further and the only sense that I had left out of the five was sight. I couldn't hear her because the mud had clogged up my ears but I saw her lips move. She said 'I love you'. My chest felt tight like it was being crushed. I slipped further under unable to breathe and I felt the mud swallow me whole and everything went black…

"Ahhh fuck Lex… what are you doing?"

"Oh thank fuck for that. You fucking had me worried there for a second."

Lexie had lit a fag and decided to use me as an ashtray. She butted the smoke out on my arm.

"Are you serious? Couldn't you wake me up like a fucking normal person?"

"Naomi, I have been slapping you, shaking you and pinching you for almost 10 minutes."

I didn't say anything. Memories of the disturbing trip I just experienced creeping back. I shook it off as I usually did. It's not the first one I've had, but they never fail to freak you out a bit.

(Emily)

I almost started crying when I remembered that she was no longer mine.

"Hey… hey babe, it's okay."

"No it's not…"

"Shhh, let it out Naoms, don't bottle it in yeah." She replied leaning in and wrapping me in a hug. "Everything will work out fine."

I broke down completely.

"I'm such a fucking idiot Lex."

"No you're not babe."

"I am, I'm just… I've lost her. She's gone… I love her so FUCKING much, I don't think… think I could live without her… I feel like I'm dying."

She pulled back and looked at me her eyes teary and her face concerned.

"Don't talk like that Naoms. Things will look up yeah, give it time."

I couldn't respond. I crumbled completely in Lexie's arms. After I had a good cry for about five minutes I reached into my pocket and grabbed out a bag. I sprinkled some onto my hand and raised it to my nose.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" I replied drearily.

"Um it looks like you're trying to fucking kill yourself."

"Don't be daft." I said slightly offended.

"Babe, have a look in the mirror yeah, you look like death warmed up."

"I'm fine, I know my limits."

I sniffed what was on the back of hand and threw my head back.

"See." I said smirking slightly with a raised eyebrow.

Lexie just looked at me seriously, kind of like I had gone completely insane. I threw the bag toward her, knowing that she'd need some later on. I was going to bed and didn't want to be disturbed… I laid down on Lexie's because she hadn't put down any sheets or blankets on the one in the spare. I was thinking of a plan. I know in my heart that Emily meant everything she said but I wasn't going to just walk away without trying. I'd give her a few days to chill and go back around to see her. If I don't she'll think I don't love her and that I don't give a fuck… but I know I'll be wasting my time. Well not 'wasting' exactly, not where Emily's concerned regardless of the outcome.

* * *

><p>I went through my daily ritual. Today was the day. It's been a week since I last saw Emily and to be honest I was in two minds about going to see her but I had to do it. I didn't want any 'what if's' hanging around. I needed to know that it was well and truly over before I could at least TRY and move on. I don't think I ever would, but I can't look to far ahead into the future. I need to live day by day otherwise I'd go completely mental. I locked up Lexie's flat and made my way towards where I use to live. It was a good 30 minute walk but I was there before I knew it. I was too busy thinking about what the fuck I was going to say to her. It's never been one of my strong points, ya know, expressing how I feel. Today won't be any different. I would have been shaking like a leaf, nervous but I had taken care of that before I left. I had to… I walked up towards the path and before I reached the door, it opened with Katie stepping out. She looked unhappy, even though she was dressed up with her make up done to perfection…<p>

"What are you doing here?"

"Please, I just need to see Emily."

She shook her head.

"It's not a good idea; I don't think she wants to see you."

"Katie, please… five minutes is all I ask." I begged.

"What, looking like that? Jesus fuck Naomi, don't you look in the mirror?"

(WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MIRROR BULLSHIT. FIRST LEXIE NOW KATIE. FUCK SAKE.)

I looked down to the ground. I was trying not to show any aggression. Katie wouldn't stand for it. I heard her sigh.

"Go on, 5 minutes. I'll be counting. If you're not out of there by then, I'm coming in to get you."

"Thanks, Katiekins." I said with a depressed smile.

Her expression didn't change.

"Don't thank me." She replied flatly.

I brushed past her and stopped in the door way.

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs."

I nodded and took two steps at a time. I knocked on the door and heard Emily's husky voice answer.

"Katie, I'm fine… Just leave me the fuck alone."

The sound of her shattered voice pulled at my heart strings. I opened the door and entered the bedroom. When I saw her I felt dizzy. My legs had almost gone to jelly. She had gotten herself dressed for the day, but her make up was every where and she was sitting on the bed. She looked pale, sick even.

"How the fuck did you get in here?" She asked surprised.

"I ah…"

"Did you break in?"

"What… no. Ka, Katie let me in."

"I don't want to see you Naomi. I thought I made myself clear the other night."

"I know but, I had to see you. I had to make sure."

She exhaled deeply and looked me up and down frowning at my appearance. I could see that she was angry, well more like furious but worry was mixed in there also, even though I could tell she was trying to hide it.

"I need to know something."

She didn't seem to be listening.

"Emily?"

"What? Why did you come here?" Her voice husky with emotion.

I took a deep breath but before I could answer Emily started to cry. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I was frozen.

(It's Emily; she might push you away but at least try and comfort her for fucks sake. I mean you are the cause of all this.)

I rushed down and kneeled in front of her. I knew it was hopeless. I knew that it was better for me to just get up and leave. Allow her to move on. She deserved a better life, a life that I couldn't give her. I wanted to be the ONE to give it to her, but… I decided to go another way rather than try and convince her to take me back.

"Emily, I wanted to say goodbye."

She cast her gaze onto me staring at me intensely not really expecting me to say that. She looked kind of relieved.

"I love you… it's only ever been you do you understand?"

She nodded.

"Before I go, can I… can I…" I trailed off as I leant upwards placing my lips onto hers.

She gasped and didn't move at first, but after the initial shock had passed she responded. It was the most passionate kiss I could ever give or have given to anyone. It was slow, tender and deep and fucking meaningful. I pulled away slowly leaving her there with her eyes still closed. She looked a little stunned, not knowing what to say. I stood up and turned away to leave. She finally found the words.

"Remember what I said… I can't see you like THIS anymore." Her voice cracking.

I dropped my head knowing full well what she was trying to say, even though she was being cryptic. She was saying that if I ever sorted my life out to come find her, BUT not before then. I knew that this would probably be the last time I ever laid eyes on her… I walked out of the room closing the door behind me. I heard her quiet sobs and resisted the urge to go back in there. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I knew she meant what she said. It was over. I said goodbye to Katie. I told her I loved her and to look after Emily. She didn't say anything. I left Katie on the doorstep and walked onto the footpath.

"Take care." She yelled out.

I didn't turn towards her; I just lifted my arm and gave her a thumbs up. I was fucking shattered but kind of happy in a way. At least we had parted on not so bad terms. I mean it wasn't exactly the best of terms but at least there was no doubt about the feelings I had for both Emily and Katie. It wasn't pretend… They had every reason to hate me, just like everyone else but I dunno, maybe they were more understanding… they could see the demons inside of me. My everyday battle to try and keep them at bay but failing time and time again. The addiction to strong to overcome. Even though I felt like a completely different person, maybe… just maybe they could still see the old Naomi in there somewhere. Maybe that's why they stuck around for so long. Any 'normal' person would have fucked off ages ago. I mean my own mother did so why not them?... I continued my way down the street remembering all the good times, the funny times. It was all I could do to keep myself from going insane and finally snapping. The first day I laid eyes on Emily. I knew back then that one day I'd make her mine, but it took awhile, I was so scared of loving another girl, loving Emily. She knew though, as quiet and as shy as she was, she could see. She stalked me for fucks sake. The memory making me smile slightly. Our first kiss in middle school. I denied my feelings for her and ran off trying to push her away. She had let everyone believe that I was the one who had kissed her. I copped so much shit through the years because of that and yet I didn't say anything. I didn't set the record straight. Without realising, I was protecting her even then… The first day at college, OH MY GOD. That red hair. You know how hard it was to stop myself from pushing her up against the lockers and taking her there and then. It was almost fucking impossible… Pandora's party. Wow, is all I've got to say on that one. That was when I knew I was a goner. I was lost in her gorgeous brown eyes and she fucking knew it. I remember after breaking the kiss saying to her 'you're gay'. What I really meant was 'I'm gay' and it was fucking obvious I was whipped. The Lake, our lake… a side of Emily I had never had the pleasure of seeing before. It was our first time together. She was shy at first not quite sure on how to make the first move so was I for that matter, but bloody hell did that soon change, she became so confident taking the lead. I'll never EVER forget that night…

(God I love her.)

I approached Lexie's flat and stuck the key she had given me into the lock. I entered and went straight into the bathroom. The bad memories starting to override the good. I had to wash them away. This feeling of heartache, pain and loss was much worst then withdrawing from any drug. MUCH FUCKING WORSE. You couldn't even compare the two… I slumped down to the floor and took a few moments before getting up and entering the lounge room. Lexie must have just gotten home because she was sitting on the couch. I'm sure she wasn't there before. She looked a little pissed.

"Fucking snob."

"Huh? What are you on about?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter." She sighed. "Come sit down." She said patting a spot next to her.

"Music… I need some music yeah, where's your CD's?"

She pointed towards the corner where she had a CD stacker or shelf, whatever there fucking called. I flicked through what she had.

(How fitting… Rehab.)

There was a particular song on there that I liked. It was fucking depressing, but I wasn't exactly in the partying mood now was I. It would fit perfectly. I took the disc out of its case and popped it into the CD player.

_**Da Da Da Da Da **_

_**Da Da Da **_

_**Da Da Da **_

_**Sittin' in traffic another day of feeling nothing **_

_**Tryin' to find somethin' **_

_**I guess its back to huffin paint and model glue **_

_**How I die when I look at you smilin' **_

_**Lovin' life and all I know is blue **_

_**Rainy days and cold stares, broken love affairs **_

_**Everything's beautiful as long as I ain't there **_

_**I guess I wasn't meant to crack a smile **_

_**Who cares, I think I'll go to sleep for a while now **_

_**I'm barely livin' in my skin **_

_**Depression's my only friend **_

_**And I don't know where I am headed **_

_**Try and to forget where I've been **_

_**And I'm so sick of lyin' **_

_**God, please, show me that silver linin' **_

_**'cause I've heard tell and I'm not well **_

_**My head's full of hell and this world's a jail, but **_

_**And it don't matter and I don't care **_

_**I let my pain into the air **_

_**'cause everything good's over there **_

_**And everything here's hard to bear… **_

"Fuck Naoms, turn this fucking shit off. Are you trying to make everyone depressed?"

Lexie got up and took the CD out replacing it with something else. I cringed when I heard it. Fucking hell so not in the mood for this… Personally I didn't mind the song, but Twisted? Seriously. Lexie snorted a few lines of something. I assume it was coke by the way she jumping around. I sat down on the couch after tweaking up the bass. I wanted to feel it threw my chest. It was relaxing, all my concentration on the beat. I closed my eyes and drifted into a light nod.

"Babe?"

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Lexie had straddled my legs when the beat of the song had slowed its pace. Her pupils were fucking HUGE. She cupped my head in her hands and leant in kissing me. Slowly grinding herself on to me in time with the beat. I got lost for a moment, kissing her back and resting my hands on her hips… I pulled away turning my head to the side waking up and no longer fucking interested… She was not Emily. No where fucking near it.

"Get off."

"What do you think I'm trying to do?" She replied seductively.

"NO… I mean get the fuck off ME."

She wasn't hearing me. She ran a hand down my stomach putting her finger tips just under the hem of my jeans. I grabbed her hand before she went any lower.

"Lexie, No okay. I'm not going to say this again… GET THE FUCK OFF ME."

She wasn't listening. So I roughly grabbed her and threw her to the side so she landed on the couch. I didn't want to hurt her; I knew she was off her face. We were only friends, good friends. I mean we use to muck around about stuff, but never ever crossed any lines. It wasn't like that between us. Even if it had of been still, the answer was no. I didn't want anyone else touching me. I couldn't give a flying fuck if it was Angelina Jolie; MY Emily was far more sexier.

(Stop saying 'my' Emily… She ain't yours anymore.)

Fuck it…

"Lex, I'm goin' to bed. Settle down on the coke yeah."

"FUCK YOU NAOMI."

When she comes down and crashes from her high she'll be so fucking embarrassed…

* * *

><p>"Fuck babes, you look like shit."<p>

"FUCK OFF."

'Hahaha, trouble in paradise ey?"

"Just give me the fucking gear yeah."

"Okay, okay, chill… Here." He replied handing me a package. "You know, I've got a lot of respect for you Naomi. You're never scared to tell me where to go. I like it."

"I couldn't give two fat fucks Mick. I'm not after you're respect."

"Exactly my point Naomsy." He replied grinning.

(What the fuck is wrong with this wanker? His got bipolar or schizophrenia or fucking something. One minute he wants to kill me, next his telling me how fucking GREAT I am. I'm fucking confused.)

"Yeah, well see ya."

I grabbed the package and made my way back to Lexie's. I had to cut the gear before I distributed it. Make some extra dough, moolah, cash… how ever you want to put it. I walked into her flat did what I had to do and was about to leave, when I noticed a note pad sitting on the desk. It was distracting me. I suddenly had an urge to write Emily a letter. I know she said she didn't want to see me, but she never said anything about reading a letter.

_**Dear Emily,**_

_**I…**_

No, scratch that… I started to tap the pen on the desk to try and think of the words. Fuck it, I was never good at it anyway. She'll understand what I'm trying to say.

_**Emily,**_

_**It was all me, I was the problem… Just know that I'll ALWAYS love you. I'm sorry.**_

_**N. **_

In this case I suppose less is more. I looked at what I had written.

(Jesus fuck… it sounds like I'm goin' to off my self.)

I flipped the page over and added…

_**It's not goodbye… it's see you later.**_

I meant it… maybe one day, I would be free. Free of a life of drugs. Free of a life of crime… just FREE AS A FUCKING BIRD, and then maybe Emily would allow me to be in her life one way or another. It was something to look forward too. Keep me going and motivated. I folded up the paper and placed it into my pocket. I'll go round there early hours of the morning sometime after 'work'. I'll stick it on the door…

* * *

><p>"Naomi?"<p>

I was sitting down, slumped against the side wall of a café having a fag. I had been banged up for almost 6 months and only just got out about FUCK how longs it been? I think three or four days. I'm not too sure… As soon as I got out I went and seen Mick. It was nice of him to give me a welcome back present. I was fucking flying.

"Who wants to know?" I reply not even bothering to look up.

There was no reply and I was getting a little annoyed so I turned my gaze upward. All I could see was a shadowed figure, the sun making it hard to see as I squinted.

"Well, what do you want?" I slurred.

There was no answer.

"If you're not gonna talk, fuck off then."

The figure stood like a statue for a few moments before deciding to turn away and walk hurriedly down the street. I followed them with my eyes…

(Red.)

I stood up immediately after recognising who it was.

(FUCKING STUPID. How could you NOT recognise that voice you twat.)

I ran to catch up and passed her, stopping in front to slow her pace. She kept walking avoiding eye contact. I was walking backwards trying to pull her up.

"Emily, I… I didn't know it was you."

She didn't reply and continued walking.

"Sorry… just STOP for a…" I trailed off tripping over uneven concrete landing flat on my back, whacking the back of my head on the pavement. "… sec." I finished off holding my throbbing head.

She stopped in front of me, staring at the sorry state in front of her. I got up off the floor not knowing what to say. First thing that came to mind.

"Do you want… want to have a coffee or something with me?" I asked hesitantly. "My shout." I added flashing the best smile I could come out with.

"I can't, I'm running late."

"Ah come on, 10 minutes yeah, for old time's sake."

She paused for a moment taking in a deep breath.

"Yeah okay… for old time's sake." She replied.

"Cool, follow me."

We went back to the café and I told her to take a seat out front while I went in and ordered myself a coffee and Ems a tea with honey. I remembered that that was her favourite. When she took a sip, she was quite surprised that I had remembered. She didn't say anything but she gave me that look ya know. I chuckled quietly to myself. She was still adorable. We sat in silence for a bit, not a very comfortable one I might add. I started to get a little fidgety so I pulled out a fag. It's funny, I had thought of all the things that I wanted to say to Emily if I had ever seen her again but now that she was in front of me I was completely blank. She was the one who broke the deafening silence.

"So… how have you been?"

"Yeah, yeah I've been good. How about you?" I replied over excited.

"Better."

(Better? Odd thing to say.)

A few more moments of silence.

"What have you been doing with yourself?" she asked looking me up down. She wasn't the only one. The other customers were doing the same.

(I guess they're not use to seeing someone such as me with someone such as Emily. FUCK 'EM. I mean I was clean and dressed nice enough, but I guess they could see I was an undesirable. An ex-con who was on a completely different planet.)

"I ah, I just got… out." I replied hesitantly.

"Out?" She asked shocked.

"Um, yeeaahh."

"How long were you in for?"

"… About 6 months."

Emily paused again pursing her lips.

"What did you do?"

"Assault." I replied almost wincing.

(This is fantastic, great conservation starter… NOT.)

"Why 6? Isn't it normally out in 3?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yeah well, I couldn't seem to keep out of trouble… Anyway, enough about me yeah, what have you been doing with yourself?"

"When did you get that?" she asked pointing to my forearm and ignoring my question.

(Fuck sake.)

I folded my arms so she couldn't see, but I think she already did. I think she wanted to verify.

"Before I went inside."

"Can I see it?" she asked.

"Ah, no… I mean it's just a dragon yeah, nothing too exciting."

I was worried about the track marks but also the tattoo itself. I suddenly felt embarrassed.

"I wanna see it." Looking at me with her puppy dog eyes.

I couldn't say 'no' now could I?

(Fucking weird… how does she still have that effect on me?)

I unfolded my arms and placed my left arm on the table reluctantly. She gently grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm towards her. She looked at it intensely, studying it, running her finger over every line, tracing the picture. She had even run a finger over the light bruising that had appeared on my arm. She stopped for a moment and looked back up at me with sadness in her eyes. I couldn't hold her gaze so I lowered my head. She traced her finger back down towards my wrist stopping in the middle of my gray wash tattoo before continuing to trace the letters that had been written on it. E-M-I-L-Y. It was written in a fancy script so it was kind of hard to read it at just a glance. You had to really look at it to know what it actually said but somehow I think she had already noticed it before she had even asked to look at it.

"So who's Emily?" She asked.

(Is she being funny or does she think there's another Emily?)

"Ah, um… you." I replied biting my lip and retracting my arm.

She didn't say anything but when I looked back up at her, her lips weren't smiling but her eyes were if that makes sense.

"Anyway, what um… What have you been up too?" I asked.

"Studying, I rarely have time to do anything else these days."

"What are you studying?"

"Well, I had a lot of thought and decided I wanted to help people, so I enrolled in a course to become a paramedic."

"A paramedic… really?" I replied shocked.

"Gee thanks Naomi."

"No, no that's great, actually that's awesome Ems. How long do you have left?"

"Another year and then I can finally get out there and put my training into good use." She said with a proud smile.

"I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks."

I took out another fag and lit it shaking slightly, but it wasn't me who noticed.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked concerned.

"Huh?" I asked as I followed her gaze to my hand. "Oh, yeah I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Happens all the time don't worry about it. I just need some sugar." I said as I stood up. "I'm gonna grab a coke. You want one?"

"Not a coke but another tea would be nice, thanks." She replied.

I walked back inside the café and placed the order and quickly snuck off to the bathroom. I was starting to feel a little off so I had a quick toot put the gear back in my pocket and went back out to the counter to pay.

"Oh sorry, can you put a little honey in the tea… I forgot."

"Yeah sure hun, no problems."

"Thank-you."

I took the drinks and went outside placing them on the table. I opened the coke and took a swig.

"Better?"

"Huh?"

"Sugar."

"Oh yeah, see much better." I said lifting my hand to show I wasn't shaking anymore.

Emily just frowned at me, knowing what I had just done.

(Why does she still care? It's been almost a whole year since I've seen her. More importantly why do I still feel ashamed?)

I don't know why I had to know, but it was playing on my mind during this whole conversation so I decided to just come out and ask her.

"You seeing anyone?"

"What?" She coughed out almost choking on her tea.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be nosy or anything, I just…"

"No it's okay; you just caught me by surprise… Are you?" Directing the question back at me. Her voice extremely husky.

"… No."

She cocked an eyebrow as if to say 'I know you Naomi, don't fucking lie'.

"No one special." I quickly shot out.

Silence.

"Well? It's your turn." I said with a cheeky smirk.

"There was someone." She said lowering her gaze towards her cup of tea. "… but I… they had other priorities… I expected them to realise what was more important. I was waiting for them to come back, but they never did."

I could hear her voice crack very slightly; I only noticed it because I knew her so well. If it had of been anyone else they wouldn't have even picked up on it.

"They never came back? Fucking why? I asked angrily seeing that she was hurt by their actions. I was fucking furious.

She looked back up to me.

"You KNOW why."

(Oh… how did I miss that?)

Fuck sake… she was talking about me. Now I feel like a right twat… I 'm not sure but I got a feeling this conversation was going to get awfully serious.

"Why are you still living like this?"

"Like what?" I replied slightly offended.

"Naomi!"

"Can we NOT talk about that please?"

"I got your letter."

"Oh."

_**Something's wrong, shut the light**_

_**Heavy thoughts tonight**_

_**And they aren't of Snow White**_

_**Dreams of…**_

"Fuck… sorry I really have to take this." I said looking at Emily apologetically as I answered my phone.

"Hello?"

"Naoms, that ah thing you wanted… it's ready yeah."

I looked at Emily feeling a massive rush of guilt. She noticed and didn't look to happy.

"Ah yeah, cool. Thanks. I'll see ya soon."

"Sorry."

"It's fine." She replied. "Was that Mick?" She asked spitefully.

"What?"

"I know, Katie told me about your little situation."

"She did what? Fucking bitch…" I said angrily. "I never told her who it was."

Emily chose to ignore the bitch comment. Something told me that Katie didn't tell her everything because Ems would have mentioned it. I was thankful, because back then I was worrying for nothing. Turns out Mick had no intention what's so ever to hurt Emily. It was me over reacting and too drug fucked to really see things for what they really were… Thinking back to that, makes me feel like a complete fucking idiot. It was an empty threat that he used against me to ensure he got his money, which he did and that was the end of it. The threat had expired but I was to dumb to fucking realise. I blame Tess… she fucking got me all nervous and shit. Bit of a coincidence that she happened to bump into me that day… I wonder if Mick had anything to do with it… Fucking shifty bastard.

"I'm not stupid Naomi; I put two and two together… Why else would Mick want his money? When it's you involved it could only mean one thing?"

(Thanks Ems.)

"But how do you know that?" I asked

"You're kidding right? I was there… remember."

I looked at her confused for a moment trying to think back. Emily sighed deeply.

"Forget it, it doesn't even matter."

"No tell me. You brought it up."

"Do you remember when I was going to dye my hair a different colour?"

(Oh yeah, I was gonna dye my hair green if she changed the red... actually her hair is still red now. I admit it made me smile.)

"Yeah…"

"It was after that. On our way home."

I paused for a moment trying to bring up the memories of the day.

"Hahaha yeah, Chloe." I chuckled.

"Who the fuck…" She stopped talking for a second realising that she sounded jealous. "Who's Chloe?"

"And you're having a go at me for not remembering… I told him you're name was Chloe."

"Oh."

"Oh." I mirrored sarcastically.

Silence. My phone started ringing again.

"Yeah?"

"Babes, I heard you just got out, why haven't you been over to see me?"

"Lex…"

(Oh Fuck)

I looked up at Emily when I accidentally slipped, using Lexie's name. She was trying to hide her anger… Her eyes looking right through me.

(Why is it like we never broke up? All the emotions are the same. It's really strange.)

"Hey, I'll call you back."

"But…"

"I said I'll call you back."

"So you're still hanging around that tart?" Emily asked.

"Don't be like that."

"Don't be like what? When are you going to wake the fuck up Naomi?"

"Emily, we haven't seen each other for almost a year, I don't understand why…"

She cut me off.

"I still worry if you must know. I don't fucking know why, because I know that I shouldn't, but I do care about what happens to you."

I was stunned. What the fuck do I say to that? I mean, I'm not going to lie, I still think about Emily everyday. What she's doing? If she's okay? Who is she dating? That last one though I try not to think about to much. It infuriates me.

"Naomi, fancy seeing you here."

(FUCK SAKE.)

I didn't reply. Emily was just staring from me then back to the officer trying to figure out what was going on exactly.

"Not selling today?" He said sarcastically.

"Fuck off wanker."

"I could put you up on a charge for that."

"Yeah you would too, ya prick." I replied.

"Now that's not very nice… I should ask you to empty you're pockets for talking to me like that."

(Tosser… he was talking to me like I was a five year old child.)

"Piss off yeah, can't you see I'm busy." I spat.

He turned to face Emily.

"Trouble this one." He said tilting his head in my direction. "If she's not selling, she's assaulting people. I'd stay well clear of her if I were you miss."

"Well officer, you're NOT me… so if you don't mind can you please leave us alone… Or should I make an official complaint for harassment.

(Jesus Christ…)

He wasn't expecting that. You could see it all over his face. He was fuming, but 'official complaint' and 'harassment' shut him up real quick. He turned back to me.

"I'm watching you Campbell. One of these days you'll slip up, and when you do… I'll be there waiting. You got that."

"HA… you'll be waiting a long time." I replied.

He wasn't happy, but he was done talking. He turned and continued on his merry way.

(Cocksucker.)

Emily was off with the fairies thinking hard about something. The last couple of minutes with the cop not fazing her at all, like it were normal.

"Naoms, can I ask you a question?"

"Depends what it is?"

"What was it like for you in… in jail?"

(Paramedic huh? She'd be better as a detective with all of her questions. Wanting to know every little detail. Bloody hell.)

"Well, it was jail, ya know." I replied.

"I know it's just…" She inhaled deeply. "It's just that, you seem… different."

I was still in lock up mode… defensive and all that.

"What the fuck do you mean by different?"

Emily sat up straight, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"Fuck, I'm sorry yeah, still adjusting."

"Maybe I should go." She replied grabbing her bag.

"No please don't I'm sorry, stay." I pleaded placing my hand on her arm.

She sat back down carefully.

"You just seem so aggressive. More so than before." She stated hesitantly.

"I was like that when we were together, don't you remember the councilor?"

She looked at me as if to say 'how the fuck could I forget that'.

"You still had control over it… I don't think you do anymore."

(I don't want to talk about ME, can't we move onto something else. Fuck sake.)

"I just got out Ems… I need time to readjust."

"Did something happen to you in there?"

(FUCK-ING HELL)

"What makes you say that?"

"I can tell…" she whispered sadly.

I took a deep breath. Its Emily here, just tell her. Nothing 'really' bad happened, it could have though… but it didn't.

"When I first got there, some of the other girls got wind that I was a dealer and an addict…"

She almost started crying, knowing where I was going with this.

"No don't do that yeah… it's okay." I tried to reassure her before I continued. "They thought I would have brought some gear in with me for sure so…"

"Oh my god Naomi. I don't know if I want to hear this…" She cut me off.

I continued anyway. I knew what she thought had happened, but it didn't so I kept talking.

"There were five of them. They took me into the showers and tried to ya know, relieve me of the gear they thought I had but… but a screw came in before they could… I had put up a fight, but it was impossible against five, I was beaten badly…"

She didn't say anything… she couldn't anyway. Her hand was covering her mouth, her face pale.

"Anyway, after that they kept making remarks ya know… 'We're gonna get you' 'You're fucked' and all that… Well I snapped. I went for the 'ring leader' she was a big bitch, but I fucking gave it to her good. There was so much blood Ems, I thought I had killed her…" I trailed off deep in thought.

Emily still said nothing.

"I was dragged off to the block; the bastard screws gave me a few 'love taps' before locking me in. I can't even remember how long I was in there for… but I know it was a while… The worse thing about it was I couldn't get my hands on any gear while I was down there so I started to go through withdrawals. It was fucking unbearable…"

"So they didn't do…"

"No, there was no 'decrotching'. They actually left me alone after that. They thought I was mental. Everybody was scared of that bitch, I was too but it was me or her, ya know."

Emily finally found her voice after the mental image had faded.

"What… what happened to her?"

I breathed out suddenly realising that I was holding my breath throughout the conversation.

"Ahhh, broken nose, fractured orbit and a few missing teeth…"

I sounded as if I was ordering a pizza or something. Emily was staring at me like she didn't know who I was.

"Emily, deep down I'm still the same person… it's just being locked up changes you a little bit. I had to be like that in there otherwise I wouldn't have made it… "

"H... how did you get through the withdrawals?" she asked.

"I ah, I thought of… you." I replied looking down at the table.

It was the truth; it was the only thing that kept me going… It's one thing being locked up but when you add a full blown addiction to the mix, it's completely and totally fucked up. I looked back up and Emily was shedding quite tears.

"Ems, please don't do that yeah… its fine, I'M fine." I said forcing a warm smile.

(I wasn't fine… I was fucked up.)

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" Emily screamed. "HAVING A GOOD LISTEN THERE WERE YOU? FUCKING TOSSER."

(FUCK)

Emily stood up and went to move towards the guy who had also stood up in shock. I instantly stood up blocking Emily's path.

"Emily… fuck calm down. Its okay, just relax." I said in a calm voice.

"People like her should never be aloud to walk the streets." They guy butted in directing his statement at me.

I pushed Emily away and ordered her to stay where she was. The language coming out of her pretty little mouth was horrendous. I turned towards the guy telling him to seat the fuck down. For some reason, people seemed to do what I told them to do… I don't know why, maybe there was an aura around me that said 'don't fuck with me'. Who knows? I hadn't quite worked that one out but it came in handy at times so who was I to complain. I leaned in and whispered in his ear so Emily couldn't hear. He immediately stood up, grabbed his belongings turned to Emily and apologised, with Emily replying with a 'FUCK YOU'. He almost ran down the street screaming.

(Fucking soft cock.)

"I think we should go, ya know, before someone calls the cops."

Emily didn't say anything.

"Come on." I said as I grabbed her bag off the table and handed it to her. "Weren't you late for something?... Emily?"

"What? No… no I lied."

I paused for a moment, looking around at all the spectators.

"Okay well, come on I'll walk you home then... So how's Katiekins?" I asked with a smirk trying to get Emily's mind off of the depressing shit.

* * *

><p>I was sitting in Lexie's flat remembering the day that I had run into Emily. Fuck that was like a year and half ago. Time sure does fucking fly. I haven't seen Ems since then. I think she realised after our conversation that I was too far gone so she asked me to leave. She was upset and I didn't want to cause anymore shit for her so I said my goodbye and it was nice seeing her, take care. She said she'd like to see me again at a later date I agreed of course but I had no intention too. Not because I stopped loving her, because fuck, ya know… just look at me. When I do go and see her, I'll be clean and sober with a respectable job earning an honest living… My life sorted.<p>

I wasn't staying with Lexie, she just let me use the place to cut the gear and bag it up. I was kind of living all over the place. No fixed address. It was better this way. It was harder for people to find me and get a jest of my routine. I had become really security minded. It was forced upon me, but in the end it keeps me safe. A few months back I was jumped by two desperate junkies. They pulled a knife out on me when I refused to give them what they wanted. The bastards got it anyway after they fucking stabbed me. I was lucky though, they only got me in the arm. They lost a good knife; they left it in the wound. I carry that same knife with me everywhere now and you'll never find me slinging in the same spot twice. Not after that. No fucking way. I had been saving up a little nest egg for when I get out the game, which will be soon. I've even cut down a heap. I only need to jack up twice a day… Well, I guess it's still bad but I mean it's gotta be better than 6 times a day. I'm not doing it entirely for Emily, I mean I don't think she'd be waiting for me, that's just unrealistic. Nah, she's well and truly moved on I'd say even if I haven't. My heart still belongs to her and ALWAYS will believe it or not and as much as I'd fucking love to be her 'one and only' it would be ridiculous of me to even think it a possibility, but I still wish to be in her life somehow. Being a friend would be enough for me so I am aiming towards that. Mostly though, I'm doing it for myself which is why this time it's different. This fucked up life I've been living, I'm FUCK-ING over it. Although I'm an addict myself, looking at others makes me physically fucking sick. It's taken me long enough to wake up and smell the roses, but hey… better late than never. The feeling sorry for myself has long passed and has been replaced by an unstoppable drive that's taking me down the right path. It's refreshing. I'm so sick of breathing in the same old stale air. My head finally back above water. I can breathe again. It's a fantastic feeling, especially when you've been so numb and fucking depressed for so long. I almost feel reborn, shinny and new like a penny. LIKE A DIAMOND. Sparkling, glistening in the sun light. The dark clouds that once hung directly over my head, dissolving into the bright blue sky. I still have my shit days, but they pass. There's more good than bad. Sometimes, I admit… I'm all over the place, scattered, but it doesn't last long. I'm not worried about it. My plan, this time next year… Off the smack, honest job with a shitty income (Hahaha), my own place paying bills etc. like a 'normal' person. 9 to 5 hours and when I feel that I have something to show and prove that I am no longer a loser, ex-con, smack head, then just maybe I'll knock on Emily's door and say hello. New clothes, a much needed haircut, fuck I might even go for my driver's license. Get myself a car. Nothing flash, just something to get me from A to B. Yeah, that would be awesome. I've never even driven one before… I have had a weird and to some extent, exciting life but I just want to slow the pace down. Become a 'boring' person because to me personally, THAT'S what's exciting. I feel good… I feel confident, I want it so bad I can almost taste it and absolutely nothing is going to get in my way. Not this fucking time. Some of the old me is starting to peak through. The stubbornness, the cockiness, it's all coming back. Maybe not the best trait's to have in most situations but in this one, it is a much needed tool to get to where I want to be. It's a necessity… All those people who thought I wouldn't amount to anything, that I was nothing but a fucking loser… I can't wait to see the look on their faces when I prove them all wrong. Just fucking wait and see. It makes me chuckle now just thinking about it, I'm evil I know haha, but that's how confident I am. That's why I know this time it's for real.

_**TBC…**_

**Incase you're wondering what the CSB is in the part where Naomi finally convinces Emily that she's not about throw herself off it, it stands for 'Clifton Suspension Bridge'.**

**Songs in this chapter are from;**

**- It Don't Matter by Rehab**

**- Twisted by Wayne G ft. Stewart Who? **

**- Enter Sandman by Metallica (Naomi's Ringtone.)**

**Also, next chapter will be from Emily's point of view.**

**Thanks for reading… ;)**


	8. Part VIII

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**Thanks to Alice for her continuing interest in the story. I love ya babe :) and thanks to everyone else who has left a message, review and/or subscribed. I love you guys too. Hugs and kisses for everyone lol.**

**Lizurd - Hope the story is still relatable. Thanks for your comment too yeah. It put a huge smile on my face :) **

**This chapters a little bit longer than usual so just hold in there.**

**We are now reading from Emily's point of view starting after Naomi walked Ems home after their little catch up at the café.**

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part VIII**

"Ems… you okay?"

I was deep in thought. Distracted by Naomi's presence. What the hell am I doing? I shouldn't have even stopped to speak to her. When I saw her, I should have walked in the opposite direction. I knew I'd be too weak. Why the fuck did I invite her in. She has to leave before I end up doing something stupid.

"Yeah, I'm fine… Listen Naoms, I'm feeling kind of tired…"

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked slightly disappointed.

I nodded the answer incase my voice betrayed me by saying 'no'.

"Okay, well… I guess I'll see ya around then. Take care yeah." She replied getting up and walking towards the front door quickly as if she had done something wrong.

"Wait!" I called out.

She spun around looking at me confused.

I threw my arms around her pulling her in closer for an intimate hug. I don't think she expected it because her arms stayed at her sides for a few moments before she returned it. When she kissed my neck, which wasn't unusual because she always did that when she hugged me, it sent a shiver down my spine I was so close to losing all control especially when her perfume invaded my sense of smell. She pulled away before things got out of hand.

(Maybe she felt it too?)

"Will you come and see me again?" I asked her.

"Ahhh…"

"Please." I asked trying not to sound like I was begging.

"Yeah okay, sure. Why not." She replied smiling.

(Oh my God… Emily, stop right there. Do not look back at her lips.)

"Soon I hope?" I said with my eyebrow slightly raised.

"Soon." She agreed.

She turned back around opening the door without saying another word. I couldn't help but watch her walk down the street, almost biting through my bottom lip. I wanted her so badly. The urge to run back out there after her was so strong I almost did... There was one thing about Naomi; her eyes never lied, even after being locked up and living a hard and dishonest life. Something in her eyes told me that she wasn't going to come back. There was no doubt in my mind that I still loved her. I could tell she still felt the same for me. The love and adoration in her eyes whenever she looked at me was still very much there… I felt lost, like she had taken yet another piece of me with her. I walked mindlessly up the stairs to our once shared bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed replaying the whole scene at the café. Although she didn't look well, I still thought she was the most beautiful, breathtakingly gorgeous girl, well woman seen we weren't 17 anymore, my eyes have ever had the pleasure of seeing. I had to keep reminding myself of all the pain and suffering that we had gone through but my heart just didn't want to listen to reason. Tears started to stream down my face at the thought. The battle between my heart and my mind was overwhelming. I knew that I had done the right thing by kicking her out, hadn't I?

(But she's still using… she's been in jail. How did it help by YOU kicking her out?)

It still could have ended up that way regardless of what I did.

(But she told you she was sorting it…Did you really do everything you could? I don't think you gave her enough time.)

Yes I did. I did everything she asked me too, things that I would never ever do for anyone else. I gave her plenty of time.

(Yes… but did you really?)

Shut up shut up, SHUT UP.

(You know I'm right.)

I couldn't help myself. I lost full control of my emotions and crumbled. I had to get it all out. It doesn't help trying to fight it… Deep down, I knew that I couldn't blame myself for Naomi, but it's hard not to think like if I had of done this or that differently maybe she'd be okay, maybe she would have kicked her addiction, maybe we would still be together… Seeing her today slumped against a wall, had knocked me for a six, almost looking homeless, except for the way she was dressed. She obviously still looked after herself you could clearly see that, but when she looked up at me I could tell that she was no better then before. I wanted to kneel down and hug her, I wanted to run away, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to slap her… It's just so fucking confusing. What's right and what's wrong? I wish I knew, but it's not like someone has written a manual with instructions that I can pick up at the library that will point me in the right direction. The only person who understands is Katie. It's a shock I know but she's been there and witnessed. Cook, Panda, JJ, Effy… all of them not really understanding the fact that Naomi and I DO love each other. They are focused on the drugs, the lying and cheating. I get why they have ill feelings towards Naomi, but at the end of the day she hasn't done anything to them… I know that there just being protective.

"Are you okay?" Katie asked concerned.

I didn't answer because I was too consumed in the activity I was participating in. Crying.

"OH MY GOD Ems, what's happened?" She asked panicked.

"Naomi."

"What? What about her?" She paused for moment looking at me confused. I saw her eyes well up with tears as she went to speak. "She's not… she isn't… de"

"NO, no." I cut her off knowing full well what she was thinking.

I took an extremely deep breath.

"I saw her today." I confessed still crying like a child.

Katie's face went from sad to fucking furious.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE DO? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

I couldn't answer her.

"Emily." She said shaking me. "Emily, you didn't, did you?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You didn't ya know… sleep with her?"

(I wanted to.)

"Fuck sake Katie… what do you think I am?" I shrieked through my broken sobs.

"Relax babe, I didn't mean anything by it."

"I wouldn't be upset if I had." I replied.

"You would be if she left you right after." She said matter of factly.

(Okay, that shut me up. She was right. I would have been fucking devastated.)

I was being silly, I knew that, it's just seeing Naomi after almost a whole year, well it was unexpected. Even though I kept telling myself that I had moved on and stopped loving her… I was lying to myself. I did miss her but it wasn't until today that I realised just how much.

"Emily, if she's done something to you, I want to know. I'll fucking kill the bitch…"

"She hasn't done anything okay. I'm just being an idiot." I quickly replied wiping away my tears with the sleeve of my top.

"Then explain to me why I've come home to you like this?"

Fresh tears started to stream down my cheeks. I couldn't hold them back when I pictured how unwell Naomi looked.

"She looks so sick Katie… I just… I…"

Katie wrapped her arms around me finally understanding the situation and gave me a tight squeeze in an attempt to comfort me.

"Come on Ems, stop that yeah… there's nothing any of us could do. We tried." Katie replied in a soothing voice.

"I know but, you should have seen her… it's so much worse than before… Why can't she see it Katie? Why?"

I had become hysterical. I don't know why I was in such a state. Usually I'd have a quiet sob here and there, but this was just, I don't know… weird. Ridiculous even. I think it's because what I remember of Naomi was different to what I had seen today. A lot fucking different and it was a complete shock to the system. I didn't think it was possible for a person living and breathing to be able to look like that. That pale and thin. It definitely pulled at my heart strings to see her that way. The only thing that had stopped me from crying in front of her was the fact that she still seemed to have that twinkle in her eye. The one she had when we were together, when we were happy.

"Look Ems, I know you love her and everything but it's been a year. You need to move on. Enough's enough, ya know."

"How the fuck can I Katie? Can you tell me because I'd love to fucking hear it?"

She didn't reply because she couldn't tell me. She knew how much I loved and still love Naomi. God even she did, obviously not the same way I did of course but there was a love there.

"Come down stairs… I'll make us a tea."

"Can you put honey in it please?" I said depressingly.

(I can't believe after all this time; Naomi would remember such a small detail.)

Katie released me from her embrace and exited the room. She had changed so much. I was quite proud of her. No longer was I standing in her shadow and she no longer stood over mine. We had become equals. She was no longer that artificial person back in college only concerned about herself or how I made her look or worried about boys, boys and fucking boys. She had grown into a loving, caring and big hearted woman it's almost difficult to imagine her any other way. I was thankful that she was my sister. I couldn't have asked for a better one. She didn't leave my side after Naomi and I had broken up. I was shattered and completely torn apart but Katie was there to help pick up the pieces, put me back together so to speak. She never once complained… I went into the bathroom and quickly jumped in for a shower.

(Jesus.)

It was a memory that I had suppressed coming back in full force knocking the wind out of me and causing me to clutch at my stomach leaning over to vomit. It was like I was back there, Naomi in the shower too weak to even stand on her own after she had knocked her head on the shelf in the lounge room. Me helping her. Another memory came back out from the dark. When Naomi was shagging that, that Tess bitch in the club… when she brought home those two slags… when she smashed our window and, and ripped the necklace she had bought me from my neck… When she had started to make love to me but I couldn't continue because I didn't trust her. She just fucking left me there… That last one was one of the most hurtful things she had ever done. Actually so was the necklace… NO, all of it was fucking hurtful. I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped to my knees, trying my best to lean over the drain as my body was reacting to the hurtful memories of the past. Crying and vomiting. Clutching at my aching chest.

(Emily pull yourself together. Fuck sake.)

Slowly, when there was nothing left to bring up and I was able to control my own body again some of the better memories came flooding back… Our first kiss, the lake, her confession in Freddie's shed, the few months she managed to stay clean, the night we had in the kitchen the way she touched me and made me feel, the way she was looking at me, if that's not love I don't know what is… her protectiveness, her kind and loving words… They flashed through my mind so quickly and brought a kind of relief with my heart starting to swell, but only to deflate when I remembered that she was no longer mine. She wasn't anyone's and that broke my fucking heart… I climbed out of the shower, dried myself off and threw on some clothes. I headed down stairs and took in the inviting smell of tea. Katie was waiting for me at the kitchen table.

(If only she knew what Naomi had done to me on that same table.)

A small smile tugging at my lips as I fondly remembered that magical night. A night I know I will never forget. Katie noticed but had no idea what I was smiling about. She assumed I was feeling better.

"Okay, now tell me what happened." She asked eagerly.

I explained it from start to finish… running into Naomi, her tripping over and hitting her head, the way she looked, what we spoke about, her tattoo and going to jail. Everything. By the end of it, Katie didn't know what to do…whether to laugh or to cry.

* * *

><p>"Hey how was your first day?"<p>

"Bloody busy." I replied

I walked past Katie who was on the couch and made my way into the kitchen. I was more of a 'tea' person, but God did I need a cup of coffee. What a day… Katie had gotten up from the couch and followed me.

"Well?"

"Well what?" I replied taking a sip of my coffee.

She stared at me in disbelief.

"What happened? Anyone shot? Stabbed?"

"Katie, you're talking about REAL people here, not something in a fucking movie, Jesus."

"You know what I mean… So, tell me?" Her eyes wide wanting to know every detail.

I rolled my eyes at her as I took a seat at the table, sighing heavily.

"We had 5 calls for heart attacks, 4 of those turned out to be severe panic attacks. One call for a stabbing and someone collapsed in a shopping mall due to dehydration and a few other calls that turned out not to be life threatening."

"What happened with the stabbing? Guy or girl? How old? Dead?..."

"Fuck sake Katie… It was a guy in his early 20's and NO he is not dead… and before you ask, he accidentally stabbed himself."

"How the fuck did he do that?"

"You shouldn't run with a pair of scissors." I replied.

Katie cracked up laughing like I just told her the most hilarious joke ever. He was lucky; he had only just missed the main artery in his leg by half an inch. After she had calmed down and wiped the tears of laughter from her face she sat down across from me.

"Hurry up and drink that yeah, we're going out tonight."

"Katie I've just done a 12 hour shift…"

"So, you said you had tomorrow off, because they fucked up the roster." She replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah I know, but I just want to stay in. I'm buggered."

"Ems, quit acting like you're 80 years old. Go and have a shower and get dressed so we can leave."

There was no point in arguing. I wasn't going to get anywhere.

"Fine. Where are we going?"

"I dunno what the clubs called. All I know is its new and we need to be there."

"What time?" I said annoyed.

Katie looked at her imaginary watch on her left wrist.

"Ahhh like yesterday babe."

(Fucking hell.)

I stood up and walked over to the sink, tipping out the remainder of my coffee. As I walked back passed Katie I slapped her lightly on the back of the head.

"Muff munchin' lezza."

"Cock crunchin' tart." I replied with a smirk as I exited the kitchen and walked up the stairs.

(Haha I win.)

20 minutes later I was showered and dressed, all I had to do was apply the finishing touches. I had gone for a 'gothic' kind of look tonight. Black dress that hugged tightly in all the right places and a pair of black heels. Make up not overly done, but just enough so you could tell I was wearing some. I had my hair half up and half down. I walked down the stairs to meet Katie who had turned her gaze towards me, staring.

"What? No good?" I asked nervously. "Katie? Should I change?"

"Ahhh, um… NO, no, you look… Hot."

(Phew. I was worried there for a second.)

"Are you ready then?"

"I've been ready for the last half an hour!" she replied sarcastically.

"Okay, geez keep your knickers on."

"You got the keys?"

"Yeah."

We locked up the house and started our journey towards the main street.

"Ems, you're definitely gonna pull tonight yeah."

"That's not why I'm going Katie."

"That may be, but um, that's not gonna change anything." She said smirking at me.

(I soooo can't wait to get back home.)

"Can we please not stay there all night?" I asked.

"But Ems…"

"Please." I said cutting her off.

"Fine."

"Thank-you."

We approached the club. It had a big purple and pink neon sign. It was called the 'Suga Shack'.

(Oh this is gonna be fun.) I groaned to myself.

"Fucking hell Katie, the line goes right around the fucking block. We'll be waiting to get in all night."

"Relax, I know the bouncer." She replied confidently.

"Fan-fucking-tastic." I replied.

"Well if you didn't want to come you should have said so."

(Fucking what?)

I decided to ignore her. We walked up to the bouncer who gave Katie a kiss, the kind that makes the people around feel slightly sick and uncomfortable. I had to turn away. Next thing I know, she's grabbed me by the wrist and dragging me into the club. I almost sprained an ankle.

"I need a drink." I said.

"Where do you think we're going?"

I looked away from the dance floor and turned to see the direction we were headed. And sure enough, we were headed for the bar.

(Thank God.)

"What can I get for you ladies?" The barman asked.

"Shot of Vodka." Katie replied. "Ems?"

"Tequila please."

We received our drinks and downed them immediately. I needed more.

"Can I have another two?" I yelled over the music.

"Was it Vodka?" He asked.

"No, Tequila."

"Haha sorry, you two look alike."

I just smiled.

(Wanker… I've got fucking red hair. Katie's brunette.)

I looked around after realising Katie was no longer next to me. She had already started dancing with an unsuspecting male. The first bloke was always the one who bought her her drinks. Once she was tipsy, she'd move on to the 'better' one. Poor prick…

"Hey there, I'm Trisha."

"Hi… Emily."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

I held up my two shot glasses.

"No thanks, I'm pretty right for now."

"How bout a dance?"

I raised one glass to my lips and threw my head back and repeated the process with the second. I placed the glasses down on the bar.

"Let's go." I replied grabbing her wrist and roughly pulling her to the dance floor.

(Might as well have some fun while I'm here.)

I started to sway to the beat of the music when Trisha decided that there was too much distant between us and pulled me in closer. I don't know if she was on anything or if she was drunk but she was getting too touchy feely and it was making me extremely uncomfortable so I tried to pull back a little. You know, set some boundaries. Don't get me wrong she was beautiful with long black hair and bluish green eyes, but she wasn't doing anything for me and plus I wasn't in the mood to 'pick up'. I just wanted to get a little pissed have a few dances and go home to bed, alone… I also might add that I am NOT the type to jump into bed with someone I hardly know.

"So, you seeing anyone?" She asked.

"Ahh, it's complicated."

"Simple yes or no."

(Bitch.)

"Yes I am." I lied.

"Where are they?" She asked cheekily.

"Um, work."

(Idiot… couldn't you think of something better?)

"Sure they are." She replied continuing to dance. "You're gorgeous, you know that?"

"Ahhh, thanks." I replied awkwardly. "You're not to bad yourself."

She just smiled and started to get closer again, grinding herself against me.

(Fuck sake.)

"Trisha…"

"Call me Trish."

"Okay, Trish. I need to sit down yeah, wrong shoes. My feet are absolutely killing me."

"Suit yourself."

I paused for a second, not quite knowing what to say.

"Um, thank you… for the dance."

"No worries, beautiful. I'll come find you later."

(Please don't.)

I nodded and hurriedly walked away back to the bar.

"Yes miss?"

"Two more Tequila shots please."

As I waited for the drinks, I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

(Fuck sake.)

"Can I pay for those?"

"It's fine, I have money." I replied.

"You here with anyone?"

"To answer your question no, but before you say anything I'm very much gay."

He looked at me for a long moment with his mouth open.

"Your… You're gay?" He asked rather shocked.

"Yep… gay as a window."

"No way."

"Yes way."

"Fuck, even better babe."

I rolled my eyes. What a tosser.

"Here you go miss, two shots of Tequila." The barman interrupted.

"Thank you."

I went to give the barman his money.

"On the house." He said with a smirk and throwing me a wink.

I turned to the guy next to me.

"Well it was nice talking to you… enjoy the rest of you're night."

He didn't reply. He was to busy eyeing me up and down. I mean most guys are 'oh okay, you're gay, that's cool' but you always get a small handful that are so fucking excited by it that all they can do is just stare back at you like you're a piece of meat. It's really quite strange, annoying and fucking uncomfortable… I grabbed my drinks and headed to a booth on the far side of the club.

(Ahhh that's better.)

I took a seat and downed a shot. It wasn't the best tasting, but the buzz was well worth it.

(I sooo don't want to be here.)

"You're sure I can't change you're mind?"

"What?" I replied.

(Here we go, I fucking knew it...)

"You know…" He said with a sleazy smile. "About the gay thing."

"Um no. Sorry."

"You should try it." He replied grabbing at his private area. "You'll love it."

"FUCK OFF." I replied.

I calmed myself quickly before I spoke next.

"Listen, I'm sure there are plenty of girls in here that would love to try it on with you, but I'm not one of them so if you don't mind, could you please leave me alone."

(This guy is absolutely disgusting.)

"Ohhh don't be like that." He said sitting down across from me.

I sighed deeply, not knowing how to piss this guy off. This is why I don't like coming to these places. I hate the fact that no matter what you say they just won't take 'NO' for an answer… I pulled out my phone pretending to check the time.

"Oh my God, is that the time? I really must be going. Early start tomorrow. See ya." I shot out quickly.

"Hang on, you haven't finished you're drink."

"You have it."

I got up and made my way to the exit after not being able to locate Katie. I'll just have to send her a text.

"Katie?" The doorman called out.

"No I'm Emily."

"Oh sorry."

(Whatever. Not in the mood.)

I walked hurriedly down the street and stopped at the corner to send Katie a quick text.

_**Over it. Gone home xxx**_

I pushed send and placed my phone back into my bag.

(Bloody hell, I wish I brought a jacket. It's freezing.)

I started to walk towards home when I was stopped.

"Hey wait up yeah, where ya going?"

"You're wasting your time… Now just PISS OFF."

I was starting to get really fucking annoyed. This guy wouldn't let up.

"You're a rude one aren't ya?"

"I'm rude? You're the one that grabbed his cock." I spat back.

(Fuck this.)

"I asked you a question… Where Are You Going?" He asked impatiently grabbing my arm.

"LET GO OF ME."

I tried to shake my arm free but his grip was far too strong. I looked around frightened hoping that someone was around. There was no one. Fear started to set in.

"Please, you're hurting me…"

He squeezed my arm tighter; smiling at me like this scenario gave him pleasure.

(Emily, you're in trouble babe, you gotta do something.)

The way he was standing I didn't have full access to knee him in the balls. In fact I got the feeling that he had done this before. I raised my right leg slightly and kicked him as hard as I could in the shin. He immediately let me go and I tried my best to run back to the club but he recovered too quickly. He grabbed me from behind by my dress, ripping it. I screamed for someone to help as he dragged me down an alley that was situated behind the club but nobody could hear me. I knew what was coming. I was so terrified when I opened my mouth to scream again, nothing came out. I started to shake as he threw me onto the ground, my dress barely covering me. He knelt down leaning over me chuckling to himself as he slowly undid his belt. I tried to kick him but he grabbed my legs and sat on top of them while he unzipped his jeans. I suddenly found my voice.

"Please, don't do this."

_**SLAP – **_connecting with my cheek.

I was borderline hysterical.

"You'll love it." He replied

(This guy is fucking sick.)

"Please… somebody? HELP." I cried.

He got up freeing my legs and roughly started to get himself into position. I had cuts and bruises all over me.

"GET THE FUCK OFF HER."

Who ever this person was had grabbed him by his hair arching his head up wards, exposing his neck. They had a knife pressed up against his jugular. I wiped my eyes so I could see better. A small trail of blood was sliding down his neck.

"Relax yeah… she's my girlfriend. She likes it like this."

The person pressed the knife harder against his neck.

"Get up."

"Ahhh fuck okay, okay."

He got up carefully trying his best not to move. I was starting to feel dizzy. The realisation of what was about to happen to me causing me to feel physically ill. I clutched at my stomach trying my best not to vomit but I couldn't keep it in. I leaned to the side, not caring that I was nearly naked and spewed my heart out. I was delirious. I think I had actually passed out for a moment…

"Fuck Emily… Emily."

I could feel someone kneeling beside me, shaking me trying to get my attention. Everything was hazy and I had lost sense of timing. When I got hold of my bearings I cowered away from them trembling. I was so fucking scared.

"Stay away from me. DON'T TOUCH ME."

"Emily it's me… Naomi."

(What?)

I looked at her completely confused.

"It's me." She said softly.

"Where is he? It's not safe here." I replied frantically looking around in all directions.

"Emily, listen to me… everything's okay. He's gone… Can you stand?"

I broke down, raising my knees to my chest rocking back and forth.

"Are you hurt?... Ems?"

I couldn't reply. I felt Naomi touch me, gliding her hands over my body looking for an injury but there wasn't anything major. Well nothing physical anyway.

"Can you stand for me?" she asked as she grabbed me under my arms to help me up.

I was shaking, still in disbelief over what had just happened that it felt normal for Naomi to even be there… I finally got to my feet with her help and as I looked at her I couldn't help but start crying all over again. I cupped my head in my hands.

"THAT FUCKING CUNT." She said loudly, when she saw the state I was in.

She tried her best to fix my dress in such a way that I was covered to some extent. She started to get undressed. I wasn't thinking clearly.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I cried.

She stopped taking her jacket off, too scared to move. I could see she was deeply affected. Her eyes were watery and I saw a tiny tear escape her left eye, sliding down her cheek.

"I'm just… just. Your dress… it's ruined." She said softly.

I looked down at myself and saw exactly what she meant. I might as well of been wearing nothing at all.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed.

"Hey, hey it's okay… here." She replied, swinging her jacket over me and zipping it up.

I started crying again. She stepped closer and wrapped me in a bear hug whispering in my ear that everything's okay and that I was safe now. I believed her. I felt guarded and protected in her arms. She pulled back slightly placing her hand under my chin so I would look up at her.

"Where's Katie? Is she in the club?"

I just simply nodded.

"Come on, we'll…"

"No… No please. Just take me home. I don't want to go back in there." I cut her off frantically gripping at the front of her top.

She just stared at me. I could see that she was torn up, that she wanted to break down and cry but she was fighting it. She was trying to be the strong one… I took a couple of steps and felt my right heel give way which almost caused me to trip over but Naomi was quick and grabbed me around my waist. She took her shoes off instantly kneeling down in front of me with instructions for me to place my hand on her shoulder for balance. It kind of reminded me of Thomas when he found me at the bus stop all those years ago… She removed my heels and placed her shoes on to my feet. She stood back up and looked me up and down.

"You're freezing."

"I'm okay." I lied.

She knew, because I was shaking uncontrollably, my teeth chattering. She took off her hoodie that she was wearing under her jacket which left her in a singlet.

"Take off the jacket and put this on."

"Naomi, I'm fine…"

"Don't argue, just do it." She said with a small smirk trying to cheer me up.

It worked.

"Okay now wrap the jacket around you're waist."

It was warmer even though it was only covering the back of my legs.

"Better?"

I nodded but felt terrible as she was now the one shivering in the cold.

"Okay let's go." She said

"Wait, Naomi… What, what if he comes back?" I asked panicked.

"He ca… won't. Trust me."

* * *

><p>I was sitting in the bath that Naomi had drawn for me scrubbing myself frantically. Although 'the guy' didn't get as far as he'd liked I still felt dirty just at the thought. My skin was red raw. I couldn't help it. I felt disgusting.<p>

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

"Ems, you okay? You've been in there for ages. You're gonna turn into a prune."

"I'm almost done." I replied.

"Hey do you mind if I jump in for a quick shower when you finish? My bones are fuck-ing freezing."

(Hahaha)

"Yeah, won't be long."

Naomi had managed to raise my spirits. I don't know how exactly, but just her being here made me feel 100 times better. I should be inconsolable right now. I still felt like I was in a bit of shock but I honestly expected to feel a lot worse… I pulled the plug, dried myself off and wrapped the towel around myself exiting the bathroom.

"All yours."

She gave me one of million dollar smiles and ran into the bathroom shivering. Her pants already half off as she reached the shower and turned the tap on.

"Oh shit, sorry." She said as she hurried to the door almost falling over to close it.

I went into the bedroom and grabbed a clean pair of knickers and a tee. I still had some of Naomi's old clothes. I know, I know. It's been like three years since we separated, but I couldn't bring myself to throw them away… I got her some clean clothes to change into and placed them on the bed. I went down stairs and popped the kettle on. One tea and one coffee… I made the drinks and took the mugs upstairs with me. Naomi was sitting on the end of the bed already dressed. She smiled at me as I entered and handed her a mug.

"Thanks."

I smiled back and sat on the bed next to her. We were both silent, not knowing what to say to each other. I turned towards her and saw that she was already looking at me. Her face full of concern.

"Naoms thank you… for tonight." I said looking down into my tea.

"You don't need to the thank me." She said her voice slightly cracking. "Are… are you going to be okay?"

I breathed in deeply.

"I think so." I replied as I exhaled.

I didn't really know. As I said before I mean I wasn't actually, ya know. God I can't even bring myself to say it… but it was still an extremely frightening experience. I felt the tears come back up to the surface and Naomi spotted it straight away. She slid closer to me wrapping an arm around me, pulling me closer to her. She didn't say anything. She just comforted me and let me get it all out. When I finally pulled myself together I sat back up straight. I had so many questions. It was like I had only just realised that I hadn't actually seen Naomi since that day at the café, which was like 2 years ago.

"Where have you been?"

"Huh?"

"I haven't seen you for two years and all of a sudden you appear out if thin air… where have you been? Why didn't you come back?" I asked.

"I ahhh, let's not get into that yeah. Especially after the night you've just had."

"No I'm okay. I want to know…"

"Let me guess… you want to know how I came to you're rescue?"

I nodded.

"I was at the club."

"What? Why didn't you come up and say hello?"

"I didn't want to ruin you're night, plus I was getting a little jealous when I saw you dancing with that bimbo." She said trying to lighten the mood.

I didn't answer because I could see that she knew exactly what I had meant but she tried her best to avoid it. She started to get uncomfortable and started to fidget. She turned away, but I wasn't going to let it go. I needed to know certain things and I was going to ask as much as I could while I had her here. For all I knew the next time I see her could be in another fucking 2 years.

"Naomi… Where have you been?" I repeated.

She didn't answer me. Instead she got up and headed towards the bedroom door.

"Where the fuck are you going?" I shrieked throwing myself between her and the door.

"I don't want to talk about this… please."

"So what? I ask you a simple question and instead of answering you're just going to fuck off and leave again?" I replied "

"No I wasn't going to leave… I need to use the bathroom." She sighed.

She was lying. I knew she was going to leave, but I had caught her out so she changed her 'story'.

"Are you coming back or are you going to sneak off?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

"I'm coming back." She replied hesitantly.

"Are you sure about that?"

"… I promise."

I stepped to the side and allowed her to leave. I wasn't sure if a promise from Naomi no matter how small meant anything, but I mean what else could I do? I couldn't imprison her… I sat on the bed with my ears pricked listening for any sounds that would tell me that she's trying to escape. There was no noise at all. I remained seated on the bed for 10 minutes before I started to get worried. I mean even if we didn't talk I still wanted her to stay with me. I was still feeling a little nervous and didn't want to be on my own tonight. Katie had sent me a text saying that she wouldn't be home until tomorrow. She had picked up and he was 'real lush'. Her words, not mine… I exhaled deeply and decided to see if Naomi was still around. As I got up off the bed, the bedroom door slowly swung open. One of my questions clearly answered without any words needed. Her eyes were almost completely closed and she looked a little unsteady on her feet. She walked over towards the bed and sat down where she had before hand. My heart sank at the sight of her.

(Why do I still care so much?)

The first thing that popped into my mind was what had happened to 'the guy'.

"Naoms, when you found me… what happened exactly? I don't, I don't remember."

"Ahhh, nothing."

"Surely something happened?"

"Just… don't worry about it yeah. You're okay, that's all that matters." She slurred looking at me seriously.

"I think I have a right to know."

She turned away for a moment and come back to look me in the eye but she didn't say anything.

"Naomi?"

She sighed.

"Listen Emily…" She paused. "I'm only gonna say this once. You don't need to worry about him anymore, okay. He ca… won't bother you again."

(That's twice she's gone to say 'can't'. What the fuck is that suppose to mean?)

"Why were you going to say can't?"

"What?" She replied shocked.

"You heard me."

Not a sound. She stayed silent. It dawned on me… well I think it did.

"Oh my God Naomi, what the fuck did you do?"

She was still silent. I was in shock.

(No, no she wouldn't have.)

I raised my hand to my mouth to muffle the loud gasp that had escaped my lips upon remembering the knife. I couldn't remember anything else because I was too busy throwing up and trying not to pass out from being so terrified.

"I DIDN'T do anything." She replied slightly panicked pulling my hand away from my face.

(Is she lying? Or has she just become really good at it?)

"Thanks Ems… Thank you very fucking much yeah." She said breaking the silence.

She got up and she tried to leave again. She could see that I didn't believe her. There was something about her demeanor that unsettled me. Only now I had just noticed that she seemed very different. She seemed, I dunno… darker, sinister.

(She's high though, don't accuse her of something that you have no fucking idea about.)

"Naomi, please stay. I'm sorry. I'm still in a bit of shock…. Naoms, please… I don't want to be on my own tonight."

She stopped dead in her tracks upon hearing me say that last bit as I followed her half way down the staircase. She turned to face me.

"I don't know if that's a good idea Emily." She replied.

I just stared back at her in fear of being left on my own. She looked away and I heard her whisper 'fuck sake' to herself before she returned her gaze and walked back up the stairs.

"Thank you."

"Whatever." She slurred still annoyed by my accusation.

I was a little hurt by the way she answered.

(Ems, she's staying… it has to mean something otherwise she wouldn't be here. She wouldn't care.)

I followed her back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. Naomi had decided to sit on a chair by the desk. She looked as if she was about to pass out.

"Naoms are you okay?" I asked. "Naomi?"

"Hmmm."

(I'm going to ask…)

"Are you high?"

(That snapped her out of her 'nod'.)

"NO." she replied defensively.

"You don't have to lie to me anymore. It's not like we're together."

"I'm not." She persisted.

She started to become fidgety. I continued to stare at her. Didn't she realise that it was so fuck-ing obvious?

"So what have you been doing with yourself?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"What?"

"You know, these last couple of years… what have you been doing? Do you work? Do you have your own place? Girlfriend?"

"Oh."

(Why won't she talk?)

"Well?"

Still no answer.

"Look Naomi, if you don't want to be here with me… you can go okay. I'll manage."

I wasn't going to make her stay even though I wanted her too. She obviously wanted to leave.

"No, no it's not that." She replied panicked. "I want to stay."

"Why won't you talk to me then?"

"It's just… I dunno, I guess I, I missed you." She whispered. "I feel shit that, that I never came back… I'm sorry."

"Babe, after what you did for me tonight… you don't need to apologise."

"Emily that doesn't excuse anything. After what I've done how can you even bring yourself to fucking look at me?"

(She has a point.)

"Naoms, it's all in the past okay. I knew you didn't mean the things you did or the things you said. It's that fucking poison you shoot into you're arms that makes you do the things you do… Yes I was hurt. You broke my fucking heart but I loved you and I understood. I could have left earlier but I didn't. I chose to stay."

"Still though."

I took a deep breath. This was out of character for Naomi. I get that we haven't seen or spoken to each other for a couple of years but nobody changes that much.

"What's wrong? Why are you saying all this? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

Silence. My heart started to race and my hands became clammy. I was worried. I got up off the bed and knelt down in front of her.

"Talk to me please…"

"It's nothing. Everything's fine yeah" She replied with a weak smile.

I studied her for a moment. The events that took place earlier in the night no longer affecting me. I'd get over it. I was lucky.

"Everything's NOT fine; I can see it in your eyes. If I can help you I will, just please tell me." I pleaded.

She raised her hand and gently stroked my cheek.

"There's nothing to worry about." She replied seriously.

(She's holding back. I wish she would just fucking tell me.)

I couldn't move from my position. I just stared up at her, hoping, praying that she was telling me the truth but my instincts were telling me different. I didn't want to push the issue and scare her away. It was nice having her here. My feelings for her were just as strong now as they were before. I could never stop caring for her, I had come to realise that a very long time ago. I could see it was the same for her… I finally became unstuck and stood up grabbing her hand.

"Come on, we're both tired. Let's go to bed." I said as I gently pulled her towards me.

"Ahhh, I'll… stay on the couch."

"Don't be daft." I replied.

"Ar, are you sure?"

"Naomi!" I said looking back at her as if to say 'are you serious?'

Since Naomi had left I had been sleeping on her side of the bed. I don't know why, I think I just missed her… but tonight, there was no need. A small smile tugged at my lips as she got into bed and settled on the side she had always preferred. I climbed in after, both of us unable to relax. Naomi was laying on her back staring up the roof. I turned to my side and stared at Naomi for a few moments before flipping over and facing the opposite way.

(Is she crying?)

"Babe what's wrong?" I asked as I got myself up into a sitting position.

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

"Fuck sake Naomi, you're scaring the shit out of me…"

"What if I wasn't at the club tonight? I almost didn't go. You could have been… you would have be…THAT FUCKING PRICK." She yelled.

She was fucking furious. Her outburst was unexpected and made me almost jump through the roof.

"It's okay… Look, you were there and that's all that matters."

I looked down at her for a moment when she didn't respond.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay." She replied quietly.

She turned to face me.

"I know you want to ask me some things… you can if you want."

(Why is she like this? What the hell is going on?)

I paused for a moment.

"Are you sure you're not going to run away?"

"I'm sure."

I kept quiet for a moment, thinking.

"Okay… I already know the answer… but I want you to tell me. I want the truth otherwise there's no point."

She nodded.

"Are you still using?"

"How did I know you were going to ask me that?" She replied softly.

She took a deep breathe and flipped around onto her back placing an arm under her head.

"Yeah, I still am."

"Have you even tried to stop?" I asked. "Nao…"

She cut me off.

"Yes… but it didn't work out."

"Why didn't it?"

"Well, I had this huge fucking plan. Get off the smack, get my own place, job and all that… and it was going really well. I was clean for like 6 months, had my own flat, I was even going to come and see you, but then…" she trailed off.

"But what?" I said a little too harshly.

I could see silent tears streaming down her face. The moonlight coming through the window causing a reflection.

"Lex, she… she…"

"What? Did that bitch get you back on it?" I almost shrieked.

"No… she died."

(Fucking hell.)

"She overdosed… I was there when it happened. I couldn't… I couldn't save her."

I felt rage sweep through my entire body. My mind not acknowledging the fact that Lexie was dead.

"AND YOU START USING AGAIN? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU NAOMI?"

"I know okay. I know. I just… I couldn't cope."

I didn't care about Lexie. I know that's a terrible thing to say and it's not the nicest thing to speak ill of the dead, but I never liked her. She had an influence over Naomi. One that I didn't appreciate. I'll admit I was slightly jealous of her. I mean it wouldn't be normal if I wasn't. Naomi was MY fucking girlfriend and she was shagging her. Naomi reckons 'no' but honestly I didn't believe her. Not fully. Fuck sake, Naomi went to her after I kicked her out… I calmed myself, before I spoke.

"I'm sorry you lost you're girlfriend that way, but you really are an idiot. Do you know that?"

"She wasn't my girlfriend." She replied.

"Naomi, I told you before. We are not together; there is no reason for you to lie…"

"I am not lying… She was my best friend. I mean, you were my everything don't get me wrong, but she was the only true friend I had… When we broke up, if it wasn't for her I'd be, ya know…"

"If it wasn't for her? So what I did for you… it means nothing?" I replied angrily.

"What? How could you even think that?" She shot back. "Of course it means something… It fucking means everything to me."

I could see she was starting to fire up. I had pushed a button.

"Emily, I don't know what thoughts are in your head… but don't think for one minute that Lexie replaced you because she didn't. Lex and I, she was just a friend. Not a fuck buddy. A Friend, okay. That is it… fuck sake, I've already told you that…"

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to believe. I turned around facing the opposite direction with my back to her.

"Don't be like that." She said. "Emily?"

"I'm sorry that she's dead." I replied.

Naomi kept quiet because the way it came out wasn't the way I had wanted it to. I really was sorry even if I didn't like Lexie. I could see that Naomi was hurting… That's the reason why I was sorry. I felt Naomi shift and bring herself closer to me. She wrapped her arms around me squeezing me tight.

"Is it okay if I do this?" she asked unsure.

I simply nodded. She placed her chin on my shoulder.

(Why is being so open with me?)

"Naoms, are you in trouble?"

"Why do you keep asking me that?"

"You're different… This is the most we have ever spoken without you becoming furious and pissing off. It's like you're… you're trying to make peace with me?"

"I guess I've just grown up a bit." She replied unconvincingly.

It wasn't just about Lexie dying. I know Naomi like the back of my hand. Call it a gut feeling.

"Enough about me yeah… how are you feeling?" She asked referring to the eventful night at the club.

"I'd be a lot worse… if it wasn't for you."

"It's funny…"

"How is it funny?"

"Hang on let me finish… What I was going to say was that it's funny because it was like I was meant to be there, ya know… I wasn't going to go, but something was telling me too… it's strange. I'm fucking relieved that I did." She said squeezing me tighter.

She leaned in closer to my ear and whispered.

"I know I've hurt you, but I'm sure as fuck not going to let anyone else do it…"

She kissed my ear when she finished speaking. It sent a shiver down my spine.

"I still love you, you know that?"

I tensed up upon hearing her confession. She panicked.

"Fuck, sorry. Ahhh, it's cool if you don't feel that way towards me anymore but I never stopped… I just wanted you to know, that's all… Um, maybe, maybe I should go."

She was ranting. She released me from her hug and went to get up. I grabbed her arms and wrapped them back around my self.

"Stay." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

I'd be lying if I said that upon hearing Naomi say that she still loved me DIDN'T put butterflies in my stomach. I was fucking ecstatic. After all this time both of us still feeling the same emotions for each other. I didn't feel so much like an idiot anymore… We stayed silent for a while. Neither of us able to succumb to sleep. I turned myself around to face her. I was still concerned about why she was being so truthful. Naomi never expressed herself just out of no where and without good reason. It was always a last minute thing for her. When I threatened to end our relationship, which was more than once, that's when she would usually tell me that she loved me. That's when she was able to express herself. It was like she had to be under pressure to get the words out.

"Naomi, I know something's wrong. I wish you would just tell me…"

"Stop worrying would you… I'm fine." She said smiling warmly at me.

I paused for a moment. The love that was radiating off of her was filling up the whole room. I could feel it. It was so strong. She was like a star burning brightly. I fucking missed this. I missed her. I wanted her in my life again. Yes she had bad habits, she had been to jail and I'm sure she's done things that I would never ever want to hear, but I didn't care. I loved her. The person she was underneath. Not the exterior. I knew her like I had never known anyone else… I had dated other people. It never lasted long. I had tried to have a sexual relationship with a few of them, but they had only made me feel physically sick afterwards. I would never go back for seconds. It wasn't their fault… I just couldn't help but compare them to Naomi. She was it for me. I didn't want anybody else touching me. Kissing me. Loving me… I just wanted her. I always fucking want things that I can't have. Why couldn't she see the way she lived was destroying her? We could be so happy if she just woke the fuck up and placed both her feet over the line rather than half and half. I know it's hard for her, I can understand to a certain extent, but never fully. I have never been addicted to anything. I guess if a smoker finds it difficult to drop their nicotine addiction, I mean how the fuck would it be for a heroin addict? I would assume that it's definitely NOT easier… I looked into her eyes, rubbing my hand over her arm when something caught my attention.

(That wasn't there before.)

I propped myself up onto my elbow to get a better look. It was a scar. A very nasty looking scar.

"What the hell happened? How did you get this?"

"It's nothing."

"Naomi, I don't know if you remember or not, but I am a fully qualified paramedic these days. Don't tell me that that is nothing." I replied. My eyebrow raised as I pointed towards the old wound.

"Are you serious? Did you pass?"

"Oh thanks very much."

"NO, no I didn't mean it like that. Fuck congratulations. I'm so fucking proud of you." She replied.

A tear of joy escaping her right eye as she brought me in for a hug.

(She is proud. She's being genuine. I can see it. She almost lit up like a Christmas tree.)

I pulled back from the hug looking at her seriously.

"Thank you, but don't change the subject. How did you get it?"

"It doesn't matter now; ya know… it's healed. It wasn't quite as bad as it looks."

I stared back at her. I used an old trick that I knew would make her crumble. I stared into her eyes. Concerned and worried which I was but I also knew that Naomi could never resist that look.

"Okay fine." She said.

(It still works.)

"I got… jumped."

"Jumped? What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"When I was selling, two smack heads wanted me to give them some gear on tic. I refused."

"And?"

"Well they were desperate so they pulled a knife out on me…"

"Why did they cut you if you gave it to them?"

"Because I didn't… they stabbed me in the arm, they actually went for my chest but I moved to the side… they robbed me, the pricks."

I couldn't talk… she was saying it like it was 'normal'. Fucking hell. I found my voice…

"You fucking idiot."

"What?"

"Why the fuck didn't you just give it to them? You could have been killed."

"But I wasn't."

"That's not the fucking point Naomi. What the fuck… were you worried that you wouldn't get your money back? Fuck sake."

"Well… yeah."

"They fucking took it anyway didn't they… you stupid twat."

"Emily fucking relax yeah. I know that now… but I wasn't in a good frame of mind back then."

I couldn't help myself. I punched her.

"Ahhhh, fuck sake Ems." She yelled, rubbing her shoulder.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT." I shouted back as I got up off the bed.

"What are you doing?" Naomi asked.

"I need a fucking drink." I took a deep breath. "Do you want one?"

I was still pissed off. How could she be so fucking stupid? Jesus.

"Nah… I'm okay. Can I use you're bathroom?"

"What for?" I asked suspiciously.

"Um… I need to drain the main vein… ya know." She said smirking.

She got up and brushed past me gently.

"You're so fucking cute when you get angry." She said cheekily.

I knew what she was doing. Trying to distract me from the real issue. I must admit that it worked for a second, but I refused to let her words affect me for any longer than that. I walked into Katie's room and pinched a bottle of Vodka and re-entered my bedroom. I unscrewed the cap and took a massive swig in the hopes of getting my anger level under control. I was so fucking furious that she would do something so fucking reckless I was really having a hard time accepting that it was over and done with. Buried deep in the past. I raised the bottle again and took another swig.

(Hang on… she said 'WHEN' she was selling?)

I sat on the bed and waited for Naomi to return. When she did I didn't even give her a chance to sit down.

"When you were selling?"

"Huh?"

"You said 'when you were selling'. Does that mean you're not anymore?"

She nodded.

"Really?"

She nodded again.

(She's lying. I'll play along.)

"But you're still using… how can you afford it?"

"God Ems, you haven't changed. Still playing the detective I see." She smirked.

"Fuck off… besides I have to with you because you don't fucking elaborate." I shot back.

"Bloody hell, I was only joking."

I sat silent waiting for an answer. She didn't give one.

"So you're not going to answer me?"

"I just don't see how it matters." She replied.

"Of course it fucking matters."

She sighed heavily.

"Just drop it yeah."

"I don't think I want to." I replied seriously

"Fuck sake Emily, why do you need to know EVERY little fucking thing I do?"

"Why you ask? You want to know why?" I replied sarcastically.

"Yeah I do."

(It's now or never.)

"Because I still fucking love you that's why and I know you feel the same… I want to fucking know what's keeping you from me. Is that so terrible?" I screamed.

(Why won't she tell me? What the fuck could she be doing that's so fucking bad?)

"No I spose not." She whispered.

"So are you going to tell me?"

"It's better if I don't."

"Fuck you." I spat.

I was so riled up, I burst into tears.

"Emily, don't."

"Don't what?" I sobbed.

"Don't cry."

"If I want to cry, I'll FUCK-ING cry okay."

She didn't reply. To be honest I don't think she knew how to act… like what to do, what to say. I don't blame her because I was just as confused.

(Fucking pull yourself together Emily.)

The tears finally dried up. Naomi just sat there staring at me. She looked like she was deep in thought.

"What are you looking at?"

"I don't like seeing you cry."

"Well, you should be use to it..." I replied bitterly.

(Stop it… if you keep going on like this she'll leave.)

I hurt her. She looked away so I couldn't see it, but she wasn't quick enough.

"I'm sorry okay. I didn't mean that." I said reaching for her hand.

She pulled away.

"Don't."

I continued anyway.

"I didn't mean it… I'm an emotional wreck, I'm sorry." I replied. "Forget it okay, let's just get some sleep."

I laid down and waited for Naomi to do the same. I felt slightly panicked when she didn't move. It felt like forever, but she let out a deep breath and rested beside me. I turned to face her. I grabbed her arms and pulled them over me as I flipped back over with my back towards her. I was so tired yet I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was going a hundred miles an hour.

"You still awake?" I asked.

"Hmmm."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah…"

"After tonight… will I ever see you again?"

It was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Naomi?" I said softly digging my elbow into her ribs.

"What do you want to hear?" She replied.

"I just want the truth, that's all I ever wanted."

"No… no you won't."

I flipped back over to face her. It may have been the truth but I wasn't happy with it. I needed to know why.

"Why?"

I could feel my eyes well up with tears. She placed a finger on my cheek wiping a tear that had escaped.

"Because… I love you." She whispered.

"If you love me than stay."

"Emily, it wouldn't work… it wouldn't be fair on you."

"Than why can't we just be friends, I just want you in my life."

"There's nothing more that I want in this world then to BE in your life but I can't do it Ems. Not while I'm like this. You're doing better without me; I'll only hurt you more than I already have. Please understand."

"Than stop what you're doing… don't be like this anymore." I pleaded "It's been three fucking years Naomi. Why haven't you fuck-ing sorted it?"

She looked away. I could tell she felt ashamed.

"I... I did try, but than Lexie happened. I just seem to run straight back to it when life gets to hard… "

She looked back up to me looking quite serious. Her facial expression frightened me.

"Fuck Emily, you deserve better than that. Better than me."

"Don't say that." I shot back.

"But it's true…"

I paused for a moment, pursing my lips.

"You don't get to decide what I do and what I don't deserve."

"Emily…"

(Where has all her logic and fucking commonsense gone?)

"No you listen to me. How long do you think you're going last Naomi? Living like this? Fuck sake, just look at Lexie. How old was she Naomi?"

Naomi stayed silent. Her eyes reflecting sadness from the memory.

"Twenty-two." she replied looking away.

I tried not to gasp in shock.

(Bloody hell… another young life wasted.)

"Exactly my point. Do you want to end up like that? Is that why you keep doing this?" My voice severely cracking as I spoke.

"Of course I don't… Jesus Emily. Fucking hell."

"WELL THEN FUCKING STOP." I yelled.

She stayed silent. She was deep in thought. I didn't mean to scream at her but fuck sake; I had worked myself up to panic mode.

"Am I wasting my time waiting for you? Because that's what I've been doing. Waiting for you to knock on my fucking door with you're life sorted. I know I'm being ridiculous… I would never do that for anyone else… I'm being a sad pathetic loser but I couldn't give a flying fuck Naomi…"

I took a deep breath.

"Tell me… tell me to move on and forget about you. Tell me you don't love me anymore. Just… just fucking tell me something." I shrieked as I sat back up staring at her. "Fucking answer me!"

I had started sobbing again unable to handle the situation… Scared of what she was going to say next. She didn't say anything. She sat up and wrapped me in a hug.

"I'm not going to say any of those things because I'd be lying." She whispered into my ear.

I was no longer sobbing. I was crying hysterically, gripping at Naomi's tee like a mad woman. Only she could get me to this level of hysterics. The only one who could evoke this much emotion within me where I turn into a babbling idiot. An emotional fucking train wreck. The type that holds up traffic because everyone slows down to a crawling pace to have a peek at the damage caused… I didn't know what was up and what was down… I pulled back from the hug, looking directly into her eyes. She turned away unable to hold my gaze.

"Look at me…"

She didn't budge.

"Naomi, fucking… look at me."

Still she didn't move. I placed my hands on both her cheeks forcefully turning her towards me.

"This isn't all about you okay… You need to stop being so fucking selfish. This is affecting everyone around you…"

"Everyone?" She scoffed.

"Yes EVERYONE. Cook, Effy…"

She cut me off.

"Are you fucking serious? They don't give two fat fucks."

"Naomi, you don't know everything… they stopped talking to you because they thought you'd wake up and fucking realise what you were doing."

"Ahh Ems, if I remember correctly… it was because of what I done to you."

I paused. She was right. That was part of the reason, but not the whole truth. I had even thought that at one stage but Effy had seen my confusion and had kindly explained to me what they were trying to achieve. It didn't work obviously, but they did care. They loved Naomi. They just couldn't stand to see her destroy herself… They thought if they retreated back into the shadows Naomi would look around and see that everyone was gone, wake up and fucking stop being such a dickhead…

"They care Naoms… believe me. They always ask about you but of course I can't fucking answer them because YOU want nothing to do with me."

"That's not true and you know it." She replied.

"Well I'm sorry if I don't buy your lousy fucking excuses anymore… I don't doubt that you love me Naomi… you just love the smack better." I replied rather fucking seriously.

She squinted at me angrily; she opened her mouth to say something but decided against it as I raised my eyebrow as if to say 'bring it on'… She did but not in the way I had expected. She came at me in full force crashing her lips onto mine as she forced me back down on the bed. It was passionate, deep and meaningful rendering me completely breathless, stunned and shaky. Never have I ever been kissed like THAT. Jesus fucking Christ. I thought I had, but I was dead wrong. This was on a whole different level. If a kiss could tell someone feelings of the past, present and future… that was the one. It made my life flash before my eyes it was that fucking intense.

"Don't fucking say that ever again." Naomi said as she pulled away, unpinning me from beneath her.

She grabbed my right leg that had mysteriously without my knowledge wrapped itself around her waist and removed herself. I couldn't speak but she understood. She laid back down on her side and threw the quilt over her facing away from me. It took me a good five minutes to come good from the dizzying effect that had left me completely flustered.

(Fucking hell.)

I placed myself under the covers completely confused about how I was feeling. I wanted to be angry at her. I wanted to scream at her but I couldn't…

* * *

><p>I checked the time on my alarm clock. It was 4.30am. Fuck I had only been asleep for a couple of hours. I rubbed my eyes and stopped what I was doing immediately after remembering that Naomi had slept over. Without turning, I swung an arm over to her side of the bed. It was empty. I sat up looking, almost about to cry when I heard the bedroom door creak open.<p>

(Oh thank God.)

Naomi was trying her best to creep back in but it wasn't working for her.

"It's okay I'm awake." I said.

"Fuck sorry."

"It's fine." I said yarning. "How come you're up?" I asked.

"Couldn't sleep…" She slurred.

Although it was almost pitch black, Naomi's facial expression changed. My eyes were probably glowing in the dark I was that fucking furious.

(Hadn't she listened to a God damn thing I've said?)

She came to sit on the end of the bed like she was afraid to come any closer to me in fear I'd bite her head off or something. She was right to be cautious. Although I hadn't had much sleep I was wide awake.

"Fuck sake." I sighed angrily.

"Wha… What's wrong?"

"You know what."

Silence.

"You're un-fucking-believable, you know that?"

I sat up properly and reached over and flicked the bedside lamp on. Still she said nothing.

(I hate when she does this. Silent and unwilling to talk. It drives me fucking mental.)

"Naomi, you're going to DIE if you carry on like this… or are you to fucking smacked out to… FUCK SAKE… is that the reason you're having trouble comprehending? I spat out some what sarcastically.

I was having a hard time speaking, my thoughts jumping from one thing to another. Anger had taken over.

"Fuck you Emily." She said as she got up off the bed and headed for the door yet again.

"If you leave now, it'll be the last time you ever see me. Do you hear me Naomi? The last fucking time." I shot out quickly.

To my amazement she let go of the door handle lowering her head. She stayed that way for a few moments before she sat back down. She looked back up at me.

"I fucking hate you." She whispered. "I hate this fucking hold you have over me…"

"If you hate me so much, there's the door." I said pointing to its direction. "I'm not going to stop you this time."

She didn't move. She stayed put.

(So much for hating me.)

I took a few deep breathes to try and control my explosive mood.

"Naoms, have you looked at yourself in the mirror. Like REALLY looked?"

I paused for an answer but as usual I didn't get one.

"I don't understand how you can't see what I see."

I reached over and opened the last draw on the bedside table pulling out a picture that I had refused to look at for quite some time. It was of Naomi and me at our lake. It was a bright and beautiful sunny day so we decided to go there and have a picnic. Although, to be brutally honest, we didn't end up eating well not until after… we had become side tracked by a more entertaining activity. A lump formed in the back of my throat as I remembered that wonderful day. I placed a hand over the picture slowly running my finger over Naomi's vibrant and gorgeous looking face before I threw the frame at her.

"Look at it." I demanded.

I suspected that she hadn't seen a photo of herself for so long due to the fact that all the photos were here. She studied it hard. I could see that finally something had sunk in to that stubborn brain of hers. She looked completely shocked and overcome with astonishment.

(If I had of known a fucking picture would have made her see, I would have done it from the start...)

"Well?"

(Just fucking answer me.)

"Naomi?"

"I… I se… see it." She stammered.

I know that she knew she had a problem, but I think for some reason she thought that she was fine. That it wasn't that bad. Denying to herself that she was completely and totally scattered.

"You're so gorgeous in this." She whispered. She looked up towards me. "You still are…"

Normally I would blush, but I was in a serious mind set. To show I appreciated her words I flashed her a quick smile before getting back to the matter at hand.

"You see that picture Naomi? Seeing us together and happy… do you truly miss that?" I asked. "I know you don't believe in soul mates and all that other bullshit, but fucking hell Naoms, WE are meant to be together… Can't you feel it?"

"Yeah… yeah I do." She said frowning seriously.

"The only thing that's preventing US from happening is you… I don't want to hear that you'll try." I stopped to take a breath. "… I think it's about time you actually do it… before it's too late."

I went to speak again but my voice jammed up. I cleared my throat.

"You've already got… one foot in the grave; it won't be long before… before…" I trailed off.

My voice huskier than normal, cracking… fucking broken. I couldn't continue. Naomi was just as emotional. More so actually. I had never seen her cry like that before… I was taken aback by it. She slid down the side of the bed to sit on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. She wasn't making any noise but the tears were streaming out like someone had just turned on a tap. She was biting her bottom lip trying to get herself back under control.

"Can I have this?" She asked referring to the picture.

"Yes you can, but it stays here."

She looked up at me throwing me a knowing smirk as the tears streamed down her pale cheeks.

"I'm so fucking sorry Ems… I've been a complete fucking twat." She said through broken sobs.

"I don't want to hear anymore apologies Naomi… just do what needs to be done." I replied firmly. "I don't know much babe, but what I do know is that I don't want to lose you the way you lost Lexie. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

"So please… just fucking do something about it for fucks sake."

_**TBC…**_

**Please review or comment... whatever lol.**** Thanks for reading. Until next time... take care.**


	9. Part IX

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**This is another long chapter but all for good reason. Trust me :)**

**Thanks again to all that have left a review. I really do appreciate it... more than you will ever know.**

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part IX**

I was sitting in the kitchen sipping on a hot cup of coffee. After finally going back to sleep wrapped in Naomi's embrace… I had awoken alone. Naomi had long gone. All she had left me was a simple note resting on the pillow next to me.

_**Naomi **_

_**Slept **_

_**Here**_

_**xxx **_

I smiled at the memory of me leaving a similar note the first time I had stayed over at Naomi's when she was running for school president. I was disappointed that she had left me before I had awoken but I also felt hopeful. Hopeful that the conversation we had last night had finally sunk in and she was going to get her self back on the right track. I wasn't too concerned about us getting back together; well I was in a way. I've always been concerned about that, but I just wanted her to be safe and well. That was my first priority. I just pray that my words hadn't fallen on deaf ears as they usually did. I hope that there will be a day that I won't have to constantly worry about her regardless if she's in my life or not because even though apart from last night I hadn't seen her for 2 years, it didn't mean that I wasn't stressing. Wondering where she was? What she was doing? What type of people she was associating with? It has always been there… The sound of the front door separated me from my thoughts. Katie stumbled in off her tits.

"Ems… you shoulda seen… seen the guy I was with last night babe."

"Ahhh Katie, did you forget that I'm gay?"

"You don't have to be straight to appreciate fucking beauty."

(Beauty? What the hell?)

"Fuck sake Katie… how much did you have to drink?"

She just smiled goofily at me.

"Sit down yeah; I'll make you a coffee."

She roughly plonked herself down on a chair at the table as I brushed past her to pop the kettle on.

"What's this you're reading?"

(FUCK.)

"Um nothing… give it…"

She outstretched her arms so she could see it better, her vision obviously not the best.

"Naomi slept here." She read out aloud.

It took her a moment to register what she had said. When she did finally catch on she spun around that fast she almost came off the chair.

"What the fuck Ems? Is that why you left the club early?" She slurred.

"No." I replied.

She squinted at me, analysing and looking me up and down.

"You slept with her." She accused shocked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me… I'm older than you. I'm wiser."

(Oh what… by a few fucking minutes.)

"She stayed over, that's all."

"You expect me to believe that?" she paused. "Okay, where did she sleep?"

I didn't reply. I should have. It's not like I had anything to hide. Naomi was a complete gentleman ah I mean gentlewoman. The only thing that we did was talk… and kiss, but it wasn't like 'that'.

"Oh my fucking God… You did shag her. She slept in your bed didn't she?"

"Fucking hell Katie, no we didn't shag and yes she slept in my bed. So what?"

"Don't fucking lie to me… Naomi wouldn't have been able to keep her hands off of you… and you would have let her take it."

(I hate when she's drunk. She turns into a fucking bitch.)

"Fuck you Katie…"

I could have explained how Naomi came to be in the house, but it was over and done with. There was no point bringing it back up. Anyways what was I going to say? Oh Katie by the way, because you forced me to go out last night, I got attacked by a fucking sexual deviant but luckily for me Naomi was nearby... Better to leave it.

"Fine, if you want to waste more of your life on that loser go right ahead."

"Are you fucking right or what? I can't believe you just said that?" I yelled in disbelief.

(Drunk or not drunk.)

"Wait what?" she replied confused.

Her eyes widened as she realised what she had just said.

"Fuck sorry Ems. You know I didn't mean it yeah. I love Naomi, you know that."

She sounded panicked. I didn't answer because my lips were pursed in anger.

"I'm sorry… just I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Just leave it yeah." I sighed not wanting to argue with her.

"Okay, no more outta me." She replied

She motioned with her hand, zipping up her lips and twisting at the end. She looked like a little kid at play school.

"Here, drink this." I said as I placed a mug in front of her.

I returned to my seat with my hand outstretched wanting the note that Naomi had left. Thankfully her bitchiness had left the building and she handed it over straight away. I took a sip of my coffee…

"So was she any good?"

She sure knew how to pick her moments. Fucking hell. I sprayed coffee everywhere gasping for air and almost choking to death.

"Wha… What?" I coughed.

"You heard."

"For the last time, we didn't do anything okay."

"Yeah yeah I get it. Don't kiss and tell."

I rolled my eyes at her. Fuck it. She can believe what she wants. She finished off her coffee and placed the mug in the sink. As she was leaving she stopped for a moment.

"Oh yeah, before I forget… fuck you're not gonna believe this Ems…"

I frowned at her.

"What?"

"This morning, they found this guy at the back of the club…"

"Fucking what?" I shrieked.

"Poor bastard fell or something… hit his head. Blood everywhere they reckon."

I gasped loudly covering my mouth to muffle the sound and hoping that Katie didn't notice the state of shock I was currently in.

"Is… is he alright?" I asked hesitantly.

"Nah, he was cold when they found him. They said he'd been dead all night."

(FUCK SAKE NAOMI. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?)

* * *

><p><em><strong>RING RING, RING RI…<strong>_

"Emilio man… What's goin' on?"

"Can I ask a favour?"

"Anythin' for you babe, what's the problem?"

"I need you to do something for me… but no questions okay?"

"Yeah o'right red, what is it?"

"I need you to find Naomi for me."

I think Cook was taking a drag on his cigarette when I said that because all I could hear was the sound of him coughing and wheezing.

"Cook?"

"Wah… why?" He asked when he finally got his breath back.

"No questions remember."

"But…"

"Cook please, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important okay. I just need help finding her."

Silence.

"Please?"

"O'right."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll do it."

"Thank you… oh Cook whatever you do, don't let her see you okay, just ring me back and let me know where she is. I'll take it from there yeah?"

"Chillax babe, I know what I'm doin'."

I hung up the phone.

I exited the bedroom and made my way down the stairs, sitting next to Katie who was watching TV. Bloody hell, sometimes it really amazes me just how different we are. The only thing we have in common is that we both came from the same mother… She was watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and I fucking hated these stupid reality TV shows. There was nothing 'real' about them, its ridiculous. Didn't matter though, it wasn't like I was really watching it anyway. I was too anxious about seeing Naomi. It's been three fucking weeks since she stayed over and do you think she's called or come around to see me? NO she hasn't. Fuck it, that's not even the issue. I needed to speak to her about something else. Something that put a chill up my spine every time I thought about it. The body they found behind the club. It was the same man that had attacked me. I cut out the article that was in the paper with his photo… I had to know if she had anything to do with it. I didn't know why exactly. I hadn't thought that far ahead and I wasn't sure what I would do with the information if it turned out she had 'done something'. I got up from the couch and sat down at the kitchen table. I pulled out the clipping to read it again as if the information printed would change…

_**A man identified as Nicholas Driver, 26, was found dead on Sunday morning following the grand opening of a new club on Nelson Street. It is believed that the cause of death resulted from a fall and a large amount of blood loss. Police are investigating and nothing will be certain until an autopsy is carried out which is scheduled to be conducted on Tuesday. The police haven't ruled out homicide at this stage. Anyone that may have witnessed or seen Mr. Driver on Saturday night is urged to come forward to help police with they're inquiries.**_

(Yeah right… I am not going to the police about this. I didn't see him fall… I didn't see anything!)

They didn't mention a knife or any stab wounds. Naomi had a knife pressed up against his neck; wouldn't she have just slit his throat if she was going to do something like that? This clipping was an old one, the autopsy already carried out. Nothing suspicious. I was confused and didn't know what was what. I needed to know… I needed her to tell me.

_**Grab somebody sexy tell 'em HEY  
>Give me everything tonight<br>Give me everything tonight  
>Give me everything tonight…<strong>_

I ran back into the lounge room to where I had left my phone.

"Hello?"

"I ah, I found her."

(Thank fuck.)

"Where is she?"

"She's hangin' around Brandon Hill… look Red, maybe I should come wif ya yeah?"

"No it's okay Cook, where is she exactly?"

I heard him let out a small sigh before he spoke.

"York Place. The stairs at the end. Got that Queens Parade sign on the wall…"

"I know it… Thank you so much. I owe you one."

I went to hang up but heard Cook yell out.

"Wait Ems…

"What's wrong?"

"She's not on her own yeah, I think I should come wif ya."

"Whose she with?"

"I don't recognise any of 'em but they look shady ya know?"

"It'll be okay, I have to do this on my own… but thank you."

"O'right, but if you need me, I'll be on standby. I won't be far away."

"Thanks Cook."

I hung up the phone and placed it into my pocket. Katie was staring at me questioningly.

(Fuck, I completely forgot she was even there…)

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Ah just Cook."

"What did he want?"

"Oh nothing important…"

"Fine." She responded.

She folded her arms and went back to watching T.V. She knew I was lying. I mean she did hear part of the conversation. I think she was a little hurt but I didn't have time to explain. Plus I knew if I did she'd either try her best to stop me or insist that she came with me. I'd explain later…

"Listen Katie, I need to go out for a couple of hours… I'll see you later yeah?"

"Whatever."

I looked at her and felt guilty but as I said I didn't have time. I had to get over to Brandon Hill Park as quickly as possible before Naomi moved on to somewhere else. I was lucky Cook was able to find her as fast as he had… I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my keys off of the bench.

"Okay, see ya."

She didn't reply… I closed the front door behind me and made my way towards my destination.

* * *

><p>I came to the corner of St. George's Road and York Place. I stopped for a moment looking down the street. I was breathing heavily and felt extremely nervous. I still had no idea how I was going to approach the subject and the street looked awfully isolated. I wasn't afraid of Naomi. I knew she would never hurt me, but the place looked eerie. I could see a small group of people at the end. Naomi was resting up against the fence with a hand in her pocket and smoking a fag. She was constantly looking around her like she was on the look out. To an onlooker she just looked like she was relaxed and having a smoko break… but to me, she looked uneasy. Even from this distance I could tell. I breathed in deeply and started to make my way down the street towards her.<p>

"Hey good lookin'. Fancy a shag?" One of the males in the group blurted out.

(PIG.)

Naomi hadn't seen me and when she heard her 'friend' speak she turned her gaze to the male and followed the direction he was looking in. She looked rather shocked upon seeing me… I had no patience for unruly males or females for that matter, who had no respect so I kindly told him to fuck off. I don't think he appreciated it because he took a step closer to me looking annoyed and possibly embarrassed as his friends laughed.

"Leave her alone." Naomi said as she took a step towards him.

I felt slightly frightened by the expression on her face. She looked so… serious, mean, fucking scary. Her eyes were looking right through him… they were piercing. He didn't notice the look of fury all over her face… he looked rather comfortable. I had the feeling that he and Naomi knew each other rather well.

"Naoms, I spotted her first yeah…"

He stepped closer and tried to claim me as his prize sort of like first in best dressed. He looked down at me with a wink. I immediately looked in Naomi's direction scared and pleading with my eyes for her to help me out of this situation… She was ready to explode.

"How bout we go off somewhere gorgeous?" He said stroking the sides of my arms.

(What the fuck is with people these days? Jesus fucking Christ.)

She grabbed his arm and spun him around stepping in between me and him.

"Josh I said leave her THE FUCK alone…"

"Ohhh I get it… she's one of you're slags yeah? You never had a problem sharing before?"

(Oh no.)

I was holding onto the back of Naomi's jacket when I felt her flinch. I knew what was going to come next. She stepped forward slightly.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"What? It's true; you always share your…"

I tried to stop her but she was just to strong and quick. I was shocked at how violent Naomi had become. She always had a temper but fucking hell, she was never this short fused. I stood there in shock as she punched him square in the nose and done something like an uppercut straight into his family jewels. He crouched over in agony not sure which blow hurt him more as he alternated between cupping his nose and cupping his balls. She didn't stop there. She started kicking him in his ribs and a few times in the head calling him every name under the sun. The other people she was with had long stopped laughing, stepping backwards looking on in horror. They didn't even try and help this Josh bloke which I thought was strange… They looked terrified.

(Why are they looking at her in that way? What has she been doing to cause people to fear her like that?)

One of the girls had finally snapped out of it.

"Fuck babe stop… He was only joking, you know what his like…"

She turned to face her. She looked possessed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

_**CRACK**_

I heard a bone break as she stomped on his body. The shock I was in released its hold over me. I lunged forward wrapping my arms around her from behind dragging her off him. She tried to struggle free, unsatisfied with the damage she had caused.

"NAOMI, FUCKING STOP." I screamed as she continued to go him. "STOP IT."

She spun around to face me and for a minute I thought I was gone but when she saw it was me her facial expression softened. The other friends looked at me in awe, not quite knowing why Naomi didn't knock me out… Well that's the feeling I got anyway. They instantly rushed to the aid of Josh to see if he was okay. He didn't have enough hands to nurse his several injuries. I gently pushed Naomi out of the way and kneeled down to check on him.

"Get THE FUCK away from him." The girl shrieked.

"Don't fucking talk to her like that." Naomi butted in clenching her jaw.

I looked back at Naomi.

"Stop it Naomi… fucking relax okay. Fuck sake."

I turned to face the girl.

"I'm Emily… who are you?" I asked.

"Answer her." Naomi said after she didn't respond.

"Danielle… Danny." She answered.

"Okay Danny… I'm a paramedic. All I want to do is make sure your friend is okay. Will you allow me to do that?"

She was thinking. I'm not sure what about but Naomi wasn't patient enough to wait and see what she would say. She came over grabbing Danny by the scruff of her neck.

"Are you gonna let her do it?"

"Yes okay, YES… fuck Naomi. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I was losing patients too, but with Naomi. Why was she being so fucking hands on? Jesus.

"Naoms, fuck off over there… please."

I didn't expect her to listen but she did. She actually backed off sitting on the stairs that led to a path into the park and lit a fag. It worried me just how calm she was. Like nothing had happened… Josh was conscious which was a good sign but his nose was definitely broken as well as his arm. I suspected that he might have had a few cracked ribs because he was complaining about his breathing.

"I can't fucking breathe…"

"It's okay. Don't panic… I need you to stay calm. Okay Josh?"

He nodded.

"You just have a few cracked ribs, that's what's causing the pain when you breathe in and out okay… I'm going to call you an ambulance to take you to hospital." I said in my most soothing voice.

I pulled out my phone and went to dial the number but without me realising until the last second Naomi had come up next to me, snatching the phone away.

"No Ems." She said as she placed it into her pocket.

"Naomi… he needs to go to hospital. I can't leave him here like this. What's the matter with you?"

She looked at Danny.

"You call."

Danny froze.

"Bitch… are you listening to me? Pull your fucking phone out and call a fucking ambulance."

I didn't quite understand what was going through Naomi's head at this stage. What difference would it make who called? Danny complied but just before she dialed the emergency number Naomi stopped her.

"You don't tell them anything. You hear me? If anyone asks, some random jumped him and Emily was never here. You got that?"

Danny was clearly scared. She was stuck.

"Do You Understand?" Naomi asked.

She nodded. Naomi looked at the other's.

"That goes for all of you too."

"Ye… yeah sure. No worries Naoms."

Naomi grabbed me by my arm and dragged me up to my feet.

"Come on, let's go."

"I can't just leave him here." I replied as I wiggled my arm from her grip.

She came back over and grabbed me by the wrist.

"The ambos are on they're way, the jacks not far behind… we need to leave."

"Naomi, no."

"Don't argue."

I couldn't even if I wanted too. Her grip was tight and she was determined. I couldn't get free. She dragged me hurriedly back to St. Georges road hailing a taxi and forcing me in.

"Where to?" The driver asked.

"Marriot Hotel." She responded.

"Naomi what the fuck…"

She cut me off.

"Not here." She said looking at me seriously.

About 15 minutes later the taxi pulled over.

"Okay, that comes to…"

"Here. Keep the change." She cut in.

Naomi grabbed my arm again and dragged me out of the taxi. We walked across the road to the entrance of the hotel. She lit a fag and waited for the cab driver to take off.

"Naomi what the hell has gotten…"

She flicked her cigarette and pulled me towards her dragging me yet again as if she was scared I was going to run off or something.

"Fucking stop for a minute… Naomi?" I yelled.

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face me.

"We have to keep moving… we're nearly there."  
>"Where are you taking me?"<p>

"There's a church not far from here…"

"A church. Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes… it's safe."

"Safe?"

"You know what I mean… Can we go now?"

"Fine."

I was so caught up with the events of the day I didn't stop to think about anything. I just did as she asked. She grabbed my wrist again.

"Naoms, it's fine. I can follow you." I said as I looked down at my wrist.

"Ahhh, yeah right. Sorry." She replied immediately removing her iron grip.

She had calmed down a fair bit. The Naomi I was use to slowly coming through and making an appearance. I was thankful that the creature that had taken hold of her back at the park was retreating back into the shadows. She had turned into something I didn't particularly care for… a completely different person. I had seen many sides to Naomi, but never have I seen the side she displayed today. It was fucking terrifying and had unsettled me yet I didn't fear her. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing all I knew was that I wasn't frightened. We reached the church she was talking about it looked ancient but it was a really beautiful building. I followed her down the side of the church building and she took me to a sort of lane way that was used as a car park. She sat down under the trees on a low blue stone fence hidden from view of the main road lighting up a fag.

"So…" she said smiling as she put the lighter into her jeans pocket.

I looked around. Not a soul in sight.

(How does she know all these fucking places?)

"Can I have one of those?" I asked referring to the smoke.

She smirked at me knowing that I wasn't a smoker but she didn't say anything. She took a drag from hers and passed it over.

"Thanks."

She sparked up another one and turned to me looking serious.

"You know Ems, I got the feeling that you didn't find me by accident… Is there something wrong?"

"No… well yes. Yes there is."

"Are you okay?" she asked panicked standing up immediately.

"Naomi sit down."

She looked at me confused before she took a seat. I couldn't bring myself to ask her about what had happened that night at the club so I reached into my pocket and handed her the newspaper clipping. She frowned at me and took the clip from my hand.

"I get it." She said "You think that I did this? Is that right?"

"Did you?"

She just shook her head in disbelief.

"Naomi did you do it?"

"You know Ems, I'm kind of hurt that you had to even ask me that." She said not looking at me.

"Can you blame me… I mean especially after the way you just behaved… Fuck sake Naomi."

She looked back up to me.

"Emily are you forgetting the way he acted? What he said to you? I fucking warned him to leave you alone."

"I remember… especially what he said to you."

"What?"

"Sharing girls." I spat out, slightly disgusted.

(Emily, stop being so fucking jealous, you ARE not together. Naomi's sex life is none of you're concern.)

Naomi stared at me for a moment thinking really hard about something. I was expecting her to deny it, but she never. I took a deep breathe to try and refocus. I couldn't help that picturing Naomi touching somebody else made me furious, but that isn't the issue here. I would have to keep my feelings and thoughts on that particular matter to myself. Realistically I shouldn't care as much as I did…

"What you did today Naomi, fucking hell… Who the fuck ARE you?"

She just sat there, staring at her feet. She didn't answer me.

"Are you ignoring me?" I asked.

"No…"

"Then why aren't you talking?"

"I panicked, I'm sorry. I just, I got scared." She replied.

"Scared of what exactly?"

No answer.

"Naomi?"

"Fuck sake… Emily you were almost fucking raped three weeks ago, I got scared… I saw your face; you were just as scared as me. Josh is a fucking cunt. He deserved everything he got, MORE even. FUCK HIM…"

I sighed heavily. What she did I didn't agree with, but how could I argue with that… I sat down beside her and grabbed her hand.

"I haven't been able to fucking sleep since that night Ems… Every time I close my eyes I see that, that fucking prick leaning over you…"

I could see it in her eyes that that night had disturbed her.

"It's okay; I understand but Naoms, you can't act like that…" I paused for a moment and decided to ask about something else. "Listen please, I need to know, did you, you know at the club… Did you do it?"

"No… I fucking wanted to though."

"Can you explain how he ended up dead then?"

She didn't answer. She never did. I had to always fucking force it out of her. I released her hand and got up to walk off. Feeling as though her silence was a form of admittance. I didn't know how I felt about the whole thing. I just had to leave.

"Where are you going?" Naomi asked as she reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Home."

"Please don't." She pleaded. "I swear to you Emily, I didn't kill him okay. It was an accident…"

My heart started to race. Was she admitting that she caused his death? That she did kill him but it was by accident? I couldn't handle it. I shook her hand away and hurriedly walked off. Naomi ran after me grabbing me by my shoulders.

"Emily… I didn't do it, he fell after I got him off of you. I wasn't anywhere near him… please believe me."

She was completely and totally panicked. She was still holding on to the clipping that I had cut out of the paper. She shoved it into my right hand.

"Fucking read it Ems, there's no mention of stab wounds is there? It wasn't me."

She looked at me. Her face fell when she saw that my facial expression hadn't softened. Her eyes welled up with tears. She looked down, slumping her shoulders turning away and started her way back towards the church. I was frozen. I was fucking confused about everything. She looked as if she was being truthful but I didn't fucking know…

"NAOMI WAIT." I called out.

She didn't stop so I ran after her pulling on her jacket in an effort to stop her.

"Stop."

Thankfully she did.

"Are you telling me the truth."

"Yes." She replied sulkily. "… but."

"But what?" I asked suspiciously.

"There's more… I'm just; I'm scared you're going to runaway from me."

I stayed silent mainly because I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. I hadn't had one for almost a whole year. I was trying to get my breathing under control.

"When…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "When he fell, I knew he was in trouble… I heard a big crack when his head hit the pavement and I, and I went over to him… I checked his pulse, there wasn't one. Blood was squirting out of his head and I just left him there… I hated him for what he did to you… but I should have called someone, anyone. I'm sorry."

She went to walk off again. What she did wasn't right, but he would have died anyway. A friend of mine had performed the autopsy. He died almost instantly from the head injury. He had fallen the wrong way hitting his temple. Shards of bone were found lodged inside his brain. They had ruled it as an accidental death, but it would have been quite easy to cause that injury on purpose but I believed her. I just needed to hear it for peace of mind. When I looked over Naomi had managed to walk several yards away from me and so the chase was on again.

"I believe you Naoms… Stop, please… I believe you."

"I'm sorry about today too okay. I'm not usually like that. He was touching you; he called you a slag… I snapped. I knew what he was thinking when he was looking at you… I didn't like it. I understand if you want nothing to do with me… I…"

"Shut up Naomi."

She looked at me in utter shock. Frowning in confusion… She was getting worse. It was breaking my heart. I know she felt the need to protect me but fucking hell… She couldn't be like that… she had already been to jail for assault, she'd be looking at doing more time if she got caught. I'm not condoning what she did, but there was no way I was going to be the person who put her back in there.

(Oh I see now.)

"Naomi, why wouldn't you let me call an ambulance?"

"Because… I didn't want you involved in my shit…and the jail thing."

(Thought so… even though it only just occurred to me.)

"You got anymore fags." I asked as I grabbed her sleeve and walked her to a nearby tree, sitting down.

"Yeah…"

She lit a smoke and passed it over to me and lit one for herself. She was shaking slightly. She needed a fix. It was a familiar sight. She looked distressed but she wasn't saying anything… she wasn't trying to make excuses to get away for a moment so she could calm herself. She just sat there in silence avoiding eye contact. I could see she was feeling awkward… I had decided that something needed to be done.

"Naomi."

"Hmmm." She replied looking at the grass.

"I want you to come home with me. Move back in."

(It's the only way I can help her… keep an eye on her. She has become to out of control.)

She looked up with her eyes wide open in shock.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"But Emily… I can't." she replied depressingly.

"Why not?"

She didn't say anything. Instead, she slapped her forearm. I knew what she meant. She was still using.

"We'll sort that out okay, but I don't care. I love you. I want you back home where you belong."

"Do you really wanna go back there Emily? Because I remember the first time round wasn't so pleasant… No I can't do that to you… NO fucking way." She replied shaking her head.

She looked back up staring at me. Looking me right in the eye.

"I refuse to put you through all that again."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

"I'm fine yeah." She said with a forced smile.

"Naomi, for once in your life please stop being so fucking stubborn. I know what to expect this time. I'm better equipped."

"I'm still dealing ya know… I'm doing shit that… It's different than before. I'm handling it so don't worry."

(What is she trying to hide?)

"What were you going to say?"

"Nothing… it doesn't matter."

I sighed deeply. I have to get her to see sense. I need her close to me. She'll never get out of this… this fucked up life she's living. She needs someone there to crack the whip. Make sure she's staying on the right track. Keep her motivated.

"I don't care, just come home." I pleaded. "Please."

"I will babe, but not yet." She said as she stroked my cheek upon seeing my disappointment. "Soon, I promise."

I rested my hand on her arm. A tear escaping from the corner of my eye. We both stayed silent for what seemed like hours.

"I can't stand this." I whispered.

She shifted bringing herself closer to me leaning in, kissing my eyelids as fresh tears slowly streamed down my face. She pulled back and gave me a warm loving smile. She leaned in and brushed her lips against mine. I couldn't help but let out a soft moan as she ran her tongue across my bottom lip. I responded immediately my entire body had almost turned to jelly. She pulled back and just stared at me for a second, pulling me closer and wrapping me in her arms. She released me and stood up. I just sat there and looked at her in confusion. She turned and started to walk away.

"You coming?" she asked.

I just stared blankly at her. She came back over and kneeled down beside me.

"Ems, we can't stay here all day. Come on lets go." She said softly.

"Whe… where?" I stammered.

She stood up holding my hand and helped me to my feet. She flashed one of her signature smiles at me as I wiped the silent tears from my eyes, my mascara smudged all over the back of my hand. The temperature had dropped severely and I was slightly shaking from the cold. She took off her leather jacket and draped it around me as she spoke.

"Home."

* * *

><p>Katie wasn't too happy about the news. She did care for Naomi but I think deep down she had had enough. After Naomi tried to wean off of her addiction but was unsuccessful, I could hear Katie's muffled cries. It had mentally and physically drained her. It had done the same to me. She tried to hide the fact that she was devastated. She would lock herself in her room, sometimes staying in there for days saying that she had caught a bug and wasn't feeling well. I knew all this was happening but I was in no condition to comfort her even though I wanted to. Both of us walking around like zombies not knowing what to do or what to say. Katie had more strength to pull herself out of it. Her devastation lasting about three weeks immediately after I had kicked Naomi out. One night we had gotten drunk together which wasn't a good idea, especially when your sober self is already emotional. Katie had become upset and slightly abusive saying that I should have never have kicked Naomi out, it wouldn't help her situation, it would just make things more complicated, if anything happens to Naomi it's my fault etc… It didn't sound quite as nice as the way I just put it. She apologised the next day off course saying that she didn't mean it she understands what I'm trying to do and that she doesn't really think that, but I couldn't help but feel guilty about the whole thing, I already felt that way, regretting my actions and by having Katie come out and say it had just made me feel even worse. It had brought on a massive anxiety attack which felt like it had lasted a whole month. I honestly thought that I was dying, crying constantly for hours on end unable to control all the emotions I was feeling. My heart racing a thousand miles an hour causing my chest to tighten making me panic even more as my breathing quickened, becoming shallow and rendering me dizzy as my body wasn't in taking the required amount of oxygen to keep my body functioning normally. I was waiting for my heart to break free from my chest and explode out through my ribcage spraying blood all over my bedroom wall. Waiting for my airways to completely close up as my throat constricted making it difficult to breathe and swallow. I was waiting for all that… but it never happened. I got through it… the anxiety anyway. I had seeked Naomi out not long after I kicked her out once I had gained more control over myself; I mean I didn't want to have an attack while I was out in public. It's one of the most embarrassing things that could ever happen to a person. I had tracked her down… but she was with Lexie. At first I felt that familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach, but not the good kind. Every muscle in my body had tensed up and I had started to shake slightly. My chest squeezing the air out of my lungs. I had ran all the way home, running inside the house and collapsing at the bottom of stairs, Katie rushing to my aid as I cried my heart out. It had only been a couple of months since we had separated and at the time I thought that she had already moved on. If that was the case, everything that was between us was a huge fucking lie. If she loved me as much as she said she did I mean surely she wouldn't have immediately jumped into bed with that fucking bitch? Naomi had used me, I was convinced of it. She never loved me, maybe cared for me, but the love I had for her was never on the same level. We weren't on the same page, same chapter even… actually not even in the same fucking book. I hated her with a passion for a little while. I believed that she had fucked with my head, manipulated me and made me love her as much as I did. I felt stupid. I felt like the worlds biggest fool. I had given all of myself to her. Mind, body and soul… Of course I know now that I had jumped to conclusions but I was a complete wreck back then. My thinking was confused…<p>

"Emily, fucking hell. Do you know what you're doing?" Katie whispered so Naomi couldn't hear.

Naomi had gone out to the back yard. She sensed that there was an uneasy feeling in the air so she said she'd go outside for a fag.

"Yes." I replied.

Katie just stared at me intensely with her hands on her hips.

"Did she talk you into this?"

"What? No."

She scoffed.

"No, I asked her okay. She didn't want to… I had to practically beg her."

"Why the fuck would you do that? We've tried our fucking best Emily. It's not going to work, I don't know if I can go through all this again."

"Please Katie, do this for me. I love her."

Katie paused for a moment.

"I know you love her Ems, but fuck sake, ya know."

I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with Katie. I dropped my gaze to the floor disappointed that she wasn't with me on this. Either way, I wasn't going to tell Naomi to leave regardless if Katie liked it or not. I heard her sigh.

"Okay fine."

I snapped my head back up looking at her in disbelief.

"Really?"

"Yes really… but she better be fucking serious this time Ems, I swear… I'm not putting myself through all that again for fucking nothing and neither are you. Understand?"

I nodded smiling in relief. I wrapped her in a hug and squeezed her tightly.

"Thank-you." I whispered into her ear.

I pulled back and kissed her on the cheek.

"Go on then… I just know you're dying to talk to her." She said with a smirk and shoving me towards the back door. "I'm gonna go out for a couple of hours okay, let you guys talk and get sorted."

She looked out the window and shouted out to Naomi.

"NAOMS?... HEY LEZZA."

Naomi looked up with a huge grin on her face.

"I'M GOING OUT. SEE YA LATER YEAH." She yelled out with a wave.

Naomi continued to smile and done a salute in Katie's direction. It wasn't there for long but I saw happiness flash across Katie's face. I think deep down she was just as relieved as I was. I walked outside and joined Naomi. She had taken a seat on one of the outside beach chairs. I sat on the end where her feet were, completely speechless.

"Are you sure about this Ems?"

"Huh?"

"About me staying here, are you sure?"

"Yes of course I'm sure. I wouldn't have asked otherwise… Why?" I started to feel slightly panicked. "Don't you want to?"

She was silent. I stood up quickly at the feeling of my heart sink. She noticed the panicked expression on my face and she leaned forward taking hold of my hand and motioning me to sit between her legs and lay back onto her. She wrapped me into a hug. I still felt tense and she knew, because she used her hand to push gently on my forehead to ease my head down onto her shoulder.

"Naomi you didn't answer my question." I whispered as I finally found my voice.

"Doesn't this answer your question?" She replied as she squeezed me tighter.

"I want you to say it."

"Yes, I want to be here."

There was no pause, no hesitation. Her voice sounded sure. I had no reason to doubt her.

* * *

><p>It had been a month since Naomi came back home. Yes we had had a few arguments here and there but nothing to serious and she didn't run off like she usually did. She stayed, listened to what I had to say and most importantly she opened up and told me what she was thinking. We had a little tiff earlier this morning because she had been out from dusk till dawn the night before leaving me at home, ripping my hair out with worry all fucking night, She didn't answer any of her phone calls and refused to tell me what she had been doing when she had finally stumbled in through the front door. This was the first time she didn't open up to me since she had been here. It scared me, but I didn't push the issue like I had always done in the past. I knew better now. I'll give her the space she needs and maybe revisit the conversation in a couple of days when we have both calmed down. Right now I was more concerned about trying to get to sleep. I was so exhausted that I think my body had past the 'sleep will come easy' stage. Naomi wasn't having a hard time sleeping though as I glanced over at her…<p>

_**CRASH**_

(What the fuck?)

The sound of glass smashing had made me jump and realising that it sounded like it came from downstairs terrified me.

"Naomi." I said panicked.

She didn't stir. She was still fast asleep.

"Naomi, fuck sake wake up." I said trying to keep my voice low incase someone was in the house. I was shaking her and clinging to her in fear at the same time.

"Mmmm what?" She groaned.

"I think someone is in the house." I said quickly.

"It's probably Katie, go back to sleep." She mumbled.

"Someone smashed the window."

That got her up. She looked at me confused for a moment and when she saw the fear in my eyes, her face completely changed. She had a hard stare and a black shadow swept across her features. It sent a shiver down my spine. We both heard another noise. It sounded like glass falling and I had jumped on top of Naomi in fright wrapping my arms around her neck. She was pushing on my rib cage to try and get me off of her.

"Emily, it's okay. Just relax yeah." She whispered when she finally got free from my death grip.

She flipped the quilt over and swung her legs over the side.

"Stay here."

I just stared at her, the blood completely drained from my face.

"Emily, do not move from this room okay. No matter what."

She went to get up, but I dove over to her side of the bed and grabbed her by her wrist.

"No. Don't go down there. Just call the police." I said panicked.

"It's okay. Everything will be alright. Just don't move from this room. Lock the door after I leave. Don't open it unless I say so." She replied freeing her wrist.

"Naomi don't…"

She leaned in and kissed me.

"I love you." She said with a warm smile as she turned and walked out the room closing the door slowly behind her.

I immediately jumped up off the bed and locked the door and threw on a pair of Naomi's tracksuit pants. I picked up my phone and dialed 999 and hovered my thumb over the call button incase I needed to call in a hurry. I had my ear pressed up against the door trying to hear any sound at all. It was dead silent. I couldn't even hear any noise from Naomi...

"FUCKING CUNT." Naomi yelled.

It was followed by a crash. I instantly opened the door, completely forgetting about my plan of attack and dropped the phone to the floor, running down the stairs. Naomi was in the lounge room on the floor.

"Oh my God… Naomi." I screamed as I threw myself at her sobbing.

"It's okay, I'm okay. I stood on some glass. Fuck… its right in there. I can feel it under the skin."

"Is anyone in the house?" I said in a low voice.

(Idiot, bit late to ask… they would have heard you carrying on.)

"Nah, I checked… probably just some kids. AHHHH FUCK."

"Oh thank God." I replied exhaling and wiping the tears from my face. "Here let me see." I said pointing to her foot.

She was right, it was all the way in there and judging off of the size of the cut, it wasn't exactly a small piece.

"Naoms, ah you're not going to like this but you might need to go into the emergency." I said a little reluctantly.

"No way, you do it." She replied hastily.

"But…"

"I don't care Ems, I'm not going into the hospital. YOU do it."

I let out a deep sigh as I stood up and headed for the kitchen to get the first aid kit. Not the usual kind, me being medically trained I had a few extra accessories. I walked back into the lounge room.

"Where are you?" I yelled out.

"Hang on yeah, gimme a sec."

She sounded like she was upstairs.

(How the fuck did she manage that?)

I decided to pick up all the large pieces of glass and quickly vacuumed the smaller ones while I waited for Naomi.

(That's strange. Ace of Spades?)

I sat down on the couch wondering what the fuck she was doing as I stared at the playing card I had found, but got distracted as I heard her trying to hop down the stairs.

"No wait, stay up there. I'll come up." I said standing and making my way up the staircase, placing the card in my pocket.

I watched as Naomi hopped on one foot into our bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. I grabbed the chair that was at the desk and told her to rest her leg on it. I got out everything that I needed and was thankful on closer inspection of her foot that the corner of the glass shard was only just sticking out but it was enough to grab onto without having to dig right in there.

"Babe, this is going to hurt. You know that yeah?" I said to her seriously.

"Yeah I know… come on get on with it." Her eyes glassy and half closed as she slurred her reply.

(So that's what she was doing... Numbing the pain.)

"Okay ready?"

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be." She replied taking in a deep breath clutching at the quilt with both hands.

I grabbed her ankle to keep her still.

"Ahh waitwaitwait." She said urgently.

"I haven't even touched you yet."

She took a deep breath and held it in. She nodded her head as if to say 'Go'. I tried my best to be gentle but quick at the same time. I had forgotten to grab a towel which was stupid really. The glass in her foot was acting like a plug. Keeping the blood in. Once I had removed it, let's just say the carpet was soaked.

"That wasn't so bad."

"I wonder why." I mumbled to myself.

"What?"

"Oh nothing I was just saying that you need a towel."

She didn't say anything. I think she heard me, but I didn't want to get into an argument with her…

"Okay, don't move." I said standing up and exiting the room.

I came back in, kneeled down and cleaned up the wound and sterilized it, placing a gauze and wrapping a bandage around her foot. That's all I could do really. I wanted to put a stitch in it but Naomi refused. She got up off the bed and started walking on it. I just stared at her in disbelief. She should be in some kind of discomfort, but she obviously took REALLY good care of that.

(Stop it Ems, forget it. Don't cause an argument.)

Naomi came back into the room and went down on her hands and knees, scrubbing at the blood stain on the carpet.

"Babe I'll do that." I said reaching out for the cleaning product and scrub brush.

She looked up at me and smirked.

"It's my blood…"

I tried to stop her and insisted she go back to bed and rest her foot.

"Piss off." She said playfully nudging me in the shoulder with hers. "If you really wanna do something how bout you make us a tea yeah?"

"Fine." I sighed pretending to sound annoyed.

I went to get back up but Naomi had grabbed my wrist pulling me back down. I was looking at her confused. She just stared into my eyes for a moment looking very serious.

(What the hell?)

She leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips. She pulled back only a fraction, coming forward again. She nipped my bottom lip and I gasped. She took the opportunity to kiss me open mouthed, slow and tender. She pulled back and continued to scrub for a few moments. I stayed where I was looking a bit like a statue.

"2 sugars for me. Thanks babe."

"Ah, um… yeah sure." I replied stunned blinking a million times.

5 minutes later I was back inside the room. Naomi had finished scrubbing at the stain. She had done a pretty good job to by the way. Blood wasn't the easiest thing to get out but I could hardly see it. She was lying on the bed with both arms under her head with her eyes closed.

"Naoms?"

She didn't answer.

(Is she sleeping?)

I placed the mugs of tea on the bedside table and kneeled on the bed. She jumped in fright obviously not hearing me come in.

"Fucking hell." She said slightly breathless due to a quick surge of adrenalin.

"Sorry." I giggled.

I couldn't keep from smiling. She looked so cute the way she was looking at me. She looked like an innocent child that had been frightened. That's the best way I can describe it… I turned around slightly and grabbed her mug from the table and handed it too her.

"Thanks." She said.

I stayed silent for a moment and watched her take a sip.

"Babe, what are we going to do about the window? I mean we can't sleep while it's like that."

She turned to face me with a small smile. God, I felt like I was hypnotized. Over this last month each and every day MY Naomi was starting to come through. Naturally she was a bit different… her past experiences contributing to that but as a whole the person I had fallen in love with was still there, just under the surface… kind of like the shard of glass that was in her foot. All I had to do now was pull her out… She noticed and I felt like she knew what I was thinking because her smile widened and she threw me a wink. I instantly turned away and felt my cheeks blush. I felt like I was 17 again for a quick moment. I heard her let out a little chuckle.

"Don't worry bout the window… I'll sort that out tomorrow while you're at work. As for right now, you need your sleep. I'll keep watch and make sure some maniac doesn't wander in off the street." She finished off laughing evilly.

I got up off the bed and reached into my bag pulling out my purse.

"Don't even think about it Emily."

I turned to face her frowning questioningly.

"I've got money. It's fine. I'll handle it." She continued.

"But you…"

"No buts… put it back and get your little arse into bed." She said cheekily, wiggling her eyebrows.

(I like her like this. She seems happy and in a good mood. The way it use to be.)

I smiled and dropped my purse not really bothered where it fell and done a 'run and dive' onto the bed. Naomi tried to get out the way but she wasn't quick enough. She paid me back though. She immediately flipped me over onto my back and sat on my legs and tickled me in that sensitive spot just under the ribs.

"Hahahaha, stop… hahaha I can't breathe, fuck stop." I shrieked. "Please ahhh it hurts hahahaha stop."

She continued for a few more moments before actually stopping. She was laughing too.

"You bitch, you know I hate that." I said slapping her playfully on the shoulder trying to catch my breath, still giggling like an idiot.

Actually I was more surprised than anything. I can't believe that she remembered that I hated when she did that… she also knew that I loved it too, but little things like that… how the hell does she remember? My giggling had come to a stop and I started to stare at her intensely. All kinds of emotions and feelings sweeping throughout my entire body. She leant down and started to kiss me. I happily responded. She positioned herself and pushed her thigh upwards which had almost made my eyes roll to the back of my head. I let out an 'mmmm' while are lips were still locked. She pulled back instantly.

"Um… you should get some sleep." Naomi said breaking the awkward silence.

She had that look in her eye and no doubt I did too. I was biting my bottom lip wanting and waiting for her to make the next move even though I knew it was too soon for anything like that. Yes we had shared a kiss here and there but it had never gone on from there. We weren't even officially together. In fact we hadn't even spoken about it. She slept in my bed, we hugged and kissed but it was more out of friendship. Sometimes Naomi would get carried away, her hands wandering all over my body but she would stop herself when it got to hot and heavy. She knew it wasn't the right time. Only once did it go that little bit too far but even I admit that I had lost myself in the moment also. It was like she had absolutely no control over herself, neither did I for that matter, but when she had run her hand down the inside of my jeans and well, you know started doing her thing, when she heard me gasp and moan she stopped straight away. She just propped herself up onto her elbow and looked at me like she had just awoken from a very confusing dream, like she didn't know how her hand had ended up between my thighs. To be honest I didn't want her to stop. I was so worked up I had actually grabbed her wrist as she went to retract her hand to keep it in place… I wrapped my other hand around her neck bringing her down and kissed her passionately. The movement down the front of my jeans had started up again as she groaned into the kiss and responded back whole heartedly rendering me completely breathless forcing me to break away. When I had wrapped both my arms around her and dug my nails into her back she slightly picked up the pace. I started to rock my hips and you could imagine how I was carrying on by this stage. It had been so long since I had been with anyone and the fact that I loved Naomi and was craving for her touch, well I was becoming quite loud. Thank God Katie wasn't home… and the fact that Naomi had a knack for knowing how to please a woman, that didn't hurt either. It was extremely easy to lose all control. I was on fire… All of a sudden she had stopped even when I practically begged her not too. I was telling her it was okay and that I wanted her too do it. I was too far gone for her to just stop. She couldn't possibly leave me like this… She reclaimed her hand and got up onto her knees looking down at me with an expression I had never seen before. I was finding it hard to recapture my breath. She backed away from me her eyes I noticed were several shades darker. She kept repeating 'I'm sorry'. She looked frightened and was unable to hold my gaze. I sat up immediately when she went to get up off the bed and I grabbed her arm forcing her to stay where she was. I kissed her tenderly and in between tried to reassure her that it was okay. It took almost 20 minutes to calm her down and stop her from leaving… she had honestly thought she had taken advantage of me. That it was her fault that things had gotten that far. For a whole week she was awkward and quiet around me, she had even been sleeping on the couch. To say it was a shock would be an understatement. I remembered just looking at her, my mind screaming 'Where's Naomi? What the fuck have you done with her?' She had changed so much. It was like our roles had reversed in a way. Usually it was Naomi wanting it and me saying 'no' because it wasn't the right time… At the time I was annoyed well frustrated really, mainly because she had gotten me so close to release, the feeling of being left that way not being the most pleasant plus it wasn't like I could take care of myself, I was trying to stop Naomi from running away… She was right though. It wasn't right. Not then and not now…

"Emily, are you okay?"

My mind had wandered off for quiet awhile apparently going by the strange way Naomi was looking down at me.

"Huh?"

She moved off of my legs and looked at me full of concern.

"Sorry, I've done it again haven't I?"

She turned away and said 'fuck sake' to herself.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything… we were just mucking around…I…"

She had gotten of the bed and backed herself up against the wall, forgetting that it was there.

"Naomi… babe relax. What are you talking about?" I said calmly.

"I didn't mean it… fuck… I'm sorry." She replied.

I got up and stood in front of her.

"What are you apologising for?"

"I didn't… I didn't…"

She started to panic and was unable to finish her sentence.

"Naoms, fucking relax please… what's wrong?"

She was starting to worry me by the way she was acting. She hadn't done anything wrong? Well nothing I knew about anyways.

"I…ah, I…"

"Just breathe… and tell me what is wrong? You're scaring me."

She took about 3 long deep breaths before she opened her mouth to speak.

"I should go." She replied.

"No… before I even consider that, you need to tell me what is bothering you."

"I don't want you to think that I'm just trying to get into your pants…"

"But… what? I don't think that Naomi."

"I love you, you're not just anyone to me ya know? But… but I can't control myself around you… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I swear. I don't want it to be like this. You're too special. It's just really hard ya know to like keep my hands to myself when I'm around you…"

"Babe…"

She cut me off.

"No listen, I'm too use to getting my own way. Getting what I want. I refuse to let that happen with you… I don't want to fuck this up, fuck us up because I'm selfish…"

(She's acting a little like JJ… kind of locked on Naomi style. I'll have to get her out of it the only way I know how.)

"So what are you saying? You don't want to fuck me? Don't I do it for you anymore?"

"What…what? NO."

She cringed when I said 'fuck'. I knew she absolutely hated me saying that. Years ago we were in the middle of an argument when I had used the word 'fuck', Christ had she blown up. She yelled her explanation saying that she had never just fucked me; you don't fuck someone you love… I didn't quite get where she was coming from at the time, but I started to understand what it meant to her personally. She was saying that although she had slept with other women she had never made love to them. Only 'fucked' them if that makes sense, but don't worry it took a while for me to understand and make the distinction. I mean sex is sex or so I thought, but I think that was due to the fact that Naomi had been the only woman I had been with. When we did officially break up and I had ventured out in an attempt to try and move on, and slept with a few others, I came to understand exactly what she meant. She was right. She had only ever loved me and that's the way I liked it. She had completely ruined me for anyone else… I put my hands on my waist and cocked my eyebrow. I wasn't serious but she needed to shut the fuck up right now. She was ranting and raving.

"No? So you don't want me? That's nice. Thanks Naomi." I replied sarcastically trying my best to look and sound angry.

"NO I DO… I do want you, but the proper way. We need to like start fresh, let me take you out and stuff… ya know, proper."

If this had of been a different situation I would have started crying. In fact a lone tear had escaped and slid down my cheek.

"FUCK… sorry. I'm an idiot yeah, don't listen to me." She continued panicked thinking she had upset me.

"Where are you going?" I shot out quickly as she brushed past me and opened the door.

"Bathroom." She said flatly.

(Great move babe… you stopped her raving on like a lunatic, but ah, now she needs to calm down.)

"Fuck." I mumbled to myself.

I walked to the bathroom and tried the handle. She didn't lock it. I opened it up and she had already done what she set out to do. Although the syringe was still in her arm I could tell by her eyes that the drugs were coursing through her veins. She took the needle out and slowly moved her arm up to place it in the basin.

"I'm sorry." She slurred. "I shouldn't… shouldn't have assumed that you would want me back yeah… I'm a twat."

I walked up to her trying not to look affected and disappointed in seeing her jack up. I kneeled down in front of her and grabbed her hands.

"Naomi?"

(Fuck sake.)

_**SLAP**_

I had to because she had nodded off.

"Naomi?"

"Hmmm?"

"I agree with you. You are a twat. But not because of those reasons."

She smiled at me like a baby smiles when somebody makes them happy. It looked so loving and innocent. I know she knew what I meant even if she was off her face.

* * *

><p><em><strong>KNOCK KNOCK<strong>_

"Delivery for a Miss Emily Fitch."

"I'll be right there." I yelled back.

(A delivery? I'm not expecting anything.)

I ran from the kitchen and checked through the window to make sure it was a delivery man. I opened the door. He was holding some sort of wreath. I signed for it and he passed it to me.

"Sorry for your loss."

(What?)

He turned away and walked back to his van. I watched him drive away completely and totally confused. When he had driven out of sight I closed the door and walked into the lounge room. I looked down at the wreath. It looked expensive. It had red roses and white orchids and a red banner with gold writing across the middle.

_**With Deepest Sympathy… **_

_**R.I.P.**_

_**Naomi Campbell**_

I dropped the wreath as soon as I had read it. I gasped and put my hand to my mouth, shutting my eyes. I instantly felt cold with a shiver hitting my bones. I felt that all too familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. My anxiety sweeping over me quicker than I had ever experienced before. I was struggling to breathe. This attack I couldn't keep under control. It had come on to fast and too strong… Was this some sort of sick joke? I ran into the kitchen and grabbed my phone from my bag. It took me almost 5 minutes to just simply bring up Naomi's number and press the call button because I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. The call went to voice messages. I hung up and redialed.

"Hey gorgeous, how can I be of service?" she chuckled.

I replied incoherently.

"Emily, what's going on? Are you okay?" she asked panicked.

"Na… Naomi…"

"Fuck what's happened?"

The fear in her voice was evident.

"Emily where are you?"

I heard a woman's voice on the other end although I didn't catch what she had said.

"Fuck off yeah. Can't you see I'm fucking busy." Naomi shot out.

"FUCK YOU NAOMI." The mystery woman screamed back.

That time I heard.

"Emily are you home? Fuck babe, answer me."

"Yeah… yes."

"Don't fucking move yeah... Emily?"

"Yes."

"Don't move… I'm on my way."

She hung up the phone. I was still unable to pull myself together. I was distraught. I couldn't get my breathing under control. The shaking had become considerably worse. All I could do was fall to the floor and raise my knees to my chest. Rocking back and forth was the only thing that gave me some sort of comfort. My chest was tight and causing a great amount of pain. I was thinking, 'this must be what a heart attack feels like' as I sat there like someone who had escaped a mental asylum and didn't get their daily dosage of medication. I'm not sure how long I was there for but Naomi, rushing to my side trying to get me back into the real world, snapped me out of it by taking me out of my thoughts. I immediately wrapped my arms around her causing her to lose balance and fall on top of me. I didn't care. I needed to feel her in my arms. She tried to get out of my crushing hug but she had no hope. I wasn't ready to let her go yet.

"Emily what's wrong?"

I still couldn't talk. I was mentally fucked up at that moment. She wiggled free and grabbed me by my shoulders while she positioned herself on her knees in front of me.

"Did someone hurt you?"

She shook me because I didn't answer. I couldn't.

"If someone's hurt you Emily, I want to know…"

I shook my head to answer no.

"Why are you like this?"

I was still too hysterical to provide an answer so I pointed towards the lounge room where I had dropped the wreath. She obviously had run straight past it without noticing. She didn't even bother closing the front door. She stood up looking at me confused. She turned telling me she'd be right back and walked to the wreath's direction. I saw the blood run from her face as she knelt down and picked it up. She walked back over to me continuing to look at it.

"E… Emily, who gave you… this?" She asked. "Emily it's important. Please, pull yourself together babe. I need to know."

"Deli… delivery man." I replied.

She threw it towards the back door as if it was on fire. Flowers coming loose all over the kitchen. She pulled me up off of the floor and wrapped me in a hug. She swayed from left to right in an effort to comfort me and running her hand up and down my back. It was slowly working.

"I'm sorry, I've ruined your top." I sobbed.

She pulled me back and looked down to where I had rested my head. Make up and tears had stained her white tee.

"I don't care babe. I'm more worried about you right now. Fuck the shirt." She replied kissing my forehead and using her hand to place my head back on her shoulder.

I was feeling a lot calmer. The shaking had gone; my airways had opened back up unrestricted. My chest no longer tight and my heart beat returning to normal. I was still teary eyed, but I was 'better'.

"Come on yeah; forget that… someone's idea of a joke. No big deal." She smiled at me.

It was a big deal. Her eyes looked deathly serious. She was trying to palm it off. It almost caused me to have another panic attack. She saw my face scrunch up as I clutched at my chest as it went to tighten once again.

"Hey, hey don't do that. It's okay… don't get yourself worked up. Look, sit down…" She said as she pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and gently walked me over to it. "I'll make you a tea and don't worry I won't forget the honey." She smirked in an effort to try and cheer me up.

She popped the kettle on and ran up the stairs quickly. She came back down with a handful of tissues and a wet face washer. She handed me the tissues so I could wipe the tears and blow my nose and then she carefully wiped the streaks of mascara away from my face. I couldn't keep my eyes from the wreath. The house was starting to smell like a funeral parlour. I was staring to feel ill.

"Naomi please, get that FUCKING thing out of the house."

"Okay, okay… just relax. I'll get rid of it now and come back and make your tea if you calm down. Deal?"

I nodded in agreement. I was happy with that. She opened the back the door and kicked the wreath into the backyard. She followed it and stomped and jumped on it several times destroying it completely. Every flower crushed. She came back in with a broom and swept the remaining flowers that had detached themselves when she had thrown it. Just by the wreath no longer visible or in tacked made me feel a lot better.

"Okay, now the tea." Naomi said as she closed the back door and walked over to the kettle. She fixed me a tea and herself a coffee. She passed me a mug and grabbed my hand and gently tugged me behind her. I followed her up the stairs and into our bedroom. It had become a safe haven for the both of us when we were having a stressful time. Different reasons of course but we both always locked ourselves in there whether it be by ourselves or together. It just depended on the situation.

"Oh hang on a tic. Forgot something."

She placed her mug on the side table as I sat down on the bed, my emotions under control. If my eyes weren't red and puffy from crying, you would never know that I had been in such an emotional state 15 minutes ago. Not even my own sister could calm me down like this not that that's her fault, it's just I don't know, Naomi was the only one who could… She came back through the door holding a packet of chocolate coated mint biscuits. Biscuits I'd always run to when I felt depressed or upset. Another small detail about me that Naomi remembered without me having to remind her. I took one from the packet and enjoyed the hit of chocolate.

"Better?" Naomi asked.

"Yes, much better… Thank you." I replied.

She smiled warmly at me and raised an eyebrow.

"You ah, gonna share them around?"

I chuckled softly and moved the packet away from her so she couldn't reach while I shook my head making over exaggerated noises as I chewed on the biscuit to show just how nice they were. I completely forgot about the half eaten biscuit in my other hand. She leaned over grabbing my wrist and took a huge bite out of it basically leaving me holding a few crumbs.

"Hey, that's cheating." I said

She moved her tongue over her teeth quickly before she flashed me a smile. A smile that showed teeth covered in chocolate.

"That's gross Naomi."

It was gross but I couldn't help but laugh. She definitely knew how to cheer me up. She could be so cheeky sometimes. Silly too… I passed her the packet after I grabbed myself another biscuit. We sat in a comfortable silence as we munched away on the chocolatey treat… Suddenly and I'm not quite sure why but I remembered about the playing card I had found 2 weeks ago when our window was smashed.

"Naoms, the other week with the window, when I was cleaning the glass, I found this."

I reached into the drawer of the side table and retrieved the card and passed it to her. Her face fell with her dropping the remainder of her biscuit. I didn't know why she reacted that way, but it fucking terrified me seeing that expression on her face. Fear and a knowing look was spread across her features.

"What's wrong? What's it mean?"

"Huh?"

"The card… does it mean something?"

"What? No, it's just ace of spades babe. Must have fallen from the pack?"

"Naomi we don't have a pack of cards." I replied drearily.

"I dunno… it's nothing. It's fine." She replied with a small smile.

She was lying to me obviously not wanting me to worry about something. As if I couldn't tell though. I would make it a point to find out the meaning behind this 'ace of spades' believe me. I think I already knew but until I was sure I wasn't going to push the issue. On the outside she looked fine, but there were certain movements that Naomi made when she was feeling uneasy. She was doing them right now but to be fair it could be just from the whole wreath experience. I mean that would freak anyone out… I grabbed her wrist and kissed the back of her hand.

"What was that for?"

"For you being you." I replied.

"What? A complete and total fuck up?" She said half seriously.

I didn't like that remark.

"NO, for being a caring and loving person. Besides, you're my 'complete and total fuck up' and I love you."

She smirked.

"You feeling alright Ems?" she asked.

"Piss off… fuck Naoms; you sure know how to ruin a moment."

"More like 'fucked it up'" she replied chuckling.

I slapped her playfully at the back of the head.

"I'm being serious."

"I know you are." She replied seriously. "I love you too."

I paused thoughtfully for a moment while I took a sip of my tea.

"Naomi."

"Hmmm."

"You know, I was thinking…"

I stopped for a moment trying to get the words in the right order.

"Yeah?" She asked urging me to continue.

"You know, life's too short… I know you want to wait to ya know, get clean and all that but we're not… not promised tomorrow. I know I want to be with you and I also know that you want to be with me… so what are we doing exactly?"

"Emily you know I want that more than anything, but it's not the right time."

I paused again remembering the woman's voice I heard when I called Naomi earlier.

"Are you seeing someone else, is that why you're reluctant to get back with me?" I asked depressingly.

"What NO? What the hell made you think that?"

"When I called you today, you were with someone."

During this part of the conversation I hadn't been looking at her but I needed to see how she reacted to the questioning. I turned to face her. She looked confused, replaying the events of her day trying to think of who she was with. I decided to help her along.

"She told you too fuck off."

It clicked.

"Her? No way babe." She replied slightly disgusted.

"Well, who was she?"

"No one that you should be worried about that's for sure."

"Well she knew you're name. She must know you pretty well to be on a first name basis." I replied with a hint of sarcasm.

She didn't answer. I started to wonder as always.

"You don't have to lie to me, I'm a big girl. I can handle it."

"No, no it's not that. I was just thinking about something sorry. Listen Ems, that chick you heard, she's a slag…"

"Haven't they all been?" I asked with an eyebrow cocked.

She smirked at me.

"No I mean a slag in the true sense of the word. You know, a prostitute, a lady of the night etc…"

"What the hell are you doing hanging around fucking prostitutes Naomi. Fuck sake."

"Ems chill, I wasn't hanging around her. She saw me and wanted to know if I had…" She trailed off.

"If you had?"

"Any gear." She said looking down at her feet.

I sighed deeply. I wasn't stupid I knew Naomi was still doing all that. I will say though that she had cut down on her usage, but she still had a long way to go.

"So you see Emily, it's not the right time." She continued.

I went to reply but was distracted by the sound of someone knocking on the front door.

"Fuck sake that better not be another fucking delivery." I said annoyed.

"I'll go answer okay. Stay here."

"No I'm coming with you." I replied not taking a no from Naomi as an answer.

* * *

><p>"Who is it?" Naomi asked.<p>

They replied but we didn't hear.

She opened the door and asked who they were.

"Hi, we're here for our 5pm appointment."

"What appointment? Who are you?"

"I'm David and this is Carl. We're from Heaven On Earth Bespoke Funeral services." David responded in a soft voice.

Neither I nor Naomi could find the words.

"We're here to help a Miss Emily Fitch organise a funeral for a Miss Naomi Campbell."

"FUCK. OFF." I screamed as I slammed the door shut right in they're face. "Naomi, babe what the fuck is going on?"

She was dazed. She looked catatonic. I nudged her and she looked at me, her face pale.

"What the fuck is going on? And don't you dare tell me nothing." I shrieked.

"Nah Nothing." She stuttered.

I pursed my lips together in anger, fear and fucking panic.

"Fuck you."

I turned and stormed up the stairs slamming the bedroom door behind me. I tried so hard to hold the tears back but I was terrified. I broke down. Naomi wasn't far behind; she entered the room looking at me concerned.

"What the fuck does that card mean Naomi? I want the fucking truth."

She didn't answer me. I don't think she knew what to say. I raised my hands, cupping my face and started sobbing. The thought of death and the events of today unsettling me.

"Emily please don't cry, none of this is real. Someone's just playing a sick game." She said in an attempt to settle me down.

"I'm not stupid; I know YOU know more than you're letting on… Ace of Spades Naomi, what's it fucking mean?"

She came and sat beside me exhaling heavily.

"It means… fuck sake. It means death." She replied.

"How does it mean death?" I spat.

"I dunno, it just does. It's a symbol. Ya know like an hour glass, skull or a scythe…"

"What the fuck is a scythe." I yelled not really caring about the answer. It didn't matter.

"That thing the Grim Reaper carries around."

(Oh.)

"Who's doing this?"

"I don't know Ems."

I scoffed through my sobs. Yeah right, she knew all right there's no denying it.

"Obviously someone wants you…"

I had to stop. My voice had become extremely husky. I cleared my throat before continuing. I was starting to sound like a 13 year old boy whose voice was breaking.

"… wants you dead." I sniffed and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Why?"

She's giving me the silent treatment again.

"Jesus Naomi, this is fucking serious…"

"Emily please understand, I can't tell you. The less you know the better okay."

"What is it? Don't you trust me? Because I've never given you a reason not to trust me, have I Naomi?"

That came out more like an attack. It wasn't meant to come out that way. She looked at me frowning and looking very much offended.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded… I'm terrified Naomi. How do you think all this makes ME feel?"

"I know okay, I know and I'm fucking sorry for getting you mixed up in all this. It's probably best if I leave. Get as far away from you as possible… It's the only way I know you'll be safe." She replied standing up.

I followed suit. There is no way she is leaving.

"No Naomi. FUCKING NO." I shrieked grabbing her arm.

"Ems…"

"I said NO… You're not leaving me here alone wondering. If you leave me now, I'll never forgive you. Do you hear me? NEVER."

I shook her due to her lack of response.

"Naomi?"

"Okay, I won't leave."

I cocked my eyebrow at her.

"I promise." She replied.

There was a time when a promise from Naomi meant fuck all… but I knew I could trust her, since she has been back she hasn't broken one promise she has made. In fact if she thought she would break her word she told me straight. She would tell me that she wasn't going to make certain promises to begin with because she knew she'd struggle to keep them…

"Tell me what to do Naoms, I'll do anything. How can we make this go away?" I said as I motioned her back onto the bed. "Do you owe someone money? I don't care if I have to get a loan from the bank… just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."

She shook her head.

"It's more complicated than that babe…"

"Whatever it is I'm prepared to do it… do we need to leave Bristol?"

It was hard to offer assistance especially if you have no fucking idea of what's going on exactly. She didn't answer me. Her mind was clearly in overdrive. She was lost in thought.

"Naoms?"

She turned and faced me. Her expression was haunting.

"God I love you… you know that."

I swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of my throat, trying desperately to hold back a fresh stream of tears. Today had been a highly stressful and emotional day for both of us. I wasn't handling it to well. It should have been Naomi that was in the state I was in. The 'death messages' were clearly directed at her even though I was the recipient and I couldn't understand just how well she was taking it all. It made me feel as if she knew that it was coming. Like she was expecting all this to eventually happen.

"I know you do… and I love you too so please tell me what I have to do." I pleaded.

"Nothing Ems, its okay… I'll sort it. Everything will turn out fine." She paused for a moment. "I promise you."

"But the wreath, the…"

She cut me off.

"That's all just a warning. A cruel warning but nothing more…" she replied. "Please don't worry okay; I can't stand it when you're stressing out. Believe me its fine."

She leaned over and kissed my silent tears away and pulled me in for a hug.

"Everything will be okay." She whispered.

_**TBC…**_

**So there you have it. I hope it wasn't to long for you guys or boring for that matter. Any thoughts or whatever feel free to leave a comment/review. Much appreciated and thanks for reading. **

**Song lyrics;**

**Give Me Everything (Tonight) - Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo (Emily's Ringtone)**


	10. Part X

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**Okay, so how are we all? All good I hope… lol. Now some people have gotten back to me and are curious about a couple of things. I'm a bit reluctant to answer but since some of you have been honest with me, well I'm going to be honest with you. And not to mention the fact that some of you have discussed some very private information with me so I think it's only fair that I do the same. Right so here we go… Is it normal to be nervous about this?**

**Some of you would like to know what side of the addiction I'm actually on. Well the Naomi in this story is based on myself. A high percentage of this story comes from my own personal experiences in situations but obviously the names of the characters and certain other things related to Skins have nothing to do with me…Now that I have admitted that I have this terrible feeling that I have just gained a lot more enemies… Can I just add that I was very young and very stupid and took someone I truly love and adore for granted. Something I regret terribly and although it's too late for me to rectify anything because I don't own a time machine, I do realise that I was wrong… I've been in Emily's shoes also, but it was a very close friend. We weren't in a relationship.**

**Also incase there is any confusion, the above 'confession' has nothing to do with the outcome of the story. Sorry no hints lol.**

**I would like to thank M, Blakely, Beck89 and reddawg82 for you're amazing comments for the last chapter and you're continuing interest. You guys are absolutely AWESOME.**

**The Darkness That Follows **

**Part X**

"Fucking hell Naomi." I yelled as I glared down at her.

She had forgotten her keys again which was a common occurrence and had been banging on the door for probably a good 20 minutes by the way she was carrying on. I had dozed off on the couch waiting for her to come home because not only did she forget her keys but she had forgotten her phone as well. I was worried. I couldn't help but think back to the death 'messages' we had received not even a week ago… She had been out all day and it was now going on to 3am. She had been sitting on the ground with her back slumped on the door so when I opened it she had fallen flat on her back staring up at me with a goofy looking grin on her face. I almost forgot that I was angry with her, it was so child like.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I said as I kneeled down beside her relieved and angered at the same time.

She was freezing to the touch but I don't think it bothered her really. She was off her fucking tits. I haven't seen her THIS bad for such a long time I immediately thought that something was wrong, but she didn't look stressed or anything, so that thought left just as quick as it came.

"Honey I'm… I'm home." She slurred still smiling like an idiot.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I mumbled to myself.

She giggled.

"I forgot, forgot my keys."

I raised my eyebrow at her as if to say 'no shit Naomi' but she didn't notice that I wasn't impressed.

"Why am I on the floor? How did I get down here?" She asked turning serious.

"Because you're a twat, that's why." I replied angrily.

She frowned at me for a moment and then started laughing as if I just told her a funny joke.

(What the fuck is she on?)

I attempted to help her get up but it was fucking difficult. It was like trying to lift dead weight. She kept trying to get up but kept landing on her arse. Her balance obviously non existent at that particular moment… I would love to know how the fuck she got home like this. Fucking hell.

"Katie?" I yelled up the stairs.

No answer. Well of course there wasn't because it was three in the fucking morning. I looked back down at Naomi. She was silent but she was staring at me intensely like she was in some sort of pain.

"Naoms what's wrong?"

"You're beau-ti-ful."

(Oh my God.)

I rolled my eyes at her and stood up.

"Wait, where are you going? You haven't even given me you're number yet." She called out as I made my way up the stairs to Katie's room.

I opened the door and shook Katie to wake her up.

"Fuck Ems, what the actual fuck." She said groggily as she jumped with fright due to being woken so suddenly, almost ending up on the floor.

"I need help with Naomi." I replied flatly.

I didn't mean to shake her so aggressively but as you could imagine I wasn't in the best of moods. She grumbled something under her breath.

"Fucking what?" I said with my hands on my hips.

"Nothing." She replied.

She swung the blankets over herself and threw her legs over the side. She extended her arms to stretch and stood up looking very fucking annoyed.

"What is it this time?" She sighed heavily.

I ignored her question as I stormed out the room and stomped my way down the stairs to where Naomi was. She had decided to lie back down and fall asleep. Katie arrived a few moments later. Both of us staring down at the sorry state in front of us.

"Fucking hell, Ems. She's well out of it."

"I can fucking see that. I'm not fuck-ing blind." I screamed back at her.

"Don't bite MY head off. I didn't do anything."

I breathed in deeply and exhaled.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Come on; let's get her up to bed."

We both kneeled down and shook Naomi. Nothing was happening. I was losing my patience as I kept saying her name and shaking her but not getting a response.

_**SLAP**_

"WAKE THE FUCK UP NAOMI."

She groaned as she opened her eyes with her face lighting up. She obviously didn't feel the pain a slap would normally cause.

"Hey you're back." She smirked.

She looked at Katie and frowned. She cast her eyes back at me, looking frightened. She reached up and grabbed my arm almost causing me to fall on top of her.

"Emily… Emily, I can see two of you… Does, does that mean you can see two of me?"

Katie and I both looked up at each other at the same time.

(What The Fuck?)

"Katie, grab her. Help me get her up." I said extremely frustrated.

We both grabbed Naomi on either side and went to pull her up of the floor.

"Ewww, Ems get it off me, don't let IT touch me." Naomi said completely panicked looking down at where Katie was holding her.

"Fuck sake… It's Katie." I replied.

"Katie?" She asked looking at me confused.

Katie grabbed Naomi by the chin and roughly turned her head towards her. She looked pissed.

"Oh hello Katie, where'd you come from?" She said as she smiled at her.

Katie was thinking hard about something. She was chewing on her bottom lip as she analysed Naomi's eyes. She looked back to me looking disappointed and concerned.

"She's had a speedball." She said flatly.

I could hear her voice quiver ever so slightly. She was upset. I was fucking furious. I pursed my lips and dragged Naomi up the stairs. Katie wasn't really paying attention and had let go of Naomi by mistake causing her to drop to her knees.

"Katie, hold her up." I shrieked.

She grabbed hold of her and we led her up the stairs and into the bedroom. We placed her on the bed and Katie decided to exit the room to make coffee. Possibly to avoid the explosion that was ensuing… I took off Naomi's shoes and socks and tossed them in the corner. I moved up to her belt and undid the buckle. As I undid the stud and pulled the zip down on her jeans, I felt Naomi shift so I looked up at her. She was propped up on her elbows smirking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't even think about it." I said knowing full well what was running through her mind.

"Oh why not?" She replied pouting her lips.

"I said no."

"Fine, you're loss."

I slid her jeans off and pulled her up into a sitting position. That cheeky smirk was back on her face.

"Change your mind?" she asked

I ignored her mainly because I was absolutely fuming. No doubt smoke was blowing out of my ears at that particular moment.

I slid her jacket off which took longer than expected because her fucking arms got stuck. I was shouting for her to keep her arms still and that I would do it but there was no getting through to her… 5 minutes later, finally I was able to untangle Naomi's arms from her jacket and so I started to undo the buttons on her shirt.

"Um Naomi, why is there lipstick on your collar?" I asked calmly clenching my jaw.

I turned her head roughly to the side to see if there were any marks on her neck. Sure enough… there was. My heart sank at the sight of it. How could she do this to me a-fucking-gain? I am not taking her being high as an excuse…

"Here Ems."

I turned to face Katie, fury in my eyes. She was holding a mug towards me and pulled her hand back towards her as she took an unconscious step backwards. She was moving her mouth open and closed. She looked like a fish out of water.

"Wha… what's wrong?" She said as she placed the mugs on the desk and walked over to me and Naomi.

Naomi was nodding off still in a sitting position, obviously coming down from the coke with the smacks full effect taking over. She had no idea what was going on. This is where it gets dangerous… but she's breathing okay and I'm fucking pissed off.

"That's what's fucking wrong." I yelled as I pointed to Naomi's neck and shoved the lipstick stained shirt into Katie's hand.

"Oh." Was all she managed to say.

I had to leave the room so I stormed off and went into the bathroom. I popped the toilet seat lid down and fell onto it. I ran a shaky hand through my hair, trying my best to not let myself cry over what I had just discovered.

(Naomi cheated.)

My mind was repeating it over and over again. Mental images of her fucking somebody else is what finally dissolved me to tears. I was trying so hard to hold it back, biting my bottom lip and almost taking a chunk out of it while I clutched at my aching chest. We hadn't been sleeping together but that's not the fucking point is it? Not at the stage we're at now. We are mending our relationship and what the fuck does she go and do… She's always fucking everything up, for fucks sake.

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

"What?" I snapped

"Can I come in?"

"It's open isn't it?"

I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. Another top ruined.

(Maybe I should just stop wearing make up… or stop crying, but right now, I honestly don't see that happening anytime in the near future.)

The door slowly creaked open with Katie entering the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

"She's awake."

"I don't care." I replied through broken sobs.

I heard her intake a deep breath and exhale loudly.

"I think you should talk to her."

"What the fuck for Katie?" I replied

"Because it's not what you think." She replied softly trying to keep our conversation civil.

"And how could you possibly know that?" I said with a sarcastic smirk.

"Ems, I've been talking to her for the last fucking hour. She's that out of it she wouldn't even be capable of lying… and to be honest I believe her."

(An hour? Fucking hell… I haven't been in here that long, have I?)

"Believe what?" I snapped back.

"As I said babes, you need to talk to her."

"Fucking fine." I yelled as I stood up almost knocking Katie over by accident.

I walked into the bedroom. Naomi was still sitting on the bed, staring at her forearm. She looked like she was trying to scrub off the bruising that had appeared there. I stood observing her with my arms folded as Katie poked her head in the door and informed me that she'd be downstairs if I needed her. She closed the bedroom door as she left. Naomi hadn't even noticed that I was standing there. When she gave up on trying to make the marks on her arm disappear she looked up and almost jumped out of her skin. When the initial shock passed she flashed a huge smile at me. It did nothing to waver the anger and hurt that I was feeling.

"Hey babe… where did you run off too?" she said.

"Don't 'hey babe' me." I replied.

She frowned a little before she continued.

"What did you… did you get up to today?" She stammered as her brain wasn't functioning at its full capacity.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

Her face lit up as if she was absolutely ecstatic that I had taken an interest in her activities of the day. She had completely missed the fact that I was pissed off at her… before she spoke she stood up and went to her jeans and pulled something out of her pocket. She walked back over to the bed and sat down. She opened a small bag and sprinkled some powder onto the back of her hand. Meanwhile I stared at her in complete and utter shock. She NEVER did that shit in front of me. Not like that. I mean yeah, I had seen her ingest drugs before, but she always tried to hide it. She didn't like me seeing it. I snapped out of it as she raised her hand to her nose. I stepped forward slapping her hand away with the white powder sprinkling all over the carpet and quilt cover. She looked up at me with her mouth wide open in disbelief.

"Why the fuck did you do that?"

"You've had enough." I replied squinting in anger.

She went to sprinkle more but I snatched the bag from her hand.

"Fuck sake Emily."

She didn't yell. She said it rather gently and to be honest I wasn't expecting it. I thought she'd get up and tackle me for it, but she never… I placed it into my pocket. She instantly forgot about the bag and started ranting on like nothing had happened.

"Ems guess what yeah?" She said smiling at me. "Guess what I did today?"

(More like 'who you did' today.)

"What?" I replied shrugging my shoulders getting ready to hear her say that she had fucked the arse off of some bimbo. My hand was ready and waiting to slap her face.

"I quit." She replied chuckling. "I actually quit… can you believe that?"

(What is she talking about?)

"What do you mean quit?"

"I'm free… I'm fucking free." She replied outstretching her arms as if she was flying through the air.

"What are you free of Naomi?"

I was starting to get impatient.

"You know… free from my job."

(Job? She doesn't HAVE a job… ohhh hang on.)

"What, you're not dealing anymore?" I asked

She nodded goofily at me.

"And guess what else?"

"You found a new girlfriend?"

(I couldn't help myself.)

She frowned at me.

"No, don't be silly Emsy. Why would I want a new… new girlfriend? I've got you."

(Emsy? Fucking hell how much shit has she taken?)

I placed my hands on my hips.

"Is that right?"

"Yessss." She replied nodding her head.

"So why is there a lipstick stain on you're shirt?"

She scrunched up her face as she was thinking. I didn't wait for an answer.

"Not to mention a love bite on you're fucking neck."

"Love bite?"

"Yes Naomi. A love bite. A fucking hickey."

She started to laugh which infuriated me even more. I was about to start screaming at her but decided against it. Instead I pursed my lips to try and stop myself from lashing out.

"Hahaha, you shoulda seen her face Emily… Oh my God it was fucking hilarious."

I didn't respond. She reached out to take my hand, but I stepped back.

"Don't."

She still didn't get what was happening.

"I was…" She stopped to release another chuckle. "I was dancing with this random and like I was busting for the loo so I just left her there on the dance floor."

"Naomi that doesn't explain how you got…"

She cut me off.

"Patience Ems… I'm getting to the good bit."

(Good bit?)

"You prick." I spat out.

She mistook that comment. She thought I meant that she was a prick for leaving that tart on the dance floor. She couldn't have been more wrong.

"I know huh… anyway, she follows me into the cubicle yeah… silly bitch."

(Yeah silly alright. Probably didn't expect to be fucked and left there all on her own.)

I stayed silent.

"She was like feelin' me up and all that, tryin' to like get me in the mood ya know."

(It doesn't take much. Sometimes I wonder if you should have been born with a dick.)

"And I was like nah, I don't want to, but she wouldn't listen… Oh man I was so out if Ems, I had to like sit down…"

I was still silent. I was glaring at her not wanting to hear the gory details, but needing too. In fact I didn't have to speak. She was doing fine on her own. She was so high; it was working like a truth serum. I don't think I could have shut her up even if I wanted to. She was just so… talkative.

"I think she needed to sit too so she sat on my lap."

(Yeah she 'sat' on your lap.)

"Get this Ems, she starts like kissing me, and I was like fuck off. Yuk, get off me, but shhh…"

She put her finger across her mouth like she was about to tell me the worlds biggest secret.

"I think something was wrong with her… like drunk or something 'cause she wouldn't listen and I was trying to be nice."

(I bet you were trying to be nice.)

I scoffed at her. Again she didn't notice that I was far from impressed.

"She like starts kissing and sucking my neck and it was disgusting."

She shivered to prove her point and starts laughing. She stops for a moment and frowns at me looking serious.

"But… but it's not disgusting when you do it. I like when you do it."

"I'm waiting." I say impatiently.

"I stood up and she fell. She hit her head on the door…"

She became hysterical with laughter. Tears where streaming down her face.

"I could see her knickers." She giggled. "I told her to fuck off, ya know… like 'why the fuck would I want to FUCK you'… Oh not you Ems, I said that to her because I would never say that to you, because I want to like do that to you ALL the fucking time."

(Okay… My cheeks just turned bright red.)

"And?" I asked feeling my anger slowly subside.

"And I said to her that I was sorry, because I didn't want to be rude and said that I didn't fuck slags and that I was going home to fuck my gorgeous girlfriend…"

(I think even though you said sorry, I think the slag part would have offended her.)

Naomi went into a panic.

"But…but I told her 'fuck' but I really meant make love, because I don't fuck you Emily… and, and I wasn't serious because I know that we're not really together but I didn't want to do that with her I only want to do that with you be… because I… I love you…" She ranted rather seriously.

She patted the bed with her hand for me to sit down next to her. She was smiling at me. I was unable to speak. She was telling me the truth; I could clearly see that. When I took a seat next to her, her smile widened. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"Sorry if I upset you." She slurred almost sounding like a child. "I didn't mean to."

I took a deep breath before I spoke.

"I know you didn't."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Naomi nudged her shoulder playfully into mine to get my attention. I turned to face her and couldn't help but smile back. Her grin was wide and her eyes were twinkling, actually more like sparkling, probably due to the drugs but she just looked so happy…

"Guess what else?"

(Oh no, what now?)

I felt my heart speed up slightly due to feeling rather nervous.

"Today is my last day?"

"What do you mean?" I asked hesitantly.

She smiled again.

"No more drugs… I'm stopping."

I frowned at her because to me it seemed as if she was getting fucking worse if that was at all possible. I mean fuck sake, mixing cocaine and heroin together is not something that anyone should indulged in as far as I'm concerned. I don't care how fantastic the high might be. You need to be familiar with the effects of both drugs for it to be even the slightest bit 'safe'. The combination can be quite deadly. It's mainly what the more experienced user's do… which obviously, Naomi was most definitely part of THAT category. Still extremely dangerous though no matter how experienced one might be… I was deep in thought.

"Naomi don't..."

She cut me off.

"You need…" She trailed off.

Her eyes almost rolled to the back of her head as she went to nod off. I shook her gently by the shoulder.

"Naomi."

She opened her eyes and stared directly into mine and continued what she was about to say.

"Would you stay with me while I'm ya know… sick."

I looked away quickly.

"It's okay… you don't have to, I'll be fine…sor… sorry, I shouldn't have asked." She slurred looking disappointed.

"Naoms, of course I will."

She perked up again.

"Really?"

"Yes really." I nodded.

She kissed me on the cheek again, grinning from ear to ear.

She got up off the bed and stumbled back over to her jeans reaching into her pocket. She pulled out about another 5 or 6 other bags and walked out of the room. I was frozen. Surely she didn't just forget what she had just finished telling me. I finally came unstuck and ran out the room yelling for Katie to come up stairs. I burst into the bathroom frantically, expecting to find Naomi unconscious, but was met with an unfamiliar sight.

"What's happening Ems, fuck sake." Katie burst through the door panicked and breathless.

"It's okay." I replied.

We both watched on as we saw Naomi empting the contents of the bags down the sink. My eyes started to tear up; it was quite an emotional scene. When she had finished she walked over towards us and asked Katie to leave me and her alone for a moment.

"Yeah, sure lezza."

I turned to face my sister.

"Katie don't."

"I was only joking." She replied.

I turned back to Naomi who had a massive smile on her face while she thanked her. Katie turned around closing the door and went back down stairs. Naomi's face had turned awfully serious as she stepped closer towards me. It made me feel uneasy and I took a step back and felt my back hit the door. She leaned in and brushed her lips against mine. My heart almost pounded out of my chest when I got a huge rush of adrenaline. I couldn't move. She bit my bottom lip and waited for me to respond and when I did she kissed me rather sensually. She ran her hand down my thigh and back up again placing her hand in side my pocket grabbing the remaining bag. She pulled away leaving me quite breathless and took a step back, still looking deadly serious…

"Emily." She said as she held up the bag. "This one doesn't go down the sink."

"Why not?" I asked. Well actually, almost shrieked.

"It just doesn't… not yet." She replied.

I understood what she meant, but as much as I wanted to protest and rip the bag from her hand… I allowed her to continue. She didn't have just a physical dependence for the drug. It was a mental one as well. I would allow her to have her last taste if it meant that in her mind, it would prepare her for what was to come… I went to leave her to it, but she didn't want me to go. She just asked that I turn around and so I did. I heard the syringe fall to floor and it was my cue to spin around and face her. She extended her arm out to me holding the very last bag. It still had some gear left in it. I walked up towards her and took what she was offering.

"Sink." She mumbled.

I did as she asked. I turned the tap on and emptied the remaining powder down the drain. I turned to face Naomi and helped her to her feet, escorting her back to our bedroom. I tucked her into her side of the bed and I quickly got changed and jumped in beside her. I went to cuddle up to her, but she stopped me. She ordered me to face the opposite direction and I felt her shift and wrap her arms around my waist pulling me closer to her. My back pressed up against her chest. She rested her head right behind mine and squeezed me tight.

"I love you." She whispered as the effect of the drug coursed through her system and sleep took over.

* * *

><p>Proud and amazed. Those were the two feelings I felt right at this very moment. Naomi and I had just gotten home from our third 'date'. It was lovely. She had taken me to a place that was special to the both of us. The lake. She insisted that I be blind folded though as she gently guided me to where we would spend the evening. She removed the blind fold and I was absolutely stunned. I gasped loudly and raised my hand to cover my mouth. It was… it was beautiful. I don't know how she managed it. She mistook my reaction for me being upset or uncomfortable and so she panicked quickly apologising and raving on like a lunatic. I had no words so I just threw myself at her wrapping my arms around her neck and bringing her down for a rough kiss. I was ecstatic and thankfully the kiss had shut her up. I don't know why she was so nervous; I mean even when she asked me for a first date, she couldn't even get the words out. Honestly, I had no idea what she was trying to say I had to ask her to repeat herself twice… Her reason for being all worked up about it. She thought that I was going to say no. Crazy, right? Anyway, I have no fucking idea how she managed to pull off tonight's date. She had put purple fairy lights in the trees surrounding our little spot, giving just enough light to be able to see what we were doing. Candles were sitting at the base of the closer trees and a few around the blanket. She had packed a picnic basket full of all the things I love to eat. Kalamata olives, roasted peppers, char grilled eggplant, kabana, prosciutto etc. Even those little toast biscuit thingy's. Oh and the wine. Moscato, a wine that was my favourite and she remembered. She remembered everything, even down to my favourite colour, purple… At first I protested when she pulled the wine from the basket because Naomi wasn't meant to be ingesting anything that causes intoxication even if she had been clean for almost 7 months, but she said it wasn't for her, it was for me. I still wasn't happy about it, I mean it isn't exactly fair for me to be drinking in front of her but I gave up in the end because she said that it was my night and that what she says goes… She became a little agitated towards the end of the date and it started to worry me but I didn't say anything at first. I just observed her trying to figure out what was wrong. When she said 'FUCK' out of nowhere, it made me jump. I panicked and immediately got up on to my knees to shuffle closer to her. I asked her what was the matter and she told me that she had fucked it all up. Cut a long story short, she said that she had meant to give me something but had forgotten it at home and she was a twat and fucked things up without even trying. It took a good 10 minutes to convince her that it didn't matter and that I enjoyed the night regardless… Honestly, this date was going to be a hard act to follow. It was one of the best nights of my life…<p>

"Babes, you want tea or coffee?" She asked as she flicked the switch on the kettle.

I went to answer.

"Hang on, don't say anything… Tea with honey. Am I right?"

"Smart arse." I replied smirking at her.

She stuck her tongue out playfully, which made me chuckle… I took a seat at the kitchen table and watched Naomi as she grabbed two mugs and prepared the hot drinks. I was mesmerised by what was in front of me. Mesmerised by her. She had come such a long way. She no longer looked pale and sick, she was looking healthy, beautiful and fucking gorgeous. Her personality had even changed, for the better. She can still be sarcastic, don't worry about that, but it's not ALL the time. She's been kind, loving and sweet. Even when it comes to expressing herself, I mean she still has trouble but she tells me she loves me at least once a day. There was a time I'd go weeks without hearing them three little words… The withdrawals lasted longer then the first time, a lot longer. It was hard for me to just simply watch her wither in agony so I could only imagine how it was for her, but she pulled through. She wouldn't let me leave the room even for a second which at the time I thought was strange because I remembered the first time in the beginning, she didn't want me even touching her. This time round though, she clung to me for dear life while her body was trying to get the drugs out of her system. If she was in pain she would squeeze me and I'd gasp in pain also. She was holding me that tight, bruising had appeared on my hips and across my stomach after a couple of days being wrapped in her arms, so I was a bit tender but I didn't care. If it gave her even the tinniest amount of relief and comfort there was no way I was going to refuse her… There were tears, many tears from the both of us. Naomi unable to bite her tongue while the pain surged through her body screaming out and hurling all kinds of abuse towards me. I expected it and I didn't take it too personally. I knew she didn't mean a word of it, but it still hurt and caused my heart to ache. I would be reduced to tears but I stayed by her side. She would have a moment of clarity and apologise repeating I'm sorry, I'm sorry over and over again as she cried hysterically trying to get as close to me as possible as we laid on the bed. She would clutch at my clothes when the pain was intense and try and slide herself up to rest her head on my chest… She was begging me not to leave her, not to go. She was fearful of me leaving her in that state because of the things she had just said to me. I wasn't going anywhere… Naomi and I, US, finally we were getting somewhere. All I ever wanted in this life was to be with Naomi and finally after everything we have been through, the highs and the very many lows, things are really looking up. My heart swells every time I see her. I feel weak at the knees when she whispers I love you. I want to jump for joy every time I wake up of a morning and see her fast asleep lying with her arms draped over me…

"What are you smiling about?"

"Huh? What?" I replied as Naomi's voice snapped me out of my little day dream.

She laughed.

"Here, you're teas ready."

"Oh thank you." I said still feeling like I was in a daze.

She took a seat at the table beside me.

"You okay?"

She was looking at me full of concern.

"Yeah I'm fine… I was just thinking…"

"About?"

"The wonderful time I had tonight."

"So it, it was okay, like you weren't disappointed or anything?"

"Would you stop worrying, it was great. No… it was amazing. Thank you." I answered as I leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Butterflies were flying around uncontrollably in the pit of my stomach as I witnessed the best smile I have ever seen on anyone's face. Her whole face lit up, it literally took my breath away… She looked down at her coffee mug and slowly raised her gaze back up to mine. Her face had turned slightly serious but she looked more nervous than anything.

"That ah, that thing I wanted to give you tonight… it's upstairs… I'd like… like to give it to you now if that's okay." She stammered.

I stood up and reached for her hand.

"Show me the way." I said with a smirk.

I was trying to lighten the mood for Naomi's sake. She looked as if she was ready to blow a gasket. I can't understand why she is so nervous about the whole dating thing and having the need to get every little thing perfect… it's cute though. I guess it shows that she cares… She removed herself from the table and gently pulled me close behind her and we made our way up the stairs and into the bedroom. Naomi motioned for me to sit on the bed…

"Wait here. I'll be right back." She smiled.

I sat on the bed and took a sip of my tea. I could her Naomi rummaging around in Katie's room and by the sound of it she was frantic. Katie's not going to be too impressed when she finds all her shit on the floor. Naomi came back into the room looking terrified as she walked slowly and sat on the bed beside me. To be honest, I was starting to feel just as nervous…

"Um, I… ah I…"

She sighed.

"Here." She said as she past me a small jewellery box.

My heart picked up speed as I looked at what I was holding. I was staring at it and unable to take the next step to open it. I don't know why I was like this to be honest. I think it might have been because of the state Naomi was in, like it kind of rubbed off on me…

"Emily?"

I turned my gaze towards Naomi who was smiling warmly at me. She could see that I was completely stunned and unable to move. She wrapped her hand around mine, the one that was holding the box and raised her other hand and gently opened the lid as I glanced back at the little package. As my eyes fixed on what was inside, my breath caught in the back of my throat and my heart was no longer racing. I think it had actually stopped. I breathed in deeply as a massive wave of emotion swept through my entire body causing me too shake as I remembered back in time. I looked towards Naomi, tears streaming down my face. My mouth open as I stared at her in shock… It was a necklace. No, it was THE necklace. How does she still have this after all these years? I thought, I thought this was long gone. I mean she ripped it from my neck that time when I had refused to give her money. She needed a fix… She could see all the questions running through my mind as I sobbed.

"Emily?"

My mind was too far away to even really hear her. She stood up off the bed and knelt down in front of me taking the box from my hand.

"How did you… Why didn't you…"

I tried to speak but it just wouldn't come out. She unclipped the chain that she obviously had repaired and placed it around my neck. She lifted my hair putting the chain under it so it sat properly. Some hair had fallen over my face so she moved it to the side so she could look into my eyes. She took my hand and entwined her fingers with mine. She looked regretful. Guilt was written all over her face. I couldn't stand her looking at me in that way. She didn't need to feel like that anymore…

"When I, I…" She paused. "When I took this from you, it was possibly one of the lowest things I had ever done, but at the time I didn't care I just needed the money…"

She stopped to take a deep breath casting her gaze downwards. I was still speechless.

"I've had this with me everyday since that night. I… I went without a fix for three whole days after I took it… I could never have sold it Emily…"

She looked back up towards me. Tears in her eyes. She was struggling with her words.

"Everyday I think about what I've done to you… every fuck-ing day I feel the shame and the guilt of every action I've taken. You'll never know how truly sorry I am. Even if it kills me Emily, I'm going to make it up too you…"

She paused again.

"For you to still be here with me… Fuck sake."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

"Do you know how special you are? Because if you don't, I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know just how much you mean to me… I promise you."

I couldn't contain myself any longer. I was overwhelmed. I cupped my head in my hands as my heart felt as if it was about to burst within my chest. My breathing had quickened as I cried, tears streaming down my face. A tingling sensation was coursing its way through my entire body… Naomi pushed her self up, still on her knees and gently removed my hands from my face. She placed both her hands on either side of my cheeks bringing her face closer to mine as she wiped away the tears with her thumbs. Our noses were almost touching; her eyes were staring intensely into mine.

"I've only ever loved one person in this world. That person is you. I've never stopped loving you, ever… no matter where I was or what I was doing, it was you who I would always think about. My heart belongs to you Emily."

She softly grabbed my hand and placed it over her heart.

"It always has… and it always will." She whispered.

She stroked the side of my cheek as she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. She pulled back only a fraction. I gasped loudly as I grabbed her by her jacket with both hands. I needed her. I needed her to show me how much she loved me. I pulled her up and urgently crashed my lips onto hers. Both our tears mixing in with each others. She leaned forward as I leaned back pushing myself further up the bed. I frantically removed her jacket without breaking the kiss. Naomi raised herself slightly trying to pull back, mumbling. She was only successful when I broke away from it completely breathless. When I went to continue, she moved her head back…

"Slow."

I stared up at her, confused. My chest heaving up and down as I breathed in deeply.

"Slow" she repeated as she slowly leaned down giving me soft gentle kisses.

She ran her tongue across my bottom lip and I responded immediately without hesitation. God, the way she was kissing me… I couldn't help but let out several moans. She slowly ran her hands down my body leaving a trail of fire. She lifted her arms and helped me relieve myself of my top. Both of us sitting up and staring into each others eyes….

After we had removed each others clothing Naomi placed her thigh in between mine and pushed up causing my hips to jolt, begging for more contact. I rolled us over and straddled her thigh. I couldn't control myself. She looked up at me looking almost scared as I had become so… ferocious. I'm not sure why I was behaving this way. It was like I had absolutely no control over what I was doing. All I knew at that moment was that I needed her… I started to rock my hips, grinding myself down on her leg, my breathing ragged. She placed her hands on my hips, guiding me into a better rhythm… Naomi allowed this to continue for a short while but as my breathing quickened and my moans were becoming louder, she flipped us back over breaking the contact. It was almost painful. Naomi grabbed me by both wrists placing my hands above my head. I was trying to struggle but she was too strong. I needed to feel her, touch her… but I know Naomi, she wanted this to last as long as humanly possible and the way I was going well it was going to be over before it even began. I looked up at her in complete distress. The throbbing in my lower region becoming unbearable. She waited for me to calm down and my breathing to become more regular before she continued. She kept my hands in place with one hand and brought the other one down, running it along the entire length of my body. As she ran her hand over my pelvic bone, I gasped loudly, my hips having a mind of there own as they rose off the bed while my body shivered from her touch. She could see what she was doing to me and that's why she had that cheeky grin spread right across her face. She leaned back down and kissed my sensually…

"Please, Naoms… I need… Ohhhh."

She slowly entered causing a growl to escape from my lips as I threw my head back with my eyes almost rolling at the back of my head due to the sensation. She let go of my wrists and I immediately wrapped my arms around her bringing her down for an open mouthed kiss. She was driving me crazy, picking up the pace and slowing it back down again. Keeping me just below the threshold… My moans were getting louder and louder and I noticed Naomi's breathing had become ragged also. She brought her lips down to my neck gently biting and kissing.

"I love… I love you… ohhh fuck." She groaned into my ear.

She increased the pace which caused me to babble like an idiot. I don't even know what I was trying to say. I was speaking in tongues. It was complete gibberish... Just when I thought I was about to have my release, the waves of pleasure kept increasing building up within my body taking me higher and higher. It frightened me. I gripped onto Naomi when I felt that I was close, digging my nails into her back which caused her to groan loudly into my ear. That was my undoing. My body shock violently as I squeezed her tighter as the orgasm coursed through me and upon hearing Naomi come at the same time, without me even touching her… Christ, I needed more. After we had both caught our breaths, Naomi went to remove her hand, but I stopped her. The feeling between my thighs was causing me grief. She caught on to my need when she saw how distressed I looked. She leaned down and kissed me roughly and lowered herself, running her tongue all the way down my body causing my breathing to hitch. She held onto my hand as she lowered her tongue to the place that was driving me completely insane… She was the only one who could do that. The only one who could make me beg for more…

* * *

><p>I woke up and every muscle in my body was aching. Light was shining through the gaps of the curtain as I swore at the sun for being so God damn bright. I placed my pillow over my head because there is nothing worse then bright light as soon as you open your eyes. The bed felt unusually cold which made my heart skip a beat due to panic as I lifted the pillow and glanced to the other side of the bed. I sat up straight away raising the blanket to cover my bare chest. My heart sank when I saw that Naomi's side of the bed was empty.<p>

(How could she make love to me all fucking night and leave me in her bed… again?)

Tears welled up in my eyes as the feeling of being used settled in my chest, causing my heart to ache. Memories of the past invading my thoughts. I waited so long for her… I didn't just hand myself over this time at the drop of a hat even though I wanted to, and she fucking fucks me in more ways than one. How could she do that? Our date, the necklace… last night, us reconnecting… and she…she… The sound of the door opening distracted me.

"Hey babe, you hungry?"

I started to cry, mainly because I felt guilty and ashamed for even thinking that Naomi would abandon me after everything she had said and done the night before.

"What's wrong?" Naomi asked as her smile faded rather quickly.

She was completely panicked. She was looking all over the room trying to find a spot to place the breakfast tray but decided the floor was as good a place as any. She dove onto the bed and wrapped me in a hug, bringing my head down to her chest. I got myself under control and removed myself from her embrace.

"I'm sorry." I said wiping the unnecessary tears away. "I thought… I thought you left."

Naomi's face dropped slightly. She looked hurt, actually horrified.

"Emily, after last night how could even think that?"

"I know, I was being stupid…"

She paused for a moment.

"No, you weren't… I've done it before, so…"

"Naoms, its okay… forget it yeah. I'm okay."

After the wonderful night we just had, I didn't want to dampen the mood although I think it was too late for that. I had successfully made myself upset for jumping to conclusions and made Naomi feel like shit by bringing up the past.

(Well done Ems. Give your self a round of applause.)

Naomi had the same idea; she got up off the bed and picked up the tray. She still looked a little uneasy, but she was trying. She didn't really have to though. It was my own stupid fault.

"Um, I didn't like make anything, but I went to that little bakery you like on Saint Michael's Hill." She said drearily.

"How the hell did you manage that?" I asked surprised.

"I got up early; I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd do something nice."

I looked back up at her in amazement. It was a fair hike from where we lived. Bloody hell, she must have gotten up at the crack of dawn. It made me feel like even more of a tit.

"Come on, sit down. I'm sorry okay."

She sighed and handed me the tray as she sat at the end of the bed.

(You've made her feel awkward.)

We both went to speak at the same time.

"You go." I offered.

She looked down at her hand and started playing with her pinky ring.

"Emily, I know I've been a prick to you in the past… but I'd never leave you again. You do know that don't you?"

"Babe it's okay… really. You don't need to explain anything. I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I'm an absolute idiot."

"You're not an idiot Emily. It's my fault. I've made you think that way."

"Come up here. Sit with me."

She didn't move.

"Naomi?"

"I can't… I can't take back the things I've done…"

She breathed in heavily, her voice cracking.

"I wish I could… but I can't, ya know…"

(Don't cry Emily. Hold it together.)

I moved the tray to the side and crawled towards Naomi. She felt the bed move so she looked up in my direction. Her mouth was open in shock. I had completely forgotten that I was in the raw…

"Like what you see?" I smirked trying to cause some sort of distraction.

All she could do was nod.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards me as I crawled backwards back to my original spot. Naomi seemed to be in a bit of a daze but I don't think it was because I was completely naked. She was looking at me, but her mind was a million miles away, deep in thought. I picked up a croissant and placed it in her still open mouth.

"Eat."

She took a bite and started to chew on it slowly. She snapped out of it and grabbed a coffee off the tray.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked, trying to get off the more serious non issues.

As far as I'm concerned all that shit had happened in the past so it should stay there where it belongs.

"Naomi? Babe did you hear me?"

"Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking…"

"Stop worrying about it… please." I pleaded.

"I'm not worrying."

I cocked my eyebrow.

"It's written all over your face. I can tell."

She stayed silent and took a mouthful of coffee. I noticed her hands were shaking slightly and quiet frankly, it worried the fuck out of me.

"I'm not feeling too good today, do you mind if we stay home… maybe watch a movie or something?" She asked.

I frowned but only briefly. She did look a bit on the pale side and slightly agitated. I threw her a warm smile in an effort to show her that I was fine, which I was I had just… as always jumped to conclusions. She doesn't need the added pressure because I'm still holding back even if it is just a little bit… Sometimes I think that this is all a dream, a fantastic dream and any minute I'm going to wake up and find that it is just that… A fucking dream. I know that I'm not dreaming, I'm not that daft, it's just a feeling I have that's all. One that I refuse to feel from this moment on. I need to stop focusing on the past and all the negative shit. She is trying so hard to do the right thing in fact the last 7 months she hasn't even put one foot out of line. That is what I should be focusing on… but it is easier said then done. As much as I'd like to forget the events of the past I'm afraid that that just won't happen, but I can deal with it. I can move on, I know that much. I've just have to cast my sights ahead, towards the future. I keep forgetting that Naomi is a completely different person now. She doesn't run off anymore for weeks, actually she hasn't even run off for a day. She answers her phone when I call. She doesn't leave me home stressing for days on end, pulling my hair out wondering where the fuck she is or who the fuck she's with… She sits and talks with me where before she'd become aggressive and defensive and leave… No, this Naomi is different and I need to treat her as such.

"As long as I'm curled up next to you, I'm more than happy with that."

We finished our breakfast and Naomi and I had an hours worth of loving and tender moments. I finally crawled out of the bed and hopped in for a much needed shower… I was dressed and ready so I made my way down stairs. Katie was sitting at the kitchen table sipping on a coffee looking absolutely exhausted.

"Hey Katie. When did you get home?"

She looked up at me slightly disgusted.

"Last night."

"I didn't hear you come in."

"That's because I didn't."

I looked at her in total confusion.

"Emily, I could hear you half way down the fucking street."

(Oh my God.)

"What?"

My cheeks suddenly feeling extremely hot.

"I waited, but like you two lezza's wouldn't give it a rest. Fuck sake I had to sleep at mums." She replied annoyed.

I raised my hand to my mouth, embarrassed. I couldn't look at her. She started to mimic what she had heard.

"Ohh Naoms, ohmygod, I love you… oh fuck Naomi."

I gasped loudly slapping her on her shoulder.

"Shut UP." I shrieked.

"You fucking owe me big time. Mum was running her mouth as usual. Wanting to know why I wasn't here…"

"You didn't? Did you?"

"What? Tell her?" She asked. "Of course I fucking did."

"Katie you fucking bitch."

"Ems I know she's our mother, but fuck her. You're my twin yeah and I love you. She needs to get off her high horse. Ya know, accept her kids gay or straight."

I know what she was trying to do, but bloody hell.

"What did she say?" I asked curiously.

"Well after I told her what Naomi was doing to her daughter… She went pale. She kinda didn't talk after that. Said she was tired… She was screaming at dad all night, saying that he was too soft on you growing up, it's his fault you're gay and blah blah fucking blah."

I sensed her hesitation to continue.

"And?"

"Oh nothing. That was mainly it."

"I find that hard to believe." I said frowning. The embarrassment that I felt two minutes ago no longer present.

"Nothing really."

She is definitely lying.

"Katie."

She sighed heavily.

"She may have briefly mentioned Naomi, but its okay, like I put her back in her place yeah. She doesn't know what she's talking about."

I felt my blood start to boil in anger.

"What the fuck did she say?"

"Oh just the usual shit ya know, like she's putting things into your head and stuff. I wouldn't worry about it."

"God she is such a bitch." I sighed.

I knew there was more to the story but I decided that I didn't want to hear it. I just had the best night of my life and I am not letting 'Mummy Dearest' fuck that up… I poked my head into the lounge room and turned back to Katie.

"Have you seen Naomi?"

"Oh shit. Sorry. She said she had to go out for a couple hours yeah. Said she'd bring home some movies."

I frowned. Something wasn't sitting right. Katie didn't pick up on my concerned expression.

"I swear… you two muff muncher's better keep it down tonight. I need sleep."

"Yeah, yeah sure." I mumbled, distracted as I walked into the lounge and sat on the couch…

"Ems, wake up… Emily."

I groaned as I rolled over forgetting that I was on the couch. I almost toppled over the edge but lucky for me Naomi anticipated the move and caught me. I rubbed my eyes and immediately looked at the time on the DVD player.

(6.43pm. She's been out since 11am… or has she been home and just didn't wake me? Stop it… don't jump to conclusions…)

My tummy rumbled as the smell of pizza filled the entire room.

"Hey." I said groggily.

She smiled. She turned away and placed the pizza box on the coffee table and placed two slices on a plate as I got myself into a sitting position. She passed it over to me as well as a napkin and a can of coke. I think I was looking at it confused, but it wasn't the food I was confused about.

"I know you just woke up, but judging by the way you're stomach just reacted I'd say you were starving… yes?"

"Starving isn't the word." I replied throwing her a small grin.

I placed the plate on my lap and opened the can of coke, taking a massive gulp. I placed it on the floor beside me and picked up a slice of pizza. It was Margarita with some extra toppings. Olives, hot salami and sun dried tomatoes. Before you say anything, you should try it. It really is lovely… Naomi grabbed herself a can and sat down on the other side of the couch.

"Aren't you eating?" I asked.

"Nah, I'm not really that hungry."

I didn't reply. Instead I just observed her while I took another bite and chewed slowly.

"I picked up some movies… you in the mood for one?"

"What did you get?" I asked.

"Ah good question."

She got up off the couch and went to the plastic bag she put next to the pizza.

"I got Drive Angry, ah Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes."

She grabbed the last two remaining DVD's out of the bag.

"Paul and Insidious, but that one though, I don't think you should watch… you might get a little…scared."

"Shut up." I shrieked playfully. "What's it about?"

"Dunno, ghosts or something." She replied looking at the back cover.

She starts reading out the plot in her best commentator voice. I almost choked on the pizza as I chuckled.

"_**When an accident puts their young son into a coma, his body becomes a magnet for malevolent entities, while his consciousness lies trapped in a realm known as The Further…"**_

"That sounds alright. Do you wanna watch that?"

"Yeah whatever doesn't bother me."

She puts the disc into the player and sits back down on the couch as it starts up.

"Oh shit almost forgot… Seen you like your Italian food soooo much, I stopped and got you some Canolli's and those little doughnut ball thingy's you like."

"Spingi's?"

"Yeah them."

(Oh yum. Haha now I'm just being a pig.)

"What's the occasion?" I asked. Surprised that she was treating me especially after this mornings little episode.

"Does there have to be one?"

I didn't answer. Instead I looked at her knowing she'd crack.

"Okay fine, I just thought it would be nice, but like if you don't want it, I'm sure Katie will appreciate it."

"Heeyy."

She giggled.

"I do appreciate it." I said as I reached over and grabbed a spingi out of the box. "See?." I added with my mouth full.

"Yeah very lady like Ems." She chuckled.

I leaned over and give her a kiss.

"Yuk Emily, swallow you're food first, bloody hell."

The look on her face was priceless. I was in a fit of laughter clutching at my stomach as she looked at me slightly grossed out. It was way too funny… Another slice of pizza, two cannoli's and a spingi later we were about 40 minutes into the movie. I know I should just let it go but it was eating away at me. I mean you can't blame me for being concerned…

"Naoms." I said as I shuffled closer to her and rested my head on her lap.

"Mmmm." She replied placing her arm over the top of me.

I paused for a moment.

"Where did you go today?"

"Huh?"

"When I got out of the shower, you weren't here…"

"Ah no where in particular, I just needed some air, ya know."

"Was it because of how I was this morning?"

She looked down at me, worriedly.

"No…"

"Naoms, you can tell me. I'm not going to get upset or anything." I replied.

She sighed.

"It just got me thinking that's all… it's fine though, I don't blame you for thinking that I left you there."

(She's actually talking to me… I really DO need to get use to this.)

I turned on my back to look up at her. I raised my hand to her cheek and softly stroked the side of her face.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

She leaned down and kissed me tenderly. This is going to sound horrible on my part but as she came down for the kiss I analysed her eyes… I had too, I was terrified that she may have run off to get high… unable to deal with it. I don't think she was though, but it was too dark to really tell.

(Stop it Emily.)

"It's fine, you don't need to apologise babe." She replied softly as she looked back up to the T.V.

We continued to watch for another five minutes.

"Take the day off tomorrow."

"What? No… no I can't babe, you know that." I replied.

She playfully folded her arms and pouted.

"But I wanted to take you out."

(I want to I really do, but I can't.)

"Babe I'd love to, but I can't… we can do something after… oh fuck, I'm on the late shift…"

She laughed. It sounded kind of evil. What is she up too?

"It's okay." She replied. "Next time."

She smiled warmly at me, with a hint of cheekiness. God she was beautiful… do you want to know why I've stuck around for as long as I have? Well the obvious one is that I love her and adore her with all my heart… but this is why. The Naomi that's in front of me right this very second. This is the Naomi I have been fighting for. The Naomi I knew that was buried deep inside. I don't regret anything. It hasn't been an easy road, we all know that, but it was worth every tear, every heart ache… everything to get to this point. There were times I wanted to give up, many times but in the end I am so fucking thankful that I didn't… I flipped myself over and raised myself onto my knees as I stared at her intensely.

"I love you." I whispered as I leaned in placing a kiss on her lips.

She responded, placing both her hands on my hips and motioning me to sit on her legs. I rocked my hips teasingly against her and got the response that I was looking for. She groaned into the kiss and deepened it. I was trying to stay in control, but she was making it very fucking difficult. I almost crumbled, ready and waiting for her to take me… I pulled away breathless and slid off her lap and kneeled down in front of her. She looked shattered that I had put so much distance between us, but it was necessary. The fire that developed in the pit of my stomach and various other body parts was becoming too strong to resist. She leaned down to reclaim my lips but I pushed her back against the couch. She tried again…

"Stay." I demanded.

I didn't take my eyes off her, not even for a second as I undid her belt buckle and slid it off from around her waist discarding it onto the floor. I undid the button on her jeans and unzipped the fly, pulling her jeans down just enough so I had the room I needed to do what I had planned on doing. I wrapped my arms around her legs, just below the knees and brought her closer to me. She inhaled sharply… Naomi wasn't really the loudest person when having sex, in fact to begin with, when we first starting sleeping with each other I actually thought I was doing something wrong, like I wasn't satisfying her like the way she satisfied me, but that wasn't the case. She simply said with a huge smirk that not everyone carries on like I do which kind of had me feeling embarrassed. She noticed. She told me that she liked it, so it wasn't all bad and I just want to add in my defense that yes I have slept with other women while me and Naomi were separated and I DID NOT 'carry on' with those ones… so I blame Naomi. It's what she does to me. I just, I can't help it… BUT tonight… I was going to make sure she screamed MY name. I licked and nipped the inside of her thigh as I made my way to my destination. I looked up at her as I hovered above, ready to claim her. She was paying close attention. I flicked once continuing to look up at her. It caused her body to jolt. Her breathing had become slightly heavier as she stared back down towards me. Her eyes burning into mine. I turned my gaze to where my tongue was about to be. I felt her hand place itself on my head as she ran her fingers through my hair. I lowered my head and starting gently kissing and sucking, teasing her. Her breathing hitched and I changed my tactic as she pushed me into her, wanting more… The movie we were watching long forgotten.

* * *

><p>When I woke up this morning, Naomi wasn't in bed. I didn't panic this time though as I got up and made my way to the bathroom to get ready for work. I had slept like a rock, especially after the things Naomi was doing to me all through the night… Bloody hell, this really does make me look bad. I do give just as much as I take, but Naomi, fuck sake, she likes receiving, but I know she loves being the giver. It's just who she is, but I always feel a little bit guilty. Just once I want to be the one to love her until SHE passes out instead of it being me. You know, even if I have to tie her to the bed… actually come to think of it, that's not a bad idea…<p>

"Coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?" She asked as I entered the kitchen.

She was smirking at me as if she knew something that I didn't. It got me curious, but I didn't say anything.

"Coffee please." I said placing a kiss on her cheek.

I watched on as she prepared the drinks. I glanced at my watch quickly to check the time.

(Fucking hell… I'm late.)

"Babe, I've gotta go, I'm late. Shit."

"No worries. I'll see ya soon anyway." She replied with a cheeky grin.

She walked over and gave me a peck on the lips. As she pulled back I pulled her closer and gave her a kiss that was much more deserving.

(Work… ya know, you're place of employment. Get going.)

I was getting carried away, but Naomi stepped back grabbing my purse and keys and passed them to me.

"Ah, you better get going yeah."

"Yeah." I replied as I recaptured my breath. "Okay, see ya tonight. I love you."

"Love you too." She replied as she winked at me.

I hesitated for a moment in two minds. She was looking awfully sexy right about now.

"Ems, work. Late."

"I'm going… okay bye."

I turned and made my way to the front door. I walked to the side of the house and stopped dead in my tracks. The tyres on my moped were completely flat.

(FUCK… Of all fucking days.)

I quickly jogged back into the house and picked up the phone. Half way through dialing the number to inform work of my late arrival, Naomi grabbed the handset and hung the phone up.

"Naoms, I have to ring work, my tyres are flat." I said frantically.

"I already called."

I stared at her questioningly.

"I called you in sick when you were still in bed."

"You did what?" I asked shocked.

She leaned in and whispered into my ear.

"Oh and don't worry about the tyres yeah, nothing that a good pump wouldn't fix."

My cheeks instantly flushed when I caught on to her double meaning. They were that hot no doubt you could have fried an egg on either side of my face…

* * *

><p>I think that I have actually died and gone to heaven. Every morning when I wake up I have to literally pinch myself incase I'm dreaming to make sure that this is all real. Me and Naomi together and happy. I just… I can't explain it. I have no words. She's been clean for 10 months now. She still has her bad days but she actually seeks me out to talk about it. If I'm working, she's even asked Katie if she has the time to sit and listen… We haven't argued in so long, I can't even remember what our last argument was about to be perfectly honest. Everything is just so different. Different but better. She has even gotten herself a job and I know to some that this wouldn't be a big deal, you know, working in retail at a music shop but Naomi almost passed out when they called her back to say she had gotten the position. I was in a similar state. Just seeing her so happy well it made me happy. She was so excited she insisted that she went shopping to get some new clothes to wear to work. I know right, Naomi and shopping, usually the two words are never in the same sentence… Katie and Naomi have been getting on like a house on fire. It's good to come home to a house that is full of laughter, rather then silent and uneasy. You should have seen Katie's face when Naoms came home after work one day and handed her a small box that contained a bracelet. Naomi spoke to me before she purchased it; she wanted to know if it was weird that she'd be buying jewellery for my sister. I told her not to be silly; it would only be weird if she was trying to get into her pants. I was joking, but Naomi went all funny on me. It was cute because she was trying to convince me that she wouldn't do that. She honestly thought I was being serious. Anyway, the reason she wanted to do this thing for Katie was to say thank you and basically that she appreciated everything she has done for her. Katie under pressure and not knowing what to say is truly a hilarious sight. It was sweet though… I had a little surprise for Naomi myself. A bracelet also. The one Naomi was frantically searching for that night she smashed our window. I felt that it was time to return it to its rightful owner. When she had fucked off on me for those three weeks, bloody hell it feels like it all happened so long ago… I'm not sure what it was but I knew that I had to hide it from her, I knew that there would be a time she wouldn't have the money to get her next hit and she would sell any valuable she could get her hands on… but she can be trusted not to do that now… When I produced the bracelet to Naomi, I didn't quite expect her reaction. She turned away and walked out of the house into the backyard. I was totally stunned. I ran out after her and she was on the other side of the yard in the corner pacing up and down smoking a fag like her life depended on it. When she saw that I was in a complete panic she came over and wrapped me in a hug apologising for how she had just reacted. She said that she couldn't breathe when she saw that I still had it and the whole symbolism of me returning it to her was to overwhelming for her. She just needed some air… I forgave her. How could I not?<p>

"Katie, you coming out with us tonight?" Naomi asked.

"No, I'm not in the mood."

"You know you've been dragging your feet around all week, it'll be good to get out."

Katie didn't reply. I could see something was bothering her but I couldn't quite pin point it.… Naomi got up from beside me and went over to her.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No not really." Katie replied.

Naomi frowned at her, analysing her expression.

"I know that look." She said. "Fuck him Katie, he ain't worth it."

(How did I miss that? It was written all over Katie's face. I'm her twin for God's sake. How the hell did Naomi read her expression so quickly?)

"How the fuck do you know? Did Emily tell you?" Katie asked glaring at me.

"Don't look at me… I don't know anything." I replied back to her in my defense.

Naomi grinned.

"I have many skills." She replied wiggling her eyebrows in my direction.

I gasped loudly in shock.

"Naomi." I shrieked.

"What? It's true innit?" She replied.

"No… YES. But that's not the point."

"Okay relax, geez, joking yeah."

She turned her attention back to Katie.

"Katiekins, his a twat. If he can't see how beautiful and gorgeous you are his got major fucking mental issues. He doesn't deserve you, simple as that babe."

(Such a fucking sweet talker.)

"Anyone would be absolutely crazy too not want to be with you. You're kind, funny and if you don't mind me saying so, absolutely fuckable… So come out, put that talent into good use and stop depressing yourself over that wanker."

She knew exactly what to say to Katie to get her out of her funk. I was completely and totally astounded. So was Katie for that matter, but Naoms managed to turn her frown upside down. She was beaming from ear to ear. She got up from where she was sitting…

"What time?"

"You've got two hours."

Katie's face dropped. Her usual ritual of getting ready took her no less then 4 hours. I know ridiculous, but that's Katie for you.

"I can't… it's not enough time." She replied sulkily.

"Katie, you could walk out of this house in a garbage bag yeah. Your still gonna pull. So go up stairs do what you gotta do, so we can leave."

"Okay fine." She huffed.

Katie left the room almost running up the stairs. Her confidence back in full swing.

"How the fuck did you just do that?" I asked in amazement.

Naomi chuckled.

"I am a master of many talents Emily." She replied seriously rubbing her nails on her chest and blowing on them.

I smiled as I pulled her in closer.

"You don't have to tell me that." I whispered.

* * *

><p>"Emily, fancy seeing you here? How are ya babe?" She said as she leaned in kissing me on the cheek and wrapping me in a friendly hug.<p>

Naomi and I had been going out a lot with Katie so we decided to go out tonight just the two of us. I was still a bit hesitant of coming out to these sort of places but I mean she has been clean for almost a year now so I suppose it was time I cut the apron strings so to speak.

"Crystal? I thought you weren't back for another week?"

"Yeah well the other half had to come back home early. Work. He told me to stay, but what was I suppose to do there ALL on my own."

She paused for a moment and leaned in closer.

"Plus those Spanish boys, Oh my God, they are to die for." She added.

I laughed. Crystal was only a couple years older than me. She married young and they had a 2 year old son together. They had gone away to Spain for their anniversary and by the looks of things, they had a blast… Crystal was the type of person that when she talks to you she has to like touch your arm all the time. It can be a little annoying sometimes, but that was just her. She was nice enough though so it didn't really bother me.

"Where is Bill?" I asked as I looked around the club.

"I left him at home. I backed the car into a fence yesterday and his been bitching and moaning all fucking day… I needed a girl's night." She replied sighing as if she was exhausted.

I couldn't help but laugh. When she spoke it came across as comical. If you were having a bad day, she was the one you would go and have a chat to. She just had this energy about her… she was always bubbly and just nice as pie to everyone. Even if she didn't know you. It was amazing to watch. She could have a room full of people rolling around in laughter if she really wanted to. She was such a character… She could be at a scene with someone in critical condition, touch and go type of thing and they'd be in hysterics. I have no doubt.

Crystal continued to talk to me for a good 10 minutes about her holiday, her son and the sleep he has deprived her of when I started to wonder where the hell Naomi was. I glanced to one side of the club and then to the other. I locked eyes with a pair of furious blue ones. She turned her glare towards Crystal, although Crystal was too busy chatting away to even notice. Naomi was kneeling against the bar on her elbow giving her a look that had turned my blood completely cold. I wanted to grab Crystal by both arms and shake her. Scream at her to run for her life… I had only seen that particular look on a few occasions… On the girl who went to hit me at Naomi's party, on the councilor and when she beat the shit out of her friend Josh… Naomi wasn't alone.

(Is that… is that Mick?)

It looked like him, but I wasn't completely sure, not from this distance. My heart started to race immediately. I actually put a hand over my heart because I honestly thought it was going to leap out from under my chest. At least this way I would be able to catch it.

"Crystal, I'll… I'll be right back."

"Yeah sure babe, I'll be around here somewhere. Talk to ya later Ems." She replied kissing me on the cheek before she turned away and disappeared into the crowd.

I was unable to move. I was scared. Why was she looking at me so hatefully?

(Forget that babe; you need to get her away from that wanker.)

I found the courage I needed although I still felt fearful and hurriedly walked my way towards Naomi. I reached out my hand and grabbed hers.

"Come with me."

She roughly shook her hand away still looking at me with a hardened stare. I looked back to her completely shocked.

"Naomi." I shrieked alarmed.

Mick looked me up and down smirking at me knowingly before he turned his back and faced the opposite direction. He didn't move though. He stayed where he was. He motioned for someone to come over, but I really didn't give a flying fuck about that right this very minute.

"Babe please. Let's get out of here. Come home with me." I pleaded.

She looked over my shoulder and glared at Crystal for a moment before she brought her eyes back to mine.

"I think your asking the wrong person hun." She replied with a sarcastic smirk.

"Don't you dare even think that. She's a friend from work."

"A friend huh?"

She turned to the side and turned her gaze away from me.

I sighed deeply. I was starting to panic.

"Naomi, please don't do this. Not here. Just… lets just go." I said as I placed a hand tenderly on her shoulder.

She spun her head around looking right through me.

"DON'T… touch me."

She said it rather calmly but she was dead serious. I retracted my hand immediately as if I had just been burnt… It fucking hurt. She saw the state I was in but she didn't soften. She looked angered, but she also looked distressed. Her face was pale, she was shaking only slightly. I knew that look and it meant trouble. I pursed my lips trying not to completely crumble from how cold Naomi was behaving towards me. A couple of tears had escaped but I wiped them away quickly. What the hell was going through her head? More importantly what was Mick whispering into her ear beforehand as he was glancing over towards me?

"Naoms, look at me please."

She didn't move. If she stared any harder at the wall she was glaring at, I think she would have been capable of burning a hole right through it… I grabbed her by her jacket and forced her to face me although her head didn't follow. I leaned up and placed my hand on her cheek.

"Fucking look at me." I said as I forcefully moved her head towards me. "I love you; I want YOU to come home with me."

She chuckled.

"That word gets thrown around a lot these days Ems, doesn't quite have the same effect as it once did, ya know."

(How could she say that?)

I was becoming frantic. She was thinking that me and Crystal were more than just friends and no doubt Mick was re-enforcing the idea which is why Naomi will not listen to reason. I have never given her a reason not to trust me, why the fuck was she acting like this? Surely she should be taking my word over he's for fuck sake.

"Stop this; you know that I would never do that to you. You fucking know Naomi."

She looked back over at Crystal with a lustful eye with my heart strings almost snapping. It was a look she would give me. A look she should ONLY be giving me.

"She's cute Ems… nice pair of tits too. Not to skinny either. Plenty to grab on to, ya know. Might have a go when you're done with her."

_**SLAP**_

It was a hard slap but she didn't even feel it. She continued looking. Well more accurately, eye fucking her as she bit down on her bottom lip.

"Mmmm, yeah, can definitively see THOSE legs wrapped around my waist."

I was absolutely speechless. How could she be so hurtful?

"Actually on second thought, that one over there, in the black skirt, look at the arse on her. SHE, is sexy. She looks Spanish, maybe even Italian… that's something you don't know Emily. I got a thing for those European girls… Reckon I should go talk to her?"

I was crying now. I didn't care who was looking at me. FUCK EVERY BODY. I wasn't even embarrassed by it… Thank God the room was dimly lit and the music was loud. Naomi took a step in the direction of the woman in the black skirt. I grabbed her arm aggressively, squeezing it as hard as I could.

"Don't you dare." I shot out through my broken sobs.

"What?"

"You fucking know what. Why are you being such a fucking prick?"

She smiled at me.

"Oh don't worry, you're invited, she looks like she'd go for it."

I gasped loudly. She went to continue walking but I pulled her back roughly towards me. She looked at me questioningly.

"What? Don't you fancy her?"

I knew she was playing games with me but it didn't change the fact that what she was saying was fucking heart shattering. I also knew that if she did go over there she'd see her game through.

"Emily, don't be selfish yeah. If it's okay for you to have your little bit on the side, then why can't I? Seems hardly fair now, doesn't it?"

(Okay Ems, pull yourself together. Forget that shit, you need to get Naomi out of here.)

I inhaled an extremely deep fucking breath.

"Naomi, please… Stop this… I…"

I trailed off as I saw an arm wrap around Naomi's shoulder. Mick walked away as Tess leaned in and whispered something into Naomi's ear. I felt jealousy, anger, fucking rage as I witnessed that tart lick Naomi's earlobe. Tess was looking directly at me as she did it. Naomi doing nothing at all about it.

(What the fuck is going on here?)

My heart felt like it had stopped beating as I felt a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was so worked up and on the verge of having a panic attack it was quite difficult to keep that sick feeling under control… I got my breathing regular and tried again to get through to her but when Naomi is as furious as she was right this very minute; it wasn't going to be easy. It fucking terrified me the way she looked. I could see what was running through her mind… she was about to lose all resolve and the fact that she was surrounded by two manipulative fucking cunts (I know, I'm sorry for saying that word, I hardly use it, but that's what they are. FUCKING CUNTS…) who were using Naomi's vulnerability knowing full well that the slightest thing could tip her over the edge and make her run to that fucking needle… I know what they were saying to her without even hearing the fucking words. I can picture it. Tess in one ear and Mick in the other. 'You sure she's the one Naomsy?' 'Someone's getting lucky tonight babe but it ain't gonna be you.' Naturally this would have angered Naomi and once she was at that level you could say anything to her and she'd maybe not believe it exactly, but her rage would cloud her judgment. She was still struggling with her aggression, but she had me to calm her down and put things back into perspective. She would listen, but they had chipped away at her causing her to direct her anger towards me…

(What the fuck am I going to do?)

"Naomi please let's go home."

"Nah that's alright Ems, I'll go. You stay. Enjoy your night." She replied bitterly as she flicked off Tess' arm from around her shoulder and walked towards the exit.

Tess stopped Naomi as she headed for the door. I meant to follow her but I was completely stuck. In shock over what had just transpired. She dragged Naomi off threw the V.I.P section that was separated by a curtain. Naomi threw a quick glance at me before she disappeared through to the other side. She looked devastated. She was hurt. Whatever they had said to her, she believed them. A lump caught in the back of my throat and I finally became unstuck. I marched towards the curtain and was stopped by Mick.

"She's a good girl that Naomi. Terrible seeing her being used by someone like you… I told her not to be stupid and get sucked in. Girls like you only want one thing from a girl like her. A good shag… She wouldn't listen, but I got my point across. Oh with a little help from you of course."

"FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BASTARD. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING." I screamed in his face.

"But I do… Why would you want a smack head like Naomi if not just for the sex? Doesn't make sense to me. I mean, you've got yourself a good job; you're pretty so you wouldn't have a hard time finding someone on your own level. You're a respectable citizen. Why would someone such as yourself want to be associated with a drug addicted ex-con? Do you see what I'm saying? You don't fool me girly. Not at all."

He didn't believe a word of what he just said. He was just going through the motions.

"GO FUCK YOURSELF." I replied as I went to go through the curtain.

"Oh babe." He said as he grabbed my arm. "Dunno if you wanna go through there, might not like what you see."

See what I mean? If I was just using Naomi for whatever reason, I wouldn't care what I was about to see on the other side of that curtain in fact I wouldn't even be going after her. He was full of shit. I shook his arm away and continued my way through. I scanned the empty room in search of the one that I loved. She was in the corner sitting on the couch, and Mick was right, I didn't like what I was seeing. Tess had straddled her legs. They weren't doing anything of a sexual nature, but she had just released Naomi's arm. I ran towards them completely panicked. I dragged Tess off of Naomi, frantically. I was crying as I stared into her half closed eyes, her pupils were so small. She looked so pale like she had seen a ghost, she looked sick… it broke my heart. A lone tear had escaped from her eye as she looked back at me. She was broken… She looked like an empty shell. I stared into her eyes searching for something. There was nothing. She looked almost completely blank. She started to nod off on me as I cried… Tess had gotten herself up off the floor and decided to tackle me off of Naomi. She didn't appreciate the way I had dragged HER off but under the circumstances I couldn't give two fat fucks. She had me pinned down and I couldn't move. She had the upper hand. She had tackled me from behind not even giving me a chance to defend myself. She was sitting on my stomach with her hand raised. I closed my eyes waiting for her fist to connect with my face… I heard her shriek, so I snapped my eyes open. Naomi had picked her up by her top and flung her across the room like she was nothing. Tess was furious and started screaming at Naomi.

"What the fuck Naoms." She yelled in disbelief.

Naomi stayed silent but didn't take her gaze from Tess. I couldn't get myself up of the floor. I was stunned and fucking scared. I wasn't use to this, this level of violence. Tess walked aggressively towards Naomi, but Naomi didn't even flinch, didn't even blink. She stayed put.

"Your gonna choose that slut over me?" She screamed into Naomi's face.

(What?)

Naomi was still silent. The only thing she did do was roll her eyes as she clenched her jaw in anger.

"Tell her Naomi, fucking tell her." Tess shrieked.

Naomi's voice remained unheard.

"Tell me what?" I asked looking at Naomi. My voice husky and cracking as I spoke.

Tess placed her hands on her hips and looked in my direction. She looked back up to Naomi.

"She has no idea does she?"

(Why isn't Naomi speaking?)

Tess turned to face me looking quite fucking smug. I was finally able to move and stood up tugging on Naomi's sleeve.

"Naomi what the fuck is going on here?" I asked fearfully.

Still no answer. Tess volunteered.

"What do you think sweetie?" She replied sarcastically.

I felt my heart sink; all the old emotions came flooding back.

(She's been screwing Tess behind my back.)

"Naomi FUCK-ING tell me. What is going on? Have you been fucking her?" I shrieked.

Silence.

"Fuck you." I whispered as tears streamed down the length of my cheeks.

Here she is having a go at me because she thought Crystal and I were having it off and she's been shagging Tess this whole fucking time. I turned away and went to walk off but Naomi had grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards her, placing me behind her as if she was protecting me but still refused to give me any eye contact. She was completely focused on Tess. I tried to pry her fingers from mine but she was holding on with all her strength. It was impossible. As much as I no longer wished to be in Naomi's and Tessa's presence I had no fucking choice. Tess stepped to the side only a fraction so she could see me as she spoke. Her eyes were completely black. She looked as if she had ingested some kind of stimulant that had most definitely peaked.

"Yes sweetie, that's exactly what she has been doing."

I couldn't handle this. I didn't want to hear it.

"Naomi, let go of me… FUCKING LET GO." I screamed.

As I screamed Naomi flinched and I took the opportunity to get out of her iron grip. I only took two steps when I saw Tess come at me from the corner of my eye. Something reflected in her hand as she extended it into my direction. I froze. Naomi was quick as she stepped in front of me pushing onto Tessa's shoulders to create distance.

"FUCK." Naomi gasped as she fell to her knees clutching at the side of her stomach.

I was too panicked to even do anything. I had no idea about what had just happened. She got back up and went for Tess pinning her against the wall and holding her by her left wrist. As she dug her thumb into the tender part of the wrist, whatever Tess was holding had dropped to the floor. It was a knife. The end of it was covered with blood. Thank fuck Naomi had pushed her on her shoulders. Judging by the blood on the blade it was more of a jab then a stab… Naomi grabbed her around the throat in an attempt to stop her from struggling and keep her in place. Tess gave up the fight and suddenly looked terrified as she looked down at Naomi's blood stained top. Her expression changed when she saw me walk towards Naomi to see what damage she had caused.

"You know what she was doing last Friday night? Hmmm? She was DOING me."

(No she was not. Naomi was with me…)

Naomi bared her teeth almost snarling at her like a wild beast but had a look of satisfaction spread across her face. Tess had been lying all along. That's why Naomi didn't speak. She didn't need to. She knew that Tess would fuck up… Naomi kicked the knife away to the other side of the room and slammed Tess onto the ground. She backed away from her towards the curtain with her arms slightly outstretched to keep me behind her while I clutched at her jacket.

"Tess, I was doing Emily on Friday night…" Naomi said coldly.

She looked her up and down and scoffed.

"I wouldn't touch you with someone else's."

"You fucking prick." She screamed back as she stayed on the floor.

We went into the main room of the club; nobody had any idea of what had just taken place behind the curtain. Mick was nowhere to be seen thank fuck as I looked around fearfully. Naomi was almost running out of the club as she dragged me along. We exited onto the street and made our way towards home. I was dazed. The only thing that snapped me out of it was the fact that my hand felt wet and slightly sticky.

(Fuck.)

I had been preoccupied and forgot that Naomi was bleeding.

"Stop."

She didn't.

"Naomi, fucking stop. You're hurt." I said as I roughly pulled her backwards.

"It's just a scratch." She snapped back.

I went to lift her top to see the extent of the damage but she stepped back.

"Leave it."

I could see in her eyes that she was still caught up on me and Crystal. Surely after what just happened she would realise that they were lying to her. She continued to walk on, not bothered if I followed her or not.

"Naomi don't be stupid. I shrieked in panic.

"I can't really feel it. It'll be fine." She replied as she stopped. Waiting for me to catch up.

I lost my patience and anger took over.

"You can't fucking feel it because your smacked up, you FUCK-ING idiot."

She stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned to face me. Staring coldly into my eyes. She took a step closer towards me.

"Who's faults that Emily?" She replied while she clenched her teeth.

I took a step backwards, frightened of what she might do. She followed me. I crumbled. I couldn't stand her looking at me so hatefully, so hurt, so shattered. I was reduced to tears. Her expression stayed the same.

"I… I haven't done, done anything wrong." I stammered through my cries. "They, they lied to you, can't you see that?"

I was distraught.

"I know what I fucking saw." She spat back.

She paused for a moment. She grabbed my hand and dragged me down the street again. Five minutes later she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Fuck it." She said to herself.

She lifted up her top and allowed me to look at the wound. She was going to need a few stitches, but it wasn't life threatening although it did look that way going off the amount of blood that was seeping out, but she was lucky. It was just a flesh wound. She pulled her top back down and frowned at me for what seemed like hours.

"Are you happy now?" She asked as she raised her eyebrow.

"Wha…what?" I sobbed.

"You know, NOW that we're even? Are you fucking happy?"

She walked away leaving me there. I cupped my head in my hands as the tears were completely uncontrollable. I wanted to die at that moment. What had gone so wrong? How did we get to this? Why doesn't she believe me?... I felt someone's hand wrap around my wrist, pulling my hand away from my face and drag me along. I wiped my tears with my free hand so I could see. It was Naomi. She came back. She was walking hurriedly and roughly pulling me along behind her as she clutched at her stomach with her free hand. Blood oozing through her fingers. Not one word spoken as we made our way home…

_**TBC…**_

**Thanks for reading :) and please review.**

**Just want to add that I'm not too sure if I'm going to be able to post another chapter before Christmas although I will try my best but things are a bit hectic at the moment, so just incase I want to wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Year. Take care guys.**


	11. Part XI

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**Hey everyone, how's it goin'? Well, I was able to get another chapter in before Christmas. Had some spare time… My 'Emily' isn't to happy with me at the moment, so I thought rather then mope around and do absolutely nothing I'd keep myself busy and as I can't really show you guys how appreciative I am for all you're magnificent comments I thought this would be the only way, so I've done it for you guys.**

**Again I can't thank you guys enough, so yeah… THANK YOU :) xoxoxox**

**The Darkness That Follows**

**Part XI**

"Naoms, do you want to watch a movie with me?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm busy."

She got up off the couch without even looking in my direction and left through the front door. I hung my head in disappointment. I have been trying these last few weeks to get through to her. Make her believe me. I have tried absolutely everything to make her see that I love her, that I would NEVER betray her, even though she has done it to me several times. Not long after the incident at the club we had gotten into a heated argument and do you know what she said to me? She accused me of being vindictive. Her exact words were 'you're a vindictive fuck-ing bitch'. She was so angry she knocked the lamp off of the bedside table as she yelled. It was like it was all in slow motion. I watched on in horror at how aggressive she had become. The lamp flew to the other side of the room and hit the bedroom wall and smashed into a million little pieces. I flinched at the sound it made and started to panic when she stepped towards me, snarling. Her face was fucking furious but her eyes… her eyes told a different story. I could see how she was really feeling under all that aggression because it's the same look I use to give her. She was completely and totally shattered by the thought of me being touched by somebody else. I know there a people out there who would say bad luck; you've given her a taste of her own medicine. Now she knows what it feels like to be cheated on. She deserves it… I don't agree. That's what would make me vindictive. To go out of my way and purposely seek someone out to cheat with would make me cold and calculating. Naomi NEVER did that to me. She never slept with someone else to get back at me, to take revenge. That is why she is acting the way she is because she thinks I've done just that… but I haven't… I don't know how it happened but last week we had slept together. One minute we were arguing and the next… well, you know. It still gives me a great deal of heartache just thinking about it. It wasn't loving and tender. It was completely new to me… The way she touched me; the way she kissed me; the way she loved me if you could even call it that, it wasn't Naomi. There was no eye contact what's so ever. When we finished, there was no slow, loving and tender kisses, no cuddling up to one another because she got up out of bed and went straight in for a shower. I hadn't even recovered from the orgasm that ripped through my entire body, that's how quickly she got up and left the room. She got dressed and went down stairs, leaving me on the bed, spent and breathless. She didn't even speak to me. She had made me feel like a whore. A cheap £5 fucking whore… What she did to me during… no I'm sorry, I think I'll keep that to myself… She left me alone in our bed crying with my tears staining the crinkled bed sheets. Now I understand why Naomi says that she never just 'fucks' me. Now I truly know the difference…

"Ems you okay?"

I looked up at Katie and upon seeing her concerned expression I was unable to contain myself. She rushed over and wrapped me in a hug as I almost crumbled to the floor with my legs unable to hold my weight up any longer. She motioned me towards the couch and we both sat down.

"Let it out babe." She said as I rested my head on her shoulder, crying as she rubbed my back, trying to sooth the ache, the pain, the fucking agony that I was feeling.

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

"Fuck sake." Katie breathed.

She got up off the couch and answered the front door, annoyed.

"Fuck. Mum… ah…"

Katie snapped her head towards me with a fearful look. I tried my best to wipe my face but without a mirror and no doubt my mascara smudged all over the place, well it was impossible. Mum or Jenna as I now call her entered the hallway…

"Is that anyway to greet your mother?" She asked sounding slightly offended.

"Ah sorry… what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to know why my daughters haven't been around to see they're family in almost a month."

She turned her gaze towards me.

"Now I know why."

She continued to stare at me. The expression on her face was unreadable.

"When are you going to learn Emily?" She breathed out.

I sniffed and wiped away a few tears that had escaped.

"Just leave it." I replied coldly.

She walked over towards me as Katie closed the front door. Jenna was looking at me pitifully.

"I've stood on the side lines long enough." She sighed. "Where's my little girl gone?"

"I said fucking leave it."

I got up from the couch and stormed into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge with Jenna close behind.

"Is she home?"

I looked at her spitefully.

"SHE has a name."

I glanced over at Katie who had stayed standing in the lounge room. She looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Is Naomi home?"

"No."

She let out a small breath. It was like she was relieved. Katie came unglued and joined us in the kitchen as I took a seat at the table.

"Mum would you like a drink?" Katie asked.

"Coffee thanks love."

Jenna also sat down but she took a seat at the opposite end.

"Emily, I think it's time you came back home."

"Why is that?"

"Isn't it obvious? She doesn't love you Emily. We all know that. You need to grow up."

I went to explode. Grow up meant to stop being gay, find a man, get married and have babies. It is so typical of her. After all this time, she just can't seem to wrap her head around the fact that I'm gay. She will do and say anything to tear me away from Naomi.

"Mum, leave her alone." Katie butted in.

"Katie." She replied shocked. "I expected more from you. You're her older sister. You should be protecting her. Not encouraging her, her behaviour."

"My behaviour?"

"Yes, you're behaviour. I think I know my own daughter. How many times do I have to say this? You are NOT gay Emily."

"Well, if you had of been here last night, I think the noises coming from my bedroom would force you too disagree."

Katie gasped. Mum went pale.

Obviously nothing happened last night as Naomi and I are not really on speaking terms plus Naoms refuses to share a bed with me at the moment… BUT she doesn't know that. I had to get my point across… God, she still honesty believes that I am confused. I think after, what's it been? Fucking hell, 7-8 years? After 8 years of having Naomi in between my thighs, I think I'd know if I was gay for fucks sake. I'm sure you all agree…

"How dare you speak to me like that? I am your mother."

I stayed silent.

"Right, go and pack your things. You're coming home with me."

"Piss off." I snapped.

"Emily." She shrieked. "Don't argue with me."

"Mum, leave her. She's fucking old enough to make her own decisions." Katie said in frustration.

Jenna stayed quiet for a moment. She was thinking.

"See what she's done to this family? That, that junkie has turned my own kids against me." She sobbed.

(Is she fucking serious or what?)

I love my mum, don't get me wrong, but none of this is mine, Katie's OR Naomi's fault. If she just accepted the fact that I prefer women to men, then none of this shit would be happening. It's her attitude that is causing our family to fall apart… I wasn't even going to respond to her statement. I was fucking outraged by the fact that she just called Naomi a junkie, but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. If Katie can accept my sexuality, surely the woman who gave birth to me can do the same. I decided to leave. I wasn't going to sit there and watch her crocodile tears. She played games my mother. She was trying to make me feel guilty for being who I was. Okay look, as much as I absolutely love Naomi, I can understand why any mother wouldn't be happy with their daughter being with someone who is so troubled, but Naomi wasn't like this at the start. Jenna didn't even give her a fucking chance… and even if I wasn't seeing anyone she'd still have a problem with me. It's not about Naomi and all that other stuff; it's about my mum and the embarrassment she feels because in her eyes, her daughter is not 'normal'.

"Ems, where ya going?" Katie called after me.

"Out."

_**SLAM**_

As I walked onto the street I could hear Katie screaming her head off. I'm not sure what she was saying but by my mother's reaction I guess she was sticking up for me… I walked across the road and wandered into the park. I leant on a nearby tree and slid down onto the ground as I collapsed into tears. Everything was just getting too much for me. I felt like I was drowning in all the drama and commotion. I was suffocating in it. I was copping it from all angles. I had no breathing space… I felt like I had been chewed up and spat out. I felt like I had been put through a mincer, completely mangled. I just feel that way now, but it'll pass… it always does.

"Emily."

I looked up and Naomi was kneeling down in front of me.

"Please, just leave me alone… I can't handle anymore today." I sobbed looking towards the ground.

She didn't listen to my request. Instead she sat down beside me.

"I'm not here to argue with you."

I didn't reply.

"Your mum, did she give you a hard time?" She asked.

"How…"

"I've been sitting out here all day. I saw her." She said cutting me off. "I was going to come in to see if you were okay, but that probably would have caused more shit…"

I scoffed as I wiped the tears away from my face.

"Funny that, if it's someone else doing the hurting you care, but when it's you, you just don't give a flying fuck."

She stayed silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? What are you sorry for? For not trusting me, for treating me like complete shit or for fucking me like I meant absolutely nothing to you?"

She cringed when she heard the last part. I had to say it. It was still affecting me. It was causing me a great deal of pain. If only you knew exactly what, how she… I can't even bring myself to voice it. She was just so… cold.

"All of it." She simply replied.

I stood up and stormed deeper into the park as fresh tears come to the surface while I remembered how hurt I felt that night. Every time I thought about it; it felt as if someone had their hand in my chest squeezing and tearing at my heart… Of course, she followed me.

"Emily, stop."

"What?" I spat as I spun around crossing my arms over my chest.

She sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry, I really am… I was angry, actually I was fucking furious, but I didn't mean to like ya know…"

She trailed off.

"Go on, say it." I replied with a cocked eyebrow, egging her on.

No answer, so I decided to help her along.

"Fuck me like a whore?"

My voice was broken as I screamed it at her. Tears were flowing down uncontrollably. It felt as if someone was sitting on my chest and I was unable to breathe… I could be overreacting, but I'm going off of how that night made me feel. It made me feel dirty, it made me feel cheap and it made me feel as if I had just been used and fucking abused and what makes it worse is that it was Naomi that made me feel that way. She cast her eyes to the side unable to look me in the eye.

"Why can't you look at me Naomi? Hmmm?"

Silence.

"Is that how you see me now? Like I'm just some fucking slag?"

Still silence.

"What? You have nothing to say?"

"Fuck sake Ems, I'm sorry okay. I'M fucking sorry."

My anger was no longer present. It had vanished as I became an emotional wreck.

"You hurt me. What you did was cruel Naomi. It was fucking cruel and uncalled for…"

I stopped to wipe the tears away and sniffled.

"How could you treat me like that? Like I meant nothing?"

She stepped closer towards me.

"I can't answer that Emily, but I am sorry… I don't know what else to say to you except that I'm a prick of all pricks, ya know… I promise you though; I will never do that to you again. I fucking swear."

"What have you done this time Naomi? Why is my daughter crying her little heart out?"

We both snapped our heads in the direction of the voice.

"Oh, hi Jenna." Naomi replied dryly.

"Well?" Mum asked as she came up beside me.

"Jenna, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but it's between Emily and me…"

"Emily what has she done? Has she cheated on you again?"

(Jesus fucking Christ.)

I didn't answer. I couldn't. I was on the verge of a panic attack. My mother and Naomi in the same vicinity is enough to give anyone high anxiety levels. My mum wrapped an arm around me and started rubbing my arm. I flinched when she went over a bruise, you could see the hand print clearly.

"What's this?"

My mother immediately faced Naomi and stormed towards her.

_**SLAP**_

"Fuck sake."

"How dare you put your hands on my baby."

My mum had lost it. She started hitting and slapping without any pause. All Naomi did was shield her head with her arms and allowed my mother to continue hitting her. I was completely stunned, in a daze… Luckily Katie was running towards us.

"Fucking hell mum, what the fuck are you doing?" Katie screamed as she dragged Jenna off of Naomi.

"Let me go Katie… Have you seen what that bitch has done to your sister?" Mum shrieked.

Katie placed herself between my mum and Naomi but turned her head and spoke to me.

"Ems, what has she done?"

"Nah… nothing. She, she…"

"DON'T protect her Emily. She's an animal."

"SHUT UP MUM… fuck sake. Emily what did she do?"

I was hysterical.

"Jenna thinks I hurt Emily." Naomi said flatly.

Katie turned around and faced her.

"What?"

"There's a bruise on Ems arm…"

Katie looked and her face turned serious. She looked back at Naomi.

"Did you do that?"

"No."

"You better not be fucking lying to me Naoms, I swear to God… Emily, Emily… did she do that to you?"

"NO… I, I got it at, at work." I stammered almost breathless.

"BULLSHIT." My mum screamed.

"Katie I… when have I ever hit Ems?" Naomi almost whispered.

"Never… well, from what I know."

Naomi looked devastated.

"Thanks a lot Katie."

She paused for a moment. I wanted to run over to her and wrap her in my arms as I saw the hurt spread across her face. The distress in her eyes as Katie looked at her questioningly and my mother glared at her in pure hatred. Me, unable to move, talk or do anything.

"I didn't… I wouldn't do…I've never…"

She couldn't finish her sentences as she bit her bottom lip trying to hold back the emotions she was feeling. She looked towards me, pleading with her eyes for me to say something, anything but I couldn't. I was stuck. She looked down defeated. She turned and walked away slowly. My heart swelled and felt as if it had exploded within my chest…

"You little cunt." My mum screamed out after her.

Katie gasped. She was shocked that the person who she knew as her mother, Miss Prim and fucking Proper would even have that word in her vocabulary. Finally I became unstuck… I went to walk…

"NO Emily." She shouted. "You're coming home with me where she can't hurt you anymore."

"LET ME GO." I screamed back as I shook my mothers arm away.

I picked up the pace and started jogging towards the direction Naomi had taken. She had walked behind some trees so she was no longer visible plus she had gained a BIG head start.

"EMILY." She yelled.

I ignored her. I had to find Naomi. I ran behind the bushes as fast as I could, my legs burning from not being use to the speed I was going. I stopped dead in my tracks when I came to a small clearing. I scanned the whole area looking for any sign of her but she had disappeared… I walked back towards our house, deciding to try and call her instead when Katie came up to join me with mum heading in the opposite direction towards our childhood home.

"Ems tell me the truth yeah… Did Naoms do that?"

"Jesus fucking Christ Katie, how could you even ask that?"

"I don't know what the fucks going on? I came half way through the fuck-ing conversation."

"You know that Naomi would never lay a hand on me."

"Not really Ems, I don't REALLY know."

"Did you see her hit mum? Because if she was hitting me, I'm sure as FUCK she wouldn't have a problem giving mum one."

She paused.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right… but if she has babe I want to know."

I glared at Katie in anger.

"Okay, chillax, I believe you… Ems?"

"WHAT?"

"Fuck sake, I just want to ask you a question…"

"Sorry… What?"

"Why do you think Naomi didn't hit mum back? I mean mum went fucking mental on her… She didn't even try and defend herself."

"What do you think Katie?"

"I don't fucking know. That's why I'm asking you… I know she can fight…"

"Katie." I interrupted. "She didn't hit mum back out of respect."

"Respect for who?"

"For me."

* * *

><p>I heard the key in the door and jumped straight up. Naomi hadn't been home since my mother paid us a little visit which was four days ago. The first day I was ringing her phone every five minutes and sending a fucking heap of text messages with no answer or reply. The second day, it went straight to voice mail. I am so exhausted; I haven't been sleeping at all. My mind unable to shut off because I'm too fucking stressed out with fucking worry. I've taken the last four days off of work and requested a further two weeks… The door opened and Naomi entered the hall way and closed it behind her. She didn't look well. She glanced at me looking shattered. She lowered her head and started to make her way to the kitchen. I ran towards her and threw myself at her bringing us to the floor with a loud bang as my leg hit the little stand in the corner knocking over the pot plant. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her as tight as I possibly could, kissing her all over her face and down to her neck. I placed my hands on either side of her head to raise myself so I could look down at her as my hair fell over my face with my tears of joy from seeing Naomi, trickling onto her… The previous arguments long forgotten about because it just didn't matter anymore…<p>

"Why didn't you answer your phone? I was fucking worried."

She was chewing on her bottom lip. She gently rolled me to the side and stood up. I followed. I pulled at her sleeve.

"Naomi, please?"

She stopped and looked towards the roof as she inhaled deeply. She slowly turned around and stared at me, her eyes watery.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

She was referring to the incident at the park with Jenna.

"Why did you let them think that I, that I hit you?" She said as her voice cracked slightly.

I swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of my throat. She was completely broken.

"I tried Naoms, but I couldn't… I was having an attack."

As soon as I said it, it felt like a poor excuse. It made me feel physically ill. Naomi looked at me for a moment. Her eyes filled with understanding. She knew that I was struggling with my anxiety… but it was like she only just realised what my state was like on that day. Her mind was obviously preoccupied with other things. She stepped closer and wrapped me in a hug lifting me onto my toes.

"I'd never do that to you Emily. I hope you know that." She whispered.

"I know babe, I know."

She pulled me back, holding me by my arms as she stared intensely into my eyes.

"Do you really?" She asked looking doubtful.

"Yes." I replied taking her hand into mine and gently kissing her knuckles.

She pulled me back into her embrace and kissed me on the neck.

"I love you. I would never hurt you like that."

"Naoms, it's okay. I know you wouldn't."

She sounded slightly panicked as if she thought I didn't believe her and it was like she was trying to convince me. She didn't have too; there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that she would ever raise her hand towards me. If she was ever going to, she has had plenty of opportunities to do so… but of course she hasn't and I know with all my heart that she never will. She released me from the hug and placed a tender kiss on my forehead before she continued her way to the kitchen. She grabbed herself a can of coke from the fridge and turned to face me, still looking stressed.

"I know I get angry and lose my temper. I know that sometimes I might break something because I'm completely outraged, but I'd never direct it towards you. It's never even crossed my mind. Please don't… don't be scared of me okay…"

She hung her head like she was being escorted down to the execution chamber... She turned around and went into the back yard. I followed her out and watched her light a fag with a shaky hand. She inhaled deeply and exhaled the same way. She opened the can of coke and took a small sip, staring off into space, not even noticing that I had come outside with her. She didn't look well at all. She was shaking slightly and she looked completely exhausted and pale. Identical to me… I walked slowly towards her as not to scare her. She glanced towards me quickly throwing me a small and nervous grin. She went back to staring off into space as I wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned my head against her.

"I missed you." I whispered.

She started to speak as if she didn't hear me.

"I'm sorry about the way I've been acting lately. That night we ya know, when I left you in bed, I'm a prick for doin' that. I feel fucking terrible. You mean everything to me so don't think that you don't okay."

She paused.

"I don't care if you slept with that chick. I deserved it, I know that but I love you and I want us to go back to the way we were before."

I placed my hand on her cheek and roughly turned her head towards me.

"Naomi, listen to me please." I pleaded. "I didn't sleep with her, I HAVEN'T slept with her. I swear to you. I love YOU okay. Only you..."

Her eyes looked saddened as she gave me a small smile. The type of sad smile that pierces a hole right through your heart.

"You do believe me don't you?" I asked nervously.

She didn't reply.

"I've NEVER lied to you, why would I start now? Fucking hell Naomi, I would never go out of my way to hurt you… I…"

She was analysing my eyes as I began to ramble to see if I was telling her the truth. After a few moments her right eye had a small twinkle. She smiled warmly at me. I knew in that moment she finally believed me. She cut me off as I started to become almost frantic.

"I believe you." She whispered as she kissed me gently on the lips.

She pulled back and took a sip on her coke. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and brought me closer. We stayed like that for few minutes in a comfortable silence. She looked a little happier…

"Anyway…" I gently whispered in an effort to lighten the mood. "Why would I go out for hamburger when I can have steak at home?"

It worked. She turned to face me and chuckled.

"Speaking of steak, are you hungry? I can cook us something to eat if you want."

"Thanks babe, but I'm okay."

I frowned slightly. She left her wallet at home when she left, she should be starving.

"When did you last eat?"

"Before I left… but I haven't had much of an appetite."

I gasped.

"Naoms you have to eat, even if it's a biscuit or a slice of toast. You'll get sick." I replied quickly.

"I'll be okay now that I'm home. I promise I'll eat something tomorrow."

I wasn't happy, but I know how stress can affect the human body. I didn't want to force her… She finished her smoke and she took me by the hand. She led me back into the house and into the lounge room. We sat on the couch and turned the T.V. on. We watched it for about 10 minutes but Naomi was still on edge. She had continually been shaking her leg as she sat. She turned to face me.

"Babe, I'm just gonna go up and have a quick shower yeah. I won't be long okay." She said kissing me on the cheek.

She stood up and headed for the stairs as the front door opened and Katie stepped in holding a thousand shopping bags.

"NAOMI." She shrieked as she dropped all the bags to the floor and pulled her in for a hug.

"Hey." Naomi answered.

"Babe, I wanna apologise yeah, for the other day."

"It's okay, you don't have to."

"Nah I do. I know you wouldn't do that to Ems. I'm sorry yeah."

"Thank you." Naomi smiled.

"And I'm sorry about my mum too… She's FUCK-ING mental. Next time you have my permission to pop her one."

Naomi chuckled.

"I hope there won't be a next time." She replied slightly depressed. "I'm just gonna jump in the shower okay. I'll talk to ya after."

She turned and walked up the stairs two steps at a time… Even though my mother and Naomi have never gotten along, I think deep down Naomi wished that they had. She loved my dad and she even loved James, even though she said he was a little perv and Katie well that's obvious… AND they loved her even though they know what's been happening with her. She has always respected them and never said one thing out of place. My dad absolutely adores Naomi. He said to me once that he was proud that I had the strength to stick by her. He knew she was a good girl who was just going through a rough time and he was glad that she had me. He also said that he knew that Naomi loved me just as much as I loved her. Hearing him say that had brought me to tears. Finally there was someone who understood where I was coming from, someone who could see through all of Naomi's bullshit and see the real person underneath. He didn't care that Naomi was a girl. It didn't matter to him who I had fallen in love with. He was a good man my father and because of this reason, he could see the good in others… So if I use that same principle with my mum, who can be evil, it's only natural that she'd only SEE the evil in others. Funny how that works, but I've come to realise that it's fucking true… my parents being a prime example.

"Hey Ems, is Naoms alright?" Katie asked as she collected her bags and placed them in the lounge.

"I think so, why?"

"I dunno, she just looks… weird."

"What do you mean weird?" I asked confused as well as concerned.

She paused.

"Doesn't matter, no biggie yeah… She's probably still a bit rattled from the other day." She replied quickly. "I'm going upstairs to sort through these. Some of em I've decided that I don't like anymore. You can have them."

"Oh gee thanks Katie, give ME the scraps."

"You're welcome." She chuckled. "Goodnight yeah… I'm goin' to bed."

I laughed… I grabbed the remote and flicked through the channels, wishing that Naomi would hurry up. I missed her terribly and I just wanted to cuddle up and place gentle kisses all over her… I stopped flicking through the channels as I recognised the movie that was playing. It was Evil Dead and by the looks of it, it had only just started. The main character Ash and his friends had just arrived at that cabin in the woods. I heard the bathroom door open so I quickly changed it knowing that Naomi liked this movie and would want to watch it, interfering with my plans. I'm horrible, I know… Naomi came down the stairs about five minutes later and went to sit beside me. I grabbed her by the arm as I laid my self down and brought her on top of me. She looked slightly stunned.

"Ems, I don't…"

"Shhh..."

I gently raised my head and placed a tender kiss onto her lips while I wrapped an arm around her neck bringing her closer.

"I missed you." I said.

It didn't take her long to respond. After a few moments she nipped my bottom lip asking for more with my cuddling plan completely out the window. As I've admitted in the past, when it comes to Naomi I tend to lose all control even if it may not be the right time. I missed her. It was nice having her home, having her THIS close… I shifted my leg and wrapped it around her waist as I slid my hand under her tee, stroking the soft skin of her lower back. She froze and pulled away. I looked back up at her in confusion. The way she was responding well there was no doubt that she was enjoying it, so what could be wrong?

"Are you okay?"

She nodded.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to." I said.

"No… I, I do, it's just…" She sighed. "After the last time ya know, what I did to you…"

She paused and whispered regretfully.

"HOW I did you…"

She pushed herself up onto her knees and looked away. I leaned forward slightly and grabbed the front of her tee and pulled her back down on top of me with my legs on either side of her. That night didn't bother me as much anymore. I was just happy that Naomi was here, home with me…

"I took time off work. You've got two weeks to make it up to me." I whispered in between gentle kisses.

She groaned at the thought and deepened the kiss. As we were kissing I slid my hand down and undid the stud on my jeans and slid the zip down. I seeked out her hand and gently guided it, placing her hand inside of my jeans leaving my hand on top of hers. I pulled back from the kiss completely and totally out of breath. She started kissing my neck softly. I let out a whimper when she kissed and nipped the spot just below my ear. She knew every place on my body that would cause me to make involuntary noises. Some of those 'places' I didn't even know existed until Naomi touched them… I slightly lifted her hand and slipped it under the hem of my knickers, using my hand to rub hers against the spot that was aching for attention…

"Mmmm…" I moaned softly as I licked her ear. "Make me forget."

* * *

><p>This last week that Naomi and I have shared has been absolutely fantastic with the night of the club with Mick and Tess and the episode with 'Mummy Dearest' almost completely forgotten about. Well, not forgotten about obviously but the furthest from our thoughts. Naomi's wound from that night was healing up nicely, but forever reminding us of what Tess had done so I jokingly told her that she should get another tattoo to hide it. Her whole face lit up with an idea. She asked me why I didn't get one. I hadn't really thought about it so I said no, but Naomi being Naomi can talk a soldier into giving her his gun if she really wanted him to, so I gave in. I've warmed up to the idea and thought why not, you only live once… What's making me nervous though is that she's picking where it goes and she's not telling me until we get to the tattooist…. I had my own surprise.<p>

"Naoms, you have to get up otherwise we'll be late."

She groaned.

"Late for what?"

"UM, my tattoo."

"Is that today?" She asked groggily.

"Yes babe, today. Like in an hour."

She didn't answer and she didn't move.

"Naomi?"

"Okay… okay. I'm up."

I walked down stairs and popped the kettle on to get her morning coffee ready. I had to keep myself busy to stop my nerves from taking over, but to tell you the truth they already had, I was shitting myself… 15 minutes later Naomi came down the stairs showered and dressed. I reheated the kettle and made her drink.

"Here babe." I said as I passed it too her.

"Thanks." She said as she took a sip.

I studied her for a moment.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good."

"I think I'm coming down with something. Got the sniffles…" She replied with a tiny grin.

"We can reschedule if you're not well. I don't mind."

"No way babes. I've been looking forward to this all week."

"I bet you have." I replied with a smirk.

She polished of her coffee and grabbed her fags, wallet and keys.

"Okay, let's go yeah."

It took us almost 40 minutes to get there. We entered the shop with Naomi telling me that she'd tell the tattooist that we were here and that I should have a look at the artwork displayed on the wall. I did as she asked but I already knew what I wanted… She came back over and wrapped her arms around my waist from behind, pulling me towards her as she rested her chin on my shoulder.

"See anything you like?" She asked.

"Yeah."

She waited for me to point it out for her but, I never.

"Well, which one?"

I turned to her and smirked cheekily. I grabbed her left arm and rubbed my hand over her dragon tattoo. When she realised what I was getting at, she almost fainted on me.

"Fuck, um fuck Ems, are you sure you wanna do that? Like don't forget that they don't come off yeah." She said almost frantically.

"I'm sure." I replied turning around in her arms and giving her a peck on the lips.

She turned serious.

"Not my name though. Okay?"

"Why?" I asked. "You've got mine."

"You know why." She replied slightly agitated.

"Okay, okay… don't get yourself worked up."

The reason she didn't want me to tattoo her name was because she believed that one day I would come to regret it because she was a fuck up. Those are her words not mine. I knew deep down that I wouldn't no matter what happened because I'd always love her whether we were together or not but I didn't want to upset her.

"So where am I getting it?" I asked nervously.

She flashed me a huge sexy smile. She moved her body closer to mine so if anybody was looking they wouldn't be able to see. She placed her hand under my top and softly stroked my stomach, my cheeks turning red.

"Right about… HERE."

Her hand had traveled down and under the hem of my skirt with me letting out a soft gasp. Her hand stopped on my pelvic/lower hip region… She removed her hand and let out a chuckle because of the look that was on my face. Shock and embarrassment with a hint of want splashed in for good measure… I snapped out of it as my nerves were starting to get on top of me again.

"Is it going to hurt?" I asked shakily.

"Miss Fitch, come through please."

(Oh fuck, here we go.)

Naomi could see just how much I was shitting myself right this very minute. She leaned in closer whispering.

"Maybe a little, but don't worry. When we get home, I'll kiss it all better."

(Okay, suddenly 'nervous' is not what I am feeling right about now.)

I let out a low guttural groan just at the thought. Thank God, otherwise if it was any louder I would have been highly embarrassed… My legs had turned to jelly as we walked into the back room. Naomi laughed and wrapped her arm around me to hold me up because I was pretty much tripping over my own feet. Too put it in simpler terms… I couldn't wait to get home.

* * *

><p>"No don't use that." Naomi said as she ran over to me and snatched the tube out of my hand.<p>

"He said to…"

"Trust me. This stuffs better." She replied as she reached over and got another tube out from the bedside draw. "I got it for you yesterday but I forgot to give it to you."

I took the tube from her hand as she passed it.

_**Bepanthen – Nappy Rash**_

_**Dual Action**_

_**Everyday Protection and Care of Nappy Rash**_

I laughed.

"Are you serious?"

"Yep… best stuff to use on tattoos. It'll minimise the scabbing."

I honestly thought that she was having me on, but her face was completely serious. She sighed and took the tube from my hand.

"Lean back."

She undid my jeans and pulled them down so she had full access to the tattoo. She unscrewed the lid and squeezed some onto the palm of her hand. She placed the Bepanthen on the bed and put some of the cream onto the tips of her fingers and gently rubbed it onto my new gray wash tattoo. I gasped.

"Fuck its cold."

She smirked. 2 minutes later she was finished and she playfully slapped my thigh to tell me that the job was done. I think I had dozed off for a second. She was putting me to sleep. Her gentle touch was relaxing…

"Thanks babe." I said as I kissed her cheek while I did the stud up on my jeans.

"Anytime..." She replied wiggling her eyebrows.

"Bloody hell, do you think of nothing else?"

"HEY." She said defensively. "When there's a beautiful woman with her pants down to her ankles, can you really blame me?"

"Only if it's not me..." I shot back as I walked off seductively.

I heard her gulp so I turned around slightly with a smirk. Her eyes were right where I wanted them to be… on my arse.

"Naoms?"

"Mmmm."

"When you pull yourself together, dinner will be ready in 20 minutes."

"Mmmm."

(Hahaha.)

I made my way downstairs and entered the kitchen to prepare dinner. The pot of water on the stove was already boiled so all I had to do was add the pasta. The sauce had been simmering for a while now. It was the proper stuff too. We got a crate off the guy from our local delicatessen. He was Italian and made his own sauce. All I had to do was add onion to it and mince meat if I wanted to, but tonight we were just having it with the onion and some mix herbs. Tonight's menu… Penne Pasta topped with Napolitana sauce. I know, I know, I am absolutely obsessed with all things Italian but I am sure most of you would agree that the Italian's do have lovely food… Anyway, the food was ready and served. Naomi and I were sitting at the table with me already three quarters of the way through. Naomi was lucky to have even touched hers. I know she likes the food; in fact it's one of her favourites…

"You still not feeling well babe?"

She was a million miles away, gently playing with her food while she stared intensely at it.

"Babe?'

"Hmmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're not eating?"

She stabbed her fork into the pasta and took a mouthful. I just sat and observed her for a moment. She still had a pale complexion and judging off her facial expression as she ate, she was forcing herself to eat. I looked down at my own food and put some pasta on my folk when I heard the chair slide out quickly with it slamming onto the kitchen floor as I jumped in fright. Naomi had gotten up holding her stomach as she ran out through the backdoor. I sat staring in the direction she had gone with my mouth open trying to call out to her as worry settled deep within my chest. When I heard her vomiting, I instantly dropped my folk and ran out after her. She was on her knees leaning over and spewing her guts out as she clutched at her stomach. She heard me hurry towards her. She lifted her arm up for me to stop.

"I'm, I'm oka…" She paused to let more out. "I'm okay." She coughed.

I automatically started to think the worst. All the signs were there… Runny nose, the shakes, the regular vomiting, pale and slightly withdrawn, not eating… I pushed it to the back of my mind as I started to panic. I promised myself that I wouldn't jump to conclusions, she could be just sick. Maybe she's caught a bug?

(But she's been like this for a while… it's just become more noticeable as of late… STOP IT EMILY, just stop.)

Naomi seemed satisfied that she had got it all out. She stood up shakily, looking completely worn out…

"I'll clean it up later… I'm gonna go and have a shower okay." She said as she forced a smile.

I wanted to run back into the house after her. Throw her up against the wall and force her sleeve up to her elbow and check her arm, but I resisted the urge. If I was wrong, it was going to cause an argument… one I didn't want to have. Things were going good. It's not that I was going to ignore it and pretend that everything was okay; I just needed to know for sure before I said anything… I walked back into the kitchen and as I was no longer hungry I emptied the leftovers in to the bin. There wasn't much there worth saving. I grabbed some cling wrap and put Naomi's leftovers in the fridge. Maybe with a bit of luck she'll eat that later. She's lost a bit of weight, so if I have to spoon feed her I bloody will.

(See Ems, everything's pointing in the right (wrong) direction. Take the blinkers off babe.)

I sighed deeply. My heart and my mind were at war with each other. My mind was saying that she was okay, but my heart… my heart was saying that something was horribly wrong. I know on the night at the club she caved in with the help of that mental bitch Tess. That's no secret. I thought she was okay after that, but we weren't exactly close for the few weeks that followed, she wouldn't talk to me… Then my mum happened and Naoms disappeared for four days. She looked terrible when she walked through the door, but I thought she was just highly stressed… actually this has been happening for even longer if I really think about it. When I opened my big fucking mouth because of my insecurities… after our third date, when she fucked off all day and brought home pizza. She didn't eat… All of these instances would have been enough for Naomi to break… I can't let this go on for too much longer. I have to say something before it's to late… but if I go off of the first time I noticed her acting out of the ordinary, it probably already is.

* * *

><p>I heard a knock at the door as I was straightening up the lounge room. I looked through the side curtain and saw that it was the post man. I opened the door and he was holding a large envelope.<p>

"You'll need to sign for this Miss." He said.

I signed for it, said thank you and closed the door. It was addressed to me via registered mail.

(That's strange… No return address.)

I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table and opened it. My blood ran completely cold as I shivered in panic. I ran upstairs and burst through the bathroom door.

"Naoms…" I shrieked hysterically.

"Jesus." Naomi said as she jumped in fright.

She examined my expression and she became worried as she saw what was in my hand. Photos… A photo of Naomi, photos of Katie but majority were photos of me.

"Who gave you these?" She asked seriously.

"Postman…"

She gently snatched the photos from my hand and sifted through them. There were photos of me at work, attending to a patient at a scene, at the grocery store, walking down the street, Naomi and me at the tattoo parlour. Katie out at a club and her leaving the house… She looked furious. Almost homicidal if that's even a facial expression.

"Where's the envelope?" She asked.

"Downstairs, why?"

"Did you have to sign for it?"

"Yes."

Naomi's faced turned from murderous to fucking overjoyed. The look in her eyes was still hardened but she was grinning evilly from ear to ear.

"What? Naomi… Who's doing this?"

"Dunno yet, get Katie's laptop."

"Why? Shouldn't we call the police?"

"Nope... I'll fix it." She replied as she kissed me on the lips quickly in an effort to calm me down.

I did what she asked as she ran down the stairs. I wasn't far behind her. She was looking at the envelope when something else fell from it. I picked it up as I handed her the computer.

"Oh my God… Naomi, look."

"There's nothing to worry about babe, its fine yeah. Don't panic okay." She grinned.

How could I not panic? Most of the photos were of me and now I'm holding a card, Ace of fucking Spades and if I remember correctly it means fucking death. I thought this was over and done with. Some sick bastard just playing a prank. My emotions had gotten the better of me. I crumbled.

"Hey… hey, it's okay. Everything will be fine." She said as she wrapped me in a tight hug, gently stroking my back. "I'll sort this."

She pulled back and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

I nodded.

"So stop worrying."

She smiled and turned me to the side and slapped my bum playfully.

"Get you're cute little arse over there and make us some coffee."

"What… what are you going to do?"

She smirked.

"Find the fucker whose doing this." She said as she laughed evilly.

Naomi took a seat at the table and waited for the laptop to start up. She typed in a number that was on the envelope and tracked it. It brought up where the mail was dropped off, but there wasn't a name. My heart sank as disappointment swept through my chest.

"Fucking idiot..." Naomi said as she chuckled.

"Did, did you find something?"

"Yeah."

I stared at her with a panicked expression.

"Naoms, please tell me." I pleaded.

"It's okay, I'll handle it." She replied as she got up and jogged towards the stairs.

I was on edge all day not quite sure what Naomi meant by 'handle it'. She had been upstairs since she finished with Katie's computer doing God knows what. She refused to tell me anything. We had a little tiff, but it was my fault. I was scared. Actually I was fucking terrified. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. What had Naomi done for someone to be this fucking dirty on her? Since the wreath and the funeral guys, nothing else has happened, until now. Why? And not to mention that this time the threat was without a doubt aimed towards me, and possibly Katie.

Naomi quickly came down the stairs and opened the front door. I immediately ran to her.

"No don't, please don't go." I pleaded as I clung to her waist.

She ignored me.

"Where's the card?" She asked as she headed back towards the kitchen.

I clung to her top not wanting her to move.

"Fuck sake Ems, let go yeah."

I did. The way she said it… it stung. She grabbed the card off of the table and placed it into her pocket as she walked back towards me. I panicked. I pushed her up against the wall. I placed my hands on either side of her face.

"Stay." I repeated in between kisses trying to cause a distraction.

I placed my hands under her top and slid them across her stomach. I stopped when I felt something cold and hard tucked in the front of her jeans. I went to pull it out, but she grabbed my hands, stopping me. She was staring at me with a hardened expression.

"Don't."

I gasped loudly. It was a knife.

"What are you going to do? Why do you need that?"

She exhaled and softened her gaze upon seeing the horror and hysteria spread across my face.

"Do you trust me?"

"I don't know." I replied honestly. "Just, don't go okay, we'll call the police."

"NO, no police… it'll make it worse."

I blew up.

"HOW THE FUCK IS IT GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE TO OPPOSED TO WHAT YOUR GOING TO DO?"

"Fucking relax Emily… it's not what you think."

"Isn't it." I replied more calmly as a few tears escaped from my eyes.

"I promise… Look, I've gotta go, I'll see you later."

"Fuck sake Naomi, no… please." I said terrified. "What if something happens… happens to you?"

She smirked at me.

"Trust me."

There was nothing I could do to stop her. She was on a mission. She left me in the door way watching her leave as I poured my heart out, worried that she was playing with fire and frightened by the fact that she left the house with a weapon. Why the fuck does she need that? Who is she paying a visit too? Why doesn't she just call the fucking police, for fucks sake? Why wouldn't she just tell me what she was going to do? Maybe I wouldn't be so fucking hysterical if I knew.

After the first hour I couldn't sit any longer so I decided to clean the house. The second hour had passed and I was becoming frantic. The only thing that brought comfort and some level of calmness was me pacing around the house like a mad woman. It was going onto the third hour and finally I heard the jingle of keys and the click of the lock. It was about 2.30 in the morning but I felt wide awake, like I had just woken up from a week of sleep, full of beans. It was probably caused by the amount of coffee and cigarettes I had consumed while I impatiently waited for Naomi's return or worse a phone call from the hospital…

She saw me and smiled. I wanted to run over to her, crush her in my embrace and force her to promise me that she'd never do that to me again, but I couldn't move, I was frozen.

"That's the last we'll hear from them." She chuckled.

I didn't find it the least bit funny. In fact her mood angered me, I was fucking stressed, worried and head fucked ALL night practically pulling my hair out. I stormed into the kitchen and lit another fag as I roughly sat on a chair.

"Ems, did you hear me? It's over yeah."

"Fuck you." I spat.

She walked over and stood near the sink with her hands by her sides, looking confused by my outburst. I glared at her in complete silence, but a constant tapping sound was starting to annoy me… I looked to the floor to where the noise was coming from. I felt dizzy. My chest constricted making it hard to breathe. I leant over as a rush of sickness swept throughout me. I felt it rise from the pit of my stomach and make its way upwards. I leaned over as the warm liquid came out through my mouth and all over the kitchen floor as I coughed and gasped for air. The tapping noise was caused by dripping. BLOOD dripping… Naomi looked down beside her feet and panicked. She ran over to me and slid across the floor knocking into the chair I was sitting on, not caring that she was kneeling in vomit.

"Oh My God…"

It was all I could say as I gasped for air shaking uncontrollably as I was on the verge of a panic attack.

(I really need to see someone about this, they're happening to frequently.)

"EMILY." Naomi yelled as she shook me.

"What… what have you done?" I choked out.

"LOOK." She said showing me her hands.

They were cut badly.

"I sliced my hands on some glass, that's all..." She answered frantically.

I broke down. The level of anxiety was far too great to get it under control. I had to ride with it. Allow it pass on its own accord. Naomi lifted me up from the chair and hugged me tight. She was apologising for getting me worked up. I couldn't respond. I was fucked. She pulled me back.

"Come on; let's get you cleaned up yeah." She whispered gently.

I was almost catatonic. I was dizzy and my whole body felt like it was made of play-doh. She wrapped her arm around my back and used her free hand to place mine around her shoulders. She bent down and placed her arm at the back of my knees and lifted me into her arms. She almost slipped over as she took a step, slipping on the vomit that she had forgotten about. She stepped away and kicked her shoes off as not to spread it throughout the house and all over the carpet. She walked with me in her embrace up the stairs as I continued to cry uncontrollably onto her shoulder. Naomi guided me into the bathroom and undressed me as I sobbed and struggled to breathe. She turned the shower on and waited for the water to heat up. She took my hand and guided me under the hot water. Her attention was focused on me; she didn't even bother to get undressed herself. She stepped into the shower fully clothed… She lathered the soap and washed me delicately from head to toe. She shampooed and conditioned my hair as I stood staring blankly at the wall, completely exhausted. She dried me off and wrapped a towel around me to cover my nakedness. I started to feel more human again and able to speak, feeling a lot calmer.

"What happened?"

"Shhh, not now okay… Let me have a shower and clean up down stairs and I'll explain everything. I promise." She answered as she kissed the tip of my nose.

"Okay." I replied softly.

There was a slight pause.

"You okay to get yourself dressed?" She asked concerned.

I nodded.

"Good." She smiled. "You wait in the bedroom and I'll bring you up a tea when I'm done."

I nodded again.

"Okay, off you go… I'll see you soon."

By the time Naomi had showered, cleaned the mess down stairs and made tea, it had taken about 40 minutes. I still felt completely drained but I was calmer, more myself. She entered the room and passed me a cup. She even brought a packet of those chocolate mint biscuits I love so much. I extended my hand wanting the biscuits, but she smirked.

"This time I'll take the first biscuit… you never share." She pouted playfully.

I chuckled. She definitely knew how to make me smile. She sat down beside me and stared at me worriedly.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Yep… Thank you." I replied as I lifted myself up and placed a kiss on her cheek.

She smiled. She looked relieved.

"Show me your hands."

She extended them towards me. They had stopped bleeding but some of the cuts had sliced deep. No stitches needed though…

"So what happened?" I asked nervously.

She giggled.

"Naoms."

"Okay I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh… THEY definitely weren't." She smiled.

I cocked my eyebrow.

"Okay, take it easy… what do you want to know?"

"Who's doing this?"

"I'll give you a hint. She's psychotic, her name starts with T and she hangs around a wanker whose name starts with M."

I gasped softly, slightly shocked.

"Tess?"

"Yup."

"Is Mick involved?"

"Nah just her."

"But… why?" I asked.

"To be perfectly honest babe, I'm not sure… maybe she's jealous."

"Jealous of what?"

"You."

I stayed silent. I remembered ages ago Naomi told me that Tess told her that she loved her… She's most definitely warped enough to not be able to handle rejection and feel the need to take revenge and interfere with Naomi's love life plus the night at the club, I mean that knife was meant for me. But at the end of the day… who really knows.

"How do you know it was her?"

"Because when I tracked the envelope, it was handed into her local post office. The one she lives literally 3 doors down from. She's an idiot oh and not to mention the tat she has on her… um, ah… she has a tattoo of the ace of spades. I only just clicked this morning."

"What were you going to say?"

"Nothing doesn't matter." She replied quickly.

I decided to let that one slide.

"So what did you do?"

She explained to me in detail everything she did. She crept up to her front door and stole all the shoes from the doorstep. Don't worry I was confused too so I asked her. She said she took them just incase someone came outside. It would slow them down. So with the shoes removed she poured car oil all over the porch and the steps leading up to the door. Yes, confusion again. She said that because of the amount of noise she was going to make if anyone came out the front in a hurry, they would slip on their arse as soon as their feet hit the pavement giving her plenty of time to get away because she wasn't sure how many people were in the house. She smashed every front window of Tessa's home and every window on her car, headlights and all. That explains the cuts on Naomi's hands. 'Even caved the roof in as I jumped on it' she said with a chuckle. She used the knife to slash every tyre… and finally she crept back up to the door placing her foot in a small corner that she didn't coat with oil and pinned the ace of spades card to the door… with the knife.

"Before I left, I peeked through the window."

She paused to laugh. I didn't find it funny. I found it horrifying. If someone did that to me, Jesus Christ, I would surely die of fright. They'd find me dead on the floor with snow white hair.

"There were about 6 or 7 of 'em all squished together hiding under the kitchen table. Crying and screaming."

I snapped out of the shocked state I was in.

"Fuck sake Naoms, don't you think you went a little overboard?"

She stopped chuckling and looked at me dead serious. The look in her eye caused me to shiver slightly.

"Fuck her."

"Babe, I know but…"

"There's NO 'buts' Emily. It's one thing harassing me…"

She paused for only a second as she squinted in anger, in fucking fury.

"BUT too bring you and Katie into it, NO fucking way; I wasn't going to let that shit go. FUCK HER."

* * *

><p>I had awoken suddenly due to a constant movement on the bed. I looked over and Naomi was curled up in a ball, shivering.<p>

"Naoms?"

No answer. I shook her gently and called out her name again.

"What's wrong?"

"Nah, nothing… I ju, just feel…sick… Catching a, a cold."

I leaned over and rested my hand over her forehead to check her temperature. She was burning up. I immediately got at of bed.

"Don't move, I'll go and get you some paracetamol."

I ran down the stairs and grabbed what I was after and a bottle of water from the fridge. When I got back to the bedroom Naomi wasn't in bed. I almost went into a panic, but I heard the tap of the shower turn on. I went to open the door to see if she was alright but she had locked it.

(Weird.)

I went back into our bedroom and sat on the bed waiting for her to finish. After 10 minutes I heard the bathroom door open and Naomi walked into our bedroom, dressed. She looked a bit better, the shivering had gone.

(?)

"Here, take these." I said as I handed her the tablets and the bottle of water.

She turned to face me, but she wasn't giving me any eye contact. She took what I was offering and swallowed them quickly.

(Breathe in, breathe out…)

"Thanks babe." She said flashing a small smile.

She went to the other side of the room and grabbed a pair of her black Vans, but decided that she'd wear her Chuck Taylor's instead. She sat on the end of the bed and proceeded to tie up the laces. I just watched on noticing how slow and lazy she was moving.

"Are you going out?" I asked.

"Yeah, just for a couple hours… you want me to bring home anything?"

"No that's okay. Where are you going?"

"I have to speak to Ian… Work shit." She replied.

(That was a lie.)

Ian was her boss at the music shop. She told me two weeks ago that he had gone on holiday with his family for a month. I was never really good with numbers but that would leave two weeks left to spare… I decided to not comment. She stood up and took her leather jacket out of the closet.

"Do you want me too fix you some breakfast before you go?"

I studied her face as I said it. The mention of food would turn her stomach if my suspicions were correct… and it did. She turned to face me with a slight look of disgust on her face like she was ready to puke. She looked into my eyes for only a second before she looked elsewhere, like she was too scared to face me.

"No that's okay babe, I'll pick up something on the way." She smiled.

(Another lie.)

She went to leave.

"Okay, see ya after yeah?"

"What? Don't I get a kiss goodbye?" I said with a smirk trying not to give away my true intentions.

She smiled back. She took a couple of steps towards me and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I immediately brought my hands up to her face to hold her head in place. I stared into her eyes with my own filling up with tears. Her pupils were tiny little pin pricks. She looked back at me in fear as she stepped back away from me with her back softly coming into contact with the wall. I stood up, and slowly walked towards her. She panicked and opened the bedroom door.

"I, I gotta go…"

I quickly lunged at her and grabbed her arm before she had a chance to sprint off.

"Don't." I said.

She went to continue with me still attached to her arm.

"Please Naoms, don't walk away from me."

She stopped and hung her head as she sighed heavily. She didn't move so I gently pulled her towards me and back into the bedroom. She didn't resist… I motioned for her to sit on the bed because I was terrified that if I left her standing she'd be at an advantage. She'd be able to run off with ease. I grabbed the chair from the desk and placed it in front of her and sat down. She had become fidgety and uncomfortable. I was heart broken.

"Babe how long has this been going on for?"

"What?" She whispered.

"You know what." I replied gently.

She paused and inhaled deeply. She spoke as she exhaled.

"Too long..."

She cast her gaze to the floor. I almost missed what she said.

"I'm sorry."

I reached for her hand and placed it into mine. I was shattered but I knew that it hasn't been easy. She tried her best, her fucking hardest to stay clean but the amount of shit that she has gone through during the months she was clean, fuck, it would drive anyone battling with an addiction to a bottle or in this case a needle. There was just way to much interference from outside parties, unfortunately, me included.

"It's okay, we can fix this. You can fix this." I replied trying to stay optimistic.

I paused for a moment.

"When did this all start?"

She kept her gaze downwards.

"It doesn't matter now." She replied drearily.

I sensed that she was holding back. She didn't want me too know and because of this I knew it was the day after our 'third date'. She didn't want me to feel responsible… but I did.

"Was it that day I…"

She cut me off. She actually raised her gaze towards me no longer scared to face me. She knew what I was going to ask.

"It's not your fault." She said seriously. "I only did it the once… I didn't touch anything after that until the night of the…"

She trailed off looking panicked. I felt guilty because all the reasons for her to want to get high and numb herself was because of me, one way or another. I finished her sentence.

"… club."

"It's not your fault." She repeated. "Don't even think it."

She could obviously see that that was exactly what I was thinking. Guilt and pain is what I felt at this very moment and no doubt it was projecting out through my eyes as more tears started to stream down my face.

"I'm to blame, I'm too weak." She exhaled coldly, kind of disconnected.

"You're not weak Naomi; don't put yourself down like that okay."

"I'm just stating a fact."

I could see her aggression level rising. She was pissed off at herself and unfortunately her sarcastic side comes out. She tries to push me away… She looked me dead in the eye as she raised her eyebrow.

"See, aren't you glad?"

(What is she talking about?)

"Babe, glad about what?"

"That you didn't tattoo my name." She replied chuckling.

It sent a shiver down my spine to be perfectly honest. It was a creepy chuckle, no actually it sounded more… haunting if that makes sense.

"Naomi, don't…"

"What?"

"Why are you saying that?"

She shook her head from side to side.

"Do you think I'm going to leave you? Is that why?"

"Well aren't you?"

(Don't get angry Ems, she's upset and you of all people know how she gets.)

"NO, so get that thought out of your head right now, okay."

"Well maybe I should do us both a favour then? Maybe I should leave."

She stood up and went to walk around me. I jumped up, pushing her down by her shoulders forcing her to seat back down.

"Don't even think about it Naomi. You're not going anywhere."

She looked like she was thinking. Cooking up a plot… I was scared at what she was going to come out with because when she's like this, she can be very hurtful. The drugs take over, almost like an entity has possessed her and although it may look like Naomi, believe me when I say that it's not…

"I'm not a child Emily; I can do whatever the fuck I like." She spat.

"Naoms look at me please, I don't want you to go, will you stay… for me?"

I decided to ask rather then demand.

"I might consider it. We'll see." She replied.

I sighed.

"I don't want to argue with you babe, I want to help you."

"I can't even help myself so how the FUCK are you going too?" She snapped.

"Stop this please, let's talk about it okay?"

She laughed. I almost started to cry.

"Nah I'm done for today. Can I go now?"

"I don't want you too."

"Well Ems as YOU know better than anyone, we don't always get what we want."

(Keep your cool Emily.)

"Are you trying to push me away? Because if that's what you really want then just say so." I replied calmly.

"Fuck off then."

I tried to stay strong and not let myself cry. I got up and exited the bedroom, slowly walking down the stairs…

"Emily wait."

(She took her fucking time.)

I almost jumped for fucking joy when I heard her call out to me. I was playing her bluff, although I'd admit that she had me worried there for a moment…

"What?"

She didn't answer so I took another few steps towards the front door.

"Don't go, I'm sorry."

"Tell me why I shouldn't Naomi?"

"Because I love you. Don't leave me okay, I'm sorry."

(Okay you've tormented her enough.)

"Are you going to treat me like your girlfriend or a fucking stranger?"

"Fuck sake, I said I was sorry. Stop fucking around and come back into the room… please." She replied panicked.

I turned around and slowly made my way back up the stairs. Naomi was impatient and grabbed me possessively by the arm and hurriedly brought me back into our bedroom and closed the door frantically.

"Don't do that again okay." She said as she pulled me in for a hug. "You're not allowed to."

She was shaking with fear.

"You're not allowed to either." I replied huskily.

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

She pulled back to look at me. My Naomi was starting to peek through again.

"I won't leave you… I promise."

I massive wave of relief coursed through my entire body. I'm not sure what I did exactly but it had worked. She was here and I was here. Now it's just a matter of trying to keep it that way… She placed her hand in mine and gently pulled me towards the bed.

"I'm scared Emily… I don't know if I can go through it again." She whispered.

"Yes you can." I said as I squeezed her hand.

She paused for a moment before she spoke, looking doubtful. Her lip was quivering.

"Are you sure?"

I almost broke down because of the way she said it. It was like a child who was lacking in confidence and was asking for reassurance. She was shaking her leg as she sat because nerves had gotten the better of her.

"I'm sure." I replied soothingly as a few tears escaped from my eyes.

She didn't say anything. We sat in silence mainly because Naomi was deep in thought and I knew that she'd speak when she was ready. What happened next, I wasn't expecting. She leaned forward and rested her elbows onto her knees and started to cry. They were silent tears and the only reason I realised she was weeping was because she kept sniffing. When I turned to face her, her eyes were puffy and red; a constant flow of tears were streaming down her cheeks and dripping onto the carpet of our bedroom floor.

"I can't… I won't be able to do it." She said running her hand through her hair and clutching at it in frustration.

I reached over and pulled her hand away. I was worried that she was going to rip her hair out; she was hanging on to it that tight.

"Naomi, look at me."

She slowly turned and faced me. The words became caught in the back of my throat as I tried to speak, seeing her so helpless and defeated, broken… It was heart shattering to see the one you love looking at you in such a way… She was crying out for help, but without actually voicing it. Asking me to extend my hand and help her back up onto her feet again. Fear of losing me because of her many mistakes. Terror as she truly believed that I would leave her, leave her to rot… All of this was what was in Naomi's eyes right this very minute… She started to tremble.

"Please, help me." She said. Her voice full of despair. "I don't want this, I don't want it…" She said pleadingly.

I was lost for words. She lowered herself and wrapped her arms around my waist and leaned her head on my stomach as she completely broke down. I gasped as she squeezed me as tight as she could like she was scared I was going to disappear on her… I ran my hand through her hair in an attempt to calm her, settle her but she was far too gone. I moved us up further on the bed and wrapped myself completely around her. My arms wrapped around her body and my legs wrapped around hers protectively as she cried and her body shook.

"Shhh… Naoms, everything will be okay." I whispered.

She gripped my tee in an attempt to raise herself slightly.

"Don't leave me… I love you… you can't do that."

"Babe I told you… I'm not going anywhere."

Her biggest fear has always been me leaving her and no matter what I said to her it did nothing to squash it. She was hysterical… something I wasn't really use to. Me being the emotional one in our relationship, well it was hard for me to keep my emotions under control upon seeing Naomi so distraught, but I had to stay afloat, stay strong and not crumble. She needed me… but it was fucking hard, almost to the point of being impossible. I think the hardest of men would have trouble keeping their tears at bay if they saw the scene that was playing out in our bedroom…

"You promise me okay, you fucking promise me that you won't go anywhere… I need you to promise…"

She was frantic. She trailed off and broke down in another wave of fresh tears as she pushed herself closer to me.

"I promise you." I replied, my voice cracking terribly.

It came out as more of a choke as if someone had there hands around my throat squeezing tightly, causing my voice box to strain.

(Don't cry Emily, she needs you.)

Twenty minutes had gone by as Naomi continued to stay wrapped in my embrace. The uncontrollable shaking had passed going into a slight tremor and her hysterical state had reduce to a soft sob.

(Thank God.)

I tried to sit us both up…

"No don't." Naomi said completely panicked.

"Babe…"

She cut me off.

"You promised me." She said as she looked up at me terrified.

She still thought I was going to leave her. Her eyes welled up… blood was slowly trickling down the side of her lip from where she had been biting on it. I raised my hand and wiped the blood away with my thumb… There was nothing else I could say to her to make her believe that I was staying put… I rolled us over with Naomi pinned beneath me as I sat on her hips. I grabbed Naomi's hand and gently placed it on my left breast. I wanted her to feel my beating heart… I placed my hands on either side of her head and slowly lowered myself, looking directly into her eyes and placed a tender kiss on lips…

"I'm staying." I whispered.

She didn't respond through words. She removed her hand from my breast and placed her hands on the sides of my face, bringing me back down to her, kissing me slow and deep. I know under the circumstances that this may not be the most appropriate thing to do, I know… But this was the only way I knew how to settle, how to comfort Naomi. It was the only language she understood in moments like these when words weren't enough to ease her mind… It was to dispel the fear, to chase away the despair and hopelessness that she was feeling. It was to show her that I would be forever hers… forever.

* * *

><p>"Fuck sake Naomi… you're about to go to..."<p>

"Emily, only an IDIOT would walk through the doors of a rehab clinic completely straight." She interrupted.

"Yeah well, by the look of you, I'm going to have to fucking carry you in… Jesus."

She smiled crookedly at me and stepped towards me wrapping me in her arms. I was feeling nervous and edgy, my anxiety on the higher end of the scale.

"I'm gonna miss you." She said as she placed a gentle kiss on my neck.

"Not as much as I'm going to miss you." I whispered into her ear as my eyes started to become watery.

"Okay, when you two lezza's decide to like separate, ya reckon I could like say goodbye?" Katie butted in. "Hurry up Ems…"

(Bloody hell I'm trying to have a special moment here… she couldn't wait five minutes?)

I threw her a quick stare… a pissed off type of stare before I grabbed Naomi by her shirt and threw her up against the wall, kissing her and when I say kissing I MEAN kissing, tongue and all.

(That ought to shut her up.)

I pulled back, breathless. Katie was in complete and utter shock. I think it was a little too early in the morning for her to see that. Naomi had a goofy grin on her face as she looked towards Katie.

"You're turn… Ahhh fuck Ems, I was only joking." She said as she rubbed her arm where I had punched her.

"Well it's not funny." I replied, but I was only half serious.

I went to walk off, only to allow some room for Katie to say her goodbye's but Naoms thought I was angry with her. She grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me gently towards her.

"I'm not finished with you yet."

She leant down and kissed me rather sensually. Thank God she had her arm around my waist because I think my legs were about to buckle and collapse beneath me… Katie cleared her throat with her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised.

"Fuck sake, you two bitches have been goin' at it for the last 3 days like non fucking stop… All I ask is two lousy minutes yeah?" She said as she grabbed my arm and dragged me away from Naomi.

Now that I was out of her way she stood in front of Naomi and stared at her for a moment as Naomi smiled warmly at her.

"Ohhh, are those for me?" Naomi asked referring to the tears that escaped Katie's eyes.

"Shut up… No."

Naomi chuckled and wrapped her in a hug.

"I love you too Katiekins."

Naomi whispered something else but I didn't quite grasp it although I'm pretty sure she said 'look after Emily'. Katie nodded and pulled back from the hug.

"Don't worry okay, just get yourself better."

Naomi smiled and quickly pecked her on the cheek. We all jumped at the same time as we heard the horn of the taxi as it came to a stop at the front of our house. Naoms picked up the bag she had packed and extended her hand for me to take. She turned back to Katie as we started to walk towards the door.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do yeah."

"You might have to be a bit more specific…" Katie called out after her.

They both laughed… Naomi and I entered the taxi and I told the taxi driver where we needed to go. I guess I should be over the moon that Naomi was going to rehab, especially since she was the one who had brought it up and I know it wasn't going to be easy for her because she hated doctor's and hospitals, but I was going to miss her terribly. Like don't get me wrong of course I'm happy, actually I'm overjoyed, but… urgh, it doesn't matter. I'm sure you know what I mean…

"Here we are girls, that'll be…"

"Are you able to wait 'til I come back out, I'll need to get home?" I asked him

"Yeah sure, but I'll have to keep the meter running."

Naomi sat forward and whispered something into his ear.

"Ahhh, come to think of it… what the boss don't know won't hurt him." He said as he turned the meter off.

"Thank you." I replied. "I shouldn't be to long."

We exited the vehicle and made our way towards the entrance of the clinic. As we approached the doors Naomi grabbed my hand and diverted us off to the side behind some bushes.

"I need a fag." She stated nervously.

"I think I need one as well." I replied.

She placed two cigarettes in her mouth and lit them both and passed one over to me.

"What did you say to the cab driver?" I asked curiously.

She laughed.

"Never you mind, just be grateful." She smirked.

The smirk didn't last long. It faded rather quickly as she took the last few drags of her smoke. She flicked it off to the side and placed her hand in her pocket.

"Ems, can you turn around for a sec?"

I started to feel nervous, panicky. I had seen that look before and it was usually just before she ran off somewhere. My heart sank and my breathing quickened as I felt a small of wave of anxiety sweep over me.

"Naoms?"

"I need to do something otherwise I won't make it through the front door… I promise that I won't take off okay."

I breathed out and did as she asked not sure if I could trust her. I heard her sniff three times and on the forth she let out a small groan… didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she was doing.

"Okay, you can turn around now." She slurred.

I felt disappointed, I always do when she uses but the fact that we were standing outside a rehab clinic kind of evened it out. I spun around trying my best to not look affected. She had some powder on the end of her nose so I took a few steps towards her and raised my hand to wipe it off but she caught my wrist.

"Babe, you've got…"

"I'll get it." She replied seriously.

"But…"

"I don't want you touching it Emily." She said referring to the heroin "Just tell me where?"

I showed her where and she wiped her nose quickly with the back of her sleeve.

"Gone?"

I just nodded. She tossed the empty bag into the bushes and grabbed my hand.

"Okay let's go."

I didn't say anything because I was about to break down and cry. I promised myself that I wouldn't until I got home but it really wasn't going my way. We walked through the doors and walked up to the reception to let the lady know that we were here. She told us to take a seat and that it shouldn't be too long. Naomi was sitting on the edge of her chair, shaking her leg knowing what was to come. I could see how frightened she was but I could also see how determined she was to stay and not let it win. She was fighting it now, even as we speak… and she was winning.

"Naomi Campbell, this way please love." The nurse called out.

Naomi turned to face me.

"Well babe, this is it… I guess its goodbye."

"It' not goodbye, it's see you later." I replied softly as I stroked her cheek.

She looked at me knowingly as she remembered the note she had written to me all those years ago just after we had broken up… She smiled at me as a tear escaped her right eye. She gave me a chaste kiss and a quick hug and stood up. She looked terrified. I followed her and grabbed her by the sleeve pulling her back towards me. I wrapped my arms around her neck and brought her down for a real kiss. She placed her hands on my hips and pulled me closer to her… We both pulled away completely and totally breathless.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I know you do." She replied.

She looked me up and down with a small grin as if she needed to remember what I looked like to get her through before she turned away and walked towards the nurse who was smiling warmly at us. She appeared to be teary eyed…

_**TBC…**_

**Okay so there you have it. I hope you guys enjoyed it and I hope that it didn't ruin anyone's Christmas spirit. Already started on the next chapter so who knows, might be up before New Year's, but no promises okay… I know I already wished you all a Merry Christmas and all that, but I'd like to say it again. Merry Christmas and have an awesome New Year's... Don't do anything I wouldn't do… huh? What was that? I have to be more specific? HEEEY, don't be cheeky ;) lol. **

**Until next time guys… Take care and please review. **


	12. Part XII

**Authors Notes:**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.

**Rating:** I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.

**Pairing:** Naomi and Emily.

**Genre:** A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.

**To Leeloh,**

**I am taking 5 minutes of my time to respond to you're cold hearted and negative statements. The other 23 hours and 55 minutes I will spend constructively, supporting others that may need help.**

**In reference to your comments, you appear to be narrow minded when it comes to real life experiences and the trauma that they can cause. Reason being, you yourself have stated that you judge your own cousin who I might add is now clean… So, does that mean that you accept the fact that because of YOUR drug use it would be right for me and anyone else to judge you and label you as nothing but a druggie?**

**In the real world everybody fucks up and needs support at some time or another… I can proudly say that I would NEVER walk away from someone who needs my help regardless of the circumstances and I sure as fuck wouldn't judge them.**

**I strongly suggest that you start your labeling, your judging and your negative criticism with yourself BEFORE you start crucifying others.**

**FYI: I am not a writer for Skins. I am solely the author of this story… I also note that by the other comments that I have received, these people have lived and breathed the same emotional rollercoaster ride that I have experienced and I am truly grateful for their support and understanding. I admire the fact that they have shared they're life experiences with me and with others… I take my hat off to each and every one of them. Thank you.**

**To all readers,**

**Anyway moving on from that… This is the very last chapter. It is a huge one at approximately 21,685 words, so I kindly recommend that you make yourself a coffee/tea, grab a packet of biscuits etc. before you sit down lol… I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my story… our story. **

**If any of you have any questions about the story or whatever, please don't hesitate to ask. That's what PM's are for lol. I'd be happy to answer… Thanks guys. You have been absolutely wonderful.**

**The Darkness That Follows**

**XII**

_**Grab somebody sexy tell 'em HEY  
>Give me everything tonight<br>Give me everything tonight  
>Give me everything tonight…<strong>_

"Hello?"

"Yes, hello. Am I talking to a Miss Emily Fitch?"

"Yes. May I ask whose speaking?"

"Michelle… I've got you listed as an emergency contact for Naomi Campbell."

"Oh my God, what's going on? Is she okay?"

I panicked. Her voice sounded urgent.

"Yes she's… fine. I'll need you to come down though as soon as possible."

"I'll be right there."

I hung up immediately not even bothering to ask why I had to be there because it didn't really fucking matter to me. Something was obviously wrong for them to contact me because they had told Naomi and me that there were no visitors aloud under any circumstances. They said that it's not like that at every clinic but they did it that way. They believed that the chances of success were greater if the patient was left to recover by themselves because there were no outside pressures off of family members etc. and to call at this hour…

(It's okay Emily she'll be fine… don't stress out.)

"Katie… KATIE…" I called out.

"Yeah babe?"

"I've got to go to the clinic, something's wrong with Naomi." I replied panicked.

She ran from her bedroom taking three steps at a time.

"What?"

"Someone just called from the clinic…"

"Wait I'll come with you."

She ran into the lounge and grabbed her jacket, phone and keys. I opened the door hurriedly and walked out leaving Katie to close it and lock up.

"Fuck sake Ems, wait up." She said as she grabbed my arm to slow me down. "What's going on?"

I was so worked up I cupped my head in my hands and started to cry.

"I don't know." I sobbed.

"It's okay yeah, I'm sure she's fine. She's in good hands… Come on, the quicker we get there the quicker we'll know."

We got there in record time. I ran through the front double doors of the clinic and was almost on the verge of a panic attack. I heard Katie say 'fuck sake' as I heard the glass door knock into her… I ran up to the front desk and slammed my hands down on top of it, scaring the shit out of the receptionist.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"Someone called"

(What the fuck was her name?)

"Michelle… Michelle called me about Naomi Campbell." I replied urgently.

"Ah yes, you're Emily is that right?"  
>"Yes, is Naomi okay?"<p>

Katie finally made her way beside me.

"Just answer the fucking question bitch. Is she okay?" Katie screamed at her.

The receptionist didn't even seem bothered by Katie's outburst."

"I don't know anything but I'll page Michelle for you and she'll be right down… if you'd like to just take a seat over there…" she replied motioning towards the waiting area.

Katie grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the seats. Although she didn't suffer from anxiety, she was just as panicked as what I was.

"I wish they'd hurry the fuck up." Katie breathed.

"Emily?"

I stood up instantly almost knocking over the chair I was sitting on and hurriedly walked towards the nurse. It was the same one that escorted Naomi into the clinic yesterday morning.

"What's going on?"

"Its okay, Naomi's fine… she's just…" She trailed off. "Look come through and I'll explain but I'm afraid only one of you is allowed."

I turned to face Katie completely terrified.

"Please, that's my sister…"

Michelle sighed.

"Okay, come on."

We followed Michelle through the automatic doors behind the receptionist's desk and down the corridor. We went through another set of doors and turned right and then took a left. We walked down the entire length of the hallway and Michelle stopped suddenly and turned to face Katie and me with both of us looking at her questioningly. She informed us that we had to leave our bags behind and Michelle performed a quick search to make sure that we weren't carrying anything. I didn't really feel comfortable about it but I suppose that it had to be done… After she was satisfied with the search, she turned to face us.

"This has never happened before and what I'm about to suggest could possibly cost me my job. It is highly irregular…"

"Just spit it out, fucks sake." Katie said impatiently.

"I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just going to come out and say it okay."

We both nodded quickly.

"Naomi has barricaded herself inside her room. We can't get to her."

I gasped loudly.

"But she's okay isn't she?"

"Yes she's fine, well under the circumstances… she's just started going through withdrawals… she refuses to unblock the entrance. She's demanded that she see you."

She paused for a moment to allow the information to sink in.

"As I said, I've never seen this before and I've worked here for a good eight years… Emily, we need you to help us. You need to talk to her…"

"Where is she?"

"Through here, but I must warn you. She doesn't look to good, okay hun; it may come as a shock." She replied as she gently touched my shoulder.

"It's okay; I've been through all this before."

She smiled gently at me. She turned around to face the door and used a swipe card to open them. Katie and I walked through nervously. Michelle put her hand up, motioning us to stop while she continued on.

"Naomi…"

"DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF?"

That was all I needed to hear. I ran straight up to Michelle.

"Naomi, it's me… Emily."

"Ahhh fuck…" She screamed in pain. "Get that fucking tart away from me."

"Naoms she has to stay here… Listen babe, please can you unblock the door?"

I heard something shift on the other side. Michelle looked at me in awe. She was completely stunned that Naomi listened to my request immediately without a fight.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Just you." She replied sharply.

I'm not entirely sure why Naomi was behaving like this. I know she hated hospitals and didn't trust doctors or any medical staff for that matter but I honestly do not know WHY she feels this way. She never talks about it. It's kind of funny when you think about it… I mean I am a paramedic after all. I've got the feeling that it may stem from her short stay in prison, but who knows?... Michelle swiped her card and the light turned green. I pushed down on the handle and opened the door. Just as I stepped inside Naomi lunged herself at me knocking me to the floor. She was squeezing me so tight I was having trouble breathing. Michelle mistook the situation and stepped closer to get Naomi off of me…

"NO, DON'T. It's okay." I said slightly panicked.

Michelle hesitated; staring at me in concern before she straightened up and took a step back beside Katie. Naomi started to cry hysterically. I turned my attention back to the one that I loved.

"Naoms talk to me, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this…"

"Naoms…"

"I can't do this without you… I need you here." She cried as she clutched at my jacket.

I swallowed the lump that had placed it self at the back of my throat.

"I want to be here, but, but I can't babe, you know that." I replied, my voice cracking severely.

"You're not leaving. I won't let you…"

Her body was shivering uncontrollably and only stopped for a split second as she tensed up from a surge of pain that swept throughout her entire body.

"I'm gonna…"

It was too late, she spewed her guts out all over the both of us and to be perfectly honest I didn't give a flying fuck.

"I'm sorry." She groaned.

"Shhh it's okay." I replied as I rocked her gently back and forth, kissing the top of her head as she continued to shiver.

Michelle quietly approached us and grabbed Naomi's arm in an attempt to remove her from me but Naomi was a step ahead, even in her condition and flicked her arm away.

"IF YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN, I'LL SLIT YOU'RE FUCK-ING THROAT YOU CUNT."

"Naoms, stop it. Come on its okay."

"Naomi, we need to clean you up. Get you some fresh clothes." Michelle said calmly.

"FUCK OFF."

"Babe, you've got vomit all over you." I interrupted.

She didn't reply.

"Michelle, would it be okay if I did it?" I asked.

"No we can't risk it. She's too aggressive…"

"She won't hurt me."

Michelle looked up towards the roof and breathed out heavily.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." She said to herself. "Okay, there's a shower down that way, third door to the left. I'll bring you a couple of towels and fresh clothes for you both… You're sister can come with me."

"Thank you." I replied appreciatively.

"Ems you'll be alright yeah?" Katie asked concerned.

I quickly looked up and nodded towards her as I helped Naomi up.

"Come on babe." I said as we both walked slowly towards the showers.

An hour later, Naomi and me were showered and dressed. I walked her back to her room and placed her on the bed. She was absolutely exhausted. I don't think that she'd be having much sleep in her state but she was calmer and her aggression had pretty much disappeared for the time being. I placed a blanket loosely over her and went to leave. She gripped the jumper that Michelle had given me, her knuckles turning white. I turned around and kneeled down beside her.

"Don't worry Naoms, I'll come back okay."

"Promise?" She asked while her teeth chattered.

"I promise." I replied.

I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"I love you." I whispered.

She released her grip and curled herself into the fetal position while she trembled. I stood back up and turned towards the doorway. Michelle was standing there. I didn't even notice her approach.

"Follow me." She whispered.

I closed the door behind me and did as she asked. She led me through another doorway where there were some offices and a staff room. There were a couple of couches and a plasma T.V. on the wall as well as a coffee machine in the corner. Katie was curled up in a ball on the couch fast asleep. Michelle took me into a smaller room which I assumed was her private office.

"Coffee?"

"Yes please." I breathed.

She poured me a cup from the small coffee machine she had on a small table beside her desk.

"This stuff's better then the crap out there." She smirked.

"Thank you."

She took a seat behind her desk and motioned for me to sit also. We sipped our coffees in silence for a few minutes.

"She really loves you, ya know."

I almost spat my coffee out. Luckily I didn't, although a little bit did go down the wrong way which caused me to cough.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

She sighed before she spoke.

"The way she responded to you… I was honestly expecting her to beg you to give her something… but she never. She just wanted you near her. Let's just say it's highly unusual."

I didn't really know what to say to that so I stayed silent.

"I can see that you love her just as much. If anyone in this place has a good chance of kicking, it's Naomi."

I looked away as I remembered the previous times she tried but was unsuccessful.

"Has she tried to kick the habit before? Michelle asked.

"Yeah, a few times." I nodded as I cast my gaze to the coffee cup I was holding.

"Don't be disheartened love, at least she's trying. She may try 10 times and she may fail just as many but at the end of the day… she IS trying."

"I know…" I sighed. "It's just hard to see her go through all this again and this time there's nothing I can do for her. I just feel so… helpless."

"Well that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

I looked back to her questioningly.

"This is against protocol, but I am in charge so… I'm going to allow Naomi visitor's, but only because if I don't I know we're going to have trouble with her. If she can do what she did tonight in the state she's currently in I'd hate to see what she's going to be like when the sickness passes. I think in Naomi's case it would do her more harm in refusing her to see you."

She paused to think.

"Would you be happy with that?"

"Yes of course I would." I replied quickly.

"Okay good it's settled."

"I don't really know what to say, but thank you…"

I paused for a moment.

"Um, would I be allowed to go and see her before I leave? I promised her."

Michelle smiled warmly at me.

"Of course you can hun… Look" she stopped to look at her watch. "I get off at 10am you can stay with her 'til then so that'll give you just over 4 hours with her… I'll give you and your sister a lift home okay?"

The kindness and understanding of this woman was out of this world.

"I'd like that." I smiled.

I thanked her again and left her office. I quickly checked on Katie who was still fast asleep snoring lightly. I didn't want to wake her so I decided to just go straight back to Naomi. I had left Michelle's office so quickly, that I had forgotten that I needed Michelle to swipe her card so I could get in to Naomi's room. I quickly spun around and almost ran into her. She was kindly grinning at me… She opened the door and I entered the room. Naomi had gotten off the bed and was sitting in the corner rocking back and forth. I walked over to her and helped her up and guided her to the bed. I laid down first and pulled her down gently to lie beside me. She clung to my waist almost immediately and rested her head on my chest as she shivered uncontrollably… I was absolutely exhausted. I was unable to sleep the night before because I was worried about Naomi. I guess Katie was in a similar state also because when I had called out to her she had responded straight away. I had received the call from Michelle at around 4am… My brain just refused to switch off… I wasn't going to get any sleep now but neither was Naomi, so it didn't matter. There were slightly more important things then a goodnights sleep…

* * *

><p>3 Months. Naomi has been clean for 3 whole months. When she first came home after her 30 days, as expected she wasn't herself. She was a little withdrawn, not eating much and having trouble sleeping, which wasn't unusual. She refused to go on the Methadone Program. She said that she didn't want to even take paracetamol. The doctor had offered to give her a light sedative to help her sleep and just as I was about to say 'no fucking way' to my surprise, Naomi told him to stick his pills up his arse. She had stood up and grabbed my hand roughly and dragged me out of the office and half way down the street in anger before she realised that I was trying to pull her up… She was irritable, actually she still kind of is, but that's the least of my worries. It doesn't take much for her to snap and lose her temper but I know how to handle it. Even though she can say the most hurtful things sometimes, I know deep down she doesn't mean it. I just let her go. I wouldn't dare argue back with her because it would be like adding fuel to the fire. She's under enough pressure as it is, she doesn't need me attacking her and getting worked up because she may have said the wrong thing. I do admit though she is a lot better now. If she does get angered she'll leave the room. I don't follow her. I give her the space she needs. I know she'll reappear when she feels calmer and if something's bothering her I know she'll tell me when she's ready… I have never seen Katie so excited. She is absolutely over the moon that Naomi is home. They have had a few little tiffs but nothing serious. Katie knows that at the moment every little thing is annoying to Naoms so she just let's her rant and rave. I know big shock… I mean it is Katie after all. I've forgotten to mention this but remember when Naomi bought Katie a bracelet to say thank you… some one asked her a while back if they could have a look at it. She was hesitant and I wasn't quite sure why but she reluctantly extended her hand so they could see it better. They misunderstood and went to unclip it; I guess they wanted to try it on or something. Katie thought that they were going to steal it I'm sure because she punched them square in the face and called them a 'cunt'. I was shocked. I asked her about it later. She is so possessive over it; she looked me dead in the eye still angered and said 'no one fucking touches it. NO ONE'. She never takes it off. A bit over the top, I know but they really do get along great… Katie isn't home at the moment. She went to stay with friends because she said that she wanted to give Naomi and me some time alone to talk and sort things out. She's told Jenna to back off as well and mum being mum, well usually she wouldn't listen but for some reason she has. Katie mentioned that dad gave her a talking too and to be perfectly honest I'd love to know what he said because as we all know, mum doesn't listen to anybody and dad is just so soft, he's always let her get her own way so I don't know but I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later…<p>

"Naoms, do you want something to eat or drink?"

"Coke."

"You don't want any food?" I asked gently.

"If I did I would have said so." She replied flatly.

I sighed as I opened the fridge. It looks like today was one of her bad days in mood and in appetite. I took a can from the fridge and walked over to her. She was sitting on the couch with her legs up to her chest while she stared blankly at the T.V. It wasn't even turned on. I sat beside her and passed her the coke and observed her as she pulled the ring and took a massive gulp. She still didn't look well, but having said that she did look a million times better then when she was actually using.

"Babe, you want the T.V. on?"

She stayed silent and bit down on her bottom lip. She got up from the couch and dragged her feet all the way up the stairs. Usually I wouldn't follow, I'd just let her be, but she didn't seem angry, she seemed like she was miles away deep in thought. Saddened, upset. I sat on the couch for a few moments deciding if I should go up or not when I heard the stereo go up full blast.

(Fuck it.)

I stood up and made my way up the stairs listening to what she was playing… It was her favourite song.

_**So close no matter how far **_

_**Couldn't be much more from the heart **_

_**Forever trust in who we are **_

_**And nothing else matters **_

_**Never opened myself this way **_

_**Life is ours, we live it our way **_

_**All these words I don't just say **_

_**And nothing else matters **_

_**Trust I seek and I find in you **_

_**Every day for us something new **_

_**Open mind for a different view **_

_**And nothing else matters **_

_**Never cared for what they do **_

_**Never cared for what they know **_

_**But I know…**_

Something's on her mind. She always listens to this when something is bothering her. I knocked on the door even though I knew she probably wouldn't hear it. I opened it up and Naoms was sitting on the floor, her legs crossed with her back against the bed smoking a fag. She didn't even acknowledge me but it wasn't because she was being cold or anything, she just seemed lost in her thoughts, in her head. I slowly sat down beside her as not to startle her and gently rested my hand on her thigh. She looked towards me. Her eyes looked empty. I went to ask her if she was okay but I froze when tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. She hung her head and so I leaned over and brought her closer wrapping her in my embrace as a lump formed in the back of my throat.

_**What I've felt**_

_**What I've known**_

_**Never shined through in what I've shown**_

_**Never be**_

_**Never see**_

_**Won't see what might have been**_

_**What I've felt**_

_**What I've known**_

_**Never shined through in what I've shown**_

_**Never free**_

_**Never me**_

_**So I dub thee unforgiven…**_

I reached over and grabbed the remote for the CD player and muted the volume. Although I had gotten to like Metallica because really I had no choice, Naomi was always playing their stuff and it kind of grew on me but this particular song I didn't care for. It sent shivers down my spine whenever Naomi would play it. I'm probably being way too over protective but one listen to the lyrics I mean it isn't the happiest of songs and in the mood she's in I didn't like her listening to it. It was just so dark and depressing, well to me anyway… Naomi straightened herself up and with her emotions under control she wiped the tears from her eyes and looked away as if she was ashamed.

"Sorry." She whispered.

"Naoms, it's okay. You don't have to apologise."

I paused for a moment.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

She didn't answer so I didn't push the issue although I could clearly see that there was something eating away at her. She was shaking slightly and I knew whatever it was, it was giving her cravings, tempting her... I took her hand and placed it into mine and leaned back against the bed. We stayed like that for several minutes in complete silence. I think Naomi started to tear up again because she swore at herself and wiped her face with her sleeve.

"Today's her anniversary."

(Huh?)

"Whose anniversary?" I asked slightly confused.

"Lexie's." She whispered.

(Oh no. Ems, whatever you do, DO NOT take your eyes off of her today babe.)

I gulped not sure on what to say exactly but I didn't have to because Naomi continued to speak. She turned to face me; a dark shadow had cast itself over her features.

"Emily, I've been lying to you."

She saw the look I had on my face. I tried to hide it but it displayed itself anyway. I don't know why but the first thought that came to mind was that she and Lexie were MORE than just friends and she had lied about shagging her. Somehow she knew exactly what I was thinking…

"No, it's not that." She said seriously. "I… I…" She trailed off and sighed heavily. "I sold her the drugs… I'm the reason why she's dead." She said turning her gaze to the floor.

I wanted to punch her, I really did, not because she sold her the drugs, I mean Lexie was a big girl; she knew what she was doing when she injected herself with that fucking poison. If she didn't get it off of Naomi she would have gotten it from someone else and not to mention the fact that Lexie would have been on drugs well and truly before she even knew who Naomi was… I'm not saying that it was right but I guess if I take into account the world that Naomi was living in back then, it wasn't completely wrong either if that makes any sense. You use drugs, you buy drugs and you sell drugs, that's how it is… I admit I wasn't exactly thrilled with her confession, of course I wasn't but at this stage of her rehabilitation she didn't need me telling her how much of a twat she can really be sometimes.

"Naomi it's not your fault, she knew what she was doing…"

"It's not the point…. I knew how much shit she had taken that day and I still gave it to her."

"Babe…"

"She wasn't just another smack head Emily, she was my best friend. I should have been looking out for her." She replied distressed. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"Naoms, there is nothing wrong with you… Why didn't you tell me any of this before?… I can't believe that you've been keeping this in for so long."

She was starting to get angry.

"How the fuck could I? Especially after Sophia…"

Fucking hell… THAT had hit me like a ton of bricks and knocked the air right out of me. It's not that I had forgotten about Sophia it just hasn't been mentioned for so long, you know what I mean. It was all in the past and we had moved on from that.

"Naomi, its okay…"

She cut me off.

"No it's not. It's fucked up is what it is." She said as she stood up shaking.

"What are you doing?"

She didn't answer. I got up off the floor quickly, terrified as she opened the bedroom door and walked hurriedly out of the room. I followed her but she had already gone out through the front door. I ran outside and she was already in the park across the road.

"NAOMI." I screamed out after her.

She ignored me. I picked up speed and ran as fast as I could in an effort to catch up to her not caring that I had left the front door wide open.

"Stop... Please just fucking stop." I pleaded out of breath.

I caught up to her and as I was frantic I threw myself onto her bringing her to the ground. Because of the fact that she hadn't been eating and she wasn't well, I had more strength and was able to straddle her legs and keep her in place. She was still angered and tried to get out from under me…

"Stop it, fuck sake… stop fighting me."

"Get off me." She said as she clenched her jaw.

"NOT until you fuck-ing relax."

She stopped struggling and we stared at each other, Naomi looking furious and me no doubt looking panicked. I sighed heavily not wanting to fight with her but she was making it very difficult.

"I know what's going through your head, okay. I can see it. Please just calm the fuck down and think for a second." I shrieked.

She didn't reply.

"Naomi?"

She tried to get free again and almost succeeded but I quickly pinned her back down, this time though I leaned down and held her arms above her head, using all my weight so she couldn't move.

"Please I'm begging you…"

"Let me go."

I ignored her request because I was too scared to let her go. I leaned down closer to her.

"Naomi, listen to me… FUCKING LISTEN PLEASE. It was not your fault okay. Not Sophia and not Lexie."

"Yes it was." She whispered depressingly.

"Did you force the MDMA up Sophia's nose? Did you hold a gun to Lexie's head and pump her arm full of smack? Did you do that? Because if you did then yeah babe, I agree with you."

I had to stop for a moment. Just the thought of Naomi being in Lexie's or Sophia's shoes had almost made me burst into tears. I had a flash of when Naomi almost…

(Christ, don't even think about that. It was close but not close enough thank fuck.)

"You are not responsible. I know you feel that way, but fuck sake Naoms, Sophia was depressed and Lexie… it was an accident. Stop blaming yourself."

No answer.

"Naoms?"

She answered but she said it so low I didn't hear her.

"Fucking talk to me please." I said frantically.

"Whatever yeah, I don't give a fuck anymore." She replied. "Just get off me."

I took a few deep breathes to calm myself. I leaned in even closer to her.

"If I let you go, will you come home with me?"

No answer.

"Babe, I don't care if I have to stay like this all night… I'm not letting you go until you promise that you'll come home with me."

I raised my eyebrow.

"No? Okay…" I said as I shifted slightly and rested my head on her chest. "I don't know about you but I'm nice and comfortable."

"Emily stop fucking around and let me go."

"Nope, sorry... No promise, no letting go."

She tried to get free again but soon gave up. She didn't say anything. She was being just as stubborn as I was.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU'S DOING? FUCK SAKE YOU'RE IN PUBLIC." Katie yelled from the street.

She jogged over and looked down at Naomi and me in shock.

"What the hell is going on with you two?" She said.

"Naomi won't come home."

Katie instantly understood what was happening just by my facial expression.

"Is that right muff muncher?" She said as she placed her hands on her hips.

Naomi didn't respond.

"I'll join you then."

Katie got down and lay right beside Naomi. She wasn't on the ground for long.

"Both of you get the fuck off me."

I raised my head and looked into Naomi's eyes.

"Promise."

"Fine okay, I promise. Happy? Now get off me."

Katie was the first to stand up. I hesitated, not sure if Naomi was trying to trick me. She still had that look in her eye… I stood up and extended my hand to help her, but she didn't take it. She got up off the grass and stormed back to the house with me no more than an arms length away. As soon as she entered the house she ran upstairs and entered the bathroom, jumping straight into the shower.

(Oh thank God for that.)

Naomi had certain habits. When she was angered or upset she would have a 'boiling' hot shower as she puts it. They calmed her down which indicates to me that she realises that her aggression had gotten the better of her and clouded her judgment, her thoughts. It meant that she was back in control of herself and to my relief gave her the strength to fight the temptation to run back to the needle although I wasn't going to trust it. Not today. I'll be watching her like a hawk and I know Katie will sit on the couch all day keeping an eye out in case Naomi tries to sneak out through the front door…

I waited for Naomi in our bedroom. She looked better, although her hands were still shaking slightly. I watched as she got dressed and sat back down where she had before. On the ground with her back against the bed…

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, no harm done." I replied gently.

"I'm trying to get my temper under control, I really am, but it's just hard…"

"It's okay Naoms; we'll work on it…"

She sighed and turned to face me.

"I just… I dunno, I'm not use to feeling. Everything I've done to you and all that other shit, it's like I only just did it, ya know. All the fucking guilt and shame just hits me out of nowhere and just fucking sits on my chest. I can't fuck-ing breathe…"

I slid off the bed and sat down beside her. She was working herself up again.

"Naoms, what's the one thing you regret the most… we'll start from there and work our way down… It's time we talked about it. You can't keep things bottled up inside, you've got to let it out."

She looked down at her hand and started playing with her pinky ring. Something she always did when she was uncomfortable or nervous.

"Naoms?"

"What I did to you." She breathed. "That is what I regret the most."

She wiped a tear away with the back of her hand. I placed a hand under her chin and gently lifted her head…

"Naomi… would it help if I said that I forgive you." I whispered.

Her eyes instantly welled up with tears as she turned her gaze to the side. I panicked thinking that I had said the wrong thing so I went to speak but she beat me to it.

"You've never… You've never said that to me before."

I got up and sat on my knees, placing both my hands on her face and turned her head back towards me.

"I forgive you." I repeated as I leaned in and gave her a heart felt kiss.

I did forgive her. I meant it. It still hurt sometimes when my mind would wander back to certain events of the past but it's only natural… but I DO forgive her. I love her enough, more then enough to be able to move on from it… I know if I can get Naomi out of the world she is so use to living in I know with all my heart she'd never hurt me like that again… I pulled back from the kiss to look into her eyes. The sadness had returned. She was thinking about Lexie…

"Naoms, have you…" I cleared my throat. "Have you gone to see Lexie?"

She shook her head. I'd have to put my feelings aside when it came to Lexie. I had to for Naomi's sake. I might not have liked her, but she was a friend of Naomi's and not to mention that the poor girl had lost her life at a very young age of 22 years. I'm not sure why I didn't like Lexie, I think at the start I was jealous, but that's because I thought Naomi was being unfaithful to me by shagging her. I know that that wasn't the case now, but I don't know, it could have just been the whole drug thing as well. I didn't like Naomi being around her because it was like the addiction they both had, fueled each others… It was a disaster waiting to happen.

"I think it might help, maybe bring closure… If you like, I'll come with you." I said as I squeezed her hand. "All we can do is try…"

"Really? You'll come with me?" She asked.

"Yes, I'll come with you."

She exhaled heavily.

"I've wanted to but, but I was too scared to go on my own. I didn't know how to ask you."

She stared at me for a few moments before she brought me in for a hug and squeezed me tight…

"I love you." She whispered into my ear.

"I know babe… I know."

* * *

><p>I left the house and decided to go up to the shops and pick up a few groceries. Katie and Naoms were doing my head in. After the incident when Naomi almost cracked under pressure, Katie came home with a PS3. She thought it would help Naoms keep herself occupied and seen she loved music, she brought her that game… um what's it called? Fuck… ah that's right Guitar Hero. I don't know how she carried it home because it came in a big box with a guitar, drums and microphone… I liked the game; it was actually really fun especially when we all jumped on. Naomi on the drums, me on the guitar and yes you guessed it… Katie on the mic, but they have been playing it every chance they get for the last two months and it is driving me absolutely crazy. Naomi brought down the 5.1 channel sound system from our room and hooked the speakers up to the T.V. So as you could imagine, the volume is UP all the way… I entered the store and grabbed some milk, loaf of bread, bottle of coke, a few little munchies and a packet of smokes for Naomi. I paid for the items and exited out onto the street and slowly walked my way back home. I had this weird feeling sweep over me, I'm not sure why but it felt like I was being watched so I had a quick look around and almost died of a heart attack. I didn't let on that I had spotted her but I was watching her movements from the corner of my eye as I picked up the pace. She was across the street looking right at me. She wasn't even trying to hide the fact that she was following me. I felt panicked and my anxiety level rise because of the fear I was feeling. I know that if she confronts me, I don't stand a chance. I wasn't far from home, only a couple of streets away and she would know that. I was getting worried that if she did want to cause me harm, now would be the time she would make her move. I pulled my phone from my pocket still trying my fucking hardest to act natural. She might panic if she realised I knew that she was there and try to stop me. I called Naomi…<p>

"Babe what's taking you so long? I'm dying for a fag…"

"Naoms…"I said shakily. "T… Tess…"

"What?"

"Tess, she… she's following me… what do I do?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm two streets away, near…"

"I know where you are… babe listen to me okay. Whatever you do, don't let on that you know she's there… I'm coming now. Keep walking towards home, go past the park, can you do that…"

"Yea, yes."

"I'm two minutes away."

Naomi hung up straight way. I could hear Katie's worried voice on the other end asking what the fuck was going on as Naoms was talking to me… I quickly looked for any cars and crossed the street avoiding to even glance directly at her. I was approaching the park with Tess directly behind me, now that I had crossed the street. I knew she was getting closer because I could hear her footsteps pick up speed…

(Where the fuck is Naomi?)

I saw Katie casually walking down the street towards me. I felt a sigh of relief. She was wearing her sunglasses with her hair hanging around her face which I thought was strange. I went to almost run to her but she discreetly put her hand in front as if to say no, as she past me she whispered for me to keep going so I did. Still no sign of Naomi… Tess must have caught right up to me because I could her Katie talking to her.

"Hey, you got a fag?"

"Piss off." I heard Tess reply.

"Oi bitch, I'm talking to you." Katie replied.

Then I heard it. It almost pierced my ear drums her scream was so loud but then it was muffled. I immediately stopped, dropping the shopping bags to the ground and turned around fucking terrified. Naomi had appeared from behind a parked car in fact I had just walked right passed her, not even realising.

(Oh fuck, breathe Emily…)

I was on the brink of having an attack.

"Make sure Emily's okay." Naomi yelled to Katie as she saw that I was struggling to breathe.

Naomi had her hand over Tess' mouth from behind and dragged her off into the bushes of the park. She was trying to scream, kicking and struggling to try and get out of Naomi's grip. It was shocking to see how calm, cool, furious and completely in control Naomi was all at the same time, like she had done this a thousand times over. In those two minutes since I called her, she had come up with a plan and executed it to perfection. It was unsettling… I pulled myself together and tried to run towards Naomi, scared at what else she had planned to do. I know in a fit of rage she could do serious harm to somebody… but Katie and I were Naomi's family and I know because of that reason her rage would escalate to something else, something much darker, possibly deadly. In those few moments as her anger would cloud any rational thinking she may have, it could possibly be to late… Katie tried to stop me from running over there because she just didn't understand. She knew Naomi had a dark side but didn't realise just how dark that side could really be. I dodged her quickly, darting to the left and ran full speed to where Naomi had taken Tess. Katie called out for me not to go, but obviously I ignored her. She followed me…

"I can't breathe." Tess choked out.

Naomi was sitting on top of her, her hands wrapped around her throat and pushing all her weight down on her neck. Tessa's face had blood smeared all over it. A definite broken nose and God knows what else. I immediately ran to Naomi and tried to pull her off. She was in such a frenzied state; she was almost foaming at the mouth. She pushed me out of the way as she growled at me. Although her eyes were usually as blue as the sky, right now they appeared to be almost black. I stumbled backwards and slammed straight into Katie, both of us tumbling to the floor. Katie was the first to get back up on her feet and dove onto Naomi knocking her off of Tess. Naomi threw Katie of off her and lunged back at Tess who had started crying as she laid there half conscious gasping for air. Katie grabbed Naomi's leg and stopped her mid air and dragged her back towards her, but Naomi had grabbed Tessa's arm and dragged Tess back with her. Some how Naomi had managed to get Katie off of her and was back on Tess in seconds, hands back around her throat. The shock that had kept me in place, completely frozen, had been replaced with a feeling of fear and dread…

"FUCK SAKE, JUST FUCK-ING DIE." Naomi yelled with her jaw clenched in fury.

I stood up and wrapped my arms right around Naomi and used all the strength I could muster and threw myself backwards with Naomi laying on top of me. She was trying to get free, still not satisfied that she had done enough…

"NAOMI STOP." I screamed in panic.

She was still struggling and I was having trouble holding her in place. She was just so fucking strong… Katie got up and grabbed Naomi off of me and dragged her up to her feet. She punched her, cutting Naomi's lip. I gasped in terror, fearful for Katie as Naomi was well and truly passed the point of no return. It didn't even bother Naomi she was so riled up. She glared at Katie snarling for a moment. This is going to sound unbelievable, but as I looked on with my hand covering my mouth in complete fucking shock, I honestly don't know if it was the lighting or not but her eyes, fucking hell, her eyes were no longer dark, they turned back to there original shade of blue. I have never in my life seen anything like it. It was as if the punch had knocked whatever demon had possessed her in that moment, right out of her. Naomi turned from Katie and looked at me confused.

"Naomi?" I said as I shook her slightly.

She looked catatonic.

"FUCK… Katie, stay with Naomi."

Naomi snapped out of it and stopped me as I went towards Tess to make sure she was okay. She pushed me back and walked calmly over to Tess and knelt down picking her up slightly by the front of her top.

(Fucking hell.)

"No Naomi, she's had enough."

Naomi ignored me but she didn't do anything. She only spoke. Tess wasn't really with us, understandably. She was in a daze… Naomi slapped her cheek to gain her attention. She spoke to her calmly.

"You awake?" she asked.

Tess nodded fearfully.

"If you so much as LOOK at Emily ever again… are you listening?"

Tess quickly nodded again. Her eyes wide open.

"I'll kill you."

I gasped loudly in horror at what Naomi had just said. She had said it so casually… I knew she meant it. Tess went to speak.

"I'm, I'm sor… sorr, sorry…I…I."

Naomi chuckled evilly.

"No Tess, you won't be sorry." She said shaking her head only slightly.

She ran her finger slowly over the soft skin of Tessa's neck from one side to other, crossing over her jugular vein as if her finger was a blade. I saw Tess gulp as Naomi did it...

"You'll be dead."

Naomi pulled back slightly to make sure Tess got the message. She had… I walked over to Naomi and grabbed her hand and dragged her away because she was just glaring at her in pure hatred. I was terrified that she would do something else. We only took a few steps before Naomi stopped dead in her tracks and shook my hand away.

"Oh and Tess… That goes for Katie too." She added.

Again Naomi just stood there glaring at her. I tried to move her along but she wouldn't budge. She took half a step back towards her again but I got in front of Naomi and grabbed her jacket, shaking her…

"NO…"

She didn't take another step but her focus was still completely on Tess.

"Look at me… NAOMI FUCKING LOOK AT ME." I shrieked.

She turned and looked down to face me. I could see the balls of fucking fire and fury still alight inside those eyes of hers.

"Enough." I simply said as I looked at her fearfully.

She turned back to Tess as I grabbed Naomi's jacket and dragged her backwards towards home. Naomi spat the blood that had filled her mouth from the hit that Katie had given her, right next to Tess as she snarled at her once again. Tess immediately got up onto her feet and ran in the opposite direction further into the park. Something shiny had fallen from her pocket. Naomi refused to move until she was no longer in sight. She walked over and picked up the item that Tess had dropped and I'll give you ONE guess at what that particular item was. Yep, you guessed it. A knife. Katie gasped and went completely pale. I leaned over in shock and spewed my guts out. Naomi chuckled as she studied the knife.

"Another one to add to the collection."

* * *

><p>We walked back towards the house. Naomi stopped and grabbed the smokes from one of the plastic bags that I had left on the footpath. She lit it and took a huge drag and exhaled. She offered Katie and me one, with both of us accepting. She lit them for us and placed the lighter into her pocket, picked the groceries up and walked towards home.<p>

"Fucking hell Ems…"

"I know." I replied knowing what she was thinking.

"Babes, you know I love her yeah, but she's fucking mental."

"Katie, she just saved my fucking life. You saw what Tess was carrying, fuck sake." I replied in her defense.

I don't condone what Naomi did but I know her, I know her temper and I know how protective she is of Katie and me. Having said that though, I know Naomi would never do that to me, but she fucking frightens me sometimes because of the way she can get. I'm scared that one day she will go too far. It puts a chill in my bones to be perfectly honest… Katie paused for a moment while she was in thought.

"Oh fuck, was that her, that bitch that's been harassing you and Naoms?"

"Yes Katie, what did you think? That Naomi would do that to just anyone?"

"No, but fuck me…" She said as she took a shaky drag from her smoke. "Fuck I better apologise for poppin' her one…"

I cut her off.

"You don't have too."

"Ah yeah I do… Jesus Ems, I don't want her doin' that to me. I'm not suicidal."

I stopped walking and grabbed Katie by the arm to pull her up, looking at her seriously.

"Katie, she would NEVER do that to you. That bitch has been fucking with us for ages… She fuck-ing stabbed Naomi, but…"

"WHAT?" She shrieked.

We hadn't told Katie much about what had been happening. Naomi said not too. She didn't want Katie to stress. She didn't even know about the photo's that had been taken of us all… I sighed.

"Tess went for me but Naoms stepped in front…"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME? I'LL KILL HER."

"Fuck sake Katie, we didn't want you involved in all this…" I stopped to take a breath. "It's over with now… I honestly don't think we'll be hearing from her again."

Katie chuckled.

"You got that right babes. Naoms fucked her up real good… I almost shit my pants."

Katie took another drag of her smoke.

"What else have you bitches not told me?"

"Nothing..."

"You can't lie for shit Ems, tell me the truth."

"There were some photos of us."

"What do you mean photos?"

"Tess had been following you and me; she took photos of us and sent them to our house."

"What the fuck? Why?"

"Don't really know. To scare us… Naoms thinks that she might be jealous."

"Of fucking what?"

"Me and her together."

"What are you saying? She's hot for Naomi?"

"Pretty much."

Katie looked slightly confused.

"Wait… all this psycho shit is because she wants Naoms and she can't have her."

I hesitated to answer her question but decided to anyway. It was in the past. I sighed deeply.

"Katie, Naomi and her…" I trailed off. "Naomi was shagging her."

"No way, I don't believe it…" She replied shaking her head. "Naomi wouldn't do that to you again."

"It was years ago, when we we're 18, 19, when I first found out she was using."

"Oh so not now?"

"No."

I think Katie saw that the memory was still a little painful.

"I didn't think so… she fucking adores you, ya know. Practically worships the ground you walk on."

"Katie…"

"What? It's fucking true yeah… and you know it."

It was her way of cheering me up even though I didn't really need it. I didn't doubt that Naomi loved me…

"Come on let's go home." I said.

We started walking and crossed the street.

"Hey Ems, do you really think Naoms meant what she said? That she'd kill her?"

"Honestly?" I replied.

She nodded.

"Yes I do."

Both of us shivered slightly.

"Fuck sake, hurry up yeah. That cunt might still be lurking around." Naomi yelled out from the front door as she scanned the area.

She waited there until we we're both inside the house. She locked the door and followed us into the lounge room.

"Are you both alright?" Naomi asked concerned.

"Yeah babe, we're fine." I answered.

"Katie?"

"Yeah Naoms. All good."

Naomi sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry yeah, that you saw all that, but she fuck-ing deserved it. I know what she can do, ya know, and like it's my fault that she's doin' all this."

She ran a hand through her hair like she was under pressure.

"I didn't hurt ya's did I?" she asked referring to the little scuffle she had with Katie and me.

"No babe, we're okay..."

She was starting to tremble slightly which had me worried. I walked over and took her hand gently.

"Follow me."

I lead her up the stairs but she stopped and turned to Katie.

"Katiekins?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay here tonight."

Katie understood what she was saying. Naoms was terrified of something happening, maybe some kind of retaliation. She smiled warmly at her.

"No worries babes."

"Promise me yeah." Naomi said her voice full of worry.

"Geez Naoms, fine… I promise." Katie replied playfully rolling her eyes.

Naomi giggled… I continued to gently lead Naomi to our bedroom. She sat on the bed beside me, her hands still trembling. I got up and grabbed her some fresh clothes.

"Naoms go and have a shower. You need to relax."

"I'm okay." She replied.

I cocked my eyebrow.

"Yeah alright, take it easy… I'm going."

She stood up and kissed me on the cheek as she grabbed the fresh clothes I had in my hands… 30 minutes later Naomi reappeared looking a lot better then she did before she left. I reached over and pulled her towards me, motioning her onto the bed. She lay down beside me and I cuddled up to her resting my head on her chest. She wrapped an arm around me and gave me a gentle squeeze.

"I don't know what I would have down if something had of happened to you." She said as she leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Fuck, I'd never forgive myself."

"You sure know how to pick 'em." I replied jokingly to try and lighten the mood.

She chuckled.

"Yeah I do… I picked you didn't I."

I lifted my head and looked up at her.

"Hey."

"It's true; you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." She smirked.

"That's better." I smirked back.

I rested my head back down on her chest deep in thought.

"Naoms please don't scare me like that again…"

She sighed.

"I know… I'm sorry yeah. I just lost it because I got scared."

"You didn't look scared." I replied huskily.

"I was fucking terrified... and I'm sure I don't need to tell you why."

She sighed.

"I had to make sure she'd fuck off for good this time. I know I went too far, I couldn't control it though. Just the thought of her hurting you, fuck… ya know."

She tensed up when she said it. Her hands were starting to shake again. I shifted and placed myself on top of her and stared intensely into her eyes.

"Naoms."

"Hmmm."

"Thank you for being there for me."

She lifted her head and tilted it to the side slightly and looked at me as if I had gone temporarily insane. Like I had just grown two heads.

"Emily…"

"No I'm serious Naoms, I know I don't have to but I want to so thank you." I said as I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

I pulled back to look at her. The darkness that filled her earlier had completely vanished. We just stared into each others eyes for several moments. The feelings I had for her were causing my whole body to tingle... I placed my thigh gently in between hers and pushed up, slowly grinding myself against her. She placed her hands on either side of my face and brought me back down for a slow kiss. I applied a little bit more pressure as I slid my leg up and down while she groaned in appreciation, deepening the kiss. She flipped us over gently and relieved me of my top and jeans that quickly, it took a second for me to realise that I was lying on the bed with only my underwear on. She gently moved my legs to either side and placed herself in between as I looked back up at her breathing heavily. Every time feels like the first time with Naomi. The excitement, the anticipation just the whole lot of it… Naomi lowered herself and gave me a heart felt kiss that lasted several moments before she pulled back grinning at me cheekily…

"Naoms…?"

"Shhh" She replied.

She had the knife that Tess had dropped in her hands. She carefully placed the knife under each strap and sliced through them. She slid the blade gently across the skin of my chest causing a tickling sensation and continued down to the middle of my breasts. She slid the knife underneath the material and sliced through it with ease and completely removed my bra from my body tossing it across the other side of the room as she stared at me hungrily, dangerously… At first I was terrified by the knife but God, I hope this doesn't make me sound weird because once the initial shock passed it was kind of a turn on… She leant down cupping my left breast with her hand and placed her mouth over my nipple, gently licking and sucking, flicking it with her tongue. I groaned and pushed my chest closer to her wanting more. She pulled back and descended down on my right breast, doing the same thing as I wriggled beneath her… I grabbed the front of her top and pulled her up, needing to feel her lips on mine. She pulled back rendering me completely breathless, my cheeks feeling red hot and my body aching for her touch. She placed the knife tenderly on my collar bone as she kneeled over me and slowly glided the cold steel down the middle of my chest, between my now naked breasts and across my stomach. She kept going and gently ran it over my knickers with my hips shifting upwards slightly as she removed the blade. My breathing had become ragged as she cut away the knickers I was wearing from my body. She tossed the mangled material to the side and placed the knife on the bedside table as she lowered herself and placed my legs on her shoulders as she kissed the inside of my thighs. I couldn't help but squirm and moan as she did it. She lowered her mouth on to my tattoo, kissing and nipping until she got to the place that I needed her to be… She looked up at me licking her lips while she smirked. I felt dizzy as I let out a loud groan just at the sight. I threw my head back down onto the pillow as I felt her tongue circle and flick the place that was throbbing intensely. I placed one hand on Naomi's head and my other above me pushing on the bed head as I rocked my hips into her. Christ, the feeling coursing through my body was unbelievable. She had me mumbling like a complete and total fucking idiot. She's always doing that… My hips bucked viciously when she sucked and nipped so she immediately brought her arms around me, holding my hips in place as she pushed and applied more pressure.

"Ohhhhh God." I gasped as she took me higher and higher.

My hair was sticking to my forehead, my eyes were unable to stay open, my moans were getting louder and louder. Naomi was having a hard time keeping me still as her skillful tongue continued its assault. I don't know what she did exactly because my focus was all over the place but whatever she did sent an intense pleasurable feeling that had swept throughout my entire body forcing me to call out her name several times. I tensed up just as I came in full force, my entire body shaking uncontrollably as she kept her tongue in place… I almost blacked out as I gasped for air… frightened by the intensity of what I was feeling. It was electrifying. By the time I had recovered Naomi had managed to get herself undressed and was lying on top of me grinning from ear to ear as I slowly opened my eyes. She looked quite proud of herself… I wrapped an arm around her neck and kissed her roughly while her hands wandered all over my body. She ran her hand down in between my thighs and I pulled back looking at her worriedly not sure if my body was able to take anymore…

"Trust me." She whispered as she kissed me sensually, gently entering as she used her hips and began to grind against me. My legs wrapping themselves around her waist as I cried out in unimaginable pleasure.

* * *

><p>"Katie, have you seen Naoms?"<p>

"Nah babes… don't worry I'm sure she's around her somewhere." She replied continuing to dance.

We had tagged along with Katie to a house party of one of the guys she was seeing. I glanced around the main room but had no hope in finding Naomi because there was that many people in the house it was almost impossible to even move. I was busting for the loo so I decided to make my way there first and then look. I did what I had to do and wandered around the house but there was no sign of her. I went out the back door and looked around when I spotted Naomi leaning up against the wall smoking a fag. I stopped and observed with a huge fucking frown on my face as I watched the girl she was with grab the front of Naomi's jacket, pulling herself up onto her toes and place a kiss on her cheek before she walked off…

"Who the fuck was that?"

"Hey, where'd you go?" She replied avoiding the question completely.

I glared at her for a moment. I couldn't handle it. I turned and ran back into the house. I passed Katie who had grabbed my arm as I brushed passed her.

"Ems what's wrong."

"Nothing, I'm going home."

"Why? We just got here."

"Ask Naomi." I spat.

I flicked her arm away and exited the house and walked hurriedly down the street as my heart ached in my chest, my eyes welled up with tears and I completely crumbled.

"EMILY." Naomi called out.

I didn't answer. She can go and get fucked for all I care. I continued to walk towards home. She caught up breathless from running and grabbed my arm.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"FUCK OFF." I screamed at her as the tears I was trying to hold back began streaming down my face.

"What? No… what's wrong?"

I shook her arm away glaring at her hurt and fucking distraught. I saw Katie come jogging up towards us.

"Like what the actual fuck?" Katie asked confused.

"Leave me alone." I said.

"Emily… fuck sake…" Naomi said.

"I said leave me the FUCK alone."

Naomi went to step towards me but Katie grabbed her arm.

"Naoms, just leave her yeah… She needs space."

"But…"

I turned away and stormed off.

"Emily?" Naomi called out again.

I didn't respond… 25 minutes later I was home. I entered the house and ran up the stairs and threw myself onto the bed that Naomi and I shared. The thought made me hysterical… I turned on my side and brought my knees up to my chest while I sobbed uncontrollably. I must have cried myself to sleep because I was awoken by the sound of Katie entering the bedroom, sunlight streaming through the window.

"Ems, you okay?"

I sat up and turned around. No sign of Naomi.

"Where's Naomi?" I asked dryly.

She looked worried.

"Katie, where is she?"

"I… I dunno babe, after you stormed off last night she disappeared."

I scoffed.

"Typical."

"What the fuck happened?" Katie asked.

We heard the front door open and the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. Naomi hesitantly walked into the bedroom.

"Get out." I shouted.

Katie looked at me, to Naomi and back again. Naomi hung her head and turned around and took a step towards the door. Katie grabbed her wrist.

"Wait… Naoms, what did you do?"

"I don't fuck-ing know okay. I don't know why she's fucking pissed at me."

I stood up off the bed and stormed towards her.

_**SLAP**_

"You fucking prick." I yelled.

"Fuck you Emily."

"Fuck me? FUCK YOU." I screamed.

Naomi shook her arm free from Katie and walked out the room. We both jumped at the sound of the front door slamming shut. Katie looked at me completely panicked. She ran out of the room and I heard the front door open and Katie yell out to Naomi to stop. Five minutes later after I had another little cry, I heard two pairs of footsteps climb the stairs and go into Katie's room. Katie left her room and entered my room with Naomi going downstairs and into the backyard… Katie had her arms folded and her eyebrow cocked.

"Is this about the girl?"

"I don't give a fuck Katie; I don't want to hear it." I replied as I stood up and went to walk past her.

"Sit the fuck down Emily. You're being a complete fucking twat."

"Piss off."

"Sit down and fucking listen."

"Go on then, what? I asked as I sat on the bed.

"That chick you saw, Naomi knows her from Rehab, there's nothing there Emily. What you saw was a friendly fucking kiss on the cheek."

"And you believe her?"

"Yeah I do and you want to know why?"

"Not really but I'm sure you're going to tell me." I replied sarcastically.

"Because right now… Naomi is in the backyard smoking a spliff and sculling the fuck out of a bottle of scotch."

"Fucking what? Did you give that to her?"

"Yes I did because she was hanging out for a hit… or would you fuck-ing prefer her to get smacked up?"

"Get out of my way." I replied frantically pushing Katie off to the side.

I ran down the stairs and through the kitchen bursting my way through the back door. Naomi was sitting on the ground with her back against the wall her hands shaking terribly as she was downing the scotch as if it was water, half the bottle was already gone. I was completely frozen. She put the spliff to her mouth and dragged deeply on it 3 times in a row before she released the smoke from her chest. She raised the spliff back up to her mouth. As she did I stepped closer and slapped it from her hands. She didn't say anything at all. Instead she raised the bottle and attempted to take another swig.

"Fucking stop." I yelled.

She looked up at me stunned, but… she did stop. I knelt down in front of her and decided to ask her straight out.

"Have you been screwing around?"

"No." She said with her eyes half closed.

She leaned over to pick up the spliff.

"Naomi fucking… don't you dare."

"What Emily? It doesn't fucking matter yeah… you don't fuck-ing trust me, so just leave me the fuck alone."

I sighed heavily trying to keep my anxiety under control. I pulled the bottle from her hand and threw it over the fence.

"Just tell me the truth; are you fucking around behind my back?"

"I told you NO." She said as she got up unsteadily and went to walk off.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly back towards me.

"What?" She slurred.

"Promise me."

"I shouldn't fucking have to."

"Yes you fuck-ing do… I need to hear you say it."

"Leave me alone."

"So you have been?"

She didn't answer.

"Naomi, I WILL NOT put up with you being disloyal. Not anymore. Do you hear what I am saying to you?"

My heart started to race causing a great deal of pain within my chest because she didn't answer. She turned around and went to walk away.

"Oh that's just great Naomi, fucking hell, I can't believe you." I said my voice cracking as I spoke. "I suppose you've been getting high too?" I added as I was struggling to keep the tears at bay.

She stopped dead in her tracks and spun around.

"Why are you being such a fucking bitch?" She asked looking hurt.

"Just fucking answer me okay…" I replied.

"No and fucking NO, Jesus fuck-ing Christ. If you can't trust me Emily, I'm leaving right now." She shouted.

I stepped closer to her and looked her right in the eye.

"Promise me."

"I fucking promise, now leave me the fuck alone."

She walked into the house and yelled out to Katie. I followed her. She went up the stairs and went into Katie's room. Naomi was furious.

"You got anymore?"

"Yeah but it's the last one your having okay." She replied.

"FUCK SAKE… "

Katie frowned at her.

"I'm sorry okay, but seriously can you both get off my fuck-ing back."

"Katie no… No more." I interrupted.

"Fuck this."

Naomi stormed out the room and went to go downstairs. I grabbed her arm and forced her into our bedroom. I kicked the door closed and pushed her onto the bed.

"What now? Huh? Do you wanna check my arms?"

She pulled her sleeves up in anger.

"Here, fucking look yeah… or isn't that enough Emily? Do you wanna check between my fucking toes to make sure I'm not trying to trick you?"

She glared up at me biting her bottom lip in anger.

"Or maybe I'm chasin' it? Do you want a fuck-ing piss test?"

She stood up and went for the door.

"Don't go, please… I'm, I'm sorry."

"Piss off." She replied.

She opened the door and yelled at Katie.

"GIVE ME A FUCKING SPLIFF."

She stood near the top of the stairs as her hands were shaking uncontrollably.

"Fuck sake." She said as she shook her hands in an attempt to make them stop.

She tried to open Katie's door but she had locked it.

"KATIE SPLIFF…RIGHT FUCKING NOW YEAH."

"Sort your shit out with Ems… then I'll give ya one."

Naomi punched the door in a fit of rage.

"Naomi…"

She turned to face me and took a step in my direction. She was outraged. The look in her eye made me flinch and step backwards… She immediately straightened herself up and put her arms up in front of her like… sort of like she was surrendering. Her hardened stare softened.

"Fuck sorry… Just… please, I need space."

Tears started to stream down my face. Why didn't I just ask her to begin with? Why did I automatically assume that she was cheating again? Fuck sake, we need to talk about certain issues. We need to resolve them in order for us to move on and be happy. I think it's because we haven't really spoken about Naomi's indiscretions I immediately assume that she's still fucking around. It was wrong of me to attack her like that and not even ask her about it. Fucking hell, I'll never forgive myself if she breaks… if she starts using again. I'm a fucking idiot sometimes, I let my emotions get the better of me and this is the type of thing that would place more then enough pressure on Naoms to want to get stoned. I can see it already. That's why she just downed half a bottle of scotch and sucked on the end of a spliff like her life depended on, because in a way it did. She was trying to suppress the urge to run off and get smacked up.

(You're a fucking twat Emily.)

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean…" I trailed off as I sobbed.

"Emily, it's okay… don't worry about." She replied sternly as she was still furious.

She knocked on the door.

"Katie, please yeah…" She said a lot calmer this time.

There was nothing. Katie didn't reply. I observed Naomi as she waited for a response. She was shaking her hands to try and stop them from trembling, she looked highly stressed, she was clenching her jaw…

"Katie…" I called out. "Give it to her."

I heard the click of the lock and the door open. Katie looked at me in disappointment, her make up was smudged. She looked at Naomi and passed her the spliff…

"Thank you." Naomi whispered.

She turned away and went down stairs, jumping over the last five in an effort to get down quicker. I stood frozen at the top of the stairs as I watched, terrified that she was going to go out the front door, but to my relief she didn't. She went into the backyard…

"Fix it." Was all Katie said before she closed her bedroom door.

I slowly walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen. I took a fag from Naomi's packet and lit it. I sat on the kitchen table to just allow Naoms a few minutes to relax before I went out there. I wiped the tears away that I had been shedding, stood up and grabbed a can of coke out of the fridge and took it outside with me. Naomi was in the back corner of the yard sitting down on a chair staring blankly at the fence as I walked over to her…

"Naoms…"

She turned to face me as she exhaled a cloud of smoke. I got down on my knees in front of her and rested my arms on her thighs…

"I'm sorry…"

She sighed deeply.

"It's fine."

"No it's not. I shouldn't have acted the way I did…"

"Emily I said it was okay."

I paused for a moment as I cast my gaze downwards as tears started to escape.

"Do you hate me?"

I felt Naomi flinch when I asked her. She placed a hand under my chin to raise my head. I stayed silent as I searched her eyes… She was thinking about something. I went to speak but she cut me off.

"I know why you're like that. I've made you paranoid. It's my fault that you don't trust me…"

She sighed heavily.

"No Emily, I don't hate you… I could NEVER hate you."

I broke down in a flood of tears. I felt like such a stupid bitch. Katie was obviously disappointed in me but she didn't have to be because I was disappointed in myself. I heard her take a deep breath.

"Hey, it's okay." She said as she leaned forward, raising me up.

She put me on her knee and wrapped me in her embrace as I squeezed her tight, sobbing and apologising to her over and over again.

"Naoms, I'm, I'm so sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me… why I…"

She cut me off.

"Christ Emily, there's nothing wrong with you. Fuck sake, the amount of shit I've put you through you have every right not to trust me…"

"But it was so long ago…"

"Doesn't matter Ems, you can't erase the memories they'll always be there and I'm sorry for that… Look it doesn't matter okay, I don't want to fight with you, how bout we just drop it…"

"Okay." I sobbed.

We stayed silent for a moment as I clung to her while I rested my head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I got you worked up." I whispered.

"Babe, I'll be okay."

"I just, fuck… you're not going to, you know…?" I asked panicked.

She pulled me back so she could look at me.

"No… I promise." She replied smirking gently.

She slowly leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"You need to know… I love you okay." She leaned in and gave me another quick kiss. "I don't know why I betrayed you to begin with, but please believe me when I say this… I would never ever do that to you again…" She said with a regretful look in her eye.

She leaned in again kissing me tenderly as she wrapped her arms around my waist so I didn't fall backwards as I sat on her knee. I pulled back and crushed her in my embrace as if I was scared to let her go.

"I trust you." I whispered in her ear.

I glanced over to the back door and Katie was leaning against the frame with her arms crossed flashing a small teary smile. She straightened up and went back inside the house… Naomi and I stayed outside wrapped in each others arms… I couldn't help thinking that if this had of been a few years ago, Naomi would have refused to talk to me. She would have left and disappeared for a day, a week maybe even a month and returned home completely scattered, pale, sick and underweight. Her arms full of bruising… I need to let go of the past. I need to trust her… I DO trust her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK… KNOCK KNOCK<strong>_

"Hold on I'll be right there." I yelled out.

I had just gotten out of the shower and only just started getting dressed. I quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a tee and ran down the stairs. Obviously Naoms had forgotten her keys again.

_**KNOCK KNOCK**_

(Fuck sake.)

I ran down the stairs and turned the handle.

"Naoms…"

I stopped immediately as I saw that it wasn't Naomi.

"Um, hi. What… what can I do for you?" I asked hesitantly.

(Fuck… What's she done now?)

"Is this the residence of a Miss Naomi Campbell?"

"Ahh yeah… what's this about?" I asked.

There was a slight pause from the officer.

"May we come in?"

"Why? Do you have a search warrant?" I replied defensively.

"No miss…"

I cut him off.

"Well then no, you may not come in."

I went to close the door but the officer put his hand against it.

"Please miss, we insist. We'd prefer to do this inside."

"Do what?" I asked.

They didn't answer. I was becoming slightly annoyed.

"Fine, the lounge rooms through there." I said as I stepped to the side and let them enter.

I closed the door and joined the two officers in the lounge as I took a seat on the couch.

"Okay so what's this about?"

They looked at each other before they turned back to face me. I started to get worried. Scared that Naomi had done something terrible and was sitting in a cell somewhere…

"I'm Constable Davis and this is my partner Constable Owen."

"Emily Fitch." I replied as I shook they're hand.

There was another pause.

"Miss Fitch, the reason for our visit today… We regret to inform you that at approximately 3.35 this afternoon Miss Campbell collapsed and was found unconscious by Constable Owen and myself. An ambulance was called but they were unsuccessful in their attempts in resuscitation… She died at the scene."

* * *

><p>"NO… I DON'T WANT HER TOUCHED." I screamed hysterically.<p>

"Emily, you know how this works. You're a paramedic. By law, we have to perform a post mortem." She replied.

I crumbled to the floor crying uncontrollably. My heart was struggling to beat as I clutched at my chest… I wanted to lie beside Naomi. I wanted to be dead with Naomi… Renee came down beside me and picked me up off the floor.

"Please don't." I cried. "You don't need to do that."

"Emily…"

"Its fine, we know what she, she… why it happened… please DON'T touch her" I said frantically as my body shook with emotion.

The thought of Naomi's body being cut up like a piece of meat, hung up at the butchers, was causing me a great deal of stress… I clung to her jacket as I could no longer feel my legs. How could she do this to me? How could she leave me?… I collapsed to the floor again, broken and distraught. I felt weak, dizzy like I was going to pass out… Everything went black…

"Emily, hun… everything's okay… you fainted love."

I raised my hands to my face and started to shed more tears…I haven't stopped since the police had been around to give me the news. I had fainted when they told me. My mind was unable to process the information. When I had come too, and everything came flooding back I felt my eyes roll at the back of my head as I almost passed out again. The doctor had to be called. I needed to be sedated… It didn't help. I was completely and totally heart broken and shattered.

"Come on, it's okay…"

"No it's not." I whimpered. "She fucking promised me."

Renee looked at me concerned and confused not knowing what I was talking about, but she didn't say anything.

"Please Renee I'm begging you, don't touch her, don't…" I trailed off unable to speak anymore.

She sighed heavily.

"Emily, we have to."

"NO, no please Renee, you can't…"

She paused for a moment.

"Look babe." She took a deep breathe. "I'm willing to come to a compromise. I have to do an autopsy hun, it's unavoidable, but what I can do is do a partial okay. I won't touch her head."

She took me in her arms as I cried hysterically, gripping at her clothes. My make up smudging and staining her blue shirt… scrubs as there known in the industry.

* * *

><p>The funeral had been arranged with the help of Katie. I had paid for it. The thought of Naomi being buried as a pauper was unimaginable and just fucking heart shattering. I couldn't get hold of her mother Gina, I had no idea where she was… she wouldn't even know that her daughter was de… gone. I had to get a loan from the bank to cover the cost of the plot, the casket, the chapel etc. The doctor came by this morning and gave me a box of valium because honestly I didn't think that I would make it to the funeral. My anxiety has hit a new level… I feel as if I've been having the same attack since I got the news which was 5 days ago. My heart is aching and I'm praying and hoping that it's going to be fatal. I can't live without her… Katie isn't handling it the best either, she's been drinking herself to sleep since it happened. I can hear her crying during the night when she wakes up from her drunken slumber… When I'm not crying, I lay on the bed all day on Naomi's side clutching at her favourite leather jacket. Feeling it, smelling her perfume on it, smelling her. I start to cry then so I let go of the jacket scared that my tears will wash away all traces of Naomi. The bracelet that I gave her, I have been wearing. I thought about burying her with it, but I changed my mind. I want it here with me. Her pinky ring I have attached to the necklace she gave to me. It's close to my heart… I found Katie last night crying in the corner. She's devastated. Neither of us have been much comfort to one another… Katie and I walked hesitantly up the aisle of the chapel approaching the black casket with gold trimmings, leaning on each other as if we would fall to the floor if we didn't. I was scared, fucking terrified to see my beautiful… Fuck sake, sorry… this is really hard for me…to see Naomi lying in it. I made sure she had on the clothes she loved to wear and felt comfortable in. She wouldn't have wanted to be in a dress… She was wearing a black pair of jeans with her Converse, a white tee and I brought her another leather jacket. I wanted to keep her one. I would never part with it…<p>

By the time we had approached the casket, I was a mess… when I saw Naomi lying there, lifeless… I fell to the floor. I wished that my heart would just stop beating. I wanted to be with her… I was shaking terribly, the valium doing nothing to settle my level of anxiety. Katie was crying, trying to tell me that it would be okay, but I didn't believe her. Nothing would be okay ever again… My life was over, just like Naomi's. Some how she had gotten me up off the floor and I found myself staring at Naomi's hair. It wasn't sitting right, so I fixed it. She wouldn't have been happy if I had of left it like that… she would have said that she looked like a nerd… I stared intensely at her closed eyes, praying to whoever was up above that they would allow her to come back to me. I wanted to see her gorgeous blue eyes staring back at me lovingly, the way she always did… She looked peaceful; she looked as if she was only sleeping. I looked down to her lips, the ones that I had kissed so many times before, the ones that had left a trail of fire as she would tenderly kiss the entire length of my body… her lips are what reminded me that she was dead. The way her mouth sat. She always looked as if she was slightly grinning, even if she wasn't. The mortician can never get the mouth right… I broke down resting my head on her chest, her cold chest… Katie was crying also, she was rubbing my back as I sobbed… I asked Naomi why… why did she do it expecting her to answer me, but of course she couldn't. I felt angry as I cried, my tears staining her crisp white tee…

"You promised you would never hurt me again… you promised you would never leave me again… why did you lie to me Naomi, why?" I cried hysterically.

Katie tried to talk to me, tried to remove me from Naomi. I wasn't ready.

"I gave you everything Naoms… everything… how could you do this to me?"

I wanted to climb in there with her and close the lid… I lifted my head from her chest reaching up and stroking her cheek as I spoke.

"Naoms…babe… why did you do it? Why didn't you come too me? I would have listened, I would have…"

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and Naomi's as they had trickled down my face and onto hers.

"All you had to do was call; I would have been there Naoms… I would have dropped everything to be with you…"

Katie started to sob; she was having a hard time staying strong.

"Ems, come on yeah." She said her voice completely broken. "They need to take her now."

I felt panicked as the funeral assistants came over to place the lid on the coffin.

"No please wait… two minutes… Please." I pleaded. "It's the last time I'm ever going to see her." I cried.

They didn't say anything but they gave me a warm smile as if to say okay. I looked back down at Naomi, touching her face, running my hand over her forehead, her cheeks, over her lips, her jaw line, down her chest and finally my hands resting on hers as they lay across her stomach. I leaned down closer to her…

"I… I…"

I couldn't speak… I swallowed the lump that had formed at the back of my throat.

"I forgive you Naoms… I love you. I always will." I whispered.

I placed my last kiss on her lips before the assistants came back over and said it was time… the kiss leaving a cold tingling sensation on my lips. It's a feeling that I will never forget…

* * *

><p>-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x<p>

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

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-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Emily..."

I opened my eyes immediately upon hearing her panicked voice. I looked at her completely distraught…

"Its okay babe, it was just a dream." She said as she leaned over and wrapped me in her warm embrace.

"Naoms…" I said as I crumbled into her.

"Shhh, its okay yeah… everything's alright." She replied soothingly as she stroked my back.

It was horrible. The last five years I have been having the same dream, actually nightmare over and over again and it never fails to disturb me. It is just so fucking real… Everything about it. The police coming to the door, talking to the coroner, being at the funeral, every little detail… Fuck sake, I just can't seem to shake it… I know that it use to be a big fear of mine, Naomi dying of an overdose but bloody hell, Naomi has been clean for years now… She doesn't even drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me… I have disturbed Naomi's sleep many times during the night because of my night terrors and she's always there flashing me her warm smile, telling me that everything's okay and not once has she ever complained…

"Did you have that dream again?"

I nodded as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I was shaking slightly. It always fucks with my nerves and plays with my anxiety. I haven't had a full blown attack in years but when I have these dreams they remind me that the anxiety is just below the surface.

"I'm okay." I said as I tried to get my emotions under control. "What time is it?"

"Ahhh hang on." She replied as she released me and leaned over and checked the alarm clock. "7.30… might as well get up yeah?"

I smiled warmly at her. I agreed, I didn't really want to go back to sleep anyway. I went to get out of bed but Naoms stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked with her eyebrow raised.

"I'm getting out of bed." I replied, staring at her confused.

"Oh no your not… how can you have breakfast in bed if you're not in it… What do you fancy?"

"Just some toast with marmalade and a cup of tea." I smiled.

Naomi scrunched her face up at me and stuck her finger in her mouth as if she was about to vomit. She saw the amused look on my face and chuckled lightly.

"Okay, won't be long yeah. Don't move." She said as she exited the bedroom.

10 minutes later she came back in the room holding a tray. She gently placed it onto my lap and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"Sorry babes… forgot to say good morning."

I couldn't help but laugh… she was wearing one of those big chef hats and an apron with the front of a man's body on it and she had even drawn on one of those curly moustaches on her upper lip with a little goatee on her chin… all she did was make toast. She looked hilarious.

"What? You don't like my outfit?" She asked seriously.

She was trying not to laugh.

"No, no it's lovely." I replied.

We both cracked up laughing as we looked at each others facial expression… We settled down and Naoms sat on the bed beside me, I went to take a bite of my toast but Naomi grabbed my wrist and directed my hand towards her as she stole a quick bite.

"Yuk Ems, how the hell do you eat that shit?"

"I like it." I replied defensively.

"I'm so not kissing you for the rest of the day. Not after you eat that. It's horrible."

I pouted playfully.

"Okay fine." She said rolling her eyes. "I might consider giving you one in a couple of hours."

"Shut up." I said as I gently slapped her shoulder.

Well of course Naomi being Naomi acted like I had just whacked her with a metal pole. She was rolling around on the bed pretending to be in agony. Sometimes I wonder if she is ever going to grow up… but honestly, I wouldn't want her too. I like her just the way she is.

"So what time are you leaving for work babe?"

"Took the day off remember… I'm taking you out." She replied.

"Taking me out? You never said anything…"

She smiled goofily at me.

"Um yeah I did."

"When?" I asked looking confused.

"Ahhh last night… but like I fully understand if you don't remember." She replied seriously.

"Huh?"

"Well that 'yes' you screamed obviously wasn't a 'yes' to my question." She laughed.

I felt my cheeks blush as I remembered the things she was doing to me the night before.

"So am I taking you out?"

"Where are you taking me?" I asked curiously.

"No questions. Just a yes or no answer would be most satisfactory." She replied in a posh voice sticking her nose in the air.

I giggled.

"Yes."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Okay cool." She said as she jumped up from the bed. "I..." She paused to give me a kiss. "… am going in for a shower..." Another kiss "…I'll see you…" She leaned in again. "… in a bit."

She walked out the room and went into the bathroom… I sat there smiling like an absolute idiot. It was like this every morning… bad dreams or not. She was always so playful, sometimes a little too playful but I wasn't complaining. She was everything I knew she could be. She was kind, sweet, funny, considerate, loving and attentive, just everything you could ever want in a lover. It is truly amazing. SHE is amazing… A lot has happened over the last 5 years… Katie's moved out and is currently jet setting around the world with her fiancé, they plan to get married sometime next year when they get back. He's a really nice guy… It's funny, when Katie first brought him around Naomi took him out the back and gave him 'The Talk'. He came back inside looking extremely pale and kindly refused to eat dinner because he felt unwell. She still won't tell me what she said to him and his keeping tight lipped about it but it's not hard to figure out I suppose. Katie wasn't exactly happy at first, but I think she liked the idea that Naoms had gone out of her way to make sure he was a decent and respectful guy… Believe it or not, we never seen or heard from Tess again after that day she followed me home. She practically disappeared of the face of the earth to much of my relief… Mick, well things caught up with him. His place got raided by the police and he is currently serving an extremely long sentence in one of Her Majesty's Prisons… Naomi, she stayed clean once she got out of rehab and she went back to work at the music shop. She has worked her arse off these last few years and there was a time when I hardly saw her, but things have changed. She now owns that same music shop. I see her all the time now, well when I'm not working… I'm still a paramedic but I've climbed the ranks a little bit. I'm currently an Operational Manager. I only just got promoted so it's still all new and exciting. Naoms and I are still living in the same house but were both on good wages so we are saving for a place of our own. We don't know where though. We're not sure if we are going to stay in Bristol or venture out. Guess we'll just see what happens... Not sure about the rest of the gang because everybody kind of went there separate ways but we still see Cook a lot. He went through a bit of a rough patch so Naomi got him working for her. He manages the store. I wasn't sure if that was the smartest idea but Naoms said that it was okay and that she trusted him. She also reminded me that there was a time when she was doing it rough and if it wasn't for her boss Ian trusting her she wouldn't own 'shit'. She had a point. Well Cook's been working there for the last two years and she wasn't wrong… Mum has come around. She's finally taken the time to see beyond the addiction that had crippled Naomi all those years ago. She has accepted the fact that I'm gay and I suppose it was better late then never. She actually pulled me aside one day and apologised for how she had behaved. She also said that since she's taken the time out to get to know Naomi, she said there is no denying the love we have for each other. It was funny; she actually went out and bought an 8 seater table… Naomi is welcome to come over for dinner anytime she said… Naoms never did tell me why Mick was so reluctant to let her go, allow her to get out of HIS world. The only thing she did say when I asked her was 'who knows, his fucking mental.' She knew why, she just didn't want me to know, there were a lot of things she kept to herself about that period of her life, but I let it go because during that time we weren't really together so I told myself that it was none of my concern. I knew she wasn't proud of it, whatever it was and I think she was embarrassed and ashamed to admit certain things she had done… None of that matters anymore anyways…

"I'll take that." She said smirking and grabbing the tray.

She was wearing Tommy Girl. She smelt absolutely gorgeous.

"Get your sexy little self in the shower so we can leave yeah."

She winked at me and left the bedroom and went downstairs. I was suddenly curious about where she was taking me but I decided not to ask because it's not like she'd tell me anyway. Guess I'd just have to wait until I get there… I stepped out the bedroom and went to enter the bathroom.

"Oh babe." She called out from the bottom of the stairs. "Wear that black skirt yeah."

I frowned slightly confused.

"Naoms, which one? I have like 6."

"You know… the one I like. The short one."

(Duh… Of course.)

"Okay." I replied nervously.

(What the hell is she up to?)

She flashed me one of her sexy grins and walked back into the kitchen. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I got undressed and jumped into the shower. I did what I had to do but honestly I stayed in the shower a little longer than normal. I was too busy studying the tattoo on my hip. Tracing the picture with my finger and spelling out the name that was on there. N-A-O-M-I… I had it done in the same script as the one on Naomi's arm so they matched perfectly… It's been there for about a year now. We had just finished um, making love when Naoms came up beside me and asked if I still wanted her name tattooed. Well I've always been open to the idea but it was Naomi who didn't want me to get it done, so I respected her wishes. Anyway, I said yes but I was kind of stunned and confused so I asked her why because we hadn't talk about it since we were at the tattooist. All she had said was 'because I'm not a fuck up anymore'…

I was dressed and ready and headed down stairs. Naoms was in the kitchen on her phone.

"Cook, tell him to fuck off yeah."

"Nah I've given him three fucking chances, he's not getting his job back."

"Fuck sake, he was pinchin' money outta the fucking till."

"Cook, you're the manager… so fucking manage it."

"What the hell is wrong with you? He made it look like you were pinchin' the money for fucks sake. Fuck him."

"Tell him, if he doesn't leave, I'm coming down there."

"Okay good, thank you. Oh Cook, that three weeks you wanted off, all good yeah."

"Huh? I thought you said three weeks?"

She laughed.

"What do you mean you can't afford it? I'm paying you."

"Yes Cook, I'm serious…"

"You're welcome… Cook I gotta go, talk to ya later and get that little wanker outta my shop."

She hung up the phone as she looked me up and down. I noticed her mouth was slightly opened.

"Ahhh, ummm… hot." She said in a daze.

(Still got it.)

She stepped towards me looking awfully serious. The way she was staring at me made me feel nervous all of a sudden. I gulped as I took a tiny little step back but I had no where to go because the kitchen table dug into my lower back. She wrapped an arm around me and lifted me up on to the table as she leaned in giving me a kiss. She ran her hand up the inside of my thigh and as I gasped she deepened it…

(Christ…)

She ran a finger over my knickers and when she heard me groan, she pulled back immediately.

"Fuck, wait…" She said shaking her head. "I'm spose to be taking you out."

"Later." I whispered as I brought her back down for a passionate kiss.

She broke away from it breathless.

"No it's important."

"What? And this isn't?"

"You know what I mean."

I sighed heavily. She likes torturing me. She gets me worked up with no follow through…Urgh.

"Okay, come on then… bloody hell Naoms, I hate when you do that."

"Don't lie." She replied grinning cheekily.

I chuckled. She was right. I hated it but I DID like it too, only because I knew what was going to come later… ME. Sorry I don't mean to vulgar.

"So where are we going?"

"Good things come to those who wait." She said as she opened the car door for me.

I sat down on the leather seat and put my seat belt on. Sometimes Naoms drives like a lunatic and it scares the shit out of me… She finally got that car she always wanted. It was cute to watch. She was so particular, just one speck of dust on the paint work she'd wash the whole car, oh and never ask her if you can borrow it… let's just say you'll never ask her again… She is so protective over it. I tell her to relax you know, but I do understand where she's coming from. She didn't really have anything before so all this is new to her. She's like a kid who gets a new toy and doesn't want anybody touching it. It is funny though, I give her shit about it all the time…

"Naoms are we going to the…"

I turned and looked at her in complete and utter shock. She took her eyes of the road for a quick second and nodded, smiling at me before she turned her attention back to driving… We we're going to the lake. The last time we went there was bloody hell… the night she gave me back my necklace after I thought she had sold it which was like 6 plus years ago. I know it's just a lake, but it's special. It's special and personal to us.

(What's gotten into her?)

She pulled the car over and we walked the rest of the way down. I always thought that this place was beautiful. It was so peaceful. Since I use to come here as a teenager, it hasn't changed one bit. It was just as pretty as it was back then. My mind traveled back to when I first brought Naomi here. I could tell she felt slightly awkward, especially when I started to strip off because I wanted to go swimming. She told me not to perv but honestly I couldn't help myself, she was gorgeous, she is gorgeous…

"I'm not going swimming so get that thought RIGHT outta of your head." She said. "It was fucking freezing…"

"How the hell did you know I was thinking about that?"

"You've got that same look you had back then." She laughed. "Anyway, I can't trust that you won't perv, ya know, while I'm getting undressed."

I gasped in shock.

(That is just freaky.)

"I was not perving."

She scoffed.

"Yeah, just like I wasn't." She replied wiggling her eyebrows.

She reached over and grabbed me by the hand.

"Come on; let's go over to where you took advantage of me."

"Oh my God Naomi, I did not take advantage of you."

"HA." She replied.

"You kissed me first." I replied defensively.

"Hey, it's called entrapment… you knew I wouldn't be able to resist after you talked me into doing blow backs... What was it that you said?"

She paused for minute as her mind went back in time.

"I'm all about experiments, me… Oh no my mistake. You said that just before you ripped my clothes off."

I gasped, but I was amused.

"You are such a liar… I did not rip your clothes off. I took them off… gently." I replied

Naomi reached over and wrapped her arms around me and kissed my forehead as she laughed. Her laughter was contagious… As I looked around a flood of memories came rushing back. God, I was so terrified when Naomi and I were first here. I knew that Naoms had a thing for me even though she denied it… I had to be the one to make the first move and I was so fucking nervous. I chuckled as I remembered that I stoked the fire and placed a shaky hand onto hers as we practically sat with our backs turned. It was like we were too scared to face one another. I was terrified as I did it. I was sure she was going to panic and move her hand away as I gently squeezed hers… but she never. I didn't know what to say. My mind was jumping from one thing to another, my heart was pounding uncontrollably within my chest… then I saw the spliff that I had completely forgotten about in my hand. The only thing I could come up with was to ask if she wanted to do blow backs. She didn't want to at first, but it wasn't hard to change her mind. Then I remembered the morning after. Naomi couldn't get away from me fast enough. At the time I was devastated but looking back at it, it wasn't…

"Ems, you alright?" Naomi asked as she looked at me concerned due to my mind wandering off.

I chuckled and smirked.

"No… I'm having the worst time of my life, the weather's shit and the company's even worse…"

"Amen." She replied smiling from ear to ear.

I was completely and totally stunned. How she remembers every little detail is beyond me, Christ. Even down to the conversation. She leaned down and gave me a soft kiss… She pulled back and looked at me with the strangest expression on her face…

"What?" I asked.

She unzipped her jacket and opened it. I almost collapsed to the floor laughing.

"Oh my God… how do you still even have that?"

"It's sexy, I couldn't throw it away." She replied seriously. "Plus, it reminded me of you." She whispered as she cast her gaze to the floor.

She was wearing that bloody pig tee shirt. I couldn't stand it back then but looking at it now… I dunno, it was nice to see it again.

"What else have you been hiding?" I chuckled.

She blushed slightly and turned away for a second before she innocently turned her gaze back towards me.

"Ahhh, if I show you, you might think it's weird." She replied scrunching up her face.

"Naomi, I already think you're weird so it's not going to make a difference." I replied cheekily.

"Ohhh you bitch." She replied pretending to be offended. "I'm not showing you now."

"Please." I pouted.

"Okay, fine." She huffed. "But you'll have to get it."

I looked at her confused. She patted her pocket, turned to the side and folded her arms.

"You're serious?"

She nodded. She looked nervous for some reason. Her playfulness had disappeared as she stared at me intensely while she stood on the edge of the lake waiting for me to move… Suddenly I was feeling the same way… I took a few reluctant steps towards her while I glanced to her pocket and back to her eyes…

"Go on then." She said gently.

I gulped as I felt my heart pick up the pace. I raised my hand and slowly placed my hand into her pocket. I felt something soft, something familiar. I gently pulled it out and covered my mouth as I let out a loud gasp… I looked back up to Naomi who had unfolded her arms and was looking at me as if she was ready to pass out…

"That's if…" She stopped and gently cleared her throat. "That's if you'll have me." She said her voice quivering severely while she bit her bottom lip.

I stared back down in a daze to what was in my hand. I thought I had lost this. It was the bow tie I was wearing in my hair that day we first came here… On either side of the bow, she had placed two rings… I was shaking as I removed them. A wave of emotions coursed through my entire body as loving tears began to stream down my cheeks. I looked back up to her completely stunned. She took a nervous step towards me… I looked back down at the rings I had in my hand. There was an inscription inside the bands… Naomi placed a hand gently under my chin so I would look up at her. I was in shock and I couldn't move… Her eyes were burning into mine…

"Emily, I know that legally we can't get married, but I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I love you and that I want to spend the rest of my life with you… will… will you do me the honour of being my wife?"

Silence…

"Emily?"

"YES… yes." I replied.

I threw my arms around her neck, dragging her down towards me as I crashed our lips together. Our legs giving way beneath us as our bodies turned into jelly, both of us ending up on our knees… Naomi pulled back breathless, a lone tear escaping her right eye as she gazed at me in shock, completely stunned as if she thought that I was going to say no… She took my hand and removed the rings from my grasp and took the first ring. She took my left hand and raised it, gently stroking the back of my hand. She leaned down and kissed my ring finger and bought her gaze back up to mine… She slid the first ring onto my finger as she spoke. Her hands shaking terribly as she recited what she had inscribed on the bands…

"With this… Fuck sake. Shit. Fuck. Sorry."

She took a deep and shaky breath.

"With this ring…"

She took the other ring and repeated the process.

"I thee wed."

She looked back up to me and placed a tender kiss on my lips. I clutched at the front of her jacket and brought her down with me as I laid myself down on the ground… She was trembling. I placed my hand on her chest to push her back slightly, looking at her seriously…

"Emily, these rings are my promise to you to always be true. To love you forever and always, and make sure you smile all the fucking time until the day I die…"

(Trust Naoms to chuck in a swear word. Probably didn't want to sound too much like a fairy.)

I raised my hand and stroked her cheek softly.

"I love you." I whispered.

"Not as much as I love you." She smirked nervously.

We stared adoringly into each others eyes for what seemed like hours…

"Come here." I breathed as I pulled her back down on top of me.

I kissed her softly before I nipped her bottom lip wanting more of her. I reached for her hand and ran it slowly along my thigh, wanting her to love me. She gently pushed my skirt up so it sat around my waist while she tenderly stroked my bare thigh and brought her hand to rest in the middle. She deepened the kiss as I groaned, her hand rubbing softly against the material of my underwear. She pulled back and delicately removed them as she kissed her way back down the entire length of my leg. I stopped her as she continued to kiss her way back towards me… kissing the inside of my thigh… She looked up at me slightly confused.

"I want you up here with me." I said.

She smiled and positioned herself as I wrapped my right leg around her waist as she used her leg to grind against me while she brought her self down and kissed my passionately. She replaced her thigh with her hand, continuing the movement as she kissed the tip of my nose…

"Don't worry, this time when you wake up… I'll still be here." She whispered.

The love I was feeling for Naomi was out of this world. It always has been… Everything we had gone through, the hurt, the heartache just everything seemed as if it had happened in a different time, in a different life… and if you really think about it… it had…

_**The End.**_

**Well, there we have it. There were many different ways I could have gone with the ending but I decided to end it on a happy note considering that the last 11 and a half chapters have been filled with 'darkness'. Obviously I'm sure as you all know that this ending isn't always how things turn out. The ending could have easily been the dream that Emily keeps having. In reality, well in my life anyway… that's how things seem to end. Three family members and a handful of friends have had their life end prematurely because their addiction had gotten the better of them. All of them were under the age of 32… **

**I feel completely drained after writing this. I feel as if I've laid my soul bare and you have all had a glimpse into some of my private life. It's truly a strange feeling. This is the first time I have ever written anything in my entire life that has been so personal. Well actually to be perfectly honest, it's the only thing I have written, but it's out now and I feel as if I can breathe… Ahhh fresh air lol.**

**So what did you guys think now that the story has come to an end? I'm interested in hearing what you guys think. Tell me your thoughts… Please review and let me know… Thanks guys. You have all been awesome. ;)**

**Your comments have been amazing and as I said earlier, any questions or anything just PM me. Happy to answer. **

**Take care**

_**- Nikki Cee**_

**Songs in this chapter…**

**- Give Me Everything (Tonight) - Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo (Emily's Ringtone)**

**- Nothing Else Matters – Metallica**

**- The Unforgiven – Metallica**


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